Chanel Awakens Me from Myself

I knew what I liked, but how do you make that happen? God, I wondered if she used dildos and toys Is that what lesbians do? I chided myself for being so naive. All I knew was my panties were sticky, and I felt flushed, just thinking about it.

The next few days were weird. Chanel never even called. Usually, she called, or we went to lunch, or she came to dinner. But now, there was nothing, no jokey messages. No complaints about her producer, nothing. I was worried that my rejection had made her dump me, was I washed up on the unwanted pile?

As the weekend approached, I got sick of just waiting. I rang her. She picked up after several rings. "Hi, Lou."

"Are you mad at me?" I snapped curtly.

"No." Her reply, hesitant, wavering. "I just thought... you might be uncomfortable around me."

"What? No, nothing could be further from the truth. I love having you around, and I miss you. Bronny misses you."

"I'm sorry, Lou, I just didn't want things to be uncomfortable for you."

Stamping my foot, I hissed, "I don't feel that way. I want you around. God you're my best friend. I love having you around."

The pause drifted on, lingering, until she said. "Yeah, but I want more than that."

*****

Ryans return was a disaster. I built it up in my mind. We had to make it work. I put aside all my anger about him not wanting to come home. I wanted us to start of on the right foot. I was horny, having Chanel around again was driving my libido crazy, all the flirting and surreptitious glances, the feel of her body next to mine, her scent, her deep beautiful eyes.

Now Ryan was home, and I needed to make love, at least we would both want that.

No, he breezed in bright and smily. Bronny and I met him at the airport, and she flew into his arms, screaming. "Daddy..."

Seeing that was just amazing. She loved him so, and he loved her, as well. When he managed to get her out of his arms, we hugged, but even though we kissed, there was something missing. All of the fighting, all of the pent up anger was still there. I might have been fighting to suppress it, but it was there, bubbling away, and I could feel his caution, he was holding back as well.

Our old passion was like, turned down onto a low heat.

That night in bed, we did make love, or at least fuck. We had lost the loving these days, all we did was fuck. I tried to get him to take his time when he licked me, his tongue sliding over my clit. No, he was in a rush, a mad rush to the end. His fingers were like angry penises pumping in and out of me.

Rather than turn me on, it just made me want it to be over. "Just fuck me, Ryan, I need you inside me, now."

He didn't wait, he was inside me in an instant, he couldn't wait. We fucked like the energizer bunny. Thankfully, he finished quickly, because I could feel my lubricants drying up, my interest lost.

The next day, he waited until lunch time. I took the day off work to spend with him, to see if we could recapture some of our old spark.

I don't know why I bothered; he paced around like a caged animal. There was something eating him up. I made us a nice lunch, and we had the benefit of a nice day. We sat out on the lawn, the picnic table laden with food.

He picked away at his food; whatever he had bottled up, it couldn't last. It came out in a rush. "Lou, I have the solution to our problems. I know you want me to come home, but what about this? What say we move to Australia? We could find a place in Brisbane, and I could go onto what they call an even time roster: eight days on, and six days off. It would mean we could be a family again."

I saw his expression ease, this was it, that was what he had been holding in. "You want us to sell up and move over there?"

"Yes, don't you see, it'd be the answer to all our problems."

"But, you'd still be gone for eight days. Where is that better?"

"Okay, yeah, that's true. But, I would be home for six. If I worked back here, I would only get the weekends off. This way, I'd get six days at home; that's like getting every other week off."

"You want us to just sell everything we have and move?"

"Not everything, baby. Just the shit it make sense to sell."

Sucking in a deep breath and preparing for the fight, I replied, "You know what doesn't make sense. Selling and moving. Our families are here, Mum looks after Bronny, while I work. My business is here, and it's doing really well. I'm sorry, Ryan, but I'm not moving. We had a deal, I have given you more time than our original deal. I want you here at home, where you belong."

"I'm not doing it, Lou, my job is going great. They are going to pay for me to get my degree, they want me to start training to become a shift manager, only for emergency's, but are you listening to me, babe? Manager."

"That's all good and well, Ryan, but I'm not moving to Australia. End of story."

Bronny who had been playing on the swing ran over; she had heard the bit about moving. "I don't wanna move, Mummy." She jumped into my arms, and I hugged her tightly. "Don't worry, sweetheart. We're not moving anywhere."

