Come on over, Mallory

Mal10ry: Two weeks. Haven't matched with many men, absolutely shitting myself. Can't even tell myself I signed up when I was drunk, either. This was a deliberate, sober decision lol.

I refused to reply as I was seriously freaked out. My best friend could do what she wanted, and she frequently did, but this was so un-Mallory, even for her. Mal definitely lived for the moment, and it was well-documented that she did things on a whim most of the time, but this seemed deliberate, and that was even more disconcerting.

Not at any point in the 10 years that I'd known her had she expressed even the slightest interest in men. I knew within about two hours that she was strongly into women - mainly because she had her tongue down the netball captain's throat as a first-year 'fresher'.

Mal10ry: There, verified. Believe me now?

Joe-(not)-lean: I can't see it.

Mal10ry: Close the app and restart it!

So I did and when that tick came up beside her profile I just about held onto the phone. This was absolutely insane.

Joe-(not)-lean: Mallory??

Mal10ry: Lol, hi.

Joe-(not)-lean: I swear to you, I thought you were a catfish. Hence the weird flirting lol

I watched her typing and I know it might sound ridiculous, but I got up and poured myself a whisky in the interim. It was like The Matrix had glitched. My mind was racing as though I had stumbled onto some horrifying discovery, and I needed to process it. Whatever the reason, I wanted to be there for her.

I poured some of the alcohol, added a measure of ginger ale and some ice, knocked a fair bit back, and took a deep breath. Maybe it's a good thing this happened, I thought. She'd never have mentioned it otherwise and at least this way I can check in with her, help her weed out the weirdos... and figure out what the heck is going on!

When I returned to my seat, a long message from her was waiting for me.

Mal10ry: If we're going to talk, let's talk on here. Easier for me to compartmentalise and talk to you, because clearly this is now happening, and I need to handle that. When we message off here and see each other, this needs to not be mentioned, okay? Just while I get used to things. It was one thing when this was a private thing that I was exploring but quite another now someone I know knows about it. That being said, I'll WhatsApp you a selfie so you know without doubt it's me lol and I didn't recode The Matrix.

I loved that she said that.

Not a minute later, a picture followed on WhatsApp. It was from Mal: a selfie of her sitting on her leather sofa from her chest upwards, in a black vest top. I could see the tattoo she'd got on her collar bone - hope is never hopeless - I could see into her kitchen area over her shoulder. I could see she had her messy dark hair in a ponytail. She had no make-up on and looked a little pale in the lighting. Still, there was a smile lighting up her face and despite the somewhat shy body language, I could sense at least some confidence.

A voice note followed.

"Having spent the better part of two weeks meticulously looking through the bios of men," it started, in Mal's working class, slightly 'street' accent, "and swiping no on countless shirtless men and fucking poses next to a sleeping tiger, it was refreshing to come across a profile I actually wanted to swipe yes to. Not sure if that's enough of a compliment, coming from me." She finished with a cute, nervous laugh.

Why was I suddenly so flustered?

It took me a little bit to figure out what to say. Mal kept jumping online and offline seconds later, clearly waiting for a response. Did I assume she was flirting? Was she actually interested or was that just a platonic, friendly compliment? When the time for me to respond started dragging on a bit too long, I decided on going with how I felt, not how it seemed. I wanted to keep it platonic.

"Big compliment coming from you, Mal. How many matches did that leave you with? 10?" I grinned and it showed in my voice. "Anyway, point proven, it's you. I'll let you decide how you best want to use our match. Here if you need any advice or want to try your best dating lines on someone safe. Otherwise, I'll pretend it's not happening and act surprised when you rock up with a boyfriend."

I sent the voice-note and saw Mal immediately jump on and listen to it. Then I saw her type and delete a few times before I jumped off and left her to it. After a shower and getting ready for bed, I checked my phone again and saw there was nothing from Mal. Leaving her to it, I got into bed too. I was almost asleep when I felt my phone vibrate with a notification from the app.

