All Comments on 'Chris at His Wife's Christmas Party'

don't let writers on the site.

Jumped around and almost impossible to follow. 1 star

Do a 2nd chapter where he gets the wife and takes down the ceo and his ex

Finish it up and we will see if it turns to a 5 star or a 1.

Got very interesting at the end!! Thanks for sharing I hope you are not a lazy writer!!!!!

It spoils things for us readers when we have to work hard at following your ideas. Editors can sharpen up plots and expression

or maybe its payback and revenge on who, TK U MLJ LV NV

Can we please have chapter 2

Was a tad choppy, but that will come with time. You lay out a pretty good story, don't give up. Also my advice is stay away from willing cuckolds. Will make you one of the most popular writers on here. Look at the consistent high scores, not necessarily BTB but not cuckolds either. Sometimes stuff just happens. Thanks for your efforts and please do continue to write.

This could get interesting. to bad some readers need Dr Suess to be able to follow a story

Painful to read. Why would multi-millionaire John want the 40+ office slut and pay 10 mill for?

You have to continue the story

I detest so called authors who say that they will continue if enough interest is shown on their story.

Be an author, stand tall and cop it sweet if the comments suck.

Other than that, not bad at all.

Mike......

I enjoyed your story and would like you to continue it. Thanks for the fun that I had reading it.

Fuck! yet another writer who writes something that jumps all over the place and then is coward enough to only continue a story if there is enough interest. FINISH YOUR FUCKING STORIES or don't submit them, when is lit going to stop allowing unfinished stories to be posted?

Nice effort, but it was a bit incoherent. It suddenly jumped to his wife going missing, then she was there with the billionaire. But why would John the billionaire waste his time with a middle-aged mother of two? She's already well past the wall and it's all downhill from there. He could buy himself a harem of a dozen girls half her age...

Also:

"He was getting ready to leave after the holidays."

"Chris totally broke down after he wrote the letter."

His marriage to the slut wife was already in the toilet, to the point he was thinking about divorcing her anyway. He already knew she was cheating, he had evidence from a PI. Then he finds out she's the CEO's whore and has been getting gangbanged by the lawyers. Instead of having to give her at least 50% of everything he owned in a messy divorce, he'd just been given $10m and the papers were signed... Chris should be throwing a party! The time for breaking down in tears was when he first found out she was cheating on him, not when he was finally free of the bitch.

"It bothered him greatly that things had disintegrated between them so badly."

Which implies that their relationship was great at one point... so why does he suddenly think she's been cheating on him for 20 years? When did she stop being happy? Had their relationship already broken down when she had the kids?

As for a sequel... The lawyers and his slut ex-wife were all scum, so if he can work with the billionaire's wife to ruin them all, it's what they deserve.

maybe her husband sues for violating fraternizing rules thus causing his 20 year marriage to end. Then after a huge settlement he uses it to buy stock in the firm only to dump the stock later and basically break the firms back. All the while holding on to the first 10 million dollar settlement. Of course a big divorce settlement would be due to the cheating lawyers wives too. I obviously am not a writer but I just love to read stories where rich cheating assholes and whores get exactly what is coming to them.

"I would like to continue the series"...If you like to continue what can stop you? For sure not the readers opinion...I'm sure you write for your own pleasure...The story? just one issue: He should have asked 20 million...one million for each year he was married...Ended it like this it's to make it impossible not to have a part 2...3* for now

gives all his evidence the arseholes wife for another deal and brings him down and the slut, dont worry about the literary giants that bag you, when they submit something and its perfect till then ...... fuck em

Nuff said

I'd like to be a Billionaire....I'd even settle for a Millionaire....Like that will happen!...Well I read the story it's obvious that it's not finished!....The thing is will it be the ending I want.....Thanks for the Brilliant Story....5 Stars ★★★★★ WOOF !

Just what was that ? Pity you can't give a minus 5 star rating

This was hard to follow. I like the premise. I think.

It seems like whole transition paragraphs were deleted. For example: we were at the party and all of a sudden we're listened to a mysterious settlement offer, repleat with some "genius" idea from our hero. Then a nasty speech by his ex???

A second chapter would be nice once the first one was rewritten.

