Clownin

Story contains TF elements, mind alteration, bodily function jokes, really really bad jokes, and just all around crude humor.

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So I was just walking through the county fair like hundreds of other normal people, and it seems to just be me who was affected by this stupid curse. It slowly spreads to other people. It started about two weeks ago when I was walking by the dunking booth and that butthole clown gave me the crazy eyes. I find it absolutely hilarious, but it's actually quite terrifying.

"I have no idea where to start or how to explain, but let's just say I now own a clown nose and I find almost everything funny now. Consciously, I realize how fudged up the whole situation is. It's mortifying to think about, but my brain doesn't seem to process it in a normal way anymore. Hilarious right?"

Doctor Xander, as expected, doesn't seem amused at the least bit at my explanation, rolled his eyes a bit and said, "Mandy, this is a serious question. All we know about you is that your name is Mandy, which might also not be true. Please identify yourself for us please. The fingerprint database is coming up short, and it's quite frankly a matter of time before we find out who you are. Officer Martinez suspects you are just a user of methamphetamine, but I'm not seeing the symptoms line up, so I have to ask. The sheriffs need me to determine the cause of your erratic behaviour. What sort of pharmaceuticals were you in contact with recently? Did you say this started at the county fair last week, correct?"

Mandy replied, "Life has been one knee slapper after another since then! I'm serious. Sorry for laughing, but I find this conversation and everything about what's going on, hilarious."

"Mandy, you need to know it is not hilarious being handcuffed to a bench to prevent you from passing gas in people's personal spaces. That isn't nor-"

"BRRRRRTT-phlppp"

Mandy passes gas in a forceful manner.

"...normal to fart in people's faces."

He stands from his desk and walks back a little bit. Aghast and frustrated. Her drug tests were clean and she is obviously having fun at his expense. He's thinking Mandy doesn't need medical care. He's leaning towards immediate discharge and let the police handle her.

"Hahaha I'm sorry! I know it's messed up but I have this almost knee jerk reaction when I see the perfect comedic timing--I just can't help myself! I'm an addict now, but it's for laughs! I also find it very disturbing but i can't stop laughing! I mean, I know it's disturbing consciously, but subconsciously, I can't resist doing it!"

"Mandy, officer Martinez thought it was disturbing when you flashed him your breast and tried to spray your breast milk, of course you realize that is..."

Mandy is in a fit of laughter, as if she was trying to hold back a sneeze. "..ah-hah yes I know it's technically assault and I'm in big trouble but to be fair, my little titties are too small for that for now. They barely even squirt out a drop so far..."

"Yes Mandy, I understand, the police found all sorts of unusual things in your backpack. Nothing illegal, but seriously concerning. Why is it so important that you lactate? I see here.."

Doctor Xander is flipping through photographs of Mandy's belongings, pointing to things such as progesterone cream, Milk thistle, breast pumps, rainbow hair dye, several packs of whoopie cushions, fart powder... The list goes on.

Xander remarks, "Of course you know, nobody thinks whoopie cushions are funny anymore, it's all meta humor these days with the kids..."

Mandy, interrupting the conversation once again, holding back a sneeze of laughter at the mention of 'whoopie'. She said "Please don't disseminate my jokes, it takes all the humor out of them.. Anyways, sorry, whoopie is another word for sex, and that is one of my triggers." while making an obviously forced frown on her face to prevent all-out laugher.

"Alright, I've had enough of this. I can't help you, Mandy. I can't help you unless you want to be helped. I'm suggesting that..."

(A quiet muffled honk sound could be heard in the room)

"What was that, Mandy? Are you hiding something?"

"That was-" (a louder more pronounced honk) "-my secret weapon." Mandy flapped her butt on the bench she was handcuffed to. Which seemed to be the source of the honk sound.

Mandy has the biggest banana-shaped grin you ever saw someone wearing before. "I'm sorry, but you aren't funny, and i'm getting bored." Mandy says while flapping her butt on the bench a few more times.

"Mandy, please stop that! Give me whatever toy you're hiding in your pants, you can't have any contraband in here! Come here-" A small struggle to locate the 'toy' ensued.

His fingers found a toy clown nose stuffed between her legs and tried to grab it... then the doctor suddenly froze into place.