Mal10ry: 6 matches, actually. Lame returns but at least there's one match I want to say goodnight to x

***

The next morning I awoke expecting the night before to have been a dream... it might even have felt like a bit of a nightmare.

Mal10ry: Hey, any plans today?

It wasn't a dream. It may yet end up being a nightmare.

Joe-(not)-lean: Just getting on with work, wrapping things up before I go away.

Mal10ry: What do you do?

I was sure Mal had a camera set up in my house and could see the confused look on my face as she followed up quickly.

Mal10ry: Just go with it, please.

Joe-(not)-lean: I work for a software management company in the accounts and new business team. Have you fallen back to sleep just reading that? What do you do?

What was I doing, more importantly? I guess she just wanted a safe 'getting to know you' conversation. I could give her that.

Mal10ry: Sounds... interesting! Do you enjoy it? I work in marketing for a market research company, weirdly. Which is supposed to make me pretty good at questions, but you wouldn't believe that right now.

Joe-(not)-lean: I like the travel, I like the convincing people.. so yeah, I like it. Do you like what you do?

Mal10ry: Oooh so your future partner will have all this free time without you? You need to sell that a bit more in your bio, in my purely professional opinion ;) I enjoy what I do, it's a nice contrast to my life: organised and structured vs going with the flow and living in the moment.

Mal10ry: By the way, is your intention to completely disarm the mark by pretending you're less than what you are, so that they underestimate you? I see the username, but I see some pretty defined muscles. Hmm...

Joe-lean?: Better?

Mal10ry: Lol, much.

Joe-lean?: Interesting contrast with your life and work. Which 'camp' do you want your partner to be in?

I already knew the answer but I was "going with it" at Mal's request.

Mal10ry: I used to think I needed someone who lives life like I do but after much soul-searching (sorry for the dramatics lol) I realised I need someone a bit more structured. Someone who plans the adventures not just tags along with me. Or else it's a lot of pressure on me and I can't always trust myself to be motivated. I need someone who can do the motivating.

Huh.

Joe-lean?: Sounds like you've done some serious thinking. Good on you for that self-reflection.

Mal10ry: Oh you have no idea.

I was working from home that day and was glad to be, given how frequently I checked for replies from Mal. She was at work and was being sensible with the use of her phone, so that kept me focused enough too.

By the end of the working day, I was drawn into the conversation such that I'd forgotten who I was speaking to at points. It was as if I was getting to know Mallory afresh. And this was someone I was very interested in getting to know.

__

"Have you heard from Mal this week?"

"Nope," I replied, a little too quickly. "Sorry, a touch worried about her," I replied, not untruthfully.

"Yeah a few of us are," Tom admitted, bringing the pint glass to his lips. Another friend I'd met via Austin.

It was just him & I because Mal had cancelled earlier in the day and Danielle wasn't coming without Mal, that was a given.

"Aust said some interesting things after we played football a couple of evenings ago," Tom noted.

Playing football was how we met Tom a few years back. Obviously, Austin had adopted him into the friendship group that first day. I tore my ACL over a year ago and hadn't played football since. I could run just fine now, but the thought of someone bashing my knee... nope.

"What was he saying?" I asked, playing it cool. I felt my ears turning pink and it suddenly felt very warm. I had to keep myself calm and remind myself Tom wouldn't have a clue. That is, as long as I didn't give it away.

Had I been relieved that Mal had cancelled after I invited her to the casual drinks, despite it being the last time I'd see her before Christmas? Yes. Even more so now I knew how I was reacting at the mere mention of her.

It was a moment or two before Tom answered, considering how to phrase it. "Well, remember this is now 3^rd hand, right? So Aust was telling me that Cath told him..." he grinned at my brief pause and then a nod as I caught up, "that Mal was asking all these interesting questions of her when they first met. Like, how did she know she fancied Aust, because they were working together for a while, right? And did she start looking at him differently before they got together or was it when there started to be some flirtation that she looked at him differently."

