Coercion

"Exactly my point. You and I would have no interest in a non-existent child with Abby. All attention would be shifted to you and your child with him. If they became unhappy with the frequency of visitation arrangements because they have no other child but yours to concern themselves with, what's to keep them from suing for fifty-fifty shared custody? Again, that's within a reasonable realm of possibility, is it not?"

"I don't think it's likely but I acknowledge that it's possible," she conceded.

"In that scenario, you and I would lose control of 'our' child fifty percent of the time. Is that perfectly acceptable to you? You wouldn't mind if your flesh and blood child was living with another couple half the time and not with us? How would such a situation enhance our family unity? How would our lives be wonderfully improved by that?"

"It... It wouldn't be right to keep his baby away from him. It's his baby too, after all."

"Christine, there are innumerable possibilities to consider given the unusual circumstances we are now presented with. I'm merely pointing out a few of the possible pitfalls that could happen. I realize that they have painted a wonderfully warm and fuzzy picture for you of how awesome it will be with our interconnected lives forever bonded by these babies. But I'm here to tell you that there's another side they would never mention to you."

"What other side, Nolan? What are you talking about now?"

"Have I not shared with you how I feel about Justin and Abby? Have you forgotten that?"

"No, I haven't but Justin says that you will outgrow those negative feelings, especially when the babies arrive. When you see our baby and bring it home with us, you will be wrapped around its tiny little finger in no time."

"Are you suggesting that Justin knows me better than you do, or better than I know myself?"

"I'm not saying that but you've never been a father before. You don't know how you'll react until the baby is here for you to love."

"I realize that you revere Justin as a walking god among men. To you, he's omniscient and the wisest man that ever lived. But my opinion of him is not as lofty as yours. To me, he's a rapist, a slimeball, a pile of stinking shit, and a self-serving asshole of the lowest order. That's all he will ever be to me. I hate him, and I don't use that word frivolously. I hate everything about him. And because I hate him, the thought of you carrying his child is anathema to me. I want nothing whatsoever to do with any child of his. When your child is born, I will see my nemesis in that child every day of its life. I couldn't help but loathe such a child. I realize you already love it but I don't see how I possibly could. Would you want to bring a child into our home that is loathed by the very man you're asking to raise it as his own? I acknowledge you would love the child unconditionally because it is your own flesh and blood. Can you not also at least acknowledge the possibility of me having the feelings I have just expressed to you? Is it not within the realm of probability?"

Christine was silent for a bit as she considered my point. Without Justin and Abby's presence to counter my every argument, perhaps she might see or consider my point.

"Nolan, are you saying you would hate my child?"

"I didn't say that. I wouldn't hate that child any more than any other child in the world that is not biologically mine. But I do hate its biological father and the baby's presence would be a constant reminder of my feelings for its father."

"But YOU would be its father, Nolan."

"In name only. There would not be one molecule of my DNA in that child. I would be its stepfather, never its father. I couldn't legally call your child my own unless I adopted it. Then and then only would I be able to call it my child. Think about it, what are the chances Justin would simply sign over all of his parental rights, abandoning all claims to his child, and allow me to adopt it? That's right. Zero. No matter what sweet-smelling lies and fairytales he tells you, he would never be gracious enough to give up his only child to me for our happiness."

She silently considered what I was saying, slowly letting my words sink in.

"Okay, I can sort of see a tiny bit where you're coming from. But that circumstance would become reality only if Abby were to miscarry. Although it's possible, it isn't very likely. So rather than consider an end-of-the-world scenario as you suggest, why not face the more likely outcome of two very healthy, very loved children?" She said proudly.

"I am not you, Christine and I don't have the same constitution as you or they do. Setting your child aside for the moment, if Abby's child was born perfectly healthy and bore the Sinclair name, how interested do you believe I would be in maintaining a strong nurturing relationship with a child whose parents I despise? Very little I can assure you. Three people would be head over heels in love with your child, and three people would be head over heels in love with their child. I would not be counted among the three in either case. So please explain to me how such a situation would enhance our marriage?"

