Christmas Shopping for My Husband

"So obviously we don't sell any dildos that small," he says, interrupting my thought. "But...well, there's one thing we could do."

"What?"

I'm still holding the 9-inch dildo in one hand, and the anal vibrator in the other. It looks so tiny by comparison.

"A lot of people like to get toys made in the shape of their loved ones, so we sell molding kits. You could take it home, use it to make a cast of your husband's erection, and then we can create the toy from that."

"That sounds expensive."

"Oh, no - aside from the cost of the molding kit, you only pay for the PVC used, so you might actually save some money this way."

"You can do that?"

"Absolutely," he smiled, and I see his eyes gleam with excitement at making a sale. "In fact, the one you're holding right now is based on me. We used it to test the kit, but it's actually been quite a good seller for us."

"What??" I immediately throw the dildo away like it was burning hot. The man catches it with quick reflex. "Why didn't you tell me that before!? I can't believe I was touching your penis this whole time!"

Did I really just touch another man's penis? No. No, it's not like that. Sure, it might be shaped like his dick, but it's not a real dick. It's a rubber dildo. I wasn't touching an actual cock. There was nobody attached to that penis.

I force myself to calm down. It's just a toy. Yes, it's a toy dick. Yes, it's a toy of this man's dick, but that's still all it is - a toy.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't mean to offend."

"No," I sigh. I can't stop staring at the dildo. It looks absurd, even held by your big hand. "I'm sorry - I shouldn't have overreacted."

My eyes flick down. How can he even keep something that large in his pants? Jesus...if that's really an exact replica, he's...he's huge.

I'd always heard those dicks only existed in porn.

"Not a problem." There was that salesman smile again.

He throws the dildo from one hand to another, a half-smile on his face. Oh, god, did he notice me checking out his pants?

"I...I'm sure to you it's very normal," I say. I can't stop looking at the monster. It's so...mesmerizing. In a, like, freak of nature kind of way. "But I've never met someone and then...and then..."

I trail off, my eyes still affixed to the toy. Not because I like it, or anything. Just because...wow.

"Of course," he says smoothly, waggling the dildo as he speaks. "It's completely understandable."

"I'd be more comfortable if you put that thing away," I say, a note of irritation entering my voice. "I'm happily married. I'm-...I'm not supposed to be around, uh, other peoples' junk."

"Remember, it's just a toy."

I nod, embarrassed, still staring at the man's cock.

"When we make a mold of your boyfriend's cock, it's not like he'd be cheating on you if you loaned it to a friend, is it?"

"Well, no. But that's...I wouldn't."

I managed to force myself to stop looking at the PVC penis in the stranger's hand. I turn, rolling my eyes as I'm once more met by the wall of dicks.

It's a sex store. I guess I shouldn't be surprised to be surrounded by so much...well, sex.

"Every toy is based on someone, after all," the large man says, gesturing at the wall. "Is a woman cheating every time she uses one of these?"

I try to change the subject, and pick up an oddly-shaped dildo. It's smaller than the one based on the salesman, but still significantly larger than the anal vibrator in my other hand. "Who's this one based on?"

"Quasimodo," he quips. "Tragic case."

I laugh out loud before stopping myself. He smiles back at me, still holding that damn 9-inch dick.

My face turns red. Okay, he has a good sense of humor. Still, handing me his cock was a dick move. Literally. I shouldn't let him off the hook so easily.

"But of course, if you're uncomfortable with this particular item, there's plenty more I can show you."

Grabbing me by the arm with the same hand he's holding the dildo, the salesman moves me to another part of the store. I try to ignore the feeling of the dildo brushing against my bare skin as we walk.

"This is our vibrator range," he says, back in full sales mode. "As you can see, we have everything from your standard bullet vibrators to discreet toys, to the more...advanced models."

I raise my eyebrows at that.

"Advanced models?"

I can't stop glancing at the hard-on that he's carrying.

Why is he still carrying that?

"Let me show you." Grabbing a flesh-colored item that looks like it could be a cooking implement, he steps forward to plug it in and hand it to me. The box says HITACHI MAGIC WAND.

"Cute hand blender," I say, putting down the anal vibrator and looking at the strange item.

"The switch is on the side."

I turn it on, and the head starts vibrating, startling me slightly. "Oh, wow."

