Coerced (The Pledge)

I could feel her getting up from behind me as I realized I really could feel the cum sliding down my throat inside me! I had this crazy desire to take out my cell phone and put it in selfie mode so I could see what I looked like with a load of cum all over my face.

Latisha walked over to the door in the darkness and turned the light on and said,

"Take a good look at Ben's huge cock, Matthew! You swallowed that whole dick and loved it enough to swallow his cum!

Say 'Cumslut!!!'!!"

I turned to look at her. Then the flash from her cell phone went off!

Many months have passed since that night. I have not sucked another cock since that night but the events of that night have changed both Latisha and me.

It is now obvious to me that the events of that night have thrilled Latisha extremely. Latisha NEVER lets me forget I sucked a man's cock. She never lets me forget I swallowed a load of cum. She has told me time and time again how sexy it was to see me with a cock in my mouth and how hot it made her. And she often asks me when I will suck my next cock. She even offers, time and time again, to help me find another dick to suck if she can watch. I sneer or laugh at her as if the whole thing is a joke to me and never, ever address her offers. But truth be told that night has caused me an incredible amount of internal struggle and conflict now that I have been able to put a little distance between me and what happened.

That is why I am so very glad that Latisha has kept the events of that night secret from everyone else but her and me (and Ben). Still, when it is just her and I she never misses an opportunity to remind me of the events of that night by teasing me. When we are alone she often addresses me as 'My hot little Cocksucker' or 'Her Cumslut'. (Example: When I am moody or pensive Latisha will feign genuine concern by wrapping her arms around me and gently kissing my cheek and, while holding me close in a friendly embrace, she will whisper in my ear, "What is wrong my little Cocksucker?").

Additionally, she has kept the picture of that night which she took of me immediately after Ben blew his load on me in the Secure Folder of her cell phone. I have begged her to remove it but she will not (though she promises that no one but she and I will ever see it). For obvious reasons I wish I had never sucked Benny's cock. So you can see why I hate that picture. It is a blatant reminder of what I did that night and that which I can never, ever take back. I cannot give you a detailed description that does it justice but here is what it shows: Ben's still nearly hard huge cock is hanging from the left side of the picture right in front of my face with my right hand still wrapped around it in the very middle of its length. And right in front of the head of his cock, on the right side of the picture, is my face with a surprised look, staring right at the viewer. My mouth is slightly open. My lips are swollen, puffy, wet, and red from sucking so much big cock in such a short time. And there is cum dripping off of my chin, out of the corner of my mouth, on my nose, on my cheeks in long streams, and in my hair! Every time I see the picture I think, "The only thing missing from this picture is the word COCKSUCKER!!! written across the top of the image in big, bold, red, block letters!!" It is almost like I am looking at another person! When I see the person I think, "How could this actually have been me??? Or is this still me? Latisha seems to think this is still me!"

Either way, I know it was me, 'Matthew the Cocksucker'. I feel shame every time I see it.

Ever since the events of that day Latisha has been trying to get me to honestly admit to her that I liked sucking cock and now that I have tried it once and found out I like it, I want to suck even more cock. Since I never admit this to her, she reminds me of the events of that night every chance she gets (like calling me 'Cocksucker'). That is the worst thing about what I now call 'The Picture'. Like the word Cocksucker, since I won't admit to her that I liked sucking cock, Latisha uses 'The Picture' to constantly remind me of what I did that day. And true to her form she tricks me. We will be out somewhere at a bar or a restaurant one day when Latisha will offer to take a pic of me with her cell phone. I will smile and she will take the pic. She will look at her cell and say something like, "Awesome! That is a good one!" Then she will look at me and bait me by saying something like, "Y'know Matt, you are really a handsome guy! This is a good pic. Should I text it to you?" Of course I will say, "Yes! Let me see!" Then I will walk over next to her in a position where I can view her cell phone screen. She will say, "Hold on," and hold her cell in a manner where ONLY she can view it then she will say, "Come over here Matt and look." I walk over to her and look at her cell screen expecting to view a picture of me smiling and holding a beer in the bar we are currently at. But when I see her cell screen, I am surprised to be looking at The Picture! There I am. A real cock in my hand. Real cum on my face. And the sudden reminder that I sucked a real cock and swallowed real cum! And as my face gets hot and I burn silently inside Latisha will, for the thousandth time, encourage me to admit that I like sucking cock by whispering in my ear, "C'mon Matty, tell me you liked this. We can do this again if you like."

