All Comments on 'Chemistry Ch. 03 - Final'

This should really be in Romance as there is no cheating in this story, just neglect and disrespect. He broke free of the life his mother arranged to find true love and success.

Way too generous to Heather and his mother. They discounted his intelligence and skill so badly that he quit the company, left his wife and changed his name. they should have been persona non grata.

let me add that I did enjoy the series a lot, just wanted more bite from that final chapter.

I liked this mostly because you DO have a typical loving wife focused on her own success that is followed by a REAL loving wife who understands what a partnership should be. I think it is good to have a story of this type in this category on occasion. I also like that just this once a main character gets positive resolution without having to go to war and destroying family members. His victory as such is becoming the bigger person.

Origional notes are better outline of story. Getting support from his parental side and not having full blown confrontation with mother and ex fiance made the story less interesting.

I liked the story and gave you a 4 for the overall story. My main issue, as I said in previous comments, is that there is too much unnecessary fluff. Do we really need to know about how the house looked and how it was decorated and so on? "We bought a nice house big enough for a family" would be enough. However, as I said it was a good story so please keep writing.

Very well written.

I wonder if it's in the right category?

Anyway, great writing & look forward to more from you

IMHO, I think that you have to remember what market you are writing for. In three chapters you only have one really graphic sex scene. As others have said, this doesn't belong in LW, but in Romance.

Good conclusion!

5

Agree with comment this belongs in Romance section, but doesn't mean it wasn't a well written story. Interesting to look at your notes and see how you deviated from the initial outline. I would have included the lawsuit but the Hogan family plot line really added depth to the story. Great job! 4.7*

Good writing, but story was a simple romantic fairy tale without any drama or character development. Does not belong in LW.

Good enuf fairy tale ending but the beef that ‘mother’ had against the Hogans is still u explained. Seemed like a fairly significant plot point

This whole series could have been so much better …… it progressively fizzled out

The story was okay, but "blah". No fireworks, no betrayals, nothing exciting. His mother doesn't seem to care that he changes his last name and his ex-wife has no comment when he shows up to take over the company and hire her to some menial research post. More of a snooze fest than anything.

Liked the story! However, after all the belittling and humiliating ways that his mom and Heather treated the MC, I would have preferred to see some additional (and just) belittling and humiliating of them as well, before they were allowed back with the company. As they say, turnabout is fair play!

Im going back and rating them all at one star

there was no cheating or extra martial sex so shouldnt have been in the lW section

going over your tags

story 1

there was no = happy ending or betrayal or new love

story 2

there was no = betrayal of happy ending, and I dont know why you consisded hot tubs to be suck a massive plot point it needed to be included in searchable tags

story 3

STILL NO betrayal and he is with her at this point meaning it is no longer a NEW love

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I seriously want to know what exactly your definition of betrayal is

YAWN, no good break? All the readers you thanked should have told you, the end of chapter one was it, EVERYTHING after chapter 1 was a waste of time.

You can be a great writer. You need to distill it down , see just plain Bob , we don’t need to know every little detail, especially about sex or anything for that matter. Feel free to let the reader fill in details with his imagination. Much like the great masters did with her painting.

This is in the wrong catagory

It should be in the BORING catagory

Thank god its now over!

Some errors, they walked her to her car, not card! Good read

Not Loving Wives.

Last two chapters were boring

I strongly disagree with DaddyWarBucks because LW is a unique category and the best stories in it are those like this one that have minimal or even no sex scenes in them. There are plenty of other categories if you're looking for something to jack off to and that's not what us LW addicts are here for. Look at the comments about any story and you'll see that they are mostly either praising or lambasting the story or elements thereof.

I have no problem with jerk off stories per se but once I've become invested in a story and in it's characters I almost feel like I'm invading their privacy by reading about their sexual exploits unless they are germane to the plotline and I find myself skipping forward to get back to the drama.

I really enjoyed this series and look forward to more from this author. Four stars.

JR

Good basic plot, but too much filler. Almost reads like a daily journal/diary.

While the first part was quite original and unique, the two sequels were mere descriptions about how a company sustains on nepotism.

The plot idea is generally good, but stars are lost for cliches and woketard content, including the illiterate use of pronouns.

Just too much flat, a chronology of events like they were in the news.

Wrong Category, of course, and trivialized with detail glut and irrelevant side stories. We had to know how he had provisioned the shower? And the whole house redecorating side story was weird. What did any of that have to do with the professional and personal conflict between the families and the companies, and the competition for developing a new product? Then the whole family and company resolution was just phoned in: all the good people did good, all the asshole people had their asses handed to them, and everyone who needed chastising and redemption went on to live lives of chastity and redemption. Or whatever. Congratulations, on keepin the story rating in the 4's. Good luck with future efforts.

This final chapter bored me to tears. Chapter 1 had plenty of elements of conflict and struggle —- features that make ANY type of story live. Then in Chapter 2 things got more mundane and way too much narrative. But there were still storylines that readers would anticipate driving an emotional response: conflict with his Mom; the dissolution of his relationship with Heather; reclaiming his identity as Hogan not Prentiss. Even the contest between whose “fuel” would win the market.

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But damn…Chapter 3 just fizzled out into nothing! You put readers to sleep with overlong paragraphs of buying his house and setting it up. You avoided ANY confrontation with his Mom over his identity AND the competition to produce that fuel. Heather just disappears. Then absolutely EVERYTHING in his life comes up aces: his personal life, his professional life, and his sex life all quickly strike gold 😂

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Sorry….but what started as a very interesting high flying LW balloon just completely deflated in this Chapter. Too bad. I know you do this for fun and for free…and we readers DO really appreciate the authors who contributed. But damn…I still feel cheated!