Touching the tip with my finger, I can feel the vibration through my whole body. "Oh, I see - this is like a neck massager, isn't it?"

"Sort of," he smiles. "It's for women to pleasure themselves."

His eyes flick down to my breasts, which I suddenly realize are jiggling with the vibrations. Suddenly aware of a strange tension in the air, I decide to lift it.

"Or we could have a sword fight," I grin, holding the wand up against the fake cock, as though we were two Jedis having a standoff.

Laughing, the salesman strikes a similar pose. "I think you'd win," he says, glancing at the toy in his hand. "I have a powerful tool, but the Magic Wand is something else. Although in tandem..."

He cuts himself off.

"I'm sorry," he says in response to my inquiring look. "I was about to say something far too personal."

I shouldn't ask, but my curiosity is killing me.

"What?"

"Oh, I really mustn't say."

I know I should let it go. I'm dressed in lingerie in front of a complete stranger holding a dildo of his own penis, while the sex toy in my hand makes my boobs vibrate.

If my husband could see me now...

"I can handle it," I say, unable to help myself. "I promise not to be offended."

"Or tell my girlfriend that I told you?"

I shrug. "I'm never going to meet her."

"Well, I was just going to say that my girlfriend is like you - she enjoys the feeling of a hard cock inside her, the feeling of being completely full."

My eyes flick to the toy in his hand as he speaks.

"But her favorite position is when I'm inside her" - he gestures graphically with the toy - "and she's using the Magic Wand at the same time. She says those orgasms are completely out of this world."

I'm sure I'm red from head to toe. And for some reason, I feel out of breath.

"Uh...."

I knew I shouldn't have asked. How does one even respond to that?

Sensing my embarrassment, the salesman continues talking, trying desperately to avoid an awkward silence.

"Of course, that's not to say she doesn't enjoy regular sex as well. I don't want to give the impression that we don't have normal, relaxing intercourse as well. Sometimes while we're watching TV, I'll slowly fuck her for an hour or two. Her orgasms will be less intense, but she'll have half a dozen of them before I cum inside her."

He smiles as he talks, clearly trying to put me at ease. Unfortunately for him, I have a very vivid imagination. "Please stop talking about your love life," I stammer, as soon as he pauses. Now all I can see is that big...penis sliding in and out of some...pussy, and it's...no. I can't get wet. Not in front a stranger. Not dressed like this.

What if I decide not to get the thong and it's all sticky from my juices? No. Stop.

"Of course," he replies smoothly. "We're not here to talk about me, we're here to talk about you."

I nod, grateful for the subject change.

"A lot of women prefer masturbation that reminds them of intercourse. When I'm out of town or working late, my girlfriend will often use the Hitachi and this toy in combination. What's your favorite way to have sex with your husband?"

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Everything suddenly became...a lot.

"I get that you're a very open person," I say, my eyes immediately drawn to the plastic cock in your hand as I reopen them. "I guess that comes with the job. I'm just...I don't even talk about sex with my posse."

"Don't think of this as talking about sex," he replies, his soothing voice helping me relax. "I'm just a professional, trying to do his job. It's like talking to your doctor - you wouldn't feel ashamed talking to a medical professional, would you?"

"I guess not. But...I'm pretty sure my husband wouldn't be happy if he knew I was chatting about our sex life to a hot guy wearing skimpy lingerie." I laugh awkwardly. Wait. Did I really just say hot guy?

"Then we're fine," he smiles. "I'm not a hot guy wearing skimpy lingerie." Reaching into his pants, he pulls up the band of his underwear. "Boxer-briefs, see?"

I try not to allow my mind to conjure up an image of the dildo pressing against a pair of boxer-briefs.

"Doctors, lawyers, priests, and sex-shop workers. We all have to swear a solemn oath of confidentiality. I promise, no one will know what we discuss here today - I could lose my license!"

I frown at his words. "I didn't know sex stores needed a license."

"Of course," he says, reaching out and touching my hand with the still-buzzing vibrator in it. "You think I could handle this kind of heavy machinery without qualifications?"

He winks at me, and I raise my eyebrows. Is he...flirting with me?

No, he has a girlfriend. He's just trying to put me at ease.

And, to my relief, it's working.

"Next you're going to tell me you had to pass an exam before you were handed that by mother nature," I smile, trying to join in on the joke - now that I finally get it.