Bronny squealed. "I don't wanna move, Mummy, I love Nanna, and Chanel, and Gramps. I don't wanna."

"It's okay, Honey. We're not going anywhere." I gave her a kiss on the nose and she climbed down, looking very petulant, she climbed into Ryans lap.

"We don't have to move, do we, Daddy?"

With a resigned sigh, he mumbled, "We can talk about it later, okay?"

Bronny, is very intuitive, and realised what he said. She jumped down, giving him a slap on the leg, and screamed, "I'm not moving." She ran inside, crying her heart out.

Giving him a nasty glare, I snarled. "Happy now?"

I ran in after her and cuddled with her on the bed. "It's okay, Bronny, we are not moving, It'll be all right."

When I got her settled down, I walked back outside. Ryan was on his fourth beer and he was becoming surly.

"Lou, this isn't actually a suggestion. I'm actually telling you what we're going to be doing. We are moving. I have a real estate agent coming to value the house. You need to organise one for the salon."

"Did you just say you're 'telling' me?" I snarled. "Stop acting like a dick. We aren't moving, if an agent turns up here, I'll be giving them the short shift."

"This isn't up for discussion, Lou. I said we're moving."

"Ryan, you can speak for yourself, so maybe you are moving, but I tell you this: Bronny, and I are staying right here. You don't own me. I make my own decisions."

"Lou, don't make this difficult. I'm the head of this family and I'm telling you we're moving, end of story."

"Fuck you," I snarled, as I leaned in really close, my spittle spraying his face. "Lately, you've become a real dick, you know that? A real fucking dick. My salon is every bit as important as your shitty job. It's doing really well. Bronny has her own friends, and she is going to need them at school. She loves Mum and Dad. I have my friends here, as well. I'm not moving, so stop talking about it."

"Well, I'm not moving back here, so where does that leave us?" he barked.

"Looking for a bloody divorce, that's where." I stood quickly and walked inside. I saw his mouth drop open as the word divorce registered.

I stormed around the house, cleaning shit I had already cleaned. Bronny came out, and with her arms clinging to my leg, we watched as Ryan walked in from outside, collected his jacket, and bellowed, "I'm going out."

I saw him reach into the drawer by the door to extract his car keys. "No!" I screamed. "You've been drinking. You can't drive." I rushed over to him, and snatched them from his hands.

"Fuck you," He barked, slamming the door in my face as he stormed out. Bronny started wailing again in the wake of his rage.

We worked together to cook dinner, and I tucked her into bed, It took ages to get her to sleep. I actually fell asleep on her bed as I read her bedtime story.

It was Ryan getting home, somewhere around midnight, banging doors, and turning on lights carelessly that awakened me. I shut Bronny's door and stayed cuddled up to her for the night.

I managed to sneak out without waking her in the morning. It gave me a chance to have coffee before she came out searching for breakfast. Ryan came out about nine. When he appeared, I rushed into the bedroom to get changed. When I walked out, I said. "You're on child-minding duty today. I have to go into the salon and I'm already late."

"Ah, come on. I was going out for a round of golf with the boys. Can't you leave it, we're going to be selling it anyway."

"Just spend the day with Bronny, remember, your daughter? You haven't seen her for weeks."

He muttered something unintelligible as I rushed out."

When I got home, there was a real estate agent walking around with a clipboard. "What's going on?"

I asked as she looked around the shed. "Just preparing a valuation for you. Your husband Ryan called us last week."

"Don't bother," I snapped. "We aren't selling."

"You might change your mind when you see the valuation. The market is going mad at the moment."

"I don't care. I'm telling you we aren't selling."

I walked inside. Bronny was sitting in her bedroom crying. "What's the matter, Honey?"

"Daddy has been mean. He keeps saying we're moving. I don't wanna mummy."

"Don't worry, baby, we aren't going anywhere. This is our home."

Ryan, who was with the real estate agent when I emerged, waved for me to go over and talk to them, but I ignored his frantic gesture, and started working on getting dinner ready. When he realised I wasn't going out, he dragged the agent into the kitchen. "Lou, wait till you hear what the valuation comes in at." He turned to the agent. "Tell her man. I tell you, Lou, this is going to blow your socks off."

As the agent went through the report, I put my hand up. "You can stop right there. It is interesting to know what the house's value is, but, bottom line, we aren't selling."

