All Comments on 'Closing Time 03 - It's Hell to Pay'

Wow pat 2 FTDS was chicken shit but this needless entry was like the curdled white cream that is the top of chicken shit.

another non ending bullshit story

Just stop. This is utter and contemptible nonsense..... You can't write you can't think you can't rationally come up with a good plot.

.

Just stop. It's not working

Dude, stop beating around the bush and admit it that you're lazy as fuck.

I have a question too.

/

What drugs did you use to write this -- I don't know what to call it something with a beginning and no ending and lots of questions...?

/

What a lousy day this is.

Two stories that I thought are worth reading.

Skippy47's "Am I My Keeper's Wife?" and this one by ribnitin.

Sadly, both turned out to be garbage.

Oh, chapter 2 of this nonsense was garbage too.

But that is only my opinion.

Findi ng an ending to a story is hard. Writers on this site should at least try.

Am I the only one that doesn't give a damn about her new family and 110% her ex husband and ex kids?

Unnecessary, pointless. The first two chapters of this story were highly implausible and not very well written. Asa "bonus," the cheating slut Sarah gets a fairy tale ending. Why continue with such an unattractive character?

FFS.

Were you high when you wrote this? Whatever you were on to make this interesting or erotic, please, share it with the rest of us.

What a lazy writer you are!! Finish the story or quit writing!!!

What was this supposed to be other than an abysmal failure?

There is an old saying, to understand the future you have to understand the past. Just too many characters and not enough information. I agree with the idea of imagining what happens but you didn't give us enough to imagine or worse, enough to care.

The point of this? And just how old is Kevin? Disgusting you have a CHILD accessing CHILD porn and hacking in to another persons computer to plant it, I hate when writers on this site resort to the sick plot line of child porn, this is even lower. Where are the minus scores?

there's a story here?

I love your sense of humor it’s unconventional and darkly intriguing but most of all is it’s funny as fuck !!!

This add on didn’t nothing to redeem this piece of shit story. The slut wife and her younger lover are still living happily ever after while her former children suffer. Please let us give negative ratings.

The author obviously has nothing but contempt for his readers. My suggestion is that everyone 1 bombs all his stories without bothering to read them. Show the author the same respect he has for his readers.

You should have let this story stay dead where it belonged. Sarah is one of the most disgusting, vile human being, much less a mother, ever to be on Lit. My ending to this wretched story is that Sarah and her fucknut Albert both die slow painful deaths hopefully getting fed to the gators.

Not sure why I read this? The author's first submission for "Closing Time" put me in the mob of chanting FTDS!! Then we got the sequel and regretted the author trying to FTDS because he basically abandoned the husband and kids in the story, then focused on the cheating slut finding romance and a great life afterwards while basically just jettisoning her family overboard and leaving them in her wake. Then we get this where a very unlikely story of one of her kids hacking into one of her paramour's electronic devices and planting child porn and the police just mysteriously act on it and he dies of a heart attack. A convenient confession with zero proof and then mommy dearest has concerns over the well being of one of her children that she threw away?

If you want to write stories about impossible situations that would never happen, then here is a starter for you: "Two Irishmen walk out of a bar......" YEAH! Right! (Wobble, stagger, crawl, are tossed out, maybe)

The words just seem to leap onto the page. Unfortunately they were leaping from a great height in an effort to commit literary suicide. This story is testament to their succes. The 1st 2 chapters were pointless, this was just abysmal.

You still let the cheaters/bad guys off the hook. Yeah, Thomas had a heart attack, but Sarah and Albert also needed to feel some pain.

Decent series with a disappointing ending.

There's not really a story in there. What there is, is all over the place. Hard to read and follow, because it's like the characters just appear, suspended in space, with no context. Very hard to follow, but then, it leads essentially nowhere, so maybe that's not a problem.

I loved the story, particularly the first 2 parts. The characters were well drawn, with plenty of plausible surprises and plot twists. Thank you for sharing.

