All Comments on 'Chance Returns'

Thanks for sharing.

After you made three or four glaring mistakes with consistency, tense and omitted words in the first six paragraphs of this story, I didn't manage to make it all the way through. Please get someone to read through your stuff before you submit it. For your convenience, I've listed the most obvious mistakes I found:

You're writing in the third person for the first four paragraphs and then write "...last time I saw her naked", which is first person.

Last sentence, fifth paragraph: "...but it was that made him want to bed her on their first date." That is at the very least missing a "this" or something.

Last sentence, sixth paragraph: " Her husband doesn't find that attractive, wants her to leave it alone." You've stayed witht the past tense everywhere else, why change for one sentence?

Like I said, it might be a good story, but its hard to tell when the flow is interrupted by things like this which make it too difficult to read.

Please add another chapter.

a slut cheating wife (I hope chuck finds out) an arrogant asswipe writer. is there a story here? 1*