Changes

Landslide by Stevie Nicks began pouring through the speakers, I always enjoyed that song but something about it caught me unaware that night. When she reached the line, "Now I've been afraid of changing cuz I built my life around you. Time makes you bolder, even children get older and I'm getting older too." I could suddenly see a truth I had ignored for years.

Those words coursed through to the very being of my essence. Two lines that would change me, I realized for the first time that I had built my life around Emma. It was time for me to get bolder and grow beyond always thinking of her. She'd made her choice, it was time for me to do likewise. My mind was in a fog the rest of the way home. As I walked in Jill greeted me from the couch.

"So, how'd it go? I didn't think you'd be home this early. I don't really know her, she's a new girl at the hair salon, I thought you might like someone younger to go out with."

I huffed, "Please don't do this anymore Jill. She was a skank, only God knows how many guys have been between her legs because I don't think she can count that high."

Jill had a contorted look on her face, "That bad huh? You just need to get out there buddy, there's a sea full of fish."

"Yeah, well I'm not interested in seafood at the moment. And just when do you plan to, as you say, get out there?"

I could see the tears beginning to well, I sat and hugged her.

"I'm not ready Jase, Alvin has only been gone three years. Why did my husband have to die and not someone else's? He never even saw his youngest before he died. I know that a selfish attitude, but I still think of it that way from time to time. I have the kids to focus on, thankfully he left me able to live life without worry. It won't see me through until I die, but I can get a job when the kids are older. I remember how much I pissed and moaned when he took out that damned insurance policy. At the time little did I realize he was looking out for me and the kids."

I sat next to her on the couch with my arm around her shoulders as she cried. How I wish I could take my sisters pain away, she and Alvin seemed to be the perfect pair. It was one of those things you hear about or read in a newspaper but never witness firsthand. They'd met in kindergarten, dated in high school and married withing a year of graduating. Alvin was a steamfitter by trade, made good money and took care of his family. The only redeeming factor in the industrial accident was that his demise had been instant. No weeks or months in a hospital wondering if the man who had loved her with all his heart would make it.

I put my head back and listened to Jill's soft breaths, she'd cried herself to sleep in my arms. In her state of grief I wasn't about to wake her. A small almost nonexistent snore woke me, I had apparently fallen asleep as well. Looking down I admired my sister, even after having had three kids she was able to maintain a nice figure. Not that she didn't have that mommy look, on the contrary, she had the widened hips, the increased bust and a glow on her cheeks that made you know life was good.

She wasn't one of those drop-dead gorgeous girls who makes every other woman look and every guys dick get hard. She was what most people would call average for a housewife mother of three. I knew that she wore a size 6 dress, her bras were 34C and her panties were medium. I knew because I shared in doing laundry, not because I was digging around in her laundry basket. There had been a time or two that I'd folded and put her laundry on the bed when she was busy with kids activities away from home.

Looking at her further I noticed that she had apparently shifted, causing my arm to drop with my hand resting on the upper part of her breast. I didn't want to move and disturb her peaceful sleep, at the same time I felt uncomfortable having a hand on my sisters breast. With that thought in my mind she stirred putting her hand over mine and in a sleepy voice whispered "Alvin". Quickly she sat up and looked frightened.

"Oh my God Jason, I'm so sorry. I was dreaming and thought it was Alvin's hand. I miss his touch. If only you were him and not my brother."

I reached and coaxed her back into my arms for a hug.

"But I am your brother and you're my precious big sister. In my mind I could easily love you as a woman who wasn't my sibling, but my conscience would always haunt me, and I won't do that to you. Or me. I would always feel as though I took advantage of your situation, not to mention it's against the law in our state and what would you tell the kids when they realized Uncle Jason is sleeping in mommies bed?"

"I know you're right Jase. I was talking from need, not good sense. I just wish I had someone to trust that would hug me, tell me I'm still pretty and make a fuss over me once in a while. The plaque in our bathroom that says "Always kiss me goodnight" was given to me by Al on our first anniversary. I think I miss that more than anything, a good night kiss."

I pondered her situation and came up with an idea.