Was this final part necessary? Maybe it would have been more coherent to have left it out. There were plenty of unanswered questions after part 2, but none very pressing. This part has set it up for a sequel...

FTDS

UNANSWERED QUESTIONS:

Did Kevin become a sociopath? -- If so then the blame is on Albert and Sarah, since Thomas is dead and has partially paid his price, his estate and Albert, still owes damages to Arnold, Kevin and Caroline

Did the police figure out who made the call? Did anyone figure out that it wasn't at the time Sarah said? Did anyone care? -- Don't care, don't care, no.

Did Albert come out of his funk and get back to painting? -- Hope not, hope what he did to Arnold, Kevin and Caroline comes out to the public and he is discredited dieing a pauper as he loses credibility as an artist.

Did Albert's mother Helen get released from her conservatorship? -- No, she relapses after finding out what kind of a predatory prick her son really is. She dies in the asylum alone in her padded room, another victim of Thomas and Albert.

Did Greenrock Capital purchase First Pharmaceuticals? -- Yes/No, depending on what hurts the Thomas/Albert interests the most.

Did Sarah reconcile with Kevin and Caroline? -- Unsure, neither ever agreed to speak with Sarah again unless she agreed to the following. They drafted a one page response to her request to do so, stating she agreed that she was responsible for the destruction of their family and the emotional damages to each family member; Arnold, Kevin and Caroline. They stated they (but not Arnold) would consider reconciliation provided she divorced Albert, relinquished her parental rights to Jacinta and Wilbur and signed them entirely over to Albert. She also would have to agree to maintain a lifetime restraining order of 1,000 feet between herself and Albert, Jacinta and Wilbur.

Who was Arnold's new wife? Did she have big hooters? Did they buy a Tesla? -- In a weird twist Arnold would meet Helen who underwent rejuvenation treatments at the asylum in which she looked, felt and acted decades younger. They hit it off joining together in their hatred for Thomas and Albert and how they destroyed other people's lives. As Thomas's widow she fought for and won his entire estate citing his ill treatment of her. She cut off Albert entirely and married Arnold. They inundated Albert and Sarah with civil suits causing them to file bankruptcy. Albert, socially disgraced fell out of fashion and favor as an artist. No longer sought after, his painting prices plummeted. Albert and Helen bought every one for pennies apiece and burned them. Sarah was let go from her job, as her employment negatively affected the financial health of the company. Her continued employment put her fellow employees at risk of loosing all their jobs. Her attempt to sue the company was lost when testimony and financial statements evidenced she was a pariah and a financial liability to the firm. She lost everything from her generous severance package trying to fight the company in court. Arnold and Helen bought his and hers Teslas.

Really Sarah is the biggest piece of crap. She saw what was going on but didn't do anything to put a stop to it. She justified her bad acting by saying it was for her "family". Arnold, Kevin and Caroline just didn't realize she was talking about the family she was going to have with Albert! Not the family Sarah had with them.

Utter rooooooobish

Poor form/idea to leave story unfinished

HI,

Have to agree on some of "Anonymous's" comments . Tried to look up their profile, to post a message, do you know there are close to 1,500 of them. Go figure.

Anyway, getting Kevin involved, put the story in a dark place, probably the same place as some of these "Anonymous" commentators reside.

The overall story was good, Part 1 was a good buildup, but "2" seemed cut abruptly, and "3" even more. If "4" exists, I hope it reveals a 'deep fake' of Kevin's call,

Be safe

Red_wood

This episode has no purpose. It should have been left at two episodes.

Don't know what to make of this!

3

hmm what was point of this one.

That the vile piece of crap mother turned her son into a criminal?

Why focus revenge on the old man alone?

albert was a evil excuse for a man, going after a married woman and destroying her family.

etc etc

didnt see point of this

Anyone that can make sense of this mess should probably be locked up for the safety of the public at large.

