All Comments on 'Charlie Evans'

Meh

If you have 2 mil and owe 250K on student loans - at student loan rates - it would be stupid to pay off the student loans. Just take over the payments and keep the balance invested at a higher rate. Any financial advisor would tel him the same thing.

A bit primitive in style, but I enjoyed the story enough to give it 4/5.

Why is it that when men and women are overseas fighting for their country and beliefs that their husbands, wives or partners cheat. It boggles the mind and disgusts me.

Having got that off of my chest...a very nice story. 5*

Sorry, I meant to hit 4. Great story.

this is horrible...

People are all different, but they are rarely the caricature stick figures portrayed here. The plot was OK, but the dialog was poor. I still gave it a 4* because the idea was OK, just the implementation sucked.

This was extremely horrible even for literotica standards. I have read many stories on this site and this was just unbelievably awful and laughable. I forced myself to read tuntil around the meeting with Sarah after his meeting with the guy. Couldn't read more.

Stream of broken consciousness. Nonsense surrounded by idiocy.

OK, it has the bones of a good story, but much of it reads like a synopsis with a few brief conversations thrown in for color. The descriptions are too impersonal and sound like newspaper articles.

Oh yeah, a Major's insignia isn't "Oak Leaf Clusters" those are things you put on ribbons to denote subsequent awards.

Cheating wife is about Six Months pregnant, and husband is demanding she get an abortion?? That was it for me, fucking story ain't worth reading.

I really dislike stories that are told in the present tense: He is tall and she is short. But the problem is compounded when somewhere in the story it changes to past tense: There he WAS, and she WAS pregnant. Something to watch out for.

I also found some of the dialog stiff and rather stilted sounding.

A good editor would probably help a lot by finding these issues before the story is thrown before the LW trolls. LOL

Best,

PS

....are there some horrible comments on here. It was a little clunky but not that bad. Perhaps these annonymous whingers should try writing something. I know I can't but I'm grateful for the efforts of those that try. Thank you

This is a below par work. Highly pretentious and cliched. The writer has no idea about han feelings and general notion of interactions. This was horrible, even below amateur standards.

Well done-thanks for posting

The average Physician General Practitioner salary in the United States is $207,490 as of April 27, 2020. If they lived like the average American ($63,179) for a year, there would be $144,311 left over, plenty to pay those horrible school loans.

Boo-Effing-Hoo.

The dialogue in this was so stilted, I think it was several stories up in the air.

Real people don't have conversations like this, although the comedy of the meeting between Evie and the ex'es was good - it was still like watching an overdubbing of a bad drama from a foreign language.

3/5 for no willing cucks but please work on making your characters seem real

So, she shows up at his arrival, six months pregnant, and seems completely unprepared for his reaction. Really? If he hadn't realize, were her next words going to be, "Honey, notice anything different?" That's about on par with how well she thought this was going to play out. Was the welcome home cake supposed to be a metaphorical knife in the back or was just you writing her as a moron? There doesn't seem to be one moment on her part where she thought anything but that they would just go on as a couple.

<P>

The idea he would consider staying with her after he learns she lied to both of them is inane.

<P>

Very little emotion or real characters, just stumbling paragraphs glued together. Also, just because he's a war veteran does not make him a good guy. Little to care about here.

Good story!

5

Who talks like that? Angry dudes with PTSD aren't going to be calm when faced with Jody's baby bump. Your dude is.

See those cop cars burning on the news channels? That's an expression of anger. That is what you need to convey to your readers.

Gonna switch over to the tushy.com website. Good read, cuck free zone, real men only

Hopelessly immature writing. The characters are totally unbelievable and if the guy became a Captain the US armed forces must be truly desperate. Simple-minded and completely into himself-what a leader!

Couldn't finish it.

I enjoyed the story! Of course it's predictable and corny?..It makes a terrific time filler though...-5 Stars ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Couldn’t finish the first page. Maybe it got better but the ridiculous demands scene ended it for me.

Never read a worse story on Literotica.

A good idea for a story, but not terribly well written. You're on the right track, so keep writing. Good luck.

There are a couple of things that I would change. When he met with Sarah's family, and the truth started to come out then both Chloe and Dad should have taken action. Chloe and Steve should have banned her Mom from their lives as a precaution, and certainly no access to any kids they would have. Since dear old Mom schemed to ruin her sister's life and marriage, there is no way she could trust her not to do the same to her life. Contact with her father only would be OK. Dear old Dad should have blown up immediately and probably kicked her out of the house, or at least insisted on a post-nuptial agreement. Actually that full page AD in the Sunday paper was a great idea, but it would need to be changed slightly to implicate Mom. If I was in his shoes, I'd certainly consider divorce, but I'd also do everything I could to make her life miserable for several years considering that she destroyed her daughter's life.

