Come on over, Mallory

Mallory: Yep. You found someone; I didn't know what to do. Went back to what I thought I knew. But I didn't want it. Then you fight it. Refuse to accept it. Here's a woman who you know likes you so go for it. I felt so shit. I'd have gone through with it if you hadn't seen us. I slept that night, woke up and thought: I was not myself last night, not who I've been for a while. Then I signed up, saw you a couple of weeks later...

Joe: And the rest is history.

Mallory: You know I'm a shameless believer in fate. How is it that the man I'd been thinking about matches with me when I was starting to doubt my own certainty of mind? Fate.

Joe: Mal...

Mallory: Joe...

Joe: We need to meet and discuss this when I'm back. Enough is enough.

I stared at my phone for a while. She started to type, twice, and then she stopped. She stayed online for a while longer, then she went offline. I went offline too, waiting for her message. But it didn't come.

She didn't reply at all the next day, not even when I messaged her the next morning. She did wish everyone Merry Christmas on the group chat, so I knew she was alive at least. My mind was a mess and I cursed myself for pushing too hard. I held myself together by trying to tell myself I knew Mallory and I needed to give her space, because this was real for her now.

Truth was, I didn't feel I knew her anymore. Instead, I was nervous as all hell of blowing it. And on Christmas Day, I faced the fact I was falling for her.

***

I wasn't due back until a day before New Year's Eve, which Austin was hosting a party for, of course. Mallory would be there, she'd confirmed it with Austin.

Mal: I'll see you at Austin's party, I promise x

That was all I'd got from her, two days after Christmas. She'd ignored the messages I'd sent and the apology for freaking her out. It would have to do.

I dressed up for it, paying more care and attention than I ordinarily would. I knew almost everyone there, with only a few new people joining (that Austin had typically made friends with recently) but there was only one reason I was putting a new shirt on.

I got to Austin's before she did. I knew that immediately because I was one of the first. I finally, finally met Catherine and then got given the explanation of why I was there with only one of Catherine's friends, who was opening up crisp bags and pouring them into big bowls.

"Help you set up? Are you taking the piss Aust?"

"Dude, come on, it's moving a few things around, getting drinks on ice, no biggie," Austin reason. "You're always efficient at this stuff."

By the time the party was actually due to start, I was done. But I'd built up a sweat and in my light blue shirt, it was too big a risk to raise my arms. I sought some deodorant in the bathroom and towelled myself down some, cursing Aust for talking me into moving the tv and its stand to the other room.

When I finally got my overheating body under control, I opened the door and quite literally walked right into Mallory, who was but a yard away. You couldn't make it up.

"Hey!"

Her smile was so wide and so clearly genuine, the under-the-surface annoyance I'd felt about her silence effectively dissipated on the spot. She wasted no time pulling me into a hug that I returned gratefully. She pulled back and considered me. "You're really hot."

"Thanks," I stuttered, face-reddening at her openness in that environment where anyone could be listening in. I was surprised at how comfortable she seemed to be.

She grinned, her perfect white teeth peeking between her soft lips. "No, you're actually hot!"

I laughed out loud but cursed Austin yet again. The situation had me behaving like an idiot and I'd spent the previous couple of days having imaginary conversations in the mirror about how I'd start the conversation with her.

She looked around her to find a temporarily empty hallway. I looked behind her too expecting to see Danielle, but she wasn't there. Mal took my hand in hers softly and looked me in the eyes. I was about 4 inches taller than her 5'5 but she was in heels, so she was effectively looking through her long eyelashes rather than looking up. It gave her a sultry look. "You look hot in that way too," she spoke quietly despite the moderately loud music that had started up.

"You do too," and I meant it. She was wearing what she had once jokingly called her 'straight outfit' of a low-cut dress that stopped above the knees (this one was black with long sleeves but a plunging neckline), tights and black ankle boots. Her hair was again clipped up and her exposed neck was decorated with a silver necklace I'd not seen before. It had a pendant at the end of it.

I nodded towards it questioningly and she took hold of it, absent-mindedly. "Later," was all she said in response. "I haven't done my rounds yet and when we speak, people will just keep interrupting if I don't spend time with them."