"Ha! You fell for my curse! Now you're under my control!"

"Wh.. what are you talking about? Mandy, what did you do? I can't move. I can't get my hand out of your pants!"

"Remember when I said I owned a clown nose? Well, I don't just own a clown nose, I have an actual clown nose instead of a clitoris! That's my special ability I was cursed with. I wasn't going to tell you about it because even I wouldn't believe me! Hahaha! Right? Weird isn't it?"

"What are you planning to do? I have no idea what is going on right now."

"Well, now that you're in a position where you HAVE to listen to me. You just touched my red clown nose! Now you think laughing is more important than anything! Hahaha"

Doctor Xander has no clue what she's talking about but knows exactly what position he's in.

He can't move, and his hand is firmly in her pants, fingers clutching her clown nose attached where her clitoris should be located.

"It doesn't feel like a normal clit, it just makes funny sounds when it's squeezed. It's just a normal foam clown nose with a rubber interior that fills with air and squeaks when squeezed. It's terrorizing to think about, but I can't stop thinking how fucking hilarious it is to have such a fate! Oops, sorry, I used a bad word, I am just all caught up with the situation, it's all really hilarious-- you not believing me, and then being stuck here with your perverted hand inside my pants! It's funny!"

Xander replied, sweat starting to form on his forehead "It's not funny to me, you need to stop th-"

"Oh, trust me, fudge is way funnier than the F-word, or Jack-butt instead of--" She trailed off.

"Anyways, using your other free hand, I want you.."

They stare each other down in such an ominous way, you can feel the tension in the room. You could slice it with a knife.

"...to pull my finger" Mandy slowly raised one of her handcuffed hand's index finger.

"What?" He replied, while subconsciously reaching his free left hand over to her hand.

"Wait!" She says.

Confused, angry, and frightened, Xander asks "Wait for what?"

"I want you to pull my pants down from the backside a little bit and expose my bootyhole as best as you can. Yeah, there you go." she awkwardly shifted her body to raise her butt in the air, towards Doctor Xander within her limits of being handcuffed. His hand was finally being released of her pants, but still unable to control his body.

"Okay, pull my-"

"Brrrrt" The tiny fart said, as it was escaping her anus, before Doctor Xander was able to pull her finger.

"Aww, Doctor Xander, that would have been perfect but the fart I passed earlier was all my reserves I was saving up!"

"Alright, come on, Mandy, this isn't funny--only you think that. I have a wife, and kids, please sto-"

"Hey sorry for interrupting your speech but do you bone your wife? Do you give her the bone train? Do her titties jiggle in your face every day? Hahaha" Mandy went on, describing and speculating on the Doctor's sex life. "Mandy, this needs to stop. This shouldn't be happening. I can't do this anymore."

"Like you don't do your wife anymore? 'Ell-oh-ell' Doctor Xander"

Doctor Xander's eyes widened, feeling incredible rage at Mandy's comments, but he couldn't help but..

"Bwhahahaha! It's so true! I never disclose these details to patients, but her sister does get fucked regularly by me! Hahaha" Xander wiped a tear from his face from the laughter.

"What? I can control myself now!" Doctor Xander's first instinct was to go back to his desk, grab the syringe used to take control of the patient. He rushes to his desk and grabs it, and turns around to face Mandy. "Alright Mandy, we need to stop this!"

Doctor Xander froze in place.

"'Nuh-uh-uh! Not the magic word!'" she said, butt still up in the air. Objectively, hearing a badly used, badly timed Jurassic Park quote heard by the doctor for the hundredth time in his life wouldn't phase the good doctor, but not today.

Doctor Xander once again, popping completely out of character "Bwhahaha, I know right? It's not like this needle would actually make you funny or anything. But I really need to alert security"

Doctor Xander looks at the red security button prominently placed next to the office door. Pressing that button would be the solution to his problem, and the start of a whole new mess of problems for Mandy if he were allowed to press it.

"LOL Doctor Xander you're hilarious! The only red button you need to press is right here" Mandy clinched her legs together and rocked her hips to get a squeeze out of her cursed clown nose."

Doctor Xander with the syringe in his hand, approaches Mandy's rear end, still dangling up in the air, her legs being held together. Quite a beautiful sight nonetheless, despite being a crazy clown lady, he thought to himself.

