All Comments on 'Comeuppance Pt. 01'

a bit harsh at the end

Very harsh. Have a feeling I've read this story or at least the background before elsewhere.

So the revenge was for himself, but not the victims who got the worst it?

Its also strange that he said they choose to be whores, but the story told made it certain that they where drugged and forced?

This is an old Lit story. Did you previously publish this under a different name? Or is it “reimagined”?

FBG

Nothing erotic about it.

This didn't end here? Why? Did the women expect to be welcome with open arms? Really? They were damaged goods for life! They became drug addicts, sex addicts, alcohol addicts...They would need years of psychological and addiction treatment to become nearly normal...For him they were as dead as the monsters!

relax, fortunately the author called the story Comeuppance pt.01

So there should be at least a sequel pt.02

Until then I will not rate this story

real conflict here. they were coerced threatened WARNED what would happen. they did NOT choose to become whores. MORE please this HAS to be resolved

I have read this before. Is this a re-print?

Good start

I hope things become more clear in part 2. Why save them then treat them like that weren't they victims?

Ehhhhh - his reaction is weird.... Were they forced or not?

I know this is a republication of a tale you shared earlier. I enjoyed it the first time and this time was just as good. Having worked in the swamp after 28 years of saying I never wanted to be there. I came back to the US after having worked for the government outside the nation borders for a few years. Then I spent 10 years in the swamp working and seeing why I did not want to stay in the area.

While your tale is extreme the actual items you talk about do occur around the nation and world. I enjoy the way you tell your tales. Your series are captivating and fun to imagine. I hope you don’t have any issues with publishing the follow-up parts of this series.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

That was harsh, even by my standards. However; since your villains are conservative Republicans, you will be praised for your moral stance.

Geoffrey Epstein didn't kill himself!

Agree with "amygdala", this is a rewrite. What's going on? (Left unrated...)

Good beginning but I too am confused by his reaction at his wife and sister’s return

I like that the bad guys were from both sides of the aisle. They were dealt with extreme prejudice equally. He risked the girls’ lives by only taking out the three scumbags. Their associates could have panicked and disappeared the rest of the women to cover their asses.

Why are you separating the story into pieces when the first part isn't even 2 full pages long???

Just put them all together and submit it as one story that is 4-6 or 8 or however pages long.

I remember being enthralled the first time reading this. I'm excited to reread the rest, as well.

Good job.

Interesting story until the ending. He knows his sister and wife were held as sex slaves by 'the ring',drugged, and blackmailed both by what happened to them and what they threatened to do to their family.

Obviously this is a fantasy, was glad that it didn't try to portray virtuosity on any side of the aisle,like that an evangelical type was the leader and another is a populist.

But the ending kind of ruined it for me. Not rating it,but unless he has some proof his wife and sister did this willingly, it is like blaming ppl trafficked by human traffickers for their fate.

Vaguely remember this the first time it was posted. Wasn't there evidence that showed they did everything willingly or unwillingly? I recall being happy with the ending and I'm not a fan of reconciliation so if they do the evidence was really good.

Love it so far. Five stars

Hated the ending. They were drugged. The MC's reaction doesn't make sense.

Needs another chapter.

T1830, I read that you are from Texas but no nothing about the US congress.

The 'populist' representative had long ago sold out to foreign and corporate interests that polluted his state and district, but ensured his re-election every four years.

House Reps. are elected for two years, Senators are elected for six years, the only one elected for four years is the President. Major F/U.

Interesting comments - no one is making the connections... Jack's sister was the macho I can do anything who blindly supported WDC GOP/RNC and got trapped by her own naiveatee`/arrogance.

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His Wonder-Woman wife was just about as stoooopidly arrogant and naive as his sister in thinking she could change/get her sister out of Dodge. The sister allowed the wife to be sucked in - not warning her off. But macho wife can do it all with no back-up - now she enjoys spreading her legs to survive.

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Both women did not trust Jack OR did not find Jack capable of surviving threats but Jack could create/run his own roughneck company. Both women showed little respect for Jack's abilities nor allowed Jack to act.

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As far as trusting the govt to do right - well we see what is happening with Obama/Hillary/Trump/Hunter - our new banana republic.

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5*****, Hooyah, Salutes...

Thought this seemed familiar.

Me, too. D

I’ve read this story before

You either published this a few years ago or you stole it.

I keep seeing mention of how harsh the ending is... However, they may not have wanted to become full time whores, but they were more than willing to spend time with 'important men' for fun and games. They just didn't

plan on it becoming permanent.

