All Comments on 'Clarksville'

Well written, but you painted him into a corner imho. She called her lover to ask about the babies name, as well as a long term affair. looking forward to part two

So incomplete 😢.

He has many questions that need answers.

How did it happen?

Was it only once?

Is she still in touch with her lover?

Who does she love?

Will he raise another man's child?

Why hasn't he gotten her pregnant?

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So leaving your story unrated is correct ttt59, because you need to finish this story.

Thanks for the effort, with experience you will improve. I'm

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AMerryman

The first thing the husband should demand is putting the child up for adoption, then moving out of the area for a fresh start. Also a post nup where she gets nothing if she cheats again

Unfinished, heading for a RAAC, one in which it will be obvious that she hung the horns on him. Yuck.

I so hate the non-endings on great stories. As much as I'd like to give it more, I am standing with a 3, unless as another said, there is a part 2.

Okay, all you "FTDS" people, this one is badly in need of an ending.

If BE had been white, the baby could be accepted as Drew’s son mostly without comment, but since he’s black and the baby obviously interracial, everyone

everyone who sees the couple and son will know she cuckolded him. That’s the problem: he could forgive Tess and stay with her, but to do that he has to accept everyone knowing what happened, even the new people that meet.

Someone explain to me how this marriage could continue. If it does the husband is reminded 24/7/365 that his wife cheated on him and had a bastard child. Just not no but HELL NO!!

FTDS!!!

Just another unfinished story. I won't hold my breath for another chapter either.

So far, so good. I’ll give it 4 stars. Without more story, it should, perhaps, be a 3.

FTDS!

Simply cannot wait for the next part or parts. Fabulous writing thank you ever so much and am anxiously waiting for the conclusion. Please keep up the exceptional work. Both of your pieces have in my opinion been some of the best writing on this site.

Two suggestions:

1. The Robert Frost poem is obviously supposed to tell us what Drew decided. But that's not the important or interesting thing. How did he arrive at that decision? How did he implement it? Show us his and Tess's struggles and feelings as they face the innocent evidence of her sin. (Anyone brought up Dutch Reformed knows from sin.) FTDS!

2. Don't foreshadow! (e.g. "How wrong he was...") It served no useful purpose and made sure that we knew the entire plot halfway through page 2. Don't do it.

Good writing, but unrated because of those two problems.

Why is there always some moron willing to give their half baked half assed opinion in nearly every one of these ‘who’s the daddy’ fiasco’s.

The handwriting was on the wall early. Good looking blond blue eyed wife gets fucked by black 18 yo guy.

AND WHAT A SHOCK GETS PREGNANT WITH A BLACK KID. Of course all time she is married to her hubby she did not get PG. More added racial crap. Wrong category as usual. No checking from Lit. Administration.

For a math teacher, Tess is really bad at math. The minute she found out she was pregnant all she had to do was count backwards. If she had, she new there had to be a possibility that the baby would be black. Very simple math. On the other hand Maybe she's good at math but bad at biology. According to my wife, every woman knows that while the odds are less at certain times of the month, if you're not actively menstruating there is a chance of pregnancy.

That Tess was completely blindsided by this is ridiculous.

I no this school system. As soon as it gets out she had a blck baby she would be firedhe should make the boy take FULL responsiblity for the baby. Whether iteffects his scholarship r not. Just remember once a cheather always a cheather.

Honestly I find it incredibly difficult to believe going back to his with is the right thing to do,just no

The story was a 5. Well written and held my interest, all the way till the end when I realized there was no end and the story became a 4. You are a very good writer. A Chapter 2 would be well received. If that is unacceptable to you, please consider letting others take a crack at it.

how many more bbc will she accept?

Very enjoyable and heartfelt read.

FTDS

Nice tie back to Lori. He truly needs to drop his wife like a bad habit. BE needs to get kneecapped to ruin his life too.

Just another wannabe writer who doesn't know how to finish a story! FTDS where are you?

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clearly not written by a genetic male

This story was so good and I was so into it. A definite 5.

Then it just ended. So it's a 4.

I echo the sentiment below... please do another chapter.

Lori's talk with Drew made this story. Take it one step, one decision at a time; you can't figure it all at once.

That earns this story a 5 from me. Don't know about the entire story; I'm taking it one part at a time.

By the way, you failed to title this part one. That didn't catch my attention until I saw Part 2.

On second reading, and before reading next in this story, just wanted to say it was a joy to read this first part again. Rated it a 4* tale.

Real love, real regret, and real remorse are always an attractive hook in a wives story.

He better not take the whore back. If he does you will fall into the rest of the cuck writers hole here. It wasn't a one time slip it was repeated on purpose. And there is a constant reminder for him everyday to prove what a slut she is. There is no way a man can stay with a whore is this situation. Even if you try to make this a RAAC piece of crap. The marriage is over even if he chooses the cuck way out. Never respect a man that stays in this position. If my wife ever gave birth to an child that wasn't mine. "Trust but verify" The hospital would the last time I would ever speak to her for the rest of her life.

