Clinic Trials

"Filtration," Heather murmured. "The life straws."

"Uh-huh, and some MREs for an emergency along with our normal food. My backpack is neon pink and Momma's is bright orange. She said it was for visibility just in case. She also bought a flare gun. She was a rainbow scout."

He looked at Heather and smiled softly. "And it sounds like she hasn't forgotten any of the important stuff she learned," he murmured.

Heather smiled shyly and inclined her head, "My parents always taught me that no knowledge is wasteful." She ran a hand over Nicole's head. "I'm hoping to teach Nicole that as well."

Deacon nodded his head in approval. "Well, I'm sure you have things to get to. I won't take more of your day," He looked down at Nicole. "It was nice to meet you, young lady." He began walking, then stopped. Turning his head slightly, he added, "I... was going to cancel my appointments. Waste of time. You... changed my mind today. Thank you for that." He turned back and walked toward his truck, feeling better than he had in a long, long time.

"Well, you get Deacon Grimes from now on," Robin said with a broad smile as she walked out to join them.

"Good," Heather said softly. "Except for spring break, I'll be in the woods then." She smiled down at Nicole as she bounced around, "Ready to go grocery shopping then head for home?"

"Yes, Mommy," they held hands and walked out, Nicole chattering away about her school day. They waved to each other at the grocery store, and Heather smiled at him with warm eyes.

Over the next several weeks, every week he was guided to room ten and Heather came in to take care of him. His back and body were feeling better than ever. After each appointment, they would see each other at the grocery store, Nicole boldly dragging Heather over to chatter at him. Then it was the week before spring break. "I won't be here next week, do you want to schedule an appointment with one of the others, or just skip that week?" She asked softly as she once more climbed up to straddle his back before standing to grip the handles and then start walking along his back.

He shook his head. "I'm... routine. You're my therapist. I'll wait," he said softly.

"Well," she paused for a moment, her weight shifting as she pressed a knot out, it was far less painful than previously. "Would you like to go camping with us? We're not going in too deep, she's not ready for that yet and you could just bring your radio in case you get an emergency call out because of..." she trailed off. "It's probably a silly offer anyway." The last was half murmured to herself, then she started humming quietly again.

He regarded her for a long moment. It had been three years since he'd been out with a woman, and this wasn't exactly a date, it was a camping trip with her daughter. "Are you... sure I wouldn't be intruding?" he asked quietly.

"I'm sure, it'll just be Nicole and I," she smiled at him, her eyes warm. That was one thing he noticed, her eyes were always warm and gentle when she looked at him. She never looked upset or scared. "We would both enjoy your presence and are welcome to come with us."

He looked into her eyes for a long moment and she could see a hurt there that her massage could never possibly touch. "I... would like that. The only concern I'd have is... sometimes... often, really, at night, I...," he trailed off. "Um... nightmares."

She pondered, tilting her head, "Well..." she paused, "What if we shared a tent? Then if you wake up with a nightmare you can just lean into me so you don't feel alone. Nicole has her own tent. She's growing up so fast," her eyes turned wistful for a moment, then she blinked the emotion away.

Deacon looked at her for a long moment. No, he wasn't exactly a stranger, but they weren't attached either and he worried that she'd think he was some sort of creep. He focused on her eyes. There wasn't any of that in them, though. Finally, he swallowed and nodded. "OK," he murmured. "I'll do it."

"Don't worry," she smiled up at him, patting his arm gently. "I don't bite," she winked, "At least not without an invitation." She giggled softly, "Now, I'll walk you out and we can tell Nicole the good news. You don't even have to stay the entire week if you don't want to, but when was the last time you went camping just for fun?"

"It's been...," he trailed off, his eyes going distant. "A really long time," he murmured. "I don't mind staying the week. I haven't taken a vacation since I started anyway. Boss'll probably be thrilled," he huffed.

"And you'll be available for emergencies," she pointed out logically, "In case someone does something stupid near our camp." She smiled up at him, then reached up and rested her hand on his forearm again. "Now, pack for a week, I'll bring an extra life straw for emergencies and some extra s'mores and food." She led him back out and handed the tablet to Robin as Nicole darted up, "Yes, sweetness, he's going camping with us."