The main character, you were able to start building his personality but the rest not at all. Keep writing and please get someone to help on the editing. And I recommend that once you think it is ready to be sent in for posting, delay it for a day or so and reread it, not as your work but as a critic check for flow, check that the tone of the story is what you had intended and does it feel right to you. Just a suggestion. Story line is good so please finish it.

It was very disjointed, choppy and internally inconsistent. None of the characters behaved in a believable manner.

If you're going to continue it, you should at least get some beta readers who don't automatically love everything they read and then listen to their feedback.

Don't bother continuing.

Minor point on a lame story - are even top law firms worth two BILLION dollars?

None of this made any sense or was realistic. Drugged, raped? And why would the CEO of a multi-billion solar law firm (do those even exist?) marry the company mattress? You talk about how hot she is; but how hot is any woman when a she pulls a train?

And why would any news agency be interested in some random secretary who was cheating on her husband? Or the cops? Why wasn’t Chris arrrsted for assault? Threatening murder?

So no. Don’t do any more chapters.

Total crap. Writer is a loser asshole

But flesh it out. This was way too brief. More of a chapter outline than a chapter.

lots of unanswered questions.

That was horrible.

Good so far...a little more character development would be good and going forward a little payback on the ex and her boyfriend.

and yet still better than 90% of what's posted here, which says something about the writing here.

People think anonymous comments about 'homosexual cuckholding feces' are throw-away comments, but they're actually just the sort of response those stories deserve.

I will be waiting for the second half of the story

The concept is good and the base story is interesting but it just needs a bit more character development. Who are the characters? Some back story on them. I’d like to see where this story goes

Id like to see a bit more btb though esp now that we know johns been fucking his wife. Hes got johns money, his wife, now take him and the ho to the cleaners.

and while the bones of a decent story are here, it needs fleshed out much better and in a more clear fashion.

I agree with the others that it felt a bit rushed and not fleshed out properly. So if you could spend some time slowing down and examining how everything happened. Having John's wife show up was good. It would be great if she wasn't aware of the deal but finds out who Chris is and has left john and is looking for a true love situation and causes Chris to be far better off in the end. I like where you're going with it

Agree. Just because a comment is anonymous they seem to be dismissed, but in actuality they're the most truthful. What makes one think because you got a fake user name your opinion somehow has more value. A misconception fueled by the ones that make it their business to oppose opinions that don't adhere to their sick minds.

Keep it going, flesh it out a bit

This was a choppy, disjointed and difficult to follow narrative. It felt extremely rushed and so much required information was missing. Nothing was explained. Questions were ansked but not answered. Situations came and went without any elaboration for the reader.

It felt like it was not written to be read by an audience, but rather purely for the author who knows all the characters, back story and has all the gaps and massive plot holes filled in his mind. When the author reads the story, there are no gaps or confusion since he has all the knowledge to fall back on. The reader, bereft of that knowledge, struggles to fill in the gaps to make the story work.

Remember, the reader only knows what you tell through your words. Don't assume they know or understand. Get people to read the story and ask you to clarify. That will make you a better writer and your stories more complete.

This read as a plot outline, not a story. You even suggest that the story can have more added to it. If you would like to flesh things out prior to publication, please reach out to other authors and volunteers here for help. You can reach me via contacts and I would be happy to beta read for you.

KB

A good plot, there just isn’t a lot of substance here though. I like what I have read so far. And yes, do a second chapter.

Plot 4*, writing 2*, score 3*.

This is hard to follow and difficult to believe. Everything is go-go-go and the dialogue is tough to work through due to the lack of transitions. He got 10 mil and a sweet settlement. If you continue make sure that it can stand on its own. Don't ask people to wade through this without revising. Thanks for the read and please keep writing.

said and done

Let's face it. This was a short and not unfamiliar story line. You traded your slut for

10 million and a "wife" to be named later.

Yes.. another chapter with more character development. Four stars.

I dislike authors who ask the reader for direction on whether or not to continue a story. Don’t you have any idea of what you want to write? Is your writing for yourself or catering to readers for attention?

If YOU want to continue, then do so. If not, don’t make the reader responsible for your failure to complete something.

If nothing else this was an attention grabber and that is what it did. It needs to be continued and developed so we can see how you bring this to an end. The only part I felt was super weak was Chris going to the office Christmas party dressed in his Sunday casual best. Your character doesn‘t sound like a second best wanna be but maybe I’m seeing more than you intended. Let’s see the rest of the story.