"I'll make a deal with you. If you'll stop trying to set me up with every stray that comes along. I'll start giving you hugs, it make take some practice, but I'll also give you a kiss goodnight if that makes you feel better. Keep this in mind though, they won't be more than brother/sister kisses."

She smiled, "That sounds lovely but it's not enough. I want to know I'm pretty and an occasional kiss good morning would help. I promise I won't make you bed your older sister."

My look had to be one of shock.

"I'm screwing around with you Jase, I mean about the bedding stuff. I do want a hug and a kiss goodnight though, beginning now."

I squeezed her tight and gave her one of those scrunched up sphincter kisses. She pulled back with a frown.

"No wonder you can't keep a girl. I get better kisses from the dog."

I grabbed her, put my lips on hers and kissed her softly.

She snickered as she pulled away, "Well maybe not that passionately, but something similar to that in the future. Goodnight Jason, and thank you. It'll be daylight in a few hours and the kids will be up, I need to hit the rack."

Next morning as the older kids headed for the bus stop and the three year old was playing in the other room she turned to me as I sat at the table.

"You get pancakes after I've had my hug and kiss. It's that or starve buddy boy." She let out with a snicker.

I gave her a hug and gentle peck. She made breakfast, I ate and was headed for the door. I was going to be gone for three days doing a job in a neighboring county which made more sense to stay in a motel than drive back and forth every day. As I departed she stood with her hands on my chest without pressing her body to mine.

"You be careful Jason. Maybe call and let me know all is well. Okay?"

I kissed her forehead, "Sure thing. I'll call each evening."

Which I did. When I returned I yelled out, "honey, I'm home" to which I heard a burst of laughter and then her appearance in the dining room doorway. Her face was beaming as she approached me.

"Little smart ass. Where's my hug and you owe me three kisses so pucker up buttercup."

We laughed more than we kissed, it was a joke, and yet it wasn't. Without saying as much we both knew we were on dangerous ground if we weren't careful. Life took on a system so to speak, a kiss in the morning along with a soft hug, a hug when I got home from work and a kiss goodnight if we were both at the house. That all changed as the school year was about to end and the kids would be with our parents on the lake for two weeks when it did.

We loaded the kids in her mommy van taking them to mom and dads. It was while we were there that mom asked if the kids could stay an entire month this year, they were all for it. Jill thought about it.

"Sure, that will be okay if the kids are okay. With Jason for adult company it won't be as lonely. In fact, maybe the down time will do me good."

What our mother did next made it easy to leave right away the next morning.

"And how about you Jason? Met anyone yet? Jill, you need to think about a future husband and father figure for the kids."

We tried explaining that neither of us was in a hurry to fill the void. Things were good, why rock the boat. I was comfortable, she was comfortable, why mess with a good thing?"

As with most mothers she wasn't pleased with our answer but left it alone after that. We left early the next morning having a four hour drive ahead of us. With hugs and tears from mom and nothing but excitement from the kids about a month at the lake with gram and gramps we turned to get in the van. Handing me the keys she announced, "You're driving."

A couple of hours into the drive she needed to pee, since we'd left before the kids ate we decided to have breakfast at the same time. When asked where we'd like to sit she told the lady.

"A booth please."

She scooted in one side while I headed for the other. As I passed she grabbed my arm and patted the seat next to her. I gave her a wondering kind of look as I sat. She leaned and whispered in my ear.

"I don't want people thinking we aren't a couple." Then she laughed, "After all, we wouldn't want them thinking we're brother and sister, would we?"

I wasn't surprised when she took my hand as we crossed the parking lot, if it made her feel better, then so be it. Isn't that what brothers are for, to make their sisters feel safe and secure? The rest of the trip home was without incident and we had lots of windshield time to talk. After a short lull in our conversation she sighed.

"I wish I could go somewhere and start over. I don't mean without the kids, just somewhere else that doesn't have memories of Alvin every time I turn around."

I grunted, "I know the feeling. Emma is off living the high life and I'm spinning my wheels going nowhere." I realized that didn't sound right. "Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like you guys are nothing."

She reached across and squeezed my hand.