She began crying, not sobbing but tears ran down her face as she considered my honest position.

"So what are you saying, Nolan? Are you saying you'll divorce me if I decide I want to keep and raise my baby?"

"I haven't said that. For now, I'm saying I don't see how I could love either child. Would you be perfectly happy raising your child in a home where its stepfather has little or nothing to do with it while its biological father comes over to see it all the time, driving your husband to leave and be somewhere else every time he visits until he finally leaves?"

"But.."

"I know what you're going to say. But at one time they were my best friends too. I agree, at one time they were. But they aren't anymore and never will be again. That much I can say with certainty. Look, we've covered a lot of emotional ground today. Both of us are worn out from the intensity of our respective points of view. Thank you for hearing me out without shouting each other down. Why don't we take a break from this subject until we have definitive results from the paternity tests? Then we can eliminate all of the 'what if' situations and focus solely on the 'what is'. Would you like to see one of the musical shows at one of the venues near North Myrtle? I heard one of our favorite groups is performing. I love you, Christine, more than you may think. If I didn't care, I'd have already packed up and gone."

"Thank you too, Nolan, for sticking with me, with us, until we come to an understanding about how to move forward from where we are. I'd love to see a show this evening. Let's go get cleaned up."

We took it easy and enjoyed the remainder of our time together that weekend as a couple in a non-threatening environment. I think Christine was relieved to be away from the conversational stresses Abby and Justin were placing on her, though she'd never admit it. Although none of the serious issues that we had raised were resolved, we had at least clearly delineated our respective perspectives and positions for each other to consider.

The following Tuesday afternoon, I received a text from the clinic to check their portal for test results. My hands were trembling as I typed in my password. I had no doubt that Justin was the father of Christine's baby but I was hoping against hope that he was also the father of Abby's. It would make things slightly simpler for me. My hopes were dashed. The results were definitive. I was not the biological father of Christine's baby just as I expected but the results indicated that Abby's child was indeed mine. Normally this would be a celebratory moment but to me, it was almost a death knell. At least now I knew. I would wait until this evening to share the news with Christine. She instinctively hugged me and said she was happy for me. She was alone in her joy. She was distraught at my pervasive sadness.

The next day, a very upbeat Christine brought up her news after supper.

"Honey, remember when you suggested that we go to counseling to see if we could work through our problems?"

"Yeah, as I recall, you shot me down," I reminded.

"Not at all. I merely suggested that we wait until some dust had settled, so calmer heads could work toward a resolution."

"You say tow-may-tow, I say tow-mah-tow."

"Whatever," she disregarded. "I've made an appointment for us to see Dr. Gresham, a highly recommended psychiatrist who is qualified to help us navigate this minefield to see us through this dilemma with the least amount of emotional damage. Here's her card. She works evening hours to avoid interfering with our jobs. She can see us twice a week starting tomorrow. Since you get off work at five, you should easily be able to make it there by five-thirty. I'll just work a bit late and meet you there. Alright? I'm doing this for us, baby. Help me out here. I'm trying."

It was the first encouraging news I'd had lately. Even if we couldn't resolve our differences, perhaps a psychiatrist could help us navigate the path toward an amenable separation and divorce."

Chapter-20

"I'll be there," I said encouraged.

I had an anxious enthusiasm all day in anticipation of this upcoming counseling session. It was a chance for a respected and qualified individual to finally help Christine see things from my perspective. I played numerous conversations in my mind, endeavoring to organize my thoughts to present my position cogently.

When I pulled into the parking lot, I saw Christine's car already there. I made my way up the elevator to the twelfth floor, suite 1208. The lobby of Dr. Gresham's office was luxuriously appointed. I suddenly wondered how much these sessions were going to cost me. No matter. If it helped Christine come around to seeing things my way, it would be worth the expense. The no-nonsense receptionist buzzed me into Dr. Gresham's chamber immediately upon my arrival. Apparently, they took security precautions very seriously.

I was shocked to find not only Christine there as expected but the asshole and the bitch were also in attendance. Sensing my immediate discomfort, an extremely attractive late-thirties woman wearing a slinky, form-fitting blue dress called out to me.