But I never, ever even enable her when she goes there. I just play it off. Always.

And you know what? I have even seen Ben since then. And I want to die when I do.

We do not talk about what happened directly. But I would swear he always has an oddly wry smile now every time I see him. As bashful and shy as he is, if we talk a little too much or he drinks he gets a little too brazen. Then he will subtly tease me in a way that only he and I understand. Like he will say, "Man, I really gotta pee. Matthew, want to join me when I go to the bathroom?" He says this with such a straight face that I wonder if he is serious and really wants me to go to the bathroom with him so I can suck his cock again. Or maybe he just wants some company, who knows. Either way, I always flatly refuse (even though I think about it every time).

And the confusion, the conflict, the shame, the struggle to suppress my feelings and curiosity... All of these feelings that I now experience as a result of what I did that night have caused me terrible mental disunity. From the moment Ben stopped cumming on me that night when Latisha took The Picture all I could think was, "What the fuck did I just do?" I have struggled with it ever since. I have thought about sucking Ben's cock EVERY SINGLE DAY since that night whether I want to or not!!! Regardless of how hard I try I cannot purge the thought of me sucking Ben's big, long cock from my mind. Even though we were in candle light, the vision of Ben shooting stream after stream after stream after stream of hot cum onto my face and in my mouth from above is crystal clear!

For the first week after that evening I pretended that the events of that night did not happen (which was stupid) and did not work anyway because Latisha constantly reminded me that they did. Finally, I tried getting pissed at Latisha when she brought up the events of that night. I yelled and threatened her but she saw right through me. She flatly told me that I was acting like a dick because deep inside I knew that I liked sucking dick (which only made me furious). So I gave that up and struggled internally all by myself. I tried to convince myself that I was 'too drunk to know what I was doing,' or 'that it was a one-time thing' and that 'I hated the whole experience'. But whatever excuse I came up with did NOT stop me from thinking about what I had done or how it felt.

So I kind of flipped out. I began to fixate on irrational thoughts like, "I sucked a guy's cock! Am I gay now?" Or, "Am I a failure with women?" and "Did I suck a cock because I allowed Latisha to convince me to suck on her dildos for her?" I began to wonder if anal sex with a man was in my destiny. Or should I go out and get a girlfriend or go fuck a prostitute to prove I was 'Still a man'. Or I would remember my lips around Ben's cock thinking, "I should not be doing this. I should stop and turn away," but not being able to and I wondered what was wrong with me. Ben saying I gave him the best blowjob of his life caused me incredible anxiety as I wondered, "Why, me??"

But the worst thing of all is, no matter how hard one tries, you cannot lie to yourself. I clearly remember that I began to enjoy sucking Ben's dick at certain points. So I IMMEDIATELY purged these thoughts from my mind telling myself that I must have been mistaken or trippin'. But, only days later, I find myself jerking off my raging, hard cock while thinking about Ben's huge cock sliding in and out of my mouth. And when I finish by shooting a huge load of cum, those thoughts disappear and are replaced by intense feelings of shame, depression, even more denial, and promises that I will, "Never, ever stroke off my cock to cock ever again!".

Lately, I have even thought to myself, "Is it possible that Latisha is right? Did I like sucking Benny's cock? Did I like sucking cock so much that deep inside, if I were honest with myself I really DO want to suck some more cock and swallow more cum?" But no matter how much I think about it I cannot end up believing that I really DO want to suck more cock. It doesn't wash with me.

Maybe that is why I am so moody these days. These damned internal struggles and conflicts.