I smiled, Mallory knew how flaky she could be. But we, all of us, forgave her for it. She knew her flaws - she knew she could be over-competitive, jealous if she was left out, and needy at seemingly-random moments. But we all knew she was outgoing, selfless, charming and someone who would do anything for the people she cared about. That she knew and owned her own flaws said a lot about her. She was working on them, always working on herself. I knew her well enough to know she needed to not feel like she needed help or that she was a burden. You had to let her make her own decisions, make her own mistakes, even if they were clear to see. But over time I had come to realise that she would come to you for advice and support if you didn't pressure her. That you could tease her about the flaws she was so self-conscious of if she knew you truly cared for her. It was how I got away with it when for others, it might have led to attempted murder.

"Are you staying over later as usual?" I asked evenly to her departing back, ruining the brief moment I was having of the view of her firm ass on her slim frame.

She looked back. "Presumptuous, aren't we?" She winked and kept on walking.

_

We found each other again about an hour later, deliberately casually. By that point any fluster had gone, I was relaxed. I'd put a plan together in my head and reminded myself it was very natural and normal that we'd spend time talking together, sometimes privately and intimately in a corner of a bar, or in this case, leaning against the door frame leading to the hallway. We were just away from the noisiest part of the house so we didn't need to shout, but it was loud enough that we wouldn't be overheard.

We caught up on how I'd spent the previous week, with Mal being quite evasive when I turned it back on her. We people-watched, as we frequently did together, and we danced. I made a fool of myself and Mal most definitely did not, with her hands running over her stunning body. I tried not to look too hard and got out a few 'go on Mal' comments, as I would have before all this.

It was perfect, for both of us, because it gave us confidence, we could have it both ways - the friendship and the dating. When we stopped dancing, I saw her look over at me a couple of times, smile and turn her eyes to her bottle of beer, drinking some to hide her happiness. Too late though, as it was infectious.

Before we could spend too long standing there like a couple of grinning idiots, Mal looked at me nervously. "You're not upset about me ghosting you, are you?"

I sighed. "I mean, I'm not pleased, Mal. It's one thing as friends but if we became an item, that can't happen," I told her firmly.

She nodded and agreed. "It won't. You know how needy I can get," she teased, making me laugh. "Besides, my sex drive is through the roof since, you know, this," she blushed.

She took my hand and led us towards the balcony. I had another moment where I had to remind myself that her holding my hand as we went through a crowd of people was perfectly normal. I let go as we went by the kitchen and motioned I'd join her out there. Instead, I went to the kitchen to grab a couple more beers. She clearly wanted to talk and that meant beer.

"Hey bro, having a good time?" It was Austin.

"A great one," I replied, cheersing him in thanks and appreciation. "You may have played me with the setup, but the party has made up for it. Catherine's a stunner by the way," I grinned at him.

He cheersed me back. "Totally too good for me," he agreed.

"Hey," I called him out, "nobody is too good for you bud." I meant it.

He looked awkward after a beat, at that point. As though he had something to say. My first thought was that either he had proposed, or they'd just broken up. "So this is awkward to ask but I figure since I've got all these compliments in the bank, I can use some of them up."

"Go on," I knew just from the way he was asking me, that he knew.

"Cath seems to think there's something going on with you and Mal tonight. She thinks there's a vibe. She actually thought you were dating at first." He looked uncomfortable about it, as though he knew he was overstepping but the curiosity was too strong.

"And you think the same now you've seen us?"

He shrugged, not denying it. "It's just the way you were facing each other and the way she was looking at you, you know?"

I looked at him, looked around the kitchen despite knowing we were alone and nodded. "There's something there but we don't know what it is yet. We're working through it."

He looked elated but held it in - just. "I'll keep it between us, I promise."

"And Cathy," I reminded him, heading out. He grinned sheepishly.

Mal was on the balcony to one side, just away from the crowd, looking over at the city skyscrapers. Austin's place was on the 3^rd floor so the view was pretty good, and the fireworks would be visible.

"This balcony's gonna be packed in a little while," I reminded Mal, announcing my arrival and handing her a beer. She took it with thanks and a smile. "Do you want the good news or the bad news?"