I caught the barman's eye and asked for two more pints. He was pouring them as Tom continued. I was watching the man and silently pleading for him to bring over the first beer before the second was poured as a means of distraction. Alas, he predictably got started on the second one before walking them both over to our side of the bar. "So, Cath's a bit: what the fuck, afterward? Aust being Aust just tries to explain Mal's weird and random in the sweetest way and she meant nothing by it. But when he & I talk it over the other day, I get him to see she hasn't been that way in a while, has she? Weird and random, I mean. She's serious and just seems a lot more... intense somehow."

I shrugged nonchalantly, in part because not two seconds before, I'd felt my phone vibrate in the specific pattern I'd set for the dating app. For her.

In the end, I downplayed it and assured him she seemed fine and happy, though I hadn't seen her in a while. I felt shit at having to talk it down and as we sat together talking about work, I was on autopilot wondering how I could speak to Mallory about this given what was secretly happening - if anything was actually 'happening'.

"I'm just going to message her," I announced suddenly, the obvious thought coming right to me.

I pulled up WhatsApp and shot her a message.

Joe: Sorry you couldn't make it today, you've got a few of us worried that you're in crisis lol. All okay?

Mal jumped straight online.

Mal: Yeah, lol. You all need to relax, I haven't felt this good in a while. We'll catch up before NYE, don't worry!

It wasn't until Tom took a bathroom break that it felt safe to check the dating app.

Mal10ry: How's your evening? I just wanted to say that messaging you is quickly becoming the highlight of my day. Not sure if you feel the same?

Damnit.

I knew what she was doing, it wasn't even subtle. Or unusual - not for online dating where people were constantly playing that dating dance. The obvious 'where is this going?' was a frequent question I encountered in many forms. But this was actually from Mal, and I hesitated being honest for half a second, before encouraged by the alcohol, I replied without game-playing.

Joe-lean?: It's going well, a couple of friends dropped out of drinks last-minute but I won't hold it against them, they probably had better plans! How's your evening? And yes, I feel exactly the same...

Mal10ry: I dunno, if I'd have had plans tonight, I'd have still picked you. Basically did. You're pretty cool.

It was another day of talking to Mallory as more than just a friend; another day of talking to Mallory as though she was a stranger I was looking to date. Another night of her being the last person I messaged and the last person I thought about.

_

Christmas caught up with me quicker than I was ready for. I was normally well prepared with presents, but I spent Christmas Eve doing last minute shopping in the shopping centre half an hour from my parent's house. A disaster by my standards.

Mallory was staying at home - she'd told me that on the app, but I knew she did as she had done every year for the last few years. We'd all offered at various points to have her stay with us, but she preferred to stay at home and treat it like every other day.

Her name literally meant 'unfortunate' and that might have been an understatement. Still, whatever was happening between us, I didn't feel that definition applied to me anymore.

Mal10ry: How's your Christmas Eve going?

Joe-lean?: Extremely disorganised and I'm scrambling to buy my presents, whilst replying to you in between.

Mal10ry: That's unlike you!

Mal10ry: I mean, that seems unlike you, Mr Organised ;)

She'd been doing that quite a lot over those last few days - responding as though she already knew me and blurring the lines between our friendship and this... dating talk. I was becoming increasingly aware that Mal was even less responsive than normal on our WhatsApp chat as well as group chats. She seemed to be spending most of her conversational energy talking to the Joe she 'met' on the dating app.

I told myself I'd let it stay like this until after Christmas and then, one way or another, I was going to call her out on it. But that was for after Christmas, specifically because I still had no idea how Mal would react. I knew how hard the holidays were for her and it seemed she was doing well. I wasn't about to risk that.

What was for sure was that I too was blurring my knowledge of 'this' Mallory, and my friend. I was simply no longer sure that I knew my friend very well. What didn't help was the now increasing sexual aspect to our conversations.

Mal10ry: What's wrong with being horny at your parent's house? You're in a room alone, right? Toughen up already.

Joe-lean?: Yes, but it's Christmas Eve... What would Jesus think?

Mal10ry: Oh honey, I've sinned so much that you're off the good list just for talking to me.