There is also a related physical issue to my sucking Ben's dick that has happened right before my eyes and by the time I realized what was going on it was too late. Whether I want to suck more cock or not, the conflicts and reminders of sucking cock and constant dwelling on them have manifested themselves in an unexpected manner. After the events of that night I continued to occasionally suck Latisha's strap-on dildos for her now and then. In a subtle way of apology for what she had done that day she actually did buy a new strap-on dildo that is not PVC but is made of actual UR3 realistic material. I used to suck her strap-on dildo reluctantly. But after the events of that night, although I did not realize it at first, I now had a newfound enthusiasm for sucking Latisha's dildos. But I now know that Latisha realized it also and exploited my new enthusiasm in a very subdued yet increasing fashion which was a perfect way for her to purge her sexual dominance yearnings. I did not realize it as I was having fun sucking her dildos for once. Besides Latisha was loving it and seemed very proud of me.

Not only was I sucking her strap-on dildos MUCH more often but she had taught me to deepthroat her dildos, gracefully be throat-fucked, perform blowjobs in many new positions, and even film me sucking her dildos so we could review the films (which was more fun than I ever would have thought).

Only three nights earlier from the writing of this story, she was training me to submissively yet comfortably beg for cock one night ("Give me more cock," and "Please, fill me with your huge dick.") when she said something like, "Matty you are such a good cocksucker," or something like that when I had one of her big dildos deep inside my throat while I was on my knees with my hands bound behind me when it hit me. I realized I had a big, thick dildo in my mouth and several inches sliding in and out of my throat. AND I LIKED IT!! As I was being commended for being a good cocksucker!

This revelation shocked me immediately and deeply and I thought, "What the fuck am I doing with a cock down my throat? Why am I enjoying this?" I felt compromised... girly... suddenly angry as if I had been tricked once again. I backed up fully so that Latisha's large dildo slipped all the way out of my throat and my mouth, suddenly stood up, and flipped out on Latisha.

I screamed at her some paranoid stuff... (with my hands still tied behind my back) some crazy thoughts like, "What the fuck Latisha! I know what is going on here! You want me to get better at sucking your strap-on dildos because you are going to trick me into sucking someone else's dick, right! Some friend you are, asshole."

Latisha stood completely motionless, her hands at her hips, her dildo hanging in a long, natural curve (which struck me as very inviting), her face completely plain, yet troubled, saying nothing. Seconds passed and neither of us said anything.

Finally Latisha said in a slow, low, tired voice, "Matthew..."

Then she paused several seconds more and inhaled a large breath.

Then she began, "Matthew, I am NOT training you with my dildos to set you up to be tricked into sucking someone else's cock. We do this dildo play because it gets me off so hard and you seem to be enjoying it much more than before. That is it! Honest!"

"However Matthew, "she went on, "now that we are on the topic... you may be naturally good at sucking cock but there are things you really could do better which I can help with. Also, you can lie to yourself, you can deny all you want. You can ignore it all you want. You can try to forget. You can even hypnotize yourself if you feel like it, but Matty... I was there with you and Benny that night in the bathroom. Maybe there was only candlelight Matty but I watched you the whole time and I know what I saw."

Latisha walked over to me and stood so close that her dildo was touching my upper leg so it bent at an awkward angle.

Latisha explained further, "Matthew... I saw how tentative you were when you first held Ben's cock. I could tell you were struggling with what you were doing but not enough to stop doing it. And Matt, the longer we played with Benny's cock the less you struggled and the more curious you became. And I get it. Benny has a beautiful cock! I was going to suck him myself that night but then you started in and... well... I know you don't want to hear this Matthew... look at me, Matthew... look right at me! Matthew, you gave Ben a blowjob. You liked it Matthew. I saw you. You liked sucking his cock enough to swallow his cum! I watched you do this right in front of my eyes, Matt. It was like a porno movie was unfolding spontaneously right before my eyes and watching you suck cock was one of the hottest things I have ever seen. I came so hard watching you with Ben's big cock in your mouth! I truly hope you come to terms with whatever is fucking up your mind Matty as I really, really, REALLY want to see you sucking cock again someday very soon."

Latisha stopped for a moment and let out a slow, sad sigh then looked at her feet as if she were contemplating how she was going to frame what she was going to say next. I said nothing as I felt that what she was going to say next was something that I really needed to listen to fully but didn't want to hear.