Her eyes darted past me to see who was nearby, but nobody really was. "I'm glass half-empty, so bad."

"Austin knows," I replied simply. No use hiding it.

She nodded and shrugged, as though I was telling her it was going to rain overnight, not that one of our best friends knew about us. Seeing my confused and surprised expression, she took pity on me and explained. "Nothing's happened yet and besides, I trust him to be discreet."

"Good," I smiled joining her in looking out over the balcony, "because the good news is he promised he would."

"Do you want to kiss at midnight?" Mal asked suddenly, looking straight ahead as though afraid of the answer.

I weighed up my answer before delivering it. The smartest decision I'd make that night. "Yes, but no. Yes, I want to kiss you quite badly," her facial expressions didn't change but her cheeks reddened under the glow of the lights in the house. "But this isn't the place to have our first kiss. Not here and not like this, around people we know who don't know."

She looked over at me and took my hand in hers gently. They were soft, but they were cold. She always had cold hands. "I want to as well, but this isn't the right night for it," she gestured around and made her point.

I couldn't have agreed more. "I want to take you on a proper date, Mal. I want you to feel like a catch, not just a friend I've developed feelings for," I assured her. "Because you are."

She smiled shyly and I knew that's where her head had gone. I knew too that she was in this deeper than I was. However it had happened for her, it had.

"I'm sorry I didn't reply to you," she blurted out after another spell of comfortable silence as we watched the skyline in the distance. She was playing with the pendant again as she spoke. "I got scared for a moment there. It got real that I'd be jumping into this situation. Remember, with you it's not like I'm starting in the shallow end, experiencing these things for the first time with someone. I'm in at the deep end with my feelings with someone who knows me as well as anyone. But I've also got to make sure it's good for you, so you want it again. It was a lot to get my head around. But I have, I promise."

I squeezed her hand and turned to her, no longer caring who saw us. There was no way I was letting that go unchallenged. "Mallory, I am in this with you," I spoke as firmly and as clearly as I could, holding eye contact. "I am in this with you just the same. You haven't got to make it good for me, there's no expectation on you. Whatever it's like when it happens, we'll grow it together."

She looked emotional and went to respond though whatever it was became lost in the onslaught of people moving onto the balcony.

"TEN!"

"NINE!"

We looked at each other, angling our bodies towards one another and away from the crowd that were behind me. It became our own little world, and we didn't break contact as the countdown continued.

"TWO!"

"ONE!"

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

The cheers around us from the people bellowing Auld Lang Syne became deafening. Mallory and I held our eye contact throughout, saying nothing, but the looks were clear.

_

Mallory stayed at my apartment that night as she usually would when she'd had a drink and needed the safety of a friend in a taxi, and a place to stay. But this time was different: we were going back together, even if that wasn't clear to people at the party. We could feel that tension in the taxi, especially because we were holding hands.

"What's with the pendant?" I asked, as she was playing with it again. "I haven't seen it before."

Mal stared dead ahead and her expression didn't change. "It's my Mum's."

"What?!" I blurted out, in shock. "You've seen her?"

"No," she replied, still refusing to look over. "She wrote to me a few weeks before Christmas and this was in the letter. We spoke on the phone a couple of days ago."

"Jesus Mal, how are you?" This was completely unexpected, and no doubt would have rocked her world. Her behaviour over Christmas suddenly made a lot more sense.

This time she did look over at me. "I'm handling it okay, I think. She says she's clean. She lives a couple of hours away." I took her hand as she spoke and she smiled. "I told her about you, actually. I needed to tell someone and she asked if I was in a relationship so, yeah. I hope that's okay."

"Of course," I assured her. "Are you going to meet her?"

She swallowed as she thought about it. I could see the anxiety. "If I do, will you go with me?"

"Of course I will Mal," I promised. "Any time you want."

She nodded, satisfied. "We can discuss this tomorrow. I want you inside me tonight and I'd imagine this is an erection-killer."

"Jeez Mal," I laughed. The taxi driver and I caught eyes, I'd have to tip him for being so professional and not crashing the car. She realised how inappropriate she was being and after grinning awkwardly at me, fell silent.