You should definitely continue, let’s get more of the backstory.

"He had a fireaxe now." - Now? Where did it come from? He presumably didn't carry it into the party! Do office buildings still have fire axes lying around? What's the matter, did Lit run out of axe handles?

Just what WAS this "brilliant" plan? You shouldn't mention it if you're not going to spell it out.

Where did the two boys suddenly appear, without ages or disposition post divorce. What of ex-wife and her role. Etc.

Well, if your goal was to completely emasculate the MC and casrrate him by the way of a unrepentent cunt, you succeeded. I'm not sure how you could possibly turn this around for him, but it would be hilarious to find out.l

I've never seen anything written in short, choppy sentences like this and have no desire to ever again. It's sort or advanced kindergarten in style (maybe not so advanced) and I recommend you learn how to compose real prose before you attempt this again. 1*

I enjoyed the story but it is somewhat vague how the two wives will work out in the aftermath. So, just for kicks and wanting to know what’s in you mind, please finish what you’ve started. I’m looking forward to it.

Thanks for your effort.

Please continue!

I don't see that Chris lost anything. His soon to be ex-wife left him with everything (and I assume "everything" included the kids since her billionaire lover won't want kids around to cramp his style) and he has 10 million dollars tax-free in his hands. Where's the loss? Dump a disease ridden, cheating slut, get all the men that fucked her fired, get everything he owns without having to give the slut half and get rich. He's free to do whatever he wants, live anywhere he wants and enjoy life. Again, I ask - where's his loss? And the little attempted twist at the end? John's wife showing up? I wonder what she wants? I smell more money in his future since John's wife will get half of John's wealth in a divorce. Things are definitely looking up for Chris.

Please

Please continue.

Dave, do you (repeat, YOU) really want to continue the series? If so, go for it.

Or are you just fishing for plaudits? If that is the case, you won't find too many from the LW commentariat.

Lue

What is happening????

Good advice from KBandor and others. Perhaps do a Ch2 from a different PoV, such as Neutral Observer, with a Preface filling in some of the comment-concerns mentioned above.

Carefully avoid escallating the intensity without keeping in mind the prior actions and personalities of those involved. Unless we assume Hubby is deliberately lying to the police dispatcher and TV news, Sweetie would not have to be drugged or drunk to take on a line of senior partners. They would prefer her to be cooperating fully. Similar issue with the fireaxe ... intimidating weapon, but virtually impossible for it to be there, hanging out.

A quibble I did not see addressed is WHY was Hubby at a party Sweetie did not want him to attend. He already knows she is gone after the holidays.

Keep going ... you won’t improve by dodging the pain of critique.

When ch1 is interesting or is at least understandable then outline a story arc and determine if that arc requires more chapters. Then delete this and go to writing class, come up with a new story idea, outline an arc, get an editor, write a draft and polish it with the editor then publish.

See you in a few years if you are still writing after graduating high school. LOL

Nice start keep it going

Sure it could use an editor. The story was interesting, the ending got it. It intrigued me!!

To be continued?

<P>

Epilogue:

<P>

It's one or the other.

Thank you for taking the risk of posting. It's hard to do. I agree with King Bandor's comments. He's dead on (even if it hurts to read). Perhaps we can call this post the working outline.

Stories work when you can follow what people are doing and why. Not just the POV character but all those in the plot - each has a part to play. If you leave them hanging, if what they are doing is a mystery, the reader will fix on what's missing instead of the story. May I suggest going back to this chapter to ask what happened and why for each plot development, and map that out on paper. Then ask if your road map gets you nearer to the story you want to tell. Then do the same thing in advance for the next chapter. Do you know yet how the story ends?

Some writers tell their story to themselves until they have the whole plot worked out in their mind. Others write it all out from the start. I'm sure you'll find out what works best for you.

For making a somewhat safe landing, a plus. For leaving the passengers at an unknown airport, a minus. I say go for Chapter Next, and see how you do. See out an editor to get constructive criticism so that you can fix things before critics point them out in a comment. Best of luck and keep at it.

John's wife changes everything. I see a very expensive revenge headed John's way.