Doctor Xander points the needle at Mandy's nether regions and squirts the entire syringe on her pants near the crotch area.

"Hahaha Mandy you look like you just pissed yourself!" The doctor exclaimed. He thinks to himself "Why on earth did I just do that? I am going to lose my job! How is this happening?"

"Hahahaha it does look like i peed all over! Doctor Xander you have a sense of humor all of a sudden! Having bladder problems is so hilarious! Can you write me a prescription for something that would give me incontinence? That would be hilarious."

The two of them had a really good laugh. A good 2 to 3 minutes passed while the two laughed together.

The two policemen guarding the door outside were barely listening, and got annoyed by their laughter, and abandoned their post. "Let's get a coffee, it seems our suspect would be fine for a while, they sound like they're having fun in there." the other said "sure why not."

Back in the room, "That would be hilarious, every time I laughed, pee would come out involuntarily! I can still do it myself now if i wanted, but it'd have to be on purpose." She said as she purposely urinated her whole bladder during a laughing fit. "It does come out easier when you're laughing though."

Both Mandy and Doctor Xander are now clearly of a similar mind, their conscious mind and logic behind their actions have been overwritten by humor. Urges to have sex, to be annoyed, to feel love, to feel fear, are being replaced with these pranks and endless gags that never seem to die down.

"Mandy, this is deeply troubling, you're soaking wet, please release me from your control, whatever you're doing it needs to stop. I cannot be a functional adult like how I am!"

"I'm actually not mind controlling you, I'm just simply showing you the obvious."

Doctor Xander replied "What is obvious?"

"That everything is hilarious!" She went on "I've been cursed like this for two weeks so far, and I'm able to understand what's going on more now that I had more time to stink about it."

"Stink?"

Mandy replied back with another fart.

Along with the fart passing--another 30-45 seconds passed before both of them could curb their laughter.

Mandy is getting uncomfortable sitting on her knees with her exposed butt in the air, that last third fart was all she was willing to sit up for. Please uncuff me and let me explain everything I know, now that you believe me."

"Mandy, I know farts aren't funny, but-" (the doctor holding back laughter) "you need to explain everything that you know. Please. I believe you now"

"Alright where do we start?" Mandy pulls out an invisible tobacco pipe and starts puffing on it, stroking an invisible moustache.

"It all started back at the fair, when the dirty clown at the dunking booth gave me an evil look.

The clown was getting dunked and people were walking by. It's really one of the last 'old-timey' types of entertainment we have these days. People have youtube, reddit, whatever. We don't have time for clowns anymore, I figure.

Some frat boy looking guy standing next to his girlfriend is playing the dunking game. I wasn't watching exactly when it happened, but the clown fell into the water tank. He emerged from the water with a big grin on his face, he looked around, and saw nobody was laughing, the fratboy was talking to his girlfriend, and nobody--except me, was even watching. I didn't crack a smile.

The clown stared at me, narrowed his eyebrows at me like it's MY fault nobody thinks he's worth a darn.

So the clown pulled his nose off and threw it at my head, it bounced off my head to the ground. I stomped on his nose and then saw it disappear under my foot.

Ever since then, my feelings of romance and fear, and everything in between was replaced by an uncontrollable urge to joke and laugh. It is truly a terrible experience! After that happened, this new boy I was dating was meeting me at the fair, but I ghosted him and ran home! He kept texting me he was concerned, but I couldn't say anything back that wasn't a bad or crude joke.

I should have been mortified but I didn't feel that at all. On the walk home, I giggled at every dog poop on the side of the road, every picture of a hot dog or anything penis shaped. I feel like Beavis and Butthead except a hundred times worse and i'm extremely lewd. I can't help it!

Just like you are, Doctor, I have a hard time communicating with others, and it's hilarious to me, but I know it should be frustrating, but it's a turn on--it's a curse and a bad thing."

"Wow, Mandy. That's quite something." Xander replied, "So, if this isn't just an elaborate act, then how were you able to eloquently and seriously explain your entire situation without smirking or laughing?"

"I don't know, maybe because this whole situation in a psyche doctor's office under police custody, getting squirted with a syringe in my groin-spot while convincing him he's also crazy too--is kind of funny."