A number of negative comments, some because they wanted do to know what’s going to happen, and some because they’re disgusted with the behavior of the characters. But this is a very well written, engaging, and thought-provoking story that deserves higher scores than it is getting. Well done. Please write more.

What a crock of shit.

You are going to do a RAAC aren’t you?

I can see the preparation. In truth he would NEVER take her back. He, if he is the proud man you make him out be would never raise someone else’s black kid.

Who would?

1/5

You knew she was crazy when she wanted a soy latte. She calls his wife? Friend from FBI getting phone number? Illegal.

From point he ran into her, story went downhill.

2* normally 1* for cuck stories like this, but it was a nice twist having Lori in it(though her advice was useless). His wife made him a puss long before she ever hung the "horns" on him. not sure how part two can fix this. :0/

Fortune smiled on me and I did read "Paying The Piper" earlier so Lori's actions and advice weren't lost to me while I read this story and I will be reading Part 2 after sending in this comment. Can't be sure how Drew will react now that he has been able to get his thoughts a little clearer so it will be interesting to see your conclusion. A BTB ending does seem the logical response but as you have written the child will need more support than society will be willing or able to provide. Drew seems to be able to care for the innocent but the guilty should be warned of his nature.

Cheaters are very selfish people. They don't think of anyone but themselves. They step outside the marriage trying to find whatever, who knows? A new thrill, more sex, more fun? Relive their youth?

To be in Drews position is incomprehensible. The proof of her cheating is right there on display.

BUt it could be worse. 40 years ago I was married for 13 years, had two daughters. The ex wanted a divorce so she could go out and look around. Left the girls with me. Then she marries a guy I raced with. Then she takes my daughters away. What did I lose, 2 daughters all the common friends I had from racing that were all his friends, my best friend who still associated with the ex and my daughters plus my mother and aunt and uncle and sister. They all thought my ex was just great and I was an asshole. I just never told anyone why we got a divorce. Luckily I met a wonderful woman with four kids and the marriage lasted 40 years until she passed. I haven't spoken to my first to kids or the ex for over 40 years. So you see the ex's selfish actions caused me to lose all my social contacts but because of all that I found a very good woman and we raised for good kids. Good story and very close to reality.

Meh

Excellent. What do you do with a wife like that? BTB is fine but…. Thanks.

This would be very difficult for me to deal with. Like he said it was not the child's fault. I know a man that took in a boy that had a father that ended up in a penitentiary and the guy adopted the boy. I thought what a great guy he is.

I guess the Martian slut ray hit Tess, wish authors could come up with more realistic reasons why this stuff actually happens. It would bring credibillity to the tales.

A well thought out plot and excellent writing. 5 for your efforts. The story was real with an appropriate ending.

Not bad at all. But I always wonder: why do the “You cheated and I’m leaving” letters (left on the kitchen table with the wedding ring) always turn into Shakespeare soliloquies? Why can’t one of these husbands just write “I’m leaving you. Don’t contact me.” And get in the car and go. Just wondering.

What to do? He's not sure about a way forward? WTF it's simple! Whether he's a pathetic cuck or a man! There's nothing unnecessary to think about Stay with the slut or move on And revenge is your choice. Simple

For me it would be an impossible situation. I would not raise a child not mine, and would not stay with a slut that doesn’t know when to keep her legs closed. Try to salvage all you can from the divorce, cut all ties with her and her kin, and never contact them again. As for her? Let her hope BE gets into the NFL draft so she can get some sweet child support. I don’t think that is where part 2 is going so I’m out.

Good teaching story. @CDRLaw in answer to your question, It would take away from the story LP

That whole lori bit at the end was just weird. I kinda get the talking to a stranger about your life problems its the "let me just call my friend in the FBI so i can get his wife's number" bit and the convo they had that felt just out of place and unrealistic.

Tess would be going to jail for seducing her student. It doesn’t matter is BE is over 18!

NOT finished. Your story to finish, not mine!

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No One Time maybe but How many and how much she loved it!!!

He was old enough to know better But wanted her And definitely took her. She is math teacher And can't figure her ovulation?!

No punishment for them I am out of here!!!

I would have dumped her for sure.

Excellent, or at least as good as can be when a man undergoes Drew’s experience. BE should be paying child support. I think if I were Drew, I’d have a talk with his grandma— the one person he never expected to disappoint.

So Drew? He’s compassionate but not a doormat. Give her the house, take all the cash, and move on.

Drew IS/WAS a cuck, nothing will EVER change that. To try to raise another's kid is beyond the pall, but to have a black kid is just TOO far over the line. Hope she does well as an ex-wife, and in the ghetto.

Five stars.

Well done.

Just another cuck story.

