Chapter 22: Par Contest

Carak bowed his head.

"It was my choice, too," Lindsay interrupted.

"I expect betrayal from you. I am asking my hest."

Lindsay stepped back, stunned by his harsh rebuke.

"What is my life?" Carak asked, raising his head. "Until her, you're the only one who ascribed any worth to it. For that I have lived, every day, despite the unceasing pains of continuing. I have sworn myself to your side out of my love for you, my prince. But my love for her has grown to an all-consuming flame. In truth, I could not imagine my life without her in it. The only thing that stayed my hand from her was my belief that she could never love me. That she does... I would die for one night of that love realized, than live for a hundred more years as I have."

"And what about you?" Rivuk rounded on Lindsay. "Were you planning to try to hide it, to order him into silence?"

"I was going to tell you, I just... I didn't want you to take him away from me just because I had feelings. It wouldn't have been fair to him. But if he did, I would have told you."

"After you'd had sex with my hest."

"I don't know what would have happened," she said.

"Really?" Rivuk was incredulous. She knew exactly what would have happened.

"I'd like to think we would've told you first, but I don't know."

"So what you're telling me is this was all a matter of timing and my brother merely gave you an excuse?"

Lindsay hung her head. "Yes."

Rivuk fell back onto the bed. "I should have you both beheaded," he muttered.

"I'm sorry," Lindsay said.

"I knew it was love. I knew it from the start. What a fool I was to delude myself into believing you could feel for me-"

"Don't. Don't you even dare." Lindsay warned. "If you even think... If anyone knows how I feel about you, it should be you. You practically live inside my head. At least you did until you shut me out."

"And yet I didn't see him there," Rivuk said, accusingly.

Lindsay's eyes flashed and her cheeks flushed that high, bright red they got as she pointed her finger squarely in his chest. "That's because you're an idiot who chose not to see. That's not my fault. He was there. I'd been having sex fantasies about him for a month at least. I may have tried to hide it, but we both know I'm not that good. I don't have your years of mental training. It was obvious as hell. I can't help you're too racist to believe I could actually fall for him."

That was the wilding he fell in love with. He could snap her neck with a thought and here she was yelling at him with her finger almost poking into his chest. He sat and stared at them. And somehow, maybe it was just from the lack of sleep, his anger abated and was replaced by the thought of Boz's enraged face as Lindsay had glared at him and wiped a trickle of cum from her mouth. He'd been so sure that'd be the thing that broke her. And she'd wanted nothing more! He would've been more likely to break her if he'd just left her alone and banned Carak from seeing her.

And he would've known all about it if he'd just paid more attention and let her in. All his pain, all of his sleepless nights -- they were all his fault. She was fine, his hest was fine: they were having the time of their lives while Boz fumed and the monarchy broke down. A chuckle escaped his lips, then grew louder. The more he looked at them, the more he thought about the situation, the funnier it got.

"Carak, I thought I told you you weren't to serve her anymore," he managed to mumble. Carak had done nothing but serve her these last few skell, at Boz's orders. He dropped his arms and began laughing loudly. "You fooled us all! By the Immortal! I should have known! I should have seen it!"

"You're not angry, anymore?" Lindsay asked, warily.

"No." Rivuk fought to control his laughter. He must look like he'd gone mad. Maybe he finally had. "You defeated Boz again and he still can't figure out how! He's going crazy over it! He can't understand why that didn't destroy you."

"Good. I hope it rots his brain," Lindsay spat. Unconsciously, she ran her arm across her mouth, across the scars.

Rivuk chuckled. "I suppose, now that I know, I'm more surprised it hadn't happened sooner. The signs were all there, but I never even considered it as a possibility. You made my mother watch you have sex! She looked like she was about to vomit the entire time. She can't even tolerate hearing about Child breeding. She watched a human and a Child of the Immortal having passionate sex. And Boz! He was so pleased with himself! He thought he'd gotten back at you and I, when all he did was give you what you wanted most."

"I'm sorry, your grace," Carak finally spoke, his head bowed. "I would never have..."

Rivuk shook his head, his exhausted relief at his own stupidity washing away any jealousy he felt and leaving only sensible reason. "I know. You'd have suffered in silence for my happiness. But she was never mine to have. Not completely. I've always known her heart was divided. But, if I must share it, at least it is with someone who will love her as I do."

"She is my world, your grace," Carak said.