"Touche"

"So doctor, I can't eat without laughing, fight without laughing, and make whoopie without laughing."

"Why do you call it whoopie?"

"I still think it's funny when you said whoopie earlier. Hahaha sorry"

"So.." Xander asked

"So you're going to honk my red clitty clown nose right now because it's funny."

Mandy spread her legs apart, revealing her clown nose in all of it's glory.

"Honk honk!" she said, as she squeezed the toy in rhythm.

Doctor Xander obliged, got down on two knees and gave her two good honks. "Why am I doing this?"

"I forgot to mention, remember when I said I lost feelings of romance?"

"Yeeeah?" the doctor continued to subconsciously honk the clown nose while she's speaking.

"They were replaced with feelings of laughter and an absurd level of perverse pleasure-seeking libido."

"Yeaah, I got that." He says while still rhythmically honking her red squeaky toy of a clit.

"This curse sucks because my real clit is gone, and it's replaced by this hilarious clown nose, but it's really nice, because this toy makes me want to laugh every single time it's squeezed. And laughing is such a turn on for me... And I feel like laughing every single time it squeaks"

The doctor gulps loudly, followed by some chuckles.

"NOW POUND ME SILLY DOCTOR!" She screamed, "Squeeze your stupid sperm in my silly fuck-hole!"

"But I.."

"Make me eskimo sisters with your wife's sister, you cheating pervert!"

With perfect comedic timing, the doctor Xander placed his hard cock inside of her and started pumping. Purely with the intention of being funny, of course.

"Oh fudge yes!" It felt so good to be pounded by this once perceived threat of a man.

"Fill me with your silly children Xander, oh God yes! Being a fat pregnant clown would be perfect for me!" She said while her squeaky clit rubbed against his pelvic bone, lunging forward so she could hear it squeak in between his thrusts.

Both of them burst into laughter and can hardly fuck each other. Each thrust and laugh degrading the whole experience is motivating the two to keep going harder and trying harder to reach that punchline.

Mandy lifts her inmate shirt off and unclasps her bra. She threw the shirt over a photograph of Xanders wife and wife's sister on his desk.

"I don't want both of your lovebirds watching us just joking around."

Xander said "I think it's funny now how you never shut the fuck up!" And laughed about his own comment. "We're not really having sex, I am just joking.." he said while fucking her hard.

The two of them paused fucking for a second then looked at each other and then just burst out laughing hard enough to rival their earlier laughing fit.

She grabbed both of her breasts with each hand and jiggled them for Xander. Both of them thought nothing in this world is more hilarious than a pair of big soft heavy useless sweater stretching titties. Especially ones that squirt milk and are now exclusively used to prank people.

Xander pumping his throbbing dick in and out of her lost his sense of being for a few moments and without realizing what he was doing, pumped one of the biggest loads he ever ejaculated into this crazy clown.

"Look at these nipples of mine, they're getting super sensitive!" Mandy proudly showed her new nipples. "Now I won't need the progesterone cream anymore!"

"What do you mea-" Xander said as Mandy squirted his face and mouth with breast milk.

"Tadaaa! Get it? It's like the traditional clown flower gag.. The 'smell my flower' gag.. get it? Except boob!"

Both of them burst out laughing.

"I don't squirt out a lot right now, but it's enough to get a tiny spurt 2 feet of distance. My goal is to make enough so I can do it all day long!"

"You know, messing with your hormones isn't a good idea for a cheap gag!" Xander said while laughing and wiping his face.

"Oh god" he realized "I just fucked a patient who wasn't taking birth control. That's hilarious!"

Mandy quickly replied "Yeah and you are going to help me escape and give me enough money so I can run away."

"Woah, that wasn't funny. What gives?"

"I'm a clown, not stupid"

"So what is this, extortion?"

"And a good fuck, too, don't forget!" And she honked her clown nose twice.

He replied back with a chuckle, "Hilarious, clown."

"That's meeee!" As she squeezed her milky boobs on his face and covered his glasses. "So you need to either help me escape and live a safe life, or we're both going to go down, which is it?"

Xander said "well, it would be pretty funny to ditch my wife, but it will complicate things with her sister..."

Mandy replied back, "don't worry, I'm thinking she can take a joke. Let's split this place, and make it snappy!" She squeezed his nose "Boop!"