What doesn't make sense is why Sarah didn't tell the lover that her husband was in the military and currently on assignment in the middle east? I would think that would come out very early when they were talking.

I am always dissappointed when there is no hotwife sex. Why? Why come to this site under that catergory and write a totes slutless and sexless short love story.

ITS NOTHING!!!

ITS A. NOTHING STORY!!

FUCKING USELESS!!

FUCKING USELESS I TELLS YA!!

I knew the moment it went to "Did you give him your ass?" I knew it was going to go sideways and I should have stopped there but no, I juts had to go until it went to the "Anal virgin".

Sorry but that kind of stupid hurts.

There is no simple answer as to why one partner of a military couple cheats on their “loved one”. During my 22 year career I saw several marriages broken when a husband or wife was sent away from home for long periods of time. Whether it was a combat tour or just an extended TDY, too often one party would seek the companionship of another. Maybe it was a weak marriage to begin or the feeling of loneliness from being left at home alone without the emotional support one person needed but didn’t have as a safety net. Maybe it was the excitement of a new lover or the sense of entitlement thinking that the other half would never find out. Yeah, all those excuses used in the LW stories to justify the betrayal of the person they vowed to love, honor, and care for during the wedding ceremony. I saw too many friends receive a “Dear John” letter before we could get back home with no warning about troubles at home. I saw too many of the people I traveled with act on the adage of “What goes on the road, stays on the road.” It happened too often. And too many couldn’t or wouldn’t forgive. Even with forgiveness there was never a way to forget.

And yes I was in that situation once during a three year tour in Germany when I spent an average of 280 days a year TDY to someplace other than in my home station. My wife of 8 years was extremely lonely and met someone who kept her occupied while I was working at some other USAF or NATO base. It started innocently until she fell in love with him. The best I could do was to show her my love when I was home and try to force her to remember why she married me. In the end, time and events along with my refusal to give up on the woman I truly loved, won out over the sorrow and loss I felt. When her affair ended she realized how close she came to ruining our marriage and has regretted her actions for the rest of our 52 years together. I know she regrets that time in her life and she knows I will never be able to forget the pain she inflected on my emotional being and heart but I forgave her long ago and will never regret my choice to fight for her love. (;>)

Hard to understand? Bad story? Nah, excellent story. Cheating wife, divorce, and a comeback. Where's the misunderstanding? I think annonymous might want to get a brain surgery done.

I enjoyed this but agree that the writing could be stronger. The characters are (as someone said) kind of “stick figures,” with not a lot of depth or complexity. For me, a lot of things happened too quickly; you know your characters’ reasons and motivations, but you’ve got to give us a little more time or explanation for things to be believable. Keep writing.

to follow your plot. As Jim mentioned, surely Sarah would know her lies would be revealed. So, at least let us hear her explain what her cover story was to be. Also, unless she wanted to marry Jim, why get PG, and not just have a secret affair?

especially the ending with Sarah. What was that supposed to illustrate? You made Sarah act like a mental case, hiding her marriage to date the developer and getting knocked up, but then meeting Charlie at the airport like some kind of ignorant stooge.

I liked Charlie's rebound and the Evie character was interesting. Keep up the good parts, and give more thought to the plausibility of a character's behavior. Sarah and her mother are so fucked up that it begs the question of why Charlie married her.

Good luck with future writing. Thanks for the effort.

But a mother in law making up that lie and the wife going along with it. The ending sucked . Sara comes knocking on his door after his wife gives him the perfect family . This x wife whore.tries to proposition him while married to another to take her back was to much.

This was idiotic. I stopped about 3/4 through the first page.

Some here don't think something like this can happen. I am here to say that this is calmer than some things I saw while in the military. One deployment a fellow sailor got a notice from his wife that she was divorcing him. Then she turned around and married his twin brother. Strange enough?

Thanks for posting.

Awful and totally unreadable in every way.. The initial scene at the airport and then when the captain gets home hes concerned with the sexual acts the wife did.? Thiere is almost no emotional outburst from the captain at all given what thec wife has done. The whole thing is simply some sort of twisted sexual fantasy by the author

While the author may never be a great writer i get it. He's probably former military and after reading his other stories is in a dark place himself (herself). While this is not a true btb, Sarah burned herself twice. First by cheating on Charlie then by lying to Jimmie who seems lime a nice guy.