Whoops. Went a bit too far. Fortunately, he doesn't seem offended.

"It can get pretty hard," he grins back. "But I'm pretty good at handling it."

I laugh, despite myself.

"But seriously - what's your all-time favorite sexual experience?"

"I...don't know. I've never really thought about it."

"Try."

I do. Sex with Frank has always been good. But...nothing really stands out.

"Any preferred positions, or toys? I imagine that for you to enjoy your husband's..."

He coughs.

"...you would have to be pretty experimental."

"Positions...well, I like to be on top mostly, so I can...ummm...grind."

The man nods.

"So the benefit of this model," he says. He's still holding my hand, and standing quite close. "is that it can be used in a variety of different positions. But if you're after something a little more discreet - and portable - I'd probably recommend a bullet vibrator."

Bullet vibrator. He said that before. It sounds like something you'd use to shoot a sex fiend.

"Of course, you'll still want something to achieve that feeling of fullness..."

The comparison to a medical professional is quite apt; he sounds like a doctor diagnosing a patient. As he trails off, the toy in his hand waggles again, drawing my attention to it.

My eyes widen as I realize what he's suggesting.

"I guess a little more stimulation wouldn't hurt sometimes," I say, refusing to take the bait. "I mean, the vibrating ring was nice, but the batteries died too fast. I liked the feeling, and I think Frank did too."

The distraction works - on me. I barely notice that I'm opening up to him.

"I think this would be perfect for you," he says, leaning past me to pick up a small vibrator. I suddenly understand why they're called 'bullet' vibrators. "At least, when you're with your husband. It would stimulate the feeling of grinding in any position, and it definitely shouldn't make him jealous."

As he moves past me, the toy in his hand briefly makes contact with my cheek - just for a moment.

"And the battery life is great - this is the one my girlfriend has, and we've gone for more than three hours without any issue."

"Careful with your cock," I chuckle nervously. "You almost hit me in the face with it."

I blush once more as he waggles his eyebrows flirtatiously. "You didn't mention that in the list of things that you like..."

I turn the Hitachi Wand off, set it on the shelf, and take the bullet vibrator. The vibration is much lighter, more delicate. I move it up and down my wrist, feeling momentarily like I'm sampling fragrances at the mall. "I don't know about this one. I like the vibration, but it's too metal-y. Like a tiny robot penis."

"Yes, that's one of the downsides of the...'less threatening' models. It's a little different when you're using it through clothing. Press it against your bra, see if that feels any better."

I nod. Just a quick check. Nothing weird about that.

"Uhhh...ah!"

I accidentally put it right against my nipple.

"Feels good, doesn't it?"

Is it the sudden burst of arousal from the toy against my nipple, or does his voice suddenly sound...softer. Warm. Deeper than it's been so far.

Seductive.

"It's...ticklish." I distort the truth.

"Imagine feeling that while your husband is slowly sliding in and out of you, filling you up."

"I'm not shopping for me, I'm shopping for my husband."

"The more pleasure the woman feels, the better time the man has as well. Trust me."

"Maybe I'll plant the idea in his head, so he can surprise me with one on our anniversary."

The salesman is suddenly standing so close, his eyes boring into mine. "I'm not really supposed to do this," he says softly, "but if you wanted to see what it feels like down there..."

His eyes flick down to my black thong.

For a moment, I'm tempted to say yes, to give into those dark eyes, to my base instincts. But my sense of reason wins out, and I shake my head.

"Uh, no. I'm not going to do that right in the middle of your shop."

All of a sudden, he's completely professional once more, standing an appropriate distance away, his eyes sparkling. "Of course not. It was just a suggestion. But I do think you should get this for use with your husband. Now, let's talk about a gift for you."

"I thought this was the gift for me."

He chuckles, a low throaty laugh. "No, no. You said it yourself - you can't be satisfied unless you have that delightful sensation of fullness. No, for you we want to try something..."

"I never said that! You're putting words in my mouth." I'm starting to sound defensive as I let him place his hand on my bare back and gently push me back towards the wall of dicks.

"How would you put it?" he asks, suddenly all earnestness and easygoing blinks.

"Well, not that way. Not like some...nymphomaniac."