Where you go wrong for the second time is turning victims into "willing participants" all the rest is kind of okay as a starting point. BTW the portrayed political world in your Capital is at total odds to fact or fancy something like that could never be covered up for decades. [Normally behaviour at the top is reflective of a society to its core across all walks of belief and morals] PS, this is in the wrong category! **** for the effort of rewrite anyway no toss the rest of it at us and let the vultures eat their fill.

A re-post?!

I've read this before....

I have here is an old joke -

"Would you sleep with me for $100,000?

Why yes, she said batting her eyes...

How about $20?

What kind of girl do you take me for?

We already have determined that - now we are arguing price."

There are many other ways to get there that are cheaper, safer, and just as... oh hell,

Go look up Epstein.

Keep writing -

Green-something

Totally agree with jack, the betrayal by the sister was too far and too complete. The wife is in name only and needs to just go away. They can be each other's family cuz he is done with them, he set them free, now they can fuck off.

We know this is pure fantasy as shown by how the FBI, the DOJ, the federal government overall, and the mainstream media reacted to the Hunter laptop. In today's society, people in powrr will always get away with any amount of depravities

Not sure why I'm reading this again but I liked it both times.

Hope you do a better job of moving on with this story than you did/are doing with It Ain't Paranoia...

Stop letting "life" get in the way of our free entertainment that you spend countless hours researching. Just kidding (sorta).

He acquired all of thatbevidence that helped to bring the ring down. I'm sure during that process he came across some video where these two whores freely discuss their new jobs as whores. And about how much they enjoy being whores to the wealthy. And he heard it. And once he heard that on video or audio? That's what turned his heart so cold.

Yes, I vaguely remember the original story but I thought the sister was actually earning big money, after being drugged, raped and blackmailed. She then continued working as an "escort" but getting paid a lot of money. When the wife went to save her, she got drugged and same thing happened. But then the sister died of an overdose of drugs. Perhaps I'm conflating two different stories. But in this, when he was concerned and his wife decided to go "save" the sister, he then waits a month before getting concerned again. A MONTH? Why not two days or so when his wife doesn't return? A lot of the details do not make sense. He leaves his sister and wife for months, allowing them to "entertain" billionaires etc. Why?

Drugged and blackmailed sex slaves are at fault?

Good God, I fell asleep. Is he still writing unnecessary filler?

I'm with SlithyTrove, I've read this before.

I think in your original version there is a lot more background on the sister and then later, the wife's, behaviour to suggest they became very willing participants. This story takes place 2 years after they disappeared. My question is what took so long, I mean 2 YEARS LATER? If they became unsalvageable, which certainly seems the case, why avenge them at all?

Hope you are feeling better and will be writing new stuff soon. Thanks for this.

The end does seem a little harsh considering they were drugged and kidnapped. Did they have a choice at any point after they decided to go in without any backup? After that original sin, they were trapped.

I’m surprised, but probably shouldn’t be, that so many remember this rewrite. The original posting was taken down after a few days because some (many? IDK) complained.

As required, it was reviewed by a top writer/editor on this site, and I recently revised it. I added a couple of chapters- one is to be released on the 27th. The third I quit working on because chapter 1 remained in limbo for 20 days. I’ll finish ir, and the tale, soon.

It looks, even though not so original, like a good plot for an action movie. Pity for this censored version: any chance to get the uncensored version, maybe through a mailing list ?

Anyway, can't wait for the following parts, and ... if possible, consider a follow-up to the really great serie "It Ain't Paranoia if", since there is space for more adventure and for answers never given. 5* of course.

Good beginning!

5

Yeah, like several people point, this new version seems to be a bit light on the noncon-dubcon parts of the wife and sister. And yes the sister was more of a guilty accomplice, since she help to entramp her sister in law/BFF.

I guess that and the more harsher reunion of the family and the intervention of his friends on the original, were the things that rattled several people, i do remember that Jack was convinced that his wife and sister were conspiring to get him killed thanks to the work of the PI and his own investigations, then again the woman were subject to severe abuse so the explanation of just do it for make the pain and/or the rapes stop, could be valid one.

So since this actually have several chapters you could explain more about why the MC doesnt want anything to do with them, either because he Do have proof that they help to plan his "accident", they help to slave more women and dissapear more people, or he is faking because doesnt want them in a potential Line of Fire/Sight, if there is more comeuppance for him to deliver.

Interesting.

Great story. It's a shame that the moderators here fold to the whiny of the few and delete good stories. Sorry your original was one of them. Some people just can't scroll on when their weak sensitivities are offended by something.

It's only a story so don't get your dander up. Like it or hate it but don't shoot the author.

Paint by numbers

Since you are worried about the story being pulled (again), I wish you would have posted the whole thing at once instead of posting chapters. Even if it does get pulled, I hope you post the rest of the chapters with a warning so that those of us who read the first chapter can read the rest of the story.

great story

i think most readers forgot that he had a PI look into what happened so i m sure he has good reason to shun his wife and sister

can t wait for the rest

good job

Didn't you already write this? Or, was that not a normal DeLorean I drove the other night? Seriously, it's tighter and easier to read. I like this one better.