"It's okay, I know what you meant. I'm so happy we have each other right now. Without you around I'd be lost. The kids fill my day, but your company fills my evenings. I need that."

Without the kids there we became more relaxed, not only in our demeanor, but our attire as well. Not having to be concerned with kids we both dressed in a more relaxed manner. I began noticing she was without a bra most evenings and the shorts she slept in, which had never been worn outside her bedroom when the kids were around. Our goodnight kiss had turned into more than one kiss, with her being the one who wasn't letting go after the first. I found myself becoming uncomfortable, this was turning into more than a kiss good morning and good night.

Thursday and Friday of my second work while the kids were away I ended up working long days not arriving home until well after eight o'clock. Each day Jill would have supper waiting and insisted on serving me as though I were her husband. After supper and dishes she would tell me about her day as she sat on the couch snuggled to my side. Just before ten we'd get up, walk down the hall to her door where she'd kiss me and whisper," goodnight". Moving down the hallway to my room I found myself wondering if we were carrying things a bit too far. Yes, she was attractive, yes, she was fun to be with and felt so right in my arms, BUT, she was my sister.

I slept until seven the next day. Being Saturday it was time to take care of the yard and other weekend chores. Pushing the mower past the kitchen windows I smelled a cake in the oven, I love white cake and she was making one. My kind of girl. Popping my head in the door for a glass of water I commented on the cake, wondering if she was going to frost it.

She chuckled, "I'll frost it under one condition. You dress nicely, take me to dinner and then to the Acorn for dancing. I know you dance, we took lessons together before my wedding, you can't have forgotten everything. That's the deal. If I frost the cake we dress up, you take me to dinner, and we go dancing. In that order."

I scrunched up my face, she put her hands on my shoulders and gave me the hurt puppy dog look.

"Please Jason. I haven't been out in ages, not since Alvin died. Please. I want to dress up and not spend my entire existence in mommy clothes."

I relinquished my stance, "Okay, but you frost the cake before we go, and I get a piece before we leave."

She patted my chest, "You drive a hard bargain bucko. Deal."

I stepped back in horror at what I'd said, "Jill, I'm sorry. That didn't come out right, I meant a piece of cake, sorry."

Looking up into my face she grinned, "I know what you meant, relax. Can we go to the new steakhouse on the other side of town?"

I was ready before she was, go figure. I was scanning the local pipe fitters monthly propaganda sheet when she walked from the hall into the living room. If I had been standing I'd have fallen over from shock. Before me stood one of the prettiest women I had ever seen. Her hair was perfect, just enough makeup to bring out the natural beauty of her facial features. What threw me for a curve was what she was wearing, a teal skirt that ended a few inches above the knees, black fishnet stockings and a white silk blouse. I couldn't see through it, but my imagination could.

"Damn Jill, I'll be fighting off every perv in the Acorn tonight.. You're gorgeous. Thank you for looking so great."

She winked, "Thank you for taking me out and making me feel special."

As they seated us for dinner she insisted that I sit next to her and not across. There was no touchy-feely stuff or secret hand holding under the table. She told me she wanted to feel as though she was with her husband and not her brother. The meal was excellent, we had a glass of wine to end the meal and then departed. I opened her car door and helped her sit, there was no flash of skin or stocking tops beneath her dress. She made sure she remained a lady as I closed the door.

The Acorn was crowded to say the least, I was all for ditching the place and going home. Jill looked at me frowning, "You promised."

As we danced there were a number of men who wanted to cut in, she refused each and every time. But there's always the guy who doesn't seem to understand the English word "no". On his third attempt Jill rose up and kissed me, not a peck, a full on sensual kiss. When she broke she spoke directly into my ear.

"Kiss me Jason. Just do it, make this asshole go away. Do it like you mean it."

Moving my hand from the small of her back to the top of her butt I patted it twice. As our lips were about to meet she grinned and whispered, "Nice move Romeo."

Our kiss was long and romantic. When her tongue grazed across my lips I pulled back looking into her eyes. She smiled.

"I frosted the cake, the least you can do is kiss me like a lover."