Rivuk glanced over to Lindsay, she positively glowed as she looked at his hest. In his heart there was a heavy pain. She was in love; he could see it all over her face... and not with him. If he hadn't abandoned her, maybe... But those emotions were dulled for the moment. He let out a deep breath, his shoulders falling, the weight they'd held for an iuna, released. "I suppose this turn of events does make my reason for coming much easier."

"And what is that?" Lindsay asked. "What took you so long? I was sure you'd be there right after, wanting to comfort me. And you never came. I waited. I thought every day it might be the day, but you never came and the weeks passed. You made me give up on you. I never wanted to do that." She wiped a tear away.

Now that their connection was open again, he could feel the bleeding of her heart, broken over him every day, the hardness that was now there, afraid to let him back in. No wonder it had been available for his hest, when he'd so cruelly abandoned it out of his own, stupid fear. How could he hate them over this? How could he be jealous when someone had taken something he'd thrown away and loved it like he should have? He was sure he'd find a way when he'd had a good night's sleep, but right now, he just couldn't manage more than one emotion at a time and that emotion, at the moment, was self-righteousness -- after all, weren't his reasons perfectly noble? His intent was pure. She'd understand once he explained it to her.

"I stayed away because I believed you must hate me for what had been done to you, for bringing you into this horrible life. How could you not, when I hated myself so much for it? But things in the kingdom have taken something of a turn. I came in the hopes of speaking with you, that I might tell Yasolina how you are and further fuel the fire." Another lie. A lie that didn't make him look so weak. "But now I see you're doing fine," he said, the giddiness fighting to return.

"So, not because you loved me." She wasn't letting this go. She wasn't understanding. She should. She was getting to keep her head on her shoulders.

"I stayed away because I loved you," he said.

"No, you stayed away because you were afraid. You didn't want to see me hurting."

She saw right through him.

He hung his head. Shame filled him. "Yes. I was afraid. Can you ever forgive me?"

"No." Her eyes lit with a sudden flash of fire. "You left me! Alone! You didn't know I was in love with Carak! For all you knew, I was crying and begging for them to kill me. And you closed yourself off from me! Shut me out when I might have needed you the most! Apologies don't just fix that!" She looked at Rivuk, her gaze softening. "But I'll... we'll get past it. It was my betrayal that got me here in the first place."

Despite her words hinting of reconciliation, he could tell something had broken between them, something he wasn't sure could be fixed, or that she might even want to try fixing. Even without his mental powers, he could feel the love between her and his hest. A love he no longer felt from her towards himself. He'd abandoned her and she'd moved on without him.

He swallowed his pain for the matter at hand. It wasn't wholly a lie, he could use some new line to feed Yasolina so she could keep fanning the flames. "So, can you think of anything I can tell her that might stir things up? You always knew just how to say the right thing."

"Well... there is one thing." Lindsay's cheeks reddened. She pushed her two index fingers together, looking down at them instead of Rivuk or Carak. "You could... umm... you could tell her... you could tell her I'm pregnant."

"What?!" Rivuk stared at her, completely flabbergasted. He was fully awake and focused now. Carak staggered and fell back on the bed.

"At least, I think I might be. I missed my last period and I've been getting nauseous a lot, especially in the mornings, and my breasts have been really tender."

Carak finally found his voice. "Why didn't you say something earlier?"

"I wasn't sure. I mean, I'm still not sure. And I didn't know how you'd react." She looked to Rivuk, her eyes betraying a nervousness he didn't understand. "I know we were talking about having kids, but this wasn't exactly the plan," she said, motioning at the cell walls.

A child. He'd wanted a family with her since she'd first mentioned it in the reservoirs. But he hadn't expected anymore children, at least, not yet - even with their utter lack of preventative measures. Conception between the two species was extremely rare under the best circumstances. "No. I mean, I'm happy about it, of course, but that does change things. How far along, do you think?" Rivuk asked.

"Almost two months. I'm not completely sure."

"Two months?" Rivuk's eyes met Carak's, he could tell they were both doing the same math to get to the same conclusion. Two months. Slightly more than an iuna. They'd both been with her at that time. He understood now the fear in her brown eyes. Rivuk pressed his wristband. "Have the royal physician meet me in the jail examining room."

Rivuk less sat than collapsed onto the bench that served as a bed. The world swooped and that was the last thing he remembered.