Coda

"It's a good look, no?" I asked, referencing to cum splattered all over my torso, neck, and chin.

"Amazing. Now I know why Jackson Pollock liked painting so much."

We both giggled. Josh slowly lifted himself from me, releasing my softening dick from his hole. He flopped down next to me near the top of the bed. He reached over with his closest hand and rubbed the sticky jizz that had landed on my neck and chin. He stopped when he realized there was just too much to wipe away without a towel.

"You're amazing, Dylan," he said.

I reflexively rolled my eyes; I'd always hated compliments. Josh caught me in the act of brushing off his praise.

"Hey," he said. "Don't do that. For fuck's sake, we're both going to be dead in a few years. It's not like you're going to become an egomaniac if you take a compliment. You don't have enough time left for your head to get that big."

It was dark, but I liked dark. I liked Josh. I felt like he got me on some level. He saw through the mask I had always tried to wear to protect myself. I wondered if he could see through it because he was in the same situation as me.

"Thank you,'" I replied.

Josh leaned into me. We kissed yet again. It felt more sensual than the earlier ones, even though it wasn't different in terms of technique. I knew the reason it felt different: I was starting to let myself have hope. I was imagining a future with Josh, and it wasn't just fucking. It was a future with genuine love.

**************

Josh and I continued to build our relationship. We spent most nights of the week together, as well as the weekends. I met his yuppy professional friends, and he met the snarky group of assholes I loved so dearly. We even became that annoying couple who sat next to one another in support group. When Josh would try to hold my hand, I'd let him. I'd never tell him, but I kind of liked it. We didn't get too sappy, though; I'd still call him Filet and he'd call me Schwinn when stealthily teasing one another in front of other members after group had ended.

And, for those of you who are wondering, I did get to ride Josh's cock the day after our first night together. It took a few times, but I eventually lowered myself all the way down his ten-incher to its soda-can base. I loved it. Whenever I was feeling particularly horny, I'd even joke that my physical therapist said I needed to ride it to help strengthen my core muscles. Josh was always happy to help me out.

My ambulation got worse; it was only a few months before I was using a cane all the time. I had been certain he'd bail on me. Instead, he bought me stickers from my favorite bands to slap onto it. He said it needed to "look like a millennial's cane."

I tried in my own way to do the same for him. I'd always stay close by when he cooked. If he was having a hard day with his tremors, I'd take over with the chopping and leave him the duties that required less dexterity. I took over the role of driving the car as well, since gripping the steering wheel became harder for him.

It was on one of those difficult days, a few months after our initial tryst, when he snuck up behind me while I diced some tomatoes. I placed the knife down as he enveloped me in a bear hug. I smiled when his soft lips kissed the side of my neck. I felt at peace.

"I love you," he whispered, saying it for the first time.

A few months earlier, I would have turned to stone or bolted, but time had changed me. I maneuvered my body to look him right in his shining blue eyes.

"I love you, too."

Josh and I have now been together for ten months. I don't know what the future holds for us. Well, actually I do. We're both going to die. But so is everyone else, I suppose. We're just on the express train. I do know, however, that I'm going to spend my remaining time with the love of my life by my side. Sure, it would have been nice to have another thirty years together, but I can't be mad. To quote one of my favorite movies, "I'd rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special."

As much as Rhonda drives me crazy, I still try to practice her advice to stay in the present moment. I let myself listen to Josh's heartbeat as we lay on the couch. I notice the soft fullness of his lips when he kisses me. I allow his joyous laugh to fill me with delight.

In those moments, time slows. I wonder if enough of them strung together can make my time with Josh feel like it's lasting an eternity. There's only one way to find out.