When we made it back to my place, I was half-hoping Mallory would have been all over me. Sadly, I was wrong. She made her way in, knowing my apartment inside-out, and went to the kitchen to grab a drink, not even looking back. I shrugged, chuckling slightly.

After taking my coat off and going to the bathroom, I went looking for Mal and found her at the breakfast bar, sitting on a stool. She'd moved the chair so that it sat on the other side of the bar, facing the other stool.

"Sit," she asserted, pointing to the empty chair. She'd poured us a scotch on the rocks each. I joined her, still with the same smile on my lips.

"Ground rules?" I asked, knowing her as I did.

She was impressed. "Correct. Do you have any? Aside from me not flaking out, of course."

I considered her, making her sweat a little. Frustratingly, she seemed immovably relaxed. I assumed she must have had this conversation in her head many times, so I let her lead it. "Let's hear yours first," I decided, taking a sip of the amber nectar.

"Wise decision, handsome." She took a sip too. "First things first. I may be inexperienced around a penis, but don't treat me like I am. That'll grind on me. I'll learn anything I don't know and trust me, I'll be enthusiastic."

I laughed at that. "Okay, deal. What else?"

"I don't want to hide what I like and how I like things to be. I don't want to slowly introduce them and hope you're okay with each bit. You know me, I'd rather you know the rest of me from the start."

"Sounds sensible to me, so I'll make sure that works both ways," I promised.

"Right," she stuttered, realising the talk was over.

"Right," I grinned. "Shall we get ready for bed?"

The question deflated the tension I knew she was feeling. I wanted to put her at ease. That stuff would come. Just sleeping in the same bed together that way, was going to be a step.

We got ready in our practiced routine - only now I was aware of it did I realise how in-sync we were when it came to that stuff. We naturally swapped places in the bathroom and the bedroom, I got us a glass of water each, she propped up the pillows and grabbed a blanket for herself.

We both grinned at the same time, as we recognised it in each other.

"Bed?" She asked, with a nervous smile.

"Bed," I agreed, still seeking to put her at ease but mis-reading her nerves entirely. Despite her saying she wanted sex tonight, I felt nervous, awkward, now we were about to share a bed.

We got in at the same time and basically scooted towards the middle. This was new, we had very clear zones before. Rolling into the middle was just not a normal move - and was taken only when you were certain the other was asleep.

But meet in the middle we did and we met with an awkward grin and a kind-of semi-hug as we did so. I kissed her forehead, because why not make it more awkward! She giggled.

Somehow, mercifully, we settled at that point and just accepted it for what it was.

"New year, any resolutions?" I asked into the darkness.

"Stop flaking on people," I could hear her grin, "be less worried about what people think."

"Good resolutions, how long do you think they'll last?" I wondered, turning to her. I could make her out better in the dark now I'd adjusted.

"Uh, about as long as it takes for you decide you don't want this," she grinned, gesturing along her body.

She giggled and I broke out in laughter, moving closer to her. "What if I already know I want it?" I asked eye-to-eye.

"Then it's yours," she whispered breathily.

She didn't move, just stared back at me for the brief second I paused in shock at the ease of her declaration. Then I took her face in my hands, closed the gap and kissed her.

I tried to tell her everything I could with that kiss: that I was going to look after her, protect her, take care of her needs, and love her. I think I succeeded in some part because she melted into it and let me lead her. My tongue made its way into her mouth and we kissed with passion as our tongues danced. It was unusual at first, with her piercing, but I soon got into it. Her hand took hold of mine and moved it from her face to her neck. I took the message and held her firmly, assertively, as I kissed her. We didn't break for breath, both of us were too engrossed in the kiss.

It was like no kiss I'd had. I couldn't get close enough to her and I felt like breaking the kiss was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

I felt her moving about as we kissed but it wasn't until she took my other hand away from her face and onto her bare breast, that I realised she was somehow naked. I cupped her breast, squeezing a little bit until she gasped into the kiss, then rubbing my thumb over her nipple piercing. I felt all around it, my hold of her neck tightening slightly in line with her arousal. I knew how she wanted it instinctively and was rewarded with a moan as I pinched her nipple.