Joe-lean?: Isn't that Santa?

Mal10ry: Funny. Tell me more about me making you horny? It's an unusual feeling for me to be aroused by making a man aroused lol. Sure that doesn't bother you?

Joe-lean?: No, as long as you can get used to the idea of it.

Mal10ry: Oh trust me, I've been watching a LOT of straight porn these last few months. There may also have been use of toys to imagine it was me too...

Joe-lean?: Was it like a switch being flicked then?

Mal10ry: Yes, and no. I'll tell you properly when we go on a date.

Joe-lean?: Are we going on a date then?

Mal10ry: I hope so, or this has been a waste of a lot of orgasms.

My mouth absolutely hung open at that. My heart raced as though I had just had the amount of sex she had referenced. It may have been crass, but it left me in no doubt where her head was at. I'd promised myself I was going to wait for Christmas to pass before suggesting we talk off of the app, but this had given me the opening I needed - and if I still knew Mallory at all, everything she had said was deliberate.

Joe-lean?: Are you ready to talk like this away from the app?

Mal10ry: I've been ready for a while, asshole ;)

"Here goes nothing," I muttered, pulling up WhatsApp on my phone and seeing she was online. She read my message as soon as I sent it.

Joe: Thanks for giving me your number ;)

Mal: Ha ha, look at that smug wink. Happy?

Joe: Beyond being madly confused, yes I am.

Mal: Yep.

Mal: I couldn't face seeing you before Christmas because I felt like I'd give away how I feel. Especially to you of all people.

Mal: I can't show you how much I feel in some ways right now, but I can show you how I feel in others. Merry Christmas handsome, I took this for you a couple of nights ago.

I had a feeling it would be a picture that would completely change how I saw Mallory. There'd be no going back. I wasn't wrong.

For someone who's heart was nearly beating out of his chest mere minutes ago, it was amazing how quickly everything seemed to stop.

I was screwed. Unquestionably, undoubtedly screwed.

The second I saw Mallory like that, it was over for me. I knew, without doubt, that she was the pinnacle of all my attraction.

Her hair was clipped up, like it had been that day on the rooftop and the lighter brunette shade seemed to add a sexiness to her, heightening how striking she looked. She had no makeup on, which was a bold choice for such a picture. But I knew it to be her 'this is the real me' look.

The vulnerability behind the confidence of her body language was startling. If that was the real her, and I had any chance at all to be waking up to that face, she had nothing to feel vulnerable about. She was stunningly beautiful in that warm light and with a similarly expressive smile. Seeing her face like that was one thing but her body was quite another.

She was topless, that was evident by her full, firm breasts proudly on display as she was propped up on her pillow. Her nipples were pierced, with two of her fingers playing with the bar in a sensual way. Her other hand was over her red thong, pulling it tight so the material was almost stuck to her lips. I shamelessly zoomed in. I could see the material was damp with her arousal and that hardened my own cock. My free hand found its way down to my boxers just to ease the tension. Her body had a smattering of tattoos which only added to her appeal. The quote on her collar bone; rope drawn upwards along her rib cage; a small bird underneath her breast with the wing seemingly at the bottom of her flesh. I was in awe of her.

Joe: I'm absolutely speechless, Mal. Not because I don't know what to say, but because I don't want to spend all night gushing about how incredible you are and put you off!

Mal: At this point, nothing you can say is going to put me off you. So, yeah.

Joe: Nothing?

Mal: Nothing.

Mal: I'm being honest because I haven't been and you've been patient with me. I don't know when it started but I started feeling things, and it was fucking strange J. It wasn't like a switch flicked, I just found myself looking at you bit by bit. Didn't recognise it for what it was then. Then I behaved like I did at Austin's birthday and it hit me the next morning.

Joe: Danielle?

Mal: Yep.

Joe: She was some kind of reckless distraction then?

It's funny how quick you can forget how aroused you are when the truth bombs start to drop. I had both hands on my phone at that point, waiting for Mal's never-ending message to be written.