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2 **

The ending felt very flat and unsatisfying.

He was proved right about the issues with the fuel. How did Heather and his mother respond? No reaction.

He bought out the company in a hostile takeover. How did Heather and his mother respond? No reaction.

He got married to Heather's underling. How did Heather and his mother respond? No reaction.

He fired his mother, and demoted Heather. How did Heather and his mother respond? No reaction.

The potential was there, but any excitement or drama was completely sucked out of the story,

Oatmeal and Tx77, Heather was never his wife.

Good story. My only bone of contention is this sentence: “ Jennifer still rocks a bathing suit in the hot tub.” Hot tubs, especially if not a public tub is supposed to be enjoyed naked. Wearing a suit in a hot tub is just stupid.

Loved the series!!! 5/5 BRB

Great story. I think it would have made the story better if Heather was having an affair and the Mother condoned it.

Should have been in romance

The story was good as is the writing and I gave each chapter 5 stars. I do have some criticisms. The MC had it too easy. Really the story could have ended in the first chapter. He escaped his mother, fiancée, and a bad job in that chapter. The last two chapters was where he could do no wrong and pretty much everyone liked him. There should be more adversity and pitfalls he could face.

I loved the story and think it is fine in LW or Romance. I look forward to seeing more stories from this author. 5 stars from Xluckylee

To many unanswered questions in the story.

This whole story was just masterbating about how awesome Tom is. There were no stakes or character development. Why did his mom separate him from his father's family? It's not like they were abusive or his father did anything wrong. He just died.

Enjoyable enough. Well written. Character and plot development were kinda simplistic.

Wasn't ever able to figure out why this story was in the LW category.

It was well written but to be honest it didn't have drama or conflict in it. The mother just rolls over and becomes this okay person? Heather joins the new company, and that is that?. There is no conflict there , there should have been. It was all too easy, slid on greased skids. Not really a LW story bc there isn't much conflict.

After part two, I wasn’t sure how you could wrap it up quickly without making it seem rushed, but it seems like you did it!

This was an excellent story in three parts, but what I found most interesting was the original outline. A view into what remained unchanged and what adjustments were made to the initial concept for the story was instructive and added extra appreciation for the finished work product. Thank you, CurrentParameter. Please write another soon.

It's a well enough written tale but it's rather dull - there's no sex, violence, intrigue, mystery, conflict, adventure, passion or characters that you want to love or hate or succeed or fail - so it's difficult for the reader to engage with the plot and care about what happens to the people who populate the story. Straight roads don't make for good stories so a few more bends and turns and cul de sacs please.

LA

Just a little vanilla for me. No real controversies or action. Just a guy with 300 million to start tripping through life.

He is not qualified to run a company. Never had a management position anywhere

Well written story but it was definitely a bit boring. I kept waiting for something exciting to happen but it never came.

I enjoyed it. Just a very pleasant story that ended happily for everyone. Nothing wrong with that.

I like the premise of the story but the final product was kinda flat all the way around in my opinion. I can understand why not to make it a typical BTB story, but add lost and heartbreak tends to make more interesting story and draws the audience (reader) in for the ride. But overall it is a good story, just one that won't be remembered for long.

Truly enjoyed!

Well written but soooo boring.

Thank god thats over. Now put your pen down

And dont pick it up AGAIN!

@ lujon2019 "I seriously want to know what exactly your definition of betrayal is".

How about his mother and his fiancee conspiring behind his back to undermine him, sideline him and stall his career?

JR

All a bit predictable and bland, sorry!

Characters felt a bit flat. The stronger the bond you have with someone, the more a betrayal will hurt you. We are talking about a fiance and a mother. The former is a pretty strong bond, the latter is the strongest there is. And yet we don't see the hurt, anger, resentment we should be seeing by a betrayal of these bonds. MC reads like taking it all in a stride in a "oh well what can you do" attitude. I happen to be in a profession that often deals with family disputes. I've seen family bonds irreparably broken for far less than what happened here. It's a bit off-putting to read about a character going through something that should justifiably make him hate his own mother and yet we barely see any emotion.

The only surprise in the plot was that Jennifer wasn't a plant. The mom's decisions regarding Heather's project over her son's felt incredibly forced. Someone with her business acumen wouldn't dismiss her son's idea so completely, but I understand that plot needs to happen. It's a trope from this theme that we've all seen before. This was overall a decent story, but when compared to others of this theme, it falls short of the others. Thanks for sharing!

This is in the documentary category.

Excellent. Just excellent. Not much more need be said.

This was again, another "okay" (3 stars) chapter for me. The biggest problem I had was that the word "Epilogue" was inserted at the wrong point in the story. For me, everything after Tom split with his mom's company & fiance was all epilogue. No conflict occurred, it was all just a recitation of what happened to the main character for the reast of his life. I already commented about this point in chapter 2's comments, so I will just repeat that the story, and that means each chapter, should have a conflict that needs to be resolved.

I loved the plot, the characters and some of the descriptions, but it felt like too many words filling up pages for nothing.

I loved the concept and really enjoyed the writing but it was missing conflict and resolution and sums emotion, and it was too long. Sounds awful, but really u did enjoy it, which is a tribute to your writing. Hopefully you'll tighten your stories to a bit moving forward. Not sure this is really loving wives though...

This whole story is very predictable.However,given the warm welcome he received from his fathers side of the family why didn't they and Tom try to find him to advise him of his trust?.

Fun and easy read, well done!

Great story, loved it.

⭐⭐⭐⭐