"Please, Nolan. Won't you have a seat and join us? I realize that you must feel ambushed but I take my cases very seriously and gather as much background information as possible to enable me to come from an informed position to best address the perceived needs of all of my clients. I give you my word that there will be no raised voices tolerated in my chamber, including yours. We're all here to achieve the best possible results for all involved given the nature of the most unusual situation you four are facing." Dr. Gresham eloquently addressed with her evocative voice.

I had a deer-in-the-headlights look as I considered my escape. But Dr. Gresham was so disarming with her easygoing personality. I thought it wouldn't hurt anything to listen to her opinion of my situation. What did I have to lose after all that wasn't already lost? I took a seat on a chair along the wall opposite the three collaborators seated on a couch together. The three of them remained silent as they watched me as if under Dr. Gresham's magnifying glass.

"Come now, Nolan. Surely you can do better than that. Christine, why don't you join Nolan on that loveseat to the left of Abby and Justin? Let's pretend that we're civilized people who prefer decorum over childishness, shall we?" We both took our seats as directed. "There now. That's much better, isn't it? Now then, Nolan, if you would allow, I'd like to catch you up on where we are."

Numbly, I mutely nodded.

Dr. Gresham continued, "Fine, thank you for your patience. When your wife first contacted me seeking my counseling services for your benefit, our initial discussion branched into the perceived root cause of the strife and contention predominantly affecting your marriage. From what I gleaned from our discussion, the basis of your perceived problems are now seated in this room, are they not?"

I again nodded in silence.

"Good. To that end, I opened my schedule this afternoon to help me gain adequate insight into the problems, and to organize an approach to resolve the conflicts among the four of you that would allow healthy and loving relations to re-emerge and prevail. I asked the three of them to come at 1 pm this afternoon. I have probed deeply into the circumstances that led to the dissension you suggest is tearing your marriage apart. Though the circumstances are most unusual, I admit, I have dealt with similar situations before and feel confident that I can help the four of you reignite the strong bonds of love you all once shared."

"Excuse me, Doctor. What did you just say? Reignite the strong bonds of love we all once shared?"

"Yes, Nolan. They've presented a convincing case that the four of you have been comprehensively engaged in a nurturing, intimate, polyamorous relationship, and it's my role to help the four of you get back to that level of love and trust once again so you can resume enjoying the fruits of such a bold undertaking. Polyamory has become quite popular in today's society."

"Listen to me, doctor. Please listen very carefully right now. I can only imagine the pack of lies you've been told today by these.....charlatans. You have been misled. I'm here today because my wife is pregnant with another man's child. I hate the man whose child she carries. She wants to keep the baby after birth, and she expects me to happily raise his child as my own. She also wants me to welcome the very man I hate into my home regularly as he enjoys an active relationship with his biological child. No matter what lies they've told you, that's the unadulterated truth. I can't abide raising another man's child. I'm sorry. I have told Christine that she must choose between a life with me or a life with the other man's child. I was never, not for a single second, in love with either of the Sinclairs. They are anathema to me. No law says I must love them, regardless of how much Christine does. It's either me or them, doc. If you can't help Christine make that decision, then we have nothing else to discuss. I've had enough of this garbage, I'm getting out of here."

"I'm afraid I can't let you leave just yet, Nolan. You're very upset, and I refuse to buzz you out until you've calmed down and openly discussed this with all of us. I'm willing to listen to what you have to say but I'm at a loss to explain the chasm that exists between you and the Sinclairs."

"I'd be more than happy to explain it to you, doc but if I did, someone would be going to prison after the revelation. If you don't push that button and let me leave, quietly and calmly, I'll take this chair and break through the sheetrock wall. One way or another, I'm leaving and I'm leaving now. So what's it going to be?" I seethed.