"YAY!" Nicole bounded over and hugged his leg tightly, "It's going to be so much fun. We're going to rainbow camp, Momma is going to teach me how to make a small fire and we're going to have s'mores and sausages and all kinds of food. I even got to have my own tent, it's bright pink too, like my backpack."

"I'm sure it's pretty just like you, young lady," he murmured with a soft smile.

Nicole giggled and blushed, then hugged his leg again, "Thank you, Papa Deacon. We're gonna have so much fun, it'll be a family trip." She released him and bounded over to take Heather's hand as they walked out of the clinic. She excitedly told him all about all the things they were going to do on this camping trip. Heather simply smiled bemusedly, a calm oasis in the center of the storm.

He listened in wonder, not quite able to follow the bouncy, flighty conversation she was having, but amazed at her energy nonetheless. As she got in her car seat, he murmured, "Is she always this energetic?" His nose crinkled as he chuckled softly.

"Yes," Heather responded, "She's my joy. She'll calm down when we're in nature though. Doesn't want to scare the animals."

"That's a good girl," he murmured. "Most people don't even think about that... You're teaching her well," he added with approval.

"Thank you," she murmured a blush darkening her cheeks. She tried to stuff away the instinctive thrill at the words good girl. "I can only do my best and in the end, hope it's enough. See you at the grocery store?" She asked with a soft giggle.

He chuckled softly and nodded. It had become a weekly ritual. "See you at the grocery store."

He got in his truck. "Papa Deacon?" he murmured to himself, shaking his head. Kids. Utterly confusing creatures, even if they did find ways to be cute. And what was she talking about a family vacation for? He was just a random guy that her mom probably felt sorry for. Not that he wasn't grateful, but he had no expectation that they would simply welcome his gigantic mess into their lives permanently. Years of failed relationship attempts had taught him that.

When they got there she walked with Nicole bounding by the cart once more, chattering away about the camping trip and asking Deacon all kinds of questions while Heather collected extra food for it. "And then Momma said I could work on my rope tying for my knot badge, Papa Deacon. Do you have any knots you could teach me?"

"Knots?" he asked. At her nod, he shrugged. "Sure. I can teach you some knots."

"Yay!" She bounded excitedly, "Thank you, Papa Deacon." She hugged his leg tightly and then bounded beside him.

Heather smiled bemusedly, watching the two then clapped her hands twice. Nicole froze and fixated on Heather. "Do you remember where the chocolate bars are?"

"Yes, Momma."

"Do you want to walk there, get a package and walk back?"

"I can do it. I'm a big girl."

"Ready... set... go..." Heather watched as Nicole turned and quickly walked down the aisle toward the chocolates. She was soon distant but still visible. "I'm sorry, I should have warned you. Nicole has adopted you as Papa Deacon."

He shook his head. "No apology. I just... I don't get it. I'm just some guy... Why me?"

"Because you spend time with her and give her attention. Kids are fairly easy in that regard. You don't get mad at her for her incessant questions. You accept her hugs without flinching away and she likes being around you. So do I."

"Not sure I get that either," he confessed. "I'm a wreck..."

"Human," she stated simply. "We're all human, each of us with our own trials and triumphs. You're under construction."

"Under construction...," he murmured, pondering that. "But some construction sites are considerably more dangerous than others..."

"So are people," she stated simply. She turned to face him, reaching up to rest her hand on his forearm. "What's important is that she likes you. She likes being around you and feels safe with you. I like you, I like being around you and I feel safe with you."

He paused, feeling her hand on his forearm. It was nice, warm. "I... like you, too," he murmured finally. He wasn't a man of many words, she'd discovered, but he meant every single one.

"I'm glad," she smiled up at him, then turned as Nicole raced up carrying the package of Hershey bars, she was also carrying a bag of gummy worms.

"May we have these too, please?" She looked up at Deacon

He paused and then murmured, "Only if it's OK with your mother."

"Yes, but you can only have those or ice cream for your dessert tonight. Not both." Heather murmured.

"Thank you, Momma and Papa Deacon." She put the gummy worms in the cart and then climbed on the end with a delighted giggle. Heather simply smiled and continued to slowly push the cart.

"Do you have any food allergies, Master Deacon?" Heather asked softly, "So I can plan the meals."

He shook his head. "Allergies are bad for the military," he murmured. "Iron stomach."

"That's good to know," she murmured with a small smile. "Any food preference?"