Glad Charlie took the high road with Chloe and told her hed be disappointed if she took him up for her sister. Overall good with some comedy as well. Liked the old car and when evie acted like a teenager.

JJ, Thanks for writing. Deployed military have to deal with a lot of, ... stuff, and this topic is perhaps the unkindest cut of all.

Loved the airport proposal scene. Evie is a really fun character.

Please take time for a couple of extra reads before publishing next time. Missing words, wrong words, "your" vs. "You're", etc. makes a reader have to backup and re-read.

I interpreted the whole family meeting scene as his way of shocking that family. Not even in .... anyone's wildest drug fueled state of delirium could his condition for using Chloe (whom he supposedly respected), have been anything more than him announcing that there could be no reconciliation.

Good, but you need an editor

I don't know whether I would have liked the whole story or not; I couldn't get past all the grammatical and punctuation errors in the first paragraphs to find out. I did determine the plot was mostly composed of one cliche after another. I just had to drop this in favor of something more readable.

Excellent story. A wee bit choppy but your outline was pretty good. Nice twists!

You need to reread your stories at least three times if you're self editing. Get the free version of Grammarly if you can't afford the professional version. Get an editor, use the discussion board. You're misspelling words, dropping words, and mixing up to, too, and two, and others.

I knocked off one star, it was that painful at times. You have great potential. Work for it! 4 *s

This feels like it was written as a joke to brighten the spirits during these dark times but my god this is bad. The characters speak and act like robots has anyone ever said. "For starters, you can tell my why you decided to fuck my wife who's a married woman?" No way his wife is married I'm both shocked and amazed.

Please continue writing but get yourself an editor or at least proof read your story once or twice.

This was a very decent story. There were grammatical issues. So what? This is Literotica. The authors are UNPAID. They do not have editors and proofreaders. If they are LUCKY, they get another member to peer review their work.

I do not think it is fair that some gutless anonymous LOSER can trash someone else's work. If you didn't like it, have the decency to put your NAME to the critique.

I really enjoyed the story and people in it. Maybe a little more development of the people but good.

Nice cheat without any story. You need to be more gritty with cheating stories. Turnd out the tough, big dicked soldier boy was a wimp. He even forced the wife to choose divorce. He didn't have the guts to man up.

The wife turning up pregnant at airport was rediculous. She should have been in hiding at mum's place.

Needs drama, needs action, needs stronger characters especially the cuckold.

Then you need to proof read your writing, think about how real people talk and act. Then make sure the cuck overreacts quickly so he becomes a man.

Decent story apart from why did Sarah not get any of his two millions in the divorce settlement?.Also Sarah must he got married within six months of giving birth,really!.

he dumped out the trash and moved on

One of the best stories I have read on Lit . Easy flow just enough of everything to make it believable and didn't leave any questions or loose end. "Finish the Damn Story" would ate you. LOL Keep writing please.

A great story. For all the detractors (inconsistent times, alimony on the two mill, etc.) please remember that this is a story. Just that, a story.

I've the opportunity to write a few, not on this site yet, but learned some simple lessons the hard way. One story, which I though was perfect, got shredded by a friend that acted as an editor. And she was right in her assessment. Long story short, I almost had to rewrite the whole thing. At least after that there were only a few issues to correct. Lesson learned: It's not perfect, ever. Don't believe that? Look at some of King's works. They are excellent books for the most part but even with multiple levels of edits there are still some minor quirks and inconsistencies that crept in.

So a few typos, some plot holes, timelines not matching? If it's minor stuff, no big deal. This is free stuff folks :)

Reading again. Really a pretty good story, and how many stories do you read about an honorable Jody.

Hey Sarah, if you're looking for a job I hear that Sluts R Us is hiring.

I am a BTB type bloke but the sit down with the ex wife and her family was just too stupid and way over the top bullshit. Plus the catholic bigotry doesn’t sit too well with me either. ⭐️

I was initially thinking he was being ridiculous with the demands to stay married but you did a good job of portraying he was just extricating himself. Good story.

Good one

This I think is the most moronic story I have come across in LE. Somewhere after 1/3 of the first page I started laughing, I could not believe that are grown-up person would post something like this publicly. This is not 1 star, more like 0.

Worth what I paid for it.

I DO agree with 26thNC, an honorable Jody.

Shoulda burned Mother-In-Law bad though.

The way he confronted the family was just ridiculous, no normal person would make those demands and here we are in the 21st century and we still have to read anti catholic bigotry. I lost interest very quickly ⭐️

Great story, well written excellent ending.

Ass fascination is understandable, but why anal, which hurts and is an insult to a woman? Sorry, just one star from me.

