Closeted Bi

I'm smack in the middle of my sixties now and I've been secretly Bi all of my life. I've been married to women, a widower and am now in a relationship with a woman again but I have always had a secret. I'm attracted to men, and every so often I need to act out on my feelings. It's a secret I've carried all of my life. I find some men as attractive as I find some women, I admire muscles, a nice thick cock, and (only lately) beards. My acting out has always been of the anonymous brand, I visit a bathhouse now and then but Covid has kept me home reading Literotica for a few years and I am on the verge of being cock crazy right now. I'm writing on Literotica because I need to get this out, I need to tell someone how I feel. Do you ever feel that way?

I'm old, but I'm tall, strong, athletic, and still handsome, so I'm pretty sure I'll find someone who is interested when I do head back to the baths, but if I don't there's always the dark room, I can suck cock until my itch is scratched... if worse comes to worse.

But, the risks and scariness of anonymous sex is a double edged blade, it leaves you both empty and satisfied. There's the fear of rejection, the danger of disease and even violence, and the hope that you'll find someone to play with who wants the same thing as you(most guys at the baths are strictly bottoms). It's not ideal.

What do I want? Well, I like to be more passive when I'm with a man, but I don't want to be abused or demeaned. I like to kiss, touch, suck and I'm willing to top or bottom, I like pretty much all of the things two men can do together. I want someone who is kind, nice, and patient. I want a lover, someone gentle and considerate; I'm tired of settling for anonymous encounters, no matter how exciting some of them are.

Like the time I went to Ft Lauderdale and went drinking in Wilton Manners (the gay part of town) and spent the evening in gay bars, feeling liberated and excited to be me. When it was late enough, I went to a bath house and had some fun there and finally ended up, in heat, in an adult bookstore. It had a theater and I sat down and was watching this twink, a row in front of me, blow this big burly Latino guy standing in front of him, facing me. When he saw me watching him, he just pointed to the seat next to the twink, and, of course I accepted his invitation and as soon as I sat down, his cock was cumming in my mouth, to the twink's great disappointment. It was so hot...

What I'd like, just once in my life before I get too old to be attractive to others, is a night like this:

I go back to Wilton Manners for a few days and again I get to revel in the freedom of the neighborhood. I drink, eat dinner, and flirt with men, there are so many! Eventually, an attractive older Latino man, with a grey beard and dressed very nicely strikes up a conversation. His eyes are deep blue and I'm drawn to him, he is gorgeous and he is a gentleman, too. We talk for an hour about everything from work to politics and eventually I place my hand on his thigh, letting him know that I am interested.Interested? Hell, I'm in heat again and he reaches down and squeezes my hand before moving it to his growing cock. I surrender, my mouth is suddenly dry, my legs are shaking a little. I'm nervous and very excited.

He senses my excitement and asks, "What would you like?"

Is he asking me to tell him my fantasies? Is he looking for a sign to take the lead? Is he interested or just being polite?

I want you, I tell him, enjoying his eyes and wondering what it would be like to have him on top of me. "Is your room close by?" Oh yes, and reaches over from his bar stool and kisses me softly, "Let's go."

We hold hands walking back to the room, both of us excited, no one in the neighborhood has any doubt where we are headed.

He's wearing a blue suit, no tie, and looks like the successful lawyer that he is. I'm wearing 5 button jeans and nice dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and untucked. I thought I looked pretty good.

Did I mention his eyes? He is beautiful, I'm as attracted to him as any woman I've ever known, he's a little shorter than me and apparently in great shape, I'm looking forward to finding out. We are both solid and masculine looking with flat bellies and strong arms, we are a good looking couple, I notice, as we walk past the shop windows.

The gorgeous Florida night lends itself to a stroll, we are enjoying each other and the weather, but little needs to be said. We are both wondering what the night will bring. We get to the room and he kisses me as soon as the door is closed, his tongue wrestling with mine, our hands exploring each other's body, oh my god, his hand is on my ass and he is so passionate that I am on my knees in no time, the act of submission that I find so exciting, I am his, I want him inside me. His strong hands go through my wavy blonde hair as I unbuckle his Brooks Brothers suit pants, getting to his red bikini briefs, kissing his cock though the soft fabric. I need him, I want his cock and I get to have it, my dreams are coming true and my heart is racing.

Somehow I get him in my mouth while he is standing there, still in his shirt, his cock thick and hard as diamonds, I gag quickly but persist, he begins fucking my face and I am happy, my man is enjoying this.