"Hot?" he offered, shaking his head. "Honestly, I'm not picky. I lived off MREs for a couple of years. Just about anything is better than that," he said.

"We're bringing a couple of the better-tasting ones for an emergency," she murmured. "I'm keeping the meals fairly simple for the most part, hot dogs, sausages, baked potatoes, hard-boiled eggs... things that can be baked fairly easily over or in a fire." She tilted her head, then glanced up at him, "I was thinking you would meet us there, that way you would have your truck nearby if you need it. Would you like to join us for dinner tonight?"

He blinked. "Are you...," he trailed off. She'd offered. Of course, she was sure. He was just surprised that she'd done so. "I mean... I can. Is there something that I can pick up? And to help with the camping trip? I can get the food...," he trailed off, offering.

"Mmm," she pondered, "Maybe some of the Hawaiian rolls and tortillas for the camping trip," she tilted her head, "As for tonight..." she closed her eyes for a moment, chewing on her lower lip. "Maybe something to drink? I've only got coffee, water, chocolate milk, and mountain dew."

"I like all of those...," he offered. "But if you want something special...," he trailed off, thinking. Then a small smile crossed his lips. "Wait here. I'll be right back..." He took his cart and walked off, leaving her with Nicole.

She watched him go, taking a minute to admire his rear with a soft sigh, that was one helluva man. She turned her smile to Nicole, "So what's next on our list, sweetness?"

"Graham crackers!" Nicole said, "They're on the next aisle."

"So let's go there and you can trot down there and get them."

"Yay!"

Heather walked to the beginning of the next aisle, then watched as Nicole darted down it to get the graham crackers and bring them back, putting them in the cart. She kept an eye out for Deacon and smiled softly when she saw him approaching, "Did you find what you were looking for?"

He reached into the cart and pulled out a glass bottle. "Sparkling cider," he smiled. It was something Nicole would be able to have too. And it was, for some degree of 'fancy'.

"Perfect," she smiled up at him, her eyes warm and soothing. She pulled her phone out of her pocket so she could create a contact for him then offered him the phone. "Send yourself a text so I can give you my address." He entered his phone number and address and sent himself a text, then handed the phone back to her. She smiled and sent him a message with her address as well. "Now, you can follow me, but if you get lost... you'll know where to go." She gave a soft giggle.

Her home, that evening, was clean and smelled of rosemary and thyme. Dinner was simple but fantastic, and after they had their dinner Nicole tugged Deacon to the couch so they could listen to her mom read to them. Heather smiled and curled up with them, reading to the two of them. Then, when Nicole fell asleep on Deacon, she easily lifted her and put her to bed before rejoining him on the couch.

"Thank you, Master Deacon," she murmured, smiling up at him and resting her hand on his knee. "I'm so glad you came to spend time with us."

"I am too. It's been... a long time since I've...," he trailed off, looking around. "Apparently I'm 'a hard man to know'," he said softly.

Her nose crinkled slightly, "I think that you're only a hard man to know if people aren't willing to let you have the time you need to be comfortable with sharing. Besides, some of the best things are hard..." she snapped her mouth closed and blushed darkly. "I think you're fine, just the way you are, Master Deacon. No, I don't know everything about you, but to be fair, you don't know everything about me. A proper relationship takes time to build, and even then there are hiccups and catches."

"Is that what we're doing?" he asked. "Is that what you want? I mean... with me?" his voice was quiet, but she could hear the shock in it, the disbelief that anyone might actually want that.

"Well... yes?" Her head tilted, "I would like to at least build friendship and perhaps more over time. I... thought I had made that clear? With the whole... inviting you to share my tent..." her eyes turned hesitant, "I'm sorry if that isn't something you want I will back off..."

"No... I just...," he looked down at his hands. "I'm sorry. I was never very good at reading... women. Dating was... a disaster. I... If you would really like that... so would I."

"Well... alright then," she murmured softly, then reached out to take his hand. "Yes, I would like to build a relationship with you. I was under the impression we had already started building friendship, so I thought this was... natural progression."

He looked at her hand in his and then gently squeezed it. "See what I mean?" he asked, looking up at her with a wry smile on his face. "Yes... I would like to be friends with you. And maybe... if you can put up with my... cluelessness," he offered, "more."