I don't ever comment on punctuation nor grammar but the errors in that area were the least of the failures in this really poor story. There are some really good storytellers/authors on this site I hope you find the time to read a few of their stories and learn how to produce something similar. This story was messy, confused and woefully unfinished, not to mention invoking the use of child porn. I hope this story wasn't a waste of your time, as it was of mine, and it prompts you to contribute more readable submissions. Stars are for stories, good and bad, none were due here!

But that he AND his father conspired to seduce a wife and mother, turn her into their fuck toy in exchange for money, then converted her into his savior by having her become the monster who destroyed her husband and children, Yeah, well, Albert is OK with that. Ya gotta break some eggs . . ., whatever. The pussy is great, the children are beautiful, and he is just so fucking grateful that his father may not have been into looking at kiddy porn. And of course now his wife is immune to further cheating on her second dysfunctional moody mentally uncertain husband; because why? Oh, yeah, because she so mentally fucked up her first husband and children by giving Albert His first children that she just never would do that again, right? I mean, she learned her lesson, right? Why would she ditch her rebound family for the same reason she ditched her first family, for money? Oh no, Sarah is now completely immune to the temptations of money, excitement, independence, amazing recreational sex with celebrities and well hung hunks. Sarah now has every woman's dream: she raised then fucked up her family, and is now starting over from square one with the asshole who seduced her and another 18+ years of child raising. Yeah, Sarah is a regular poster model for June Cleaver, now that she has a consolation husband and children.

Yeah, Albert is So Fucking Lucky he's married to his once and future whore, which whore would cut off her right arm not to do what she did that made it possible for her to become his wife and give birth to his children.

And who thinks this bitch got away with it? Just more acid and time, acid and time. I still think Sarah will end up killing herself, just not soon enough to make it mean anything. I wonder by then who will care, or notice she's gone? Thanks for the continuing effort.

So these two horrible people once again get off completely without consequences. Yeah the older Firsten got the ball rolling but the younger one was the one that pursued her and rawdogged it. She was the one who lied,cheated, and became pregnant by her boss. Her family committed no sin until this chapter yet still no justice

I'd suggest counseling. Clearly something is wrong to be able to write this.

The end made me laugh you silly ass!

Thank you.

WTAF?

I have almost no idea what you are writing about.

There seem to be more cast members than there are words of explanation.

Convoluted.

chapter two was a 1* story and it was BETTER than chapter 3!

more SIMP style man-hating crap

Unfinished story. Scores 1;5

I absolutely hate that Sarah and Albert got their happy ever after. Worst outcome of her cheating. She deserved nothing. First chapter started with much promise then … 1*

A lil background might've helped the story along.

Why is it on 22nd May now?

Why do you keep allowing Sarah a life with Albert and their kids? Neither she nor Albert paid serious enough consequences. Sure, she lost her first family, but then she just gets another! Are you kidding me? Children are not replaceable. Families are not replaceable. It is really sad you keep perpetuating this theme.

You're just a prick and probably a cuck that just writes this shit to piss off people reading it. Go back to sucking your wife's lover's cum out of her ass

Is Caroline going to destroy Sarah and Albert’s marriage next? Perhaps using a beefcaketrap on Sarah or a Honey trap for Albert? Or perhaps Arnold destroys Albert's artistic reputation and mental stability by suggesting his work is derivative, uninspired, and unoriginal?? Revenge is best served cold.

Doesn’t cut it. Sarah still lives a happy life, few, if any scars. Clearly, Kevin has suffered a great deal from his mother’s actions. Kevin didn’t intend for Thomas’ death. Wanting a bad person’s punishment doesn’t make him a sociopath. Ultimately it’s Sarah who destroyed her family, and she hasn’t been punished at all.

I too want to know if Arnold's new wife's hooters bought a Tesla. 🙂

Its the authors story but not sure why he gave the slut 2 chapters... Maybe one then end it with the ex husband and kids

Mishmash stupidity. Nothing works in this story. Other than confusion.

First part started well and then beginning with part two started circling the drain.