With widened eyes, she pushed the buzzer releasing the electric lock to the door. Christine called out to me as I was walking away. I ignored her pleas. I drove to a nice family restaurant to slake my hunger and cool my heels. It chided me that the assholes had presented the four of us as being a successful polyamorous relationship that was merely experiencing a bump in the road. I was also surprised that someone with Dr. Gresham's credentials could be so easily deceived. I chuckled that after spending the entire afternoon with those clowns, the only real truth that Dr. Gresham received was the last minute or two I provided before my departure. I took my time enjoying my meal and thoroughly relaxed in the casual family atmosphere. Nope. It didn't appear to be in the cards for Christine and me to salvage our marriage.

I finally made it home by eight-thirty. Thankfully, Christine was home alone.

"Why did you ruin all of our hard work today with the psychiatrist? I thought you wanted us to go to counseling," she boldly claimed.

"The only thing I ruined was the fairytale the three of you told her. Every single word I spoke is true. I wanted marriage counseling to see if we could save our union. Right now, I hold little hope for that possibility. You're still conspiring with them against me."

"That's not true, Nolan. Justin set up the meeting with the psychiatrist. I thought he was just being helpful. Abby told me at work at noon today that the doctor wanted to see us early to establish a foundation for your arrival. It was them that told her all those things. To be honest, I didn't correct them because, in a way, I sort of wanted it to be true. And I thought if she could work her magic with you, and bring you into the fold, that would be the ultimate solution. I see now how that was a huge mistake, and I wish I had never been a part of it.

"Every time you involve them in our lives in any way, it is me that always gets shit on, and quite honestly, I'm getting tired of it. I need to ask you a serious question, and I want a 100% truthful and honest answer."

"Sure, baby, anything," she acceded.

"Have you been intimate with Justin since July thirty-first? Because if that EVER happens, we're done. Divorce will be guaranteed."

She didn't hesitate, "No, I swear we haven't, I mean, I haven't been intimate with him since then. I have been tempted, I'll admit, and he has invited me over several times but I have not had sex with anyone, including you since that Sunday. I will admit that when I got out of my car at the psychiatrist's parking lot this afternoon, he grabbed me and pulled me into a kiss but I quickly rebuffed him and spurned his effort. I reminded him what you'd said about it being the end of us if he and I had sex again, so he stopped. He doesn't want us separated or divorced. It pains him to no end that our four-musketeer relationship has been stymied since then. He blames himself for not accurately predicting how you would feel after the month was over. They're hoping you'll come back around. They'd do nearly anything to make that happen again.

"Okay, I answered your question truthfully, now it is your turn to answer mine. Why can't you just accept them back as our best friends and freely love them as I do? Why do you suddenly hate them so?"

"I told you why many times already. I believe they used us and abused our friendship to get their jollies for a month. There was no reason for them to demand intimacy from us for a month. I went along with it only to spare you prison, no other reason. It's a shame that you don't see through them as I do. There is no foursome with them, nor will there ever be again. If you want a divorce so that you can pursue sexual relationships with other men, I'll sign the papers tonight. Are you still hell-bent on keeping your baby and raising it?"

Christine teared up and cried, "If I give up my baby, as you so casually suggest, I'll be miserable every day without it but if I don't give it up, then you'll be miserable every day, and divorce me. I don't see a happy ending for either of us. That's why I've been fighting so hard trying to keep what we had together, searching fruitlessly for a win-win. All I can see now is a lose-lose. I don't know what the answer for us is, Nolan. All I know is I love you and I don't want to lose you. At the same time, I love my flesh and blood baby, and don't want to lose it either, regardless of how it came to exist. We need help, and I thought that Dr. Gresham may have been able to do that. I was wrong. I'm reaching out to you for as long as you're still my husband. What do we do? How can we possibly survive this?"

She dropped to her knees sobbing agonizingly in great anguish. For the first time in a long time, I felt her pain. Her distress and suffering belied the truth she was telling me. We each understand the position of the other, however, how to break the logjam is the ten-thousand-dollar question. Both of us yet had much thinking to do. She was asking me for answers and I have none to give. I came behind her and gently placed my hands on her shoulders. She quickly stood and grabbed me into a desperate hug. This was no attempt at seduction. I was convinced of her agony for the circumstances we faced.