"I'm going to cum if you keep that up he tells me and I stop, look into those gorgeous eyes and tell him, "Please, give it to me," and I swallow him again, sucking on him with an urgency that has built up in me for years. He is no match and I feel him lean forward, to the balls of his feet to fill me as he explodes while I look into his gorgeous eyes, we have really connected now. This is what I want, I'll do anything for this feeling, anything to make him excited and satisfied, I surrender to pleasure and slide his cumming dick out of my mouth and pump the last ropes of cum onto my lips before sucking him back into my mouth, his legs, so powerful a minute ago are now weak, he falls backwards onto the bed.

"Oh.... my God..." he manages, and I slip out of my clothes and stand by the bed naked, my cock rock hard and takeoff his shoes, his socks and help him out out of his shirt until we are both naked. He is smiling and asks what I'd like. "How about a kiss?"

And we do, making out like high school kids, each of us giving and enjoying pleasure. I love the feel of his beard as we kiss and then how it feels on my neck, oh my God, he is working his way down my body. I relax, letting my lover take me. My cock already feels like it is going to explode as he teases it with his fingers and then begins to suck on my nipples, just like I've done so many times to women, gently grazing their sex with my fingers while sucking their nipples. I submit to my lover.

I feel him getting hard again, his cock is rubbing against my leg and he is teasing my cock now, licking, kissing and working his way down to my balls. I'm in heaven but he slows down whenever he thinks I'm going to cum, he's done this before. A lot more than I have.

"I want you to wait to cum, it will be worth it, I promise you," he whispers and looking into his eyes, who am I to argue.

He kisses down from my balls and begins to tease my ass and I can't recall ever having been so liberated, so free, so honest. My fantasy is coming true, I've literally wanted to surrender to a man like this for my entire life. We've already been in bed for 45 minutes and I still feel such urgency, this is the best feeling in the world...

And then he slides his tongue inside my ass. It's a pussy now, it's his to have, to do with as he'd like. Then there's a finger in there and it feels so wonderful that I tell him I might cum if he keeps that up... and he stops...

My orgasm is no longer something I control, I am his and will comply with whatever he wants, but damn my cock is so full of hot cum. And, apparently, he is going to put his hard again cock inside me.

"Well, this should be different," I think as my nerves rise up again, but I want to experience this, I want to know what it is like to have a lover inside me, to surrender to him, to be on the receiving end. God, I'm more than curious, I am completely in lust, there is nothing in the world I want more at this moment.

By now, he is kneeling beside me on the bed with three fingers inside my pussy, he'd found the lube I'd strategically left next to my bed on the night stand, I have never felt so open and so free, I rubbed his cock, yes he was hard again and he bent over to kiss me, his tongue penetrating me in time with his finger movement. He asks me to turn to my side and spoons behind me, and begins to kiss my neck again, there is his beard and his tongue, oh my god and he pushes inside my ass, I jump at the pain. he whispers, easy baby, this will feel so good in a minute and he reaches around to grab my cock. I remember to push out and try to relax and in a minute it feels so wonderful, his dick seems to get even bigger once it is inside me and I'm addicted.

All of the taunts when I was a kind of pretty teenager, the macho act I developed to ward of being bullied, the entire life I've spent being this big strong guy were lifted from me at that moment, this is the real me, the me I've always wanted to be. I was getting fucked by a gorgeous man and it was so natural and God, it was exciting, I felt tears running down my cheeks, "How have I gone without this?"

"Come with me Baby," he whispers and he doesn't have to ask twice, he speeds up, but: I beg him to stop...

"Please, please, get on top of me to finish, Baby, please..."

And he is such a good lover that I don't even remember him turning me onto my back but there he was on top of me using his arms to hold himself up as his cock jackhammers my ass, which was on a pillow now, I don't remember that part, but it was perfect.

He lowers himself to my mouth and kisses me, again, his tongue going in and out of me just like his thick cock is. My final surrender, I clench my ass and cum like I've never come before, screaming, the voice I hear is mine, but I didn't voluntarily make that sound, I didn't know that I could make that sound. I cum, with nothing touching my dick, I coat both of us in a river of cum that couldn't have possibly come from inside me, but it did. This is what my lover needed, my total surrender and he thrust even deeper into me ( I didn't think that was possible) and exploded, painting my insides with his hot cum

The passionate kissing continued and he whispers, "The next time, you do me." and I said, I'd love to!