All Comments on 'Chess Ch. 01'

Interesting biography...Let's see where it takes us...3* for now

Since I don't know nor understand this character, reading the extended details of his biography is boring and tedious. I'm not saying its a bad plot, I'm saying by this point I should have some idea of what the plot is, or at least find your characters so interesting that I enjoy reading the details of their lives, loves, childhood, etc. This is more like reading through somebody's dossier and trying to find some details or incidents that related to a current question I have about this person.

You start out talking about chess, and some women at the office. Then you digress into the main character's biography and I'm wondering what has this got to do with the game of chess and the women at the office. Then you offhandedly mention that his marriage is about over. What does that mean? And after two pages, I still don't know any more about the chess game, women at the office, woman at home, or what any of that has to do with all the details from his growing up and dating.

If this story ever does become worth reading it will be luck. You need to start over, outline your plot, the critical events, then relate the story in some manner that the reader can follow: chronologically, cause and effect, or maybe reminiscing from present to past events, although that is a real challenging method.

Maybe take some writing courses. Anyway, good luck.

but curious to see where this goes. Try to stick with the interesting stuff, and edit out the tangential details. No one cares about the sci fi references or the characters on the side. You have the kernel of an interesting story....

This reads like pg-13 Charles Bukowski. There is no edge, no wittiness, no sense of danger. The author should be commended for having the courage to submit his story along with the work ethic involved , but still needs to find a compelling narrative voice.

Are you applying for a job? Hope it isn't in writing. This was boring. And drop the "true life" nonsense. This is a porn site on the world wide web. No one believes a word coming out of your mouth and the true life tag does nothing for the story but makes us laugh at you. Bad non-story, start to finish. Try again. 1 star.

Now let us move on to something more exciting!

I will reserve judgement until I see where you are going. Some of your readers have attention spans shorter than the shortest dick described on this site and you can disregard most of them. Your writing is not that bad. Good authors take time to let folks know their characters and you appear to be doing that. But you need to do that with all the primary characters equally and simultaneously to avoid regression as the plot develops.

But I swear, all this nothing is true. Every word, well, except the names, and the fact that I actually have a room temperature IQ to go along with the crazy eye. Get a clue, man. Stop with the "this is true" garbage. Everyone just laughs.

# 2

You're doing great. Heinlein fan here too. Family and friends worked for big blue. I enjoy a biographical ramble. Thanks

Interesting start, now let's see where it goes from here. 4*

But then again I went to Memphis State, just like his dad, graduated from H. S. In '66, and had many similar experiences along with a college girl friend who worked for IBM in marketing after she graduated. Ah, memories.

Thanks to everyone who has read this so far and especially left comments.

I have submitted Chap. 2 and Chap 3 already and hope they are approved and posted soon.

I continue reading many other stories in here myself and must admit I am really pleasantly surprised how much good stuff (over and above the x-rated realities of life) I continually find here.

Amazing. Thanks to all the other authors who have posted here.

...although you might put some more work into your characterization.

Before she totally screws up, you need to make Lynn seem to be a more real person. Right now, she could be a paper doll, and other than your narrative, we wouldn't know she actually had thoughts or feelings.

Amplifying characterization efforts on our protagonist will also improve perceptions about him. Now, he comes off a little "Sargent Friday" (just the facts, ma'am).

Great potential with a story that engages for its historical perspective more than for the people in it. It is somewhat less than stellar now, for lacking engaging characters.

Please continue.

And thank you.

not everyone can be a good writer but GOY for trying :)

your style of writing is cute even if the plot is a bit dull.

I'd read more if u post more .

I read you have already submitted chapters 2-3 . At least you are not a chucky author. Your story is down to earth and real. Please keep them coming.

It's maskirovka not maskerova

For somebody so smart he basically pretty much an idiot.

This went too fast for me, but.I'll try another chapter and see if I can catch up.

Where's the cheating wife in this story?

The cheating wife story is right at the end when he says "Turns out she didn't no to other guys either" Interesting story

Interesting start to story. Nice references to IBM and college.