by beartriz
Well that took a dark turn. I'm sad to see that you're no longer active on Lit, as this story had a lot of potential. It's such a common scenario. Older rich White man, poor young Filipina girl.
Too bad you never got around to finish it. I was actually kind of enjoying it, despite not being into "Mature" stuff much. I would love to have seen where this relationship goes.
It may be slow but it is enjoyable. Erotica is ment to stimulate the mind as well as the body. Good job so far.
You telling your personal life story? Two pages and you've killed two hours of life.
Get on with it.
We don't need the blow-by-blow, we need the blow-by-blow!
Is not what this is....it's un-captivating and not romantic...this episode only ranks a 2 and that is generous.
But this just seemed to me clunky rather than flowing smoothly. We have learned a little more about Maria, which is fine. However, I might have expected Tony to express a bit more concern about her mother's murder since it was mother that worked with Tony while Maria was small.
Some of the human reactions seemed a little strange. A simple one: isn't 'shock' a rather extreme reaction to discovering that Snickers now come in a blue version?
And, as before, the shortness of the episode means that the story hasn't progressed to anywhere really interesting. Serials need a hook at the end of each episode so that the reader wants to continue to the next episode. I think it's lacking here.
I just hope that things become a bit more interesting in Episode 3.
Lue