I found myself wondering, "how do you argue with logic like that?" Opening my lips her tongue slowly invaded, touching mine, examining the texture and taste. The moment seemed surreal, I was kissing my sister passionately and enjoying the feelings it stirred within. Her breasts were pressed tight to my chest as I sensed her move her hips against mine. I was about to pull back when she increased her grip on my neck.

"Don't." She said.

How was I supposed to not become erect with a woman's body rubbing against my dick, in spite of the fact that it was my sister doing the rubbing? I gave in and let it rise, thankfully she sensed my dilemma and pulled back. When the dance ended she took my hand and led me to our table, we gathered our coats and walked to the car without a word. The ride home remained quiet, we both knew we'd stepped over the line. At the house she gave me a quick peck on the lips and said goodnight. I had no idea what she might be doing but I had things in hand thinking of her as I exploded into a hand towel.

The atmosphere in the house had changed overnight. Whereas we would have been joking around the next morning we were quiet and subdued. It wasn't tension that was between us, more like an uneasiness and confusion as to what might happen next, if anything. My service van was in disarray after the long hours of the past week, you have a tendency to toss tools and parts in after work telling yourself you'll straighten it tomorrow. I decided it might be a good idea to give her some space while I cleaned and rearranged the service van. Standing to leave the kitchen she caught my hand as I walked past.

Her face was stoic as she said, "Where's my good morning kiss?"

I bent and softly kissed her lips. "Thanks." She said and let go of my hand.

It took the better part of the morning to clean and get the interior of my vehicle back in working order. In the garage was a second fridge where we kept extra milk and assorted veggies, it was also used to keep beer and soft drinks. I had a few beers to stay hydrated and I'd step behind the shrubs alongside the garage to pee when necessary. I hadn't been in the house all morning and was just about to wash the exterior of the van when Jill walked outside.

She was wearing one of my old shirts over a one-piece bathing suit, the unbuttoned shirt covered most of her butt and part of her upper body. Grabbing a wash mitt she pitched in helping with me on one side and she on the other. I was bent over washing when I felt the cold of overspray land on my bare back. It wasn't enough to get me soaked but certainly enough to make me straighten and jump. I soon realized Jill was rinsing her side of the van with overspray from the roof landing on me.

Walking behind the van to see how much more she had to rinse she saw me and smiled. Realizing what had happened she apologized. I couldn't help but notice the wet shirt hugging her body, the upper portion was hugging her chest area and the bottom was plastered tight to her butt and legs. She pointed the nozzle in my direction without spraying me. I stepped back and damned near broke myself as I stepped into the bucket of water which resulted in me going ass over teakettle.

She quickly ran to me saying she didn't mean for me to get hurt. I did a quick self-examination and reached the conclusion that the only thing damaged was my pride. What idiot steps into a bucket of water? Reaching her hand to help me up we stood facing one another. Again, it wasn't tension, it was confusion. Letting go of my hand she went back to her side and me to mine. Sitting in the garage cooling off Jill looked at me.

"Jase. Can we go to the lake this afternoon? It's hot and I never got to enjoy myself at the lake when I had to watch over 3 kids. We could pick up stuff to eat at the deli department in the grocery store. I'd really like to go, will you take me, it'll be like a picnic, sort of."

I put my hand on hers, "Sure, that sounds like a good way to spend the afternoon. It's been a while since I was at the lake, I think Emma and I were still together the last time. I need to get my suit. Are you gonna change?"

With a soft smile she answered, "I don't think so, I'm okay as I am. I'll grab some sun block and a wrap for my legs, no need showing everybody my saggy body."

I was surprised there weren't more people at the lake. We had no problem finding a picnic spot right away, most of the tables were empty. After a light lunch we strode into the shallow water staying about thigh deep as we adjusted to the water temperature. Jill had shed the shirt and sarong, walking ahead of me I couldn't help buy admire the fact that after giving birth to 3 kids she still had a nice figure.

The one piece hugged her butt nicely, the little muffin top she was diligently trying to get rid of didn't distract from her overall shapely figure. If she turned sideways her breasts fit the rest of her torso perfectly, not overly large and not to small, they were just right. A minute or so before we ventured deeper into the water I watched as she reached down to adjust the elastic along one leg.