Then she looked up and started again, "But Matt, all that is not important. But I am going to tell you four observations I have about you sucking cock that night, Matt. Matt, I am going to tell you these four things, and Matt, realize it or not, all four things that I am about to tell you are true. Oh so true... whether you want to believe it or not. And the sooner you accept that they ARE true, the better the both of us will be for it."

"First," Latisha explained, "I watched you suck Ben's cock from start to finish. I know you well Matt. It may make you feel uncomfortable to hear this but Matt, but you liked it. Matt... you like sucking cock. I am positive about this. Think, for a few seconds, about how you felt sucking Ben's cock Matt... {several seconds pause}. You liked it. You know it. I know it. You like sucking cock. Say it out loud Matt. It will do you so much good to admit it out loud. Say it 'I LIKE SUCKING COCK', Say it Matt..."

As Latisha waited I was now very distressed that she might possibly be right. But I said nothing.

Latisha just sighed again then went on, "Second Matty, and I cannot believe I am saying this but you are really pretty good at sucking cock. I watched you give Ben that blowjob in the bathroom and all I could think, until I got too turned on to think of anything else, was 'where the fuck did he learn to suck cock like that? Is this really his first blowjob? Maybe he has sucked more cock that I don't know about?' Hey, was that really your first blowjob?"

"Y-Yes it was," I stuttered, "it was my first. I... I... don't know what happened! I could not stop... it just happened!"

I felt intense shame... like I was about to cry for some reason. Like I was confessing a sin I could not ever atone for.

"I see... that brings us to number three," Latisha went on. "When you sucked Ben's cock I watched the skills you displayed. If that was your very first blowjob and you sucked his cock the way you felt it should be done then you are what is called 'A Natural Cocksucker'. Matt, there are many people who go through their whole lives sucking cock and never learn to suck cock like I watched you suck Ben's big dick. And you did not learn to do that, it is instinct for you. You are so lucky. That is just one more reason why you should suck more cock, Matthew."

"Lastly, but most importantly... and Matt, remember I watched you suck Ben's cock from when you first put your hand on his dick until when Ben finished cumming... Matt, not only did you like sucking dick but you liked it so much that you want more. Personally, I think this is what is bothering you and has turned you into the moody, volatile, erratic guy who used to be so much fun before he sucked some cock. Matt, enjoying the experience of sucking cock does not make you gay, or less of a man. I told you it is only a sex act. And it does not compromise your masculinity either. But you have not yet accepted that yet. I watched you working Ben's cock with your mouth and your hand and I heard the little moans you made. I watched Ben say `Open!" then you, without any hesitation opened your mouth wide and stuck out your tongue and even left your eyes wide open so you could watch Ben shoot stream after stream of cum into your waiting mouth and on your face. And you did not hesitate to swallow his whole load either. Matthew, if you will just accept that you want to suck more cock you will feel so much better and all of your mental struggles will go away. I already KNOW you want to suck more cock Matthew. And deep down, you, too, know that you want to suck more cock. So just admit it Matthew. Say it out loud 'I WANT TO SUCK MORE COCK AND SWALLOW MORE CUM."

Latisha just stopped and waited for a long time but again I said nothing.

Finally, as she started to remove her strap-on harness and dildo, Latisha quietly and sadly said, "I see... you are only hurting yourself Matthew... admit you are a cocksucker and you want more and your struggles will go away" and she said nothing else for a while.

Suddenly she brightened and said, "Oh Matt! I see... I know what it is. You want some cock but you do not want to suck a man's cock. Matthew, how about we find a hot-ass shemale for you? Then you will get to suck the cock I know you want without blowing a man! What do you think?"

I just said, "I don't want suck another cock ever, man or shemale," but it did not sound very convincing to me and I wondered what it would be like to suck a shemale's cock. And I don't think Latisha believed me either.

"Oh Matthew," said Latisha, "You are only hurting yourself. I KNOW you liked it and want to do it again. I don't know what I am going to do with my little cocksucker."

I scowled at her as she led me to the front door. It was implied to both of us that this evening was done. Latisha made one more attempt as I walked out the door. She embraced me and held me in a hug and said, "Matt, you really DO want to suck more cock. It is okay, you will figure it out one day."