I enjoy your writing. You do a great job of defining and coloring your characters. I look forward to reading more of your work. Please one small change? You regularly use the word "mam". yes mam, no mam. "mam" is not a word. You are trying for "ma'am", the contraction for the word "madam". Another one of those Brit English quirks, but unfortunately its in Websters and any other dictionary. Sorry to complain. FYI I am not a Brit. California born and raised.

If you are in fbi or local police even every time u "look someone up" it is tracked. As she had no reason to look anything up about her she would be reprimanded and even fired.

What that baby don't deserve is unconditional love.

RAAC on the horizon. Awful

Enjoyed the story, I could see this happening. Thanks for your Writing.

After rereading this I changed my opinion. This is a s a really good tale of betrayal. It is also got he begging of a character study of how a moral and strong man can begin to handle that betrayal. He chooses the path of true inner strength. He simply walks away and lets God sort it out.

5 stars

Femdom agitprop in Spades!

I'm going to keep reading,if it turns into a reconciliation ill punch myself in the face really hard

When did it become acceptable for a student and teacher to fuck.

Pretty good. Think “the road not taken” would be a better Frost to finish with

WTF?

I don't know why in so many stories like this it a "Black man" that the wife cheats with, other than it saves a whole lot of writing to get where the husband knows the kid isn't his because it's painfully obvious as soon as the child is born.

I don't know if it's a bit of laziness or the implied shock value when the baby is born

I wonder which way this story is going to go

mellow dramatic => melodramatic

breach => breech

chocked => choked

Just saying. :-)

Honestly you think any husband or soon to be father would react this way when he see his wife betrayal clearly at the exact same moment it was suppose to be the happiest moment of his life, the birth of his child and the author honestly thinks any man would react this way. I think it would be pretty safe to say fuck no, hell no. Just lost me with this ludicrous scenario. Why does authors have to buy into this politically correct bullshit?⭐️

Note to all writers: It's "Choked" when someone "Chokes up" or "Choked up."

Not "Chocked". Chocked is when you 'Chock' a vehicle's tires to prevent it from rolling away.

I just saw a ‘next part’ most of my low rating was due to having no ending. Too many tales here end like that. I’ll read on.

Bill S.

Public school teachers who live in small towns don’t give blow jobs under the table in restaurants. You have to give your characters some level of believe ability.

just a fairytale wimpy world that hardly deserves a second thought. And the nerve to make the slut a UGA grad!!!!!

man oh man are you one delusional author..no man/husband,unless he was brain dead, would not have walked out of the hospital right at the moment it was clear he was not the father of that child. To your credit you did have him walk out of HER life at that moment. I think you tried too hard at presenting him as a wonderful, respectful considerate husband. Being more realistic in his behaviour would not have made him not being so and would have allowed a reader to relate to your MC instead of throwing our hands up in the air with a "wow what bullshit",I really believe you hurt your story with most of your readers at that point..myself instead of riding along with it, I read it to the finish just to see how it did end.The rest of your tale after that was far more believable...3 stars...JZK

If this ends in anything but divorce it's unacceptable

Not even rating it until I read part 2 but it's pretty disgusting he held that abomination (because of the betrayal, not making racist judgments) instead of spitting in her face and leaving her in that hospital bed.

I do not care for this story at all. There was no warning of it being a cuckold story

I like it so far, but I am very afraid it will lead to reconciliation and I would hate that.

cuuuuuuuuuck

Not sure what the point of this less-than-mediocre dumpster fire was.

I may have been quick to give the first part 5 stars, but if the guy who fucked his wife doesn't have to pay child support, I'll only give the second part 1 star!

Learn to punctuate dialogue. If you were a carpenter, that's like learning to drive a nail without bending it or splitting the board. To wit: When a character is speaking through multiple paragraphs, start each paragraph with quotation marks ["], but DO NOT end the paragraphs with quotation marks ["] until the speaker stops talking.

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Why is this bad? The reader tries to change speakers in their head when reading running dialogue that ends with ["] but discovers into the next paragraph the same character is speaking. You're a good writer, so correct this small but significant error.

Good solid well written five star story. Keep going as you are.

Why did he change his name to Jim and then back to Drew and why would he even consider going back to the fucking bitch.

Cuckhold

Clearly a five star piece of writing. I would have thought that Drew knew she was a massive nymphomaniac and taken appropriate steps towards mitigating a future disaster but it seems nobody is familiar with someone like Lori in Clarksville. I think The Monkees said it best in their song Last Train to Clarksville.

Lori was awesome.

Driving while on the phone And 6 hours.

Should get a minus 10 just for that.

Story minus 1 star

Divorce

She cheated didn't even take precautions as no honor or respect for you.

Baby

Slut and Big dick can take care of their baby

While I enjoyed the general format and imaginative slant of the story, I cannot give it more than three stars because of the entirely anticlimactic ending. You owe more to your readers. Certainly, a story can end unresolved, but not simply trail off like a stream of piss...