I enjoyed this story of his. It's much better than the last one of his that I read. He writes for his own enjoyment, and that being the case, he can write that which he enjoys. No sweat my or yours. I'll probably read another or perhaps not. don't know for sure. LP

Has all the excitement of a Cheez Whiz sandwich. But seriously, this really is one of the most poorly written, yet disturbing stories I’ve read in a while. The main character is soulless and depraved. He’s the kind of guy you like best when he’s out of your life.

Truly awful. Not a parody I’m pretty sure. More a twisted homage, really.

I also lost interest due to the religious hate rhetoric this guy uses his "story" to express. Not good .... JJ must stand for "just junk"

Just plain cruel and idiotic story. YOU really are a self-indulgent insensitive man

Think, for a moment, of the countless men who returned from deployment to find a scene as you portrayed layed out. A guy suffering from PTSD, feeling lost and whose only tie to staying alive was his family...homicide could very well have been the result here. THERE WOULD BE NO saving this marriage. The foundational story base you constructed is not only absurd but a cruel slap in the face to EVERY vet who came home from combat.

Re-read your story and then think how many REAL people you hurt.

I will never read anything, ever, that you write.

You have my contempt extending in perpetuity.

Just another story, copied from another story, copied from another story, copied…

Actually this story isn't even as bad real life can get. There's one where a wife cheated on her husband with his brother for years and fathered children with the brother. The brother was his absolute closest friend. After discovery the brother turned absolutely cold and told him it serves him right for being stupid.

Hard to take, at first. But Wavedad45 is right. and real life is worse, sometimes. But you only get 4 stars, because they married in boston (small B). Viet Nam was bad, but Mrs. Bear and I weren't married. And I trusted her, too. The Bear approves. He deserves better, and it looks like he got it. Now, how about becoming a Yankee's fan?? He phrased his demands because he knew they wouldn't fly.

The BEAR

This story was and probably is repeated thousands of times every time a Vet comes home after is deployment on a ship or to a foreign conflict zone. I think you told the story well if brief on emotions and details. You also portrayed the cheater as she was...a self indulgent, narcissistic entitled slut. Her old man seems like a decent guy who should have made her mother disappear. What a bitch.

Loved the story.

A great story.

Like to many lit stories, especially in the LW. category, there is to much emphasis on anal fucking. I am a woman of 36 recently (8 months) married, I have had one other long time relationship and quite a few short ones. What they have had in common was those famous words that most women dread to hear. No not " honey we need to talk" but " honey what about anal". It's like a trophy for most men, nothing to do with a loving relationship. I can't believe any woman could enjoy it, were is the enjoyment coming from, I guess ( no I haven't done it) it's pain and more pain, together with a damaged sphincker

I never finished my original comment, I was saying when it posted, I end up with a damaged sphincter that only can be repaired in hospital. I have a simple way to put an end to it and it always works, women take note, when the famous words are spoken " honey what about anal". I answer enthusiastically, " of course why not, I will get my ten inch strap on and the lube, are u sure it's what you want". Usually followed by silence, trust me it goes away lol, If the lovely Evie was as small as was described how could she be expected to take a thick cock in her small ass without serious damage, then advertising it to everyone, the whole story sucked 2*

Sarah loved him! How could he be so cruel to her, leaving her pregnant? We definitely need to change the legislation so that only women have the right to initiate a divorce.

Anonymous must have a feminist agenda. How can she even consider meeting him at eight months when he's been gone 12. HELLO. She needs to go after the father of the child. You don't show your love by getting pregnant with some other persons baby.

Lost me the moment he demanded a full-page ad. Went even further downhill after that.

anon has a man hating agenda (well, 3rd wave feminists do hate men, so your comment fits @jenel). Either that, or anon was a really weird troll.

5 stars, although I'm tempted to take off 1 or 2 stars for the evil cunt not getting pretty much any meaningful punishment or downside. At the very least, she should have remained single mom.

Somehow you took a despicable man with a black heart and made him a saint.

At the same time you created a class A romance, a MUST READ!

good idea for a plot or story line but, very poorly written as in believable and dialogue.

Awful story. Poorly written, with poor dialog, no genuine emotions, way too much summary, way too much rigid, moralistic preaching, and the husband despite being the wronged party is such a fucking dick.

I can't say that I understand the criticism. I like it! I think wife #2 was a delight and the fact that he still had an honorable and loving former SIL was good. The whole abortion idea and getting another woman pregnant was ugly, but he was fresh back from war and I'll cut him some slack for that.

Thanks for n excellent and uplifting tale. i really enjoyed the plot and character development, especially the character development. All very believable! Good job!