There was a sharp intake of breath from Ryan, as confused glances went back and forth. I didn't want to embarrass Ryan, but now I was angry. "Thanks for coming, but we're not interested. You can leave whenever you want."

He left his valuation on the bench as he walked out. Once I heard his car engine start, that's when the fight started in earnest. It got loud and dirty straight away. That's when I called Mum to ask if Bronny could stay with her for a few nights.

It was a typical married couple fight. We went back and forth saying the same shit. We yelled, we screamed, I even threw his high-school athletics trophy at him. It was childish, but shit, it felt good.

At the end of the two days, we were at a physical standstill. We could fight no more. We were exhausted.

"What the fuck happens now then?" Ryan sighed in complete frustration.

"We get divorced, or we separate. I do love you, Ryan, and I have tried to support you. You made me a promise to come home after six months. Eighteen months later, we're still fighting. If you love Bronny and me and still want to be part of this family, then come home. We can try to rebuild."

"I love you as well, Lou, I really do. I feel absolutely gutted. I expected you to support me."

"I bloody have been. I have been living here like a solo bloody mother for eighteen months, and I'm sick of it. When we got married, we always said we would never separate. Something has changed in you, Ryan. You drink all the time, you swear like a sailor. You spend a fortune showing off in front of your mates. I have to say, Honey, I don't like Ryan 2.0. If the old you is still hiding away somewhere deep inside, then I want to see him."

"See, this is the fucking problem. You're a fucking nag. You never used to be like that, Lou."

"Yeah, well, two years of doing everything for myself has hardened me."

He relented a little. "Maybe we should take some time to think about this. We don't have to make a decision today, or even next week. Let's take some time."

I nodded in agreement. "Fair enough. We can try and find some common ground."

He smiled. "There you go, baby. That wasn't hard, was it? You get some quotes on selling the salon, check out the valuation. I'll get some prices on the cars and that shit, and a mover."

"All right, Ryan. I'll do that, so long as you sign up with seek and some other job agencies about jobs here around town."

He started pulling at his hair in frustration. "Fuck, Lou, this is what I'm talking about. Why can't we focus on the good shit. Why turn it into a fight?"

"Because, you're only interested in what you want. You want something from me, well, I want something in return."

"No, fuck this. I give up." He stormed of, his mobile phone in hand. He came back an hour later. "I'm heading back to the mine site early. I got a flight for first thing in the morning." His statement didn't give me any room for manoeuvring, so I just said, "Good job, and don't come back."

His shocked expression said it all. We were never going to find a way past this. It was bringing out the worst in both of us.

He slept in the spare room. In the morning, I dragged Bronny out of bed early so she could say goodbye. It was a sad moment, I think we both realised how close we were to this actually being the end. He hugged her like crazy, like it really was the last time. When he stood up, we were staring into each other's eyes. I folded first, a flash of emotion welling up from deep within. "You don't have to go Ryan. I want you to stay. We do need to sort this out."

He walked into my open arms. "No, I think it's a good idea. I think we both need time to think about this. I'm sorry for the way this week went. I came home with such high expectations, and you just shot me down."

"Ryan, you didn't give me a chance. You started yelling, you never once asked me for my opinion, you just told me, this is what's happening. If you had just asked me, given me a chance to think about it, rather than throwing around orders, like you were the boss."

"Yeah, I handled it badly, I know that, but you never even considered my plan."

"And your heart is set in stone. When I said about looking for a job here, you never even considered it. With all this supervisory experience you have, you would be able to get a much better job."

"Yeah, but they're putting me through my degree."

"Honey, we are so far ahead of the game at the moment, and the salons doing well. You could still do that. We could pay for it ourselves."

I felt him sag in my arms. "Will you at least consider it?"

"Yes, so long as you start looking for jobs back here as well."

I knew he wasn't interested, his body tensed up, and I felt his defensive shields go up. "Ryan, I'll consider it. I don't want to move, and I really would prefer to stay here. If you aren't prepared for that, then maybe we're wasting our time. Maybe you should consider this. Would you rather have a job, or a family, because at the moment, you're not getting both."

We did share a long kiss, the most sentiment we shared since he got home.

The honking horn of the waiting taxi whisked him away, leaving me feeling empty and very alone.