"I can," she giggled softly, gently squeezing back. "How about we just... talk? For example, if I want something or need something I tell you, and if you want something or need something you tell me. We'll go on this camping trip together and spend the week as a family, see if it's something you like the feel of long term."

"And you too. After this week... you might not want to put up with me long-term...," he said, not wanting her to assume that it would just be him that might not wish to go further.

She giggled softly, "Very well. Are you still comfortable with the idea of sharing a tent with me? I promise not to take advantage of you."

"I just... I don't want you to end up...," he paused for a long moment before he whispered thickly, "scared of me. You know... if I... get lost in my head."

"I'm not. I'm not going to be scared or angry with you. You won't harm me. I trust you." She reached up to cup his face. "Would you like a hug?"

He looked down instinctively at his hands, then slowly nodded. He wasn't sure this was a good idea, but he had grown to enjoy the feel of her holding him after he sat up from their sessions. When she would massage his scalp and neck. "Yeah," he breathed.

She rose to her feet and stepped around to between his knees. She enfolded him in a hug and tucked his head against her chest. Her heartbeat thumped in his ears steadily, calming as her hand came up to massage the back of his head and neck. "How's this?" She murmured.

He took a deep breath as she moved close, tensing slightly. Then as her arms went around him, he let out a long, shuddering sigh and simply melted. Instinctively, his arms raised and surrounded her waist. "Soft...," he breathed. "Warm..."

She rested her cheek on top of his head, content to simply hold him for a while. "Breasts are magical," she informed him with a soft giggle. "Just breathe and relax, I've got you."

"Not a... nuisance?" he asked softly.

"You are welcomed," she stated simply. "You are wanted and valued. I've got you." She rubbed her hand gently up and down his neck, this touch was tender, warm, and welcoming.

"OK," he said softly. He'd never been touched the way she touched him, here or in the therapist's office. He'd never felt so vulnerable, but something about her told him that she'd never intentionally hurt him either.

She hummed softly, her body generating a soothing white noise. She was quiet for long moments, she was falling for the scared, scarred man in her arms. Finally, she spoke softly, "We were friends, we started dating, he was under pressure from his parents to marry and settle down. We slept together once... it was..." she trailed off, "It wasn't pleasant. He discovered he didn't like girls. We amicably broke up. Found out a few months later I was pregnant. He stepped up to be the fun uncle... and paid support. He died when Nicole was two, they were headed for the park and a semi lost control. She was injured, and he was dead on arrival. We moved out here because of memories and because his parents went... psycho."

"I'm... sorry. That must have been really hard, doing this by yourself...," he murmured. "You're a tough woman," he said by way of compliment.

"I should also warn you that I'm a..." she sighed, "I'm also what's called a little or baby girl. It's why Nicole isn't calling you Daddy Deacon. It's because the word Daddy has a different connotation."

Deacon nodded. "I'm familiar. A long time ago, there was a girl I was seeing. She said she was like that. She didn't really want... what I am, though. Or at least, not outside of... the bed. She left. I got upset and enlisted. That was... perhaps a rash decision," he explained.

"I prefer it all the time," she murmured. "I don't need someone to micromanage me or anything. I just need... home," she breathed softly.

"Home...," he murmured. "I'm not even sure what that is anymore. I haven't felt... belong... anywhere in over... decade. Not until... tonight," he confessed. "I... joined. I was a grunt for three years before I got tapped for Tenth Mountain. It's a... pre-Ranger school. They call them 'Light Fighters'. Go in light. Live off the land...," he explained softly. "Then the Russians decided to start making trouble in the Middle East. We went to help," he shuddered for a moment, the memories overwhelming. He couldn't make himself talk about it. "When I got back I was... off. Broken. I couldn't stay anywhere longer than a few months before I imploded. So... I looked around for a remote place to just...," he trailed off, not wanting to admit he'd come out here to die. "Met the local Ranger and he took me on. But after the service, I just... I couldn't ever... connect. With anybody. Not really. Albert, my boss, he... he gets it. He was former Army too. But... women?" He shook his head.

"Maybe it was fate," she offered softly, her hand stroking up and down his head and neck. "You said that you felt like you belonged... maybe you do, maybe you belong with me... with Nicole... our family. I know I've felt happier having you around." She kissed the top of his head. "Why don't you spend the night? Stay with us, sleep in my arms... try it on for size."