I remember the original, that I also enjoyed. I’m very happy that there will be a couple more chapters.

Very good beginning, hope to read more.

Congressmen have to be re-elected every two years, not four.

I remember your original also. It was a very good read as was this one, not much difference at least in this chapter. Looking forward to future chapters. Sorry about a few lily white complainers and gutless overseers. They should be welcoming good authors who can really write stories other than "ooh baby, ooh baby" bullshit.

I know l read this some time back. This version is better and is multi chaptered which allows greater scope to effectively tell the story better.

Got me in, scores 5/5

It's amazing that of all the evil in this world, much of it written about here, that it's g*ns (tongue-in-cheek) and revenge - written in context - that starts all the ninnies, SJW's, Cancel Queens, Beta Bois, and Bolsheviks clutching their Mulveneyesque pearls. The same people who think nothing of a story about breeding, where one brings an innocent life into the world due to a sick fetish, by rationalizing, "It's just fiction," screech about, "Muh guuuuun violence! The "It's just fiction," response dies upon the altar of "Muh rage usurps any argument, reason, or rationale." Some stories here piss me off, but hey, I CHOSE to read them, and after all, "It's just fiction."

I wont rate it and reserve comment until I read or pass on future segments. I was fully into the story until the ladies showed up at the end and Jack's response. Whisky Tango Foxtrot is going on?

SAGE

Setting up a raac...and the political stereotypes are dishonest and stupid.

Good story but I know I read it before. Maybe under a different name?

4 stars - the only reason I gave this story a positive rating is the death of the 'perps'.

It is just sad they could not be captured and tortured for weeks or even years. The videos of that process would make great preventative training material for the next group of potential political hopefuls. It might be considered proactive encouragement of those individuals with thoughts of abusing the privilege of being an elected official to curb those nasty thoughts and stay on the right side of that line or else.

I've read this story before!

I read a similar story before.could have beenTodd172 or another great writer.

Great start. Where do you go from here?

Great strong beginning. I don't understand why readers are commenting they read it before, the author says that at least the first chapter had been published and pulled.

THANKS

I don’t think that the site moderators have any justification for rejecting violence or gore when edrider’s stories are still posted!

This story reads like some Libtard playing Call of Duty in his parents' basement who decided to write an overly-detailed rant about those nasty Conservatives in DC.

Excellent story. I appreciate your even handling of liberal and conservative politicians. I agree with how he handled the two whores returning!!!

It was sad that Jack didn't recognize his wife or sister. Although their hair was dyed a different color. He should have recognize his wife's face.

good start

If Jack knew the women were threatened with the death of their families if they didn't cooperate with the evil pack of dogs why did her turn against his wife and sister? If you are into quasi military stories this was pretty good.

Such a stong star, pity in each sequel he becomes more and more of a cuck

Read again. The only way to get away with this sort of thing, is to be a member of the uniparty. All Democrats and many Republicans. Otherwise, you will be busted by the press. Exhibit one, Hunter Biden.

The girls were drugged raped and used. Which means Jack is a total asshole

Bottom line, Jack failed to protect them.

If those girls went on national TV and told her story to everyone. The whole story. Including Jack running them off at gunpoint, Jack wouldn’t have a friend left in the world

Justice Served!

This is the only good chapter. He gives up his balls in the rest of the story!

Weird ending. A long, detailed report of his "Heroic" deed. Did enjoy Wikipedia of the 2 guns used, especially the 50 caliber pistol.

Story is as good as it gets. Well constructed and thank God has chapters to follow.

Great start, hope you have a good ending in mind! Endings are the hardest part of fiction, and hope you dont disappoint us.

I'm on board with this, but it is a little harsh. The "Librarian" would be proud. I hope the second part is a better one, as good as this was. The Bear approves, but Jack needs counseling. Looking forward to the second part. Please, don't disappoint me.

The BEAR

@KRD19254, I don't know what you mean by, "Obama/Hillary/Trump/Hunter." What is the government doing "wrong" with Obama and Hillary? Meanwhile, the GOVERNMENT is doing right with Trump, despite the objections of the Republicans. While the jury is still out on all the details with Hunter, he IS being prosecuted.

Harsh? Get real! Those girls are luck to have left alive 😳

Hmm, didn't see that coming..... Old Jack flipped a little

Who is this Alfred that was all of a sudden mentioned?

Wow, that was brutal.

Senators are elected every six years; representatives every two years. Only the President is elected every four years. When you get the small things wrong it becomes hard to believe the larger things.