I spent the next few days trying to get my head around what to do. Ryan's attitude had really annoyed me. All he thought about was himself, he never once considered my opinions, or concerns. The fact was, he thought he could just order me around, like a servant, or employee.

This wasn't the Ryan I knew and loved. Our marriage had been wonderful until he took that blasted job. Now he was somebody I didn't even like, let alone love.

Three days after he returned to his job, he called. It was a different person, he apologised. Explained how he just got so worked up by my negative frame of mind, that incensed him. It certainly made me think about what happened. He started sending me houses to look at in and around Brisbane, schools, he was on a mission to change my mind, win me over.

It wasn't until I returned the favour by sending him jobs from local employers that it changed again. He went from being kind and hopeful, to surly and grumpy. Just like that, we were back at war, and it wasn't pleasant.

It was Chanel I turned to for a shoulder to cry on. She was warm, comforting, and provided plenty of support. I expected her to be on my side, but she actually forced me to consider what Ryan said. She spent lots of time with me, we wrote out lists, pros and cons. Financially, it made sense, but when I added in the emotional pieces, I knew it wasn't right. It wasn't just that I didn't want to move away from my friends, family and my business. Ryan had changed, and I wasn't sure I wanted to be with him anymore.

It got nastier, and nastier. His phone calls stopped being curt and abrupt, to suddenly vile and abusive. Chanel was there one evening while he started on some vile drunken rant. "Press record." She ordered, as she rushed over to show me how. He had clearly been drinking, because every second word was fuck, and he was in a disgusting mood, threatening to beat me up, make me homeless, make sure he got Bronny.

At the end of it, I just disconnected the call. "I'm sorry, Lou, but he has got some serious problems. I take back everything I said. You must not go over there. It wouldn't be safe."

"He would never harm me, Chanel. He was drunk. He was just venting."

"No, you're wrong, Lou, that was horrible. The battered wives shelters around the country are full of women who thought just like you do."

We slid into each others arms, and she held me tightly. I could feel the warm crush of her breasts on mine, her heart beating, her warm breath on my shoulder, then my neck. Her lips grazing my skin. Her hands caressing my back, soft gentle caresses. Up and down my spine her hands rubbed.

Her mouth moved, magically, her teeth nibbled at my ear, her breath hot, moist, her tongue probing as it slid around my inner ear.

I had to hold on tightly, my mind swirled, emotions and sensory overload making me feel giddy and unstable.

Her hand slid up my body, up over my neck, her fingernails caressing my cheek. She turned my head, and our hungry mouths collided. It was urgent, passionate, wanton, libidinous.

Her tongue ravished, her wet full succulent, sultry lips opened, sucking and biting on mine. Like a feasting minx, she captivated me. I was lost in a life changing moment of lustful desire.

I let my hands slide down her back and I clutched her firm, god they were so firm, arse cheeks. Her mound pressing hotly on mine, her thighs firm, unyielding.

I couldn't believe how breathless I was. I panted like an exhausted runner. I had to break the kiss, to breathe. Chanel didn't stop, her mouth kissed its way down, pushing aside the flimsy fabric of my dress. Her hand pulling aside my bra, freeing my boobs to her ruthless assault. Her mouth quickly closed over my orb, her teeth pulling sharply on my nipple, the suckling like a baby, her slurping mouth leaving my flesh covered in saliva.

Overcome with lust, my head giddy, I stumbled backwards, taking her with me. We fell onto the sofa. She landed on top of me, but quickly regained control. Her mouth closed over mine, as breathless as I was. I gave myself up to the kiss, my arms circling her neck, holding on for grim death.

Her hands found my breasts, she fondled and caressed, squeezed and mauled, my nipples trapped between her thumb and forefinger as she tweaked, pinched and pulled on them.

Her mouth followed, and my swollen nipples were sucked ferociously into her heat.

God, I was lost, I couldn't keep up, my fingers ran through her hair, my mouth sucked viciously at her neck. When her hand slid up my legs, they parted, her hand quickly finding it's way inside my panties, her fingers deep inside my pussy. My engorged labia parted like cowards, and her fingers curled up into my sex. They twirled, they plunged in and out, back and forth, as she spread my juices all over my pussy. The squishy squelchy sounds of her rapacious attack filled my ears. The aroma of my arousal filled my nostrils, the room heavy with the smells of sex.