Please continue. BTB.....please

MOST definitely continue! I can just imagine the "fire and brimstone" that John's wife can start with the entire world around that "law firm"! B T B can also become Burn The BASTARD!

There isn't one character her even worth caring about. Too cold and calculating. No one worth caring about. The story wasn't interesting and there is nothing you could come up with that would change that.

I won't try to influence you on which way to go. JUST DON'T QUIT !

If you have finished your Christmas shopping, and don't have anything better to do, continue with your story. A little muddled, but better than most we've had recently.I would like to see what happens next.

i hope johns wife takes his ass to the cleaners

King Bandor is right!

Before you release the next Chapter. You left it hanging at the end when he opened the Door. What does she want and why would she come back.

But does Chrid drive a truck? If so take the woman at the door on a cross country trip and have them fall in love. Now thats an ending.

You jumped around so much I forgot to grab the condoms off the shelf.

Try creating a story instead of a few ideas set into words.

Wife 20 yrs cheating? Kids his or her bosses, was she really drugged at the party. Johns wife’s comes knocking at the door. How and why would a lawyer give him 10 million when he could have destroyed his case. So you got a lot of finishing to do here.

The previous commenter UHB has the right of it...slow down. What you published here is an outline, a grouped series of thoughts, but nothing nothing really close to a complete story, or chapter even.

You are obviously not writing a spank story so why rush through it? Go look at what you wrote and then go think about everything you missed. And then redo this chapter right up to the cliff hanger you were setting up.

Some thoughts...

Get into the “why” of his depression, flash back to the meetings with the PI (the hiring, the follow up, the review of the PI findings), what changed at their house, how he put this plan together and why, find the emotions of the story and the characters, how did that secretary magically appear, who is he what does he do, establish a time line, if he was there at the Christmas party and all this shit hit the fan over all that time - how were the divorce papers a Christmas gift, wouldn’t they be a little late? the wife disappeared...when, did she just bail? Hospital first and then lost? What happened and did he care? what did he do during that time? and MOST IMPORTANTLY what’s up with the kids, how old, where are they now? What’s he doing with the $10mil? 20 years of cheating that’s a lot, why the need for drugs if she just fucks anything that walked into her life over the last 20 years, so much missing from just this chapter that will be to hard to add into a second one.

Redo this and then build on that for chapter 2. Because at this point there is nothing going wrong for the protagonist. Assuming married in twenties and 20 years of cheating they are mid 40s. We start with, she was never really his wife, she was DePaul’s. So for 20 years he was actually cockolding DePaul, living with, fucking, even having 2 kids with her while DePaul paid him 500k a year for 20 years to play that role. Chris is on top not underneath this one.

Keep going!

'Nuff said.

CDT has the writer's bug and the storyteller's gift, now to develop it. Slow it down, Dave, fill in the empty gaps, and don't rush to the end. Entertaining so far, if rough.

That you referred to a road less travelled tells me all I need to know about you cuckold !

Continue

Great story line going, please finish it!

Check out what King Bandor said; they were wise words. Maybe try to outline where you want to go with next chapter then make sure you halfway follow it. It never worked for me, but others swear by it.

Good Luck! cd

.....is left incomplete....it begs for another (at least one more) episode. In it you should fill in the empty spots, answer the unanswered questions and finish his narration to the point where he is ready to move on....at the least. His 10 millions should be a great help. While he must be gutted by her perfidy and indifference, he needs to grow some stones and either exact vengeance or find a palatable alternative to it that reinstates his value as a human being and his place in the world as a man.

I personally go for the infected prostitute planted in one of their parties....surely they have more than his ex-wife for entertainment. Otherwise it would get boring after awhile. Too many having to wait their turn, etc....

Good luck and please continue!

please continue great beginnings of a series

Yes do a another chapter

Yes, please continue this story.

Long ways to go but lots of open cointry

Please don’t leave us hanging

Im curious as to where this could go, it has potential to be a good story whether a BTB or whatever... somehow i dont see a reconciliation coming ANYWHERE but hey its your story.

For it....

A good story with good potential to expand.

Please do a sequel

Please expand on the story.

looking forward to the sequel. i have also enjoyed your comedy stories.

Waiting for the sequel....

WAA

Are the kids his? If not then some real revenge is in order. Serve it cold and make it last.