"Of course not," he nods. "I do apologize - I never meant to imply such a thing. Different people just find satisfaction in different ways; that's all I meant. My role is to satisfy your unique urges."

I try not to imagine him satisfying my urges.

"You say that like it's abnormal for a woman to like having sex regularly."

"Oh not at all - enjoying sex is the most normal thing in the world. But...well, like a priest or a doctor, people confide in me a lot here. The most common complaint I get from men is the pressure that comes from being their wife's only source of sexual satisfaction. You said you didn't masturbate, and so I'm interested in helping. For the sake of your marriage."

The wall of dicks is looming over me, staring down.

"I still think I should discuss it with Frank before I buy a replacement for him," I mutter.

The large man's laugh in response is loud, louder than I expected. "A replacement! Oh, Goldilocks, this is no such thing. A toy could never replace your husband. When you go for a walk by yourself, are you replacing a family road trip? Of course not! It's supplementing the relationship, not supplanting it."

"You're a very good salesman," I say with a dry laugh. "I feel like you'll only let me leave if I'm carrying a bag of dicks with me."

"Just one," he replies, then mutters something under his breath. It sounds like 'and a half, if you...' but I can't make out the rest. Before I can ask him to repeat himself, he gestures at the wall.

"Here's the selection," he says, and I stare at the array of plastic facing me. "Please, be honest - I can't help you unless you're totally honest. Which one calls to you? Out of all the toys, which one are you most interested in?"

"I mean..." I look at the colorful display of dildos on the wall. None of them really grab my attention. I glance back at the one you're holding for a second. "Maybe I should get the molding kit, you know. I really liked that one."

There's a brief pause, and I realize what I just said. "The look and feel, I mean. The texture, not the...size."

All of a sudden, it's back in my hand. "Tell me what you like about it. I'm sure I have something similar in stock."

I hold it awkwardly, trying not to think about its origin. I really do like the feel of this one in my hand. "It's just...the other ones would look like I was having sex with an alien. This one seems more natural. Approachable."

"Tell me what you like about the texture, specifically." A small crease appears in the handsome salesman's forehead. He's back to doctor mode, like he's a professional trying to do nothing but solve a problem.

Like it's not a toy modeled after his own dick that we're talking about here.

"The way you can feel the veins running across it, as if it was a real penis," I say, wrapping my hand around the shaft, unconsciously starting to stroke the dildo.

"Yes, it's a very popular model."

"I just wish it wasn't so big," I say with a sigh, my cheeks blushing as I hear the desire in my own voice. Fortunately, the salesman doesn't seem to notice.

"Do you like the taste?"

"What?"

"The taste."

"You want me to...taste it?"

"Of course." He looks perplexed by the question.

"Why?"

"If you're going to be masturbating with a toy, you want to make sure you like the taste."

"...you have some weird ideas about masturbation. I don't have a tongue...down there."

"Right, but you'll still want to know what it tastes like."

"I will?"

"Of course," he smiles. "Picture this: you've spent the entire day teasing your husband - wearing an outfit like the one you're in now, giving him flirty looks, suggestive glances. Maybe even dirty talking to him, whispering in his ear."

The salesman leans forward, and suddenly his voice is in my ear.

"I can't wait to get you alone, you're not going to walk straight for a month'."

A shiver runs down my spine. Before I can say anything, he leans back again.

"It's having its desired effect, and your husband is a walking boner, but you've turned yourself on as well. You know that if things go on this way, you're going to lose control and jump him before the sun even goes down, and you were looking forward to absolutely rocking your spouse's world tonight. You discreetly grab your toy and make it into the bathroom, only to realize that you didn't bring any lube. Now, you don't want a toy of this size to go in dry, so you quickly swallow it down, just enough to get it wet enough to bring you off."

I stare at him, not sure what to say.

"If you hate the taste, that's going to completely kill the mood."

His voice is practically a seductive rumble. I realize it's been deepening throughout his entire hypothetical.

"You quickly get yourself off in the bathroom, spend the rest of the night teasing your husband, and take him into the bedroom for one of the best nights of his life. Doesn't that sound fun?"

"I guess."

"My girlfriend did that for me," he smiles, gazing past me, lost in the memory. "She teased me for fifteen hours straight. We did not sleep that night."

"I'm still not putting this in my mouth," I said, looking at the toy. "Not until I wash it."