All Comments on 'Combat Healer Ch. 01'

The full title of this story is:

Combat Healer: Red Oni Battlemage (a Men’s LitRPG Adventure)

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Right now, the full Book 1 (101,000 words) is on Amazon for only $0.99

https://mybook.to/CombatHealer1

Great start to a fantastic story; keep up the great work!

Nice start..I clicked on this as i had just finish reading a litrpg called Nomad Healer, and wondered how you would structure a story line with a combat healer.

Good start cant wait for future adventure exploites

Promising start

Nice start

This is an exceptional story! You have managed to take a much used (sometimes abused) genre and give it a whole new life! Bravo Sir, Bravo!

Very well done. If I ever manage to get a job ever again, I’ll have to pick up your full published version of this.

In the meantime, I’ll look forward to more

Eh, this feels weaker than your other stories. The trouble with writing a "video gamey" story is that it requires an insane amount of setup - and so typically falls prey to the mistake of just having massive exposition dumps in the beginning, like this one does.

Combine that with the protagonist whining about his lack of sex life for an extended period of time, and it just isn't very gripping.

An example of how to set up a video game story that feels more natural might be "Dee Drive," by Over_Red. Once the protagonist gets into the game itself, mechanics are thrown at him slowly as he figures out the world around him.

I liked the story but I think you missed a trick with this opening chapter. You've had to introduce a whole world and many mechanics involved in it's establishment, and you've done it a little awkwardly with an 'introduction' and in an internal monologue. The protagonist introducing themselves and blathering on nearly turned me off of the story as it's something I hate, especially as it's clear to see that the story won't be written diary-like, so the breaking of the 'fourth wall' has no grounding. The missed trick was that you brought a 'new' character into the world, with the red Oni passing into the city, and could have used her experiences and conversations to push all the relevant information out much more naturally.

The story still seems interesting and I enjoyed the first chapter, so I'll see how the rest goes.

So far its a number one,love it.

Excellent start off!! Love it so far.👍