Coming Clean

"I'm sorry, but I just don't see it that way."

"Are you so sure about that Brenda?"

"What?" Brenda asked in bewilderment.

"I mean, most women, most mothers especially, would never have listened to me tell that story without getting physically ill. But you had no trouble at all, in fact, you were quite the captive listener."

"I don't like where you're going with this, Jackie."

"I'm sorry Brenda, maybe I am getting carried away again. It's just that, part of me wishes that every mom could experience what I've had with their own Kyle, even if it were only once."

"You are getting carried away," Brenda replied with a huff.

"Brenda, I've been completely honest with you today, I've laid my bare soul out for you to see, warts and all. Can I ask you to do the same with me?"

"What are you getting at?"

"I mean, I know how hard the dating circuit has been on you, bad enough that you haven't even been on one for over a year now. And I know how badly Ted hurt you when he left you."

"Jackie..." Brenda said, her voice sounding strained. Even after five years, the mere mention of her ex-husband's name still stung in her ears. Jackie had been there for her though; from the time she found out Ted was cheating on her with some girl half his age to the nasty divorce that came after and him and the other girl shacking up with each other on the other side of the country. She'd been there when Brenda had gone through multiple legal proceedings to try and get Ted to pay his alimony and child support payments, most of which he still owed to this day. And so despite the discomfort she was now feeling, Brenda allowed Jackie to continue.

"I just want you to be happy, Brenda, honestly, nothing matters more. Both you and Brian."

Despite her efforts, Brenda couldn't listen to this any longer.

"I think I better go now, Jackie."

"I'm sorry if I upset you, but there's just one more thing I want to talk to you about," Jackie said.

"What?" Brenda asked.

"Brian and Kyle, how long have they been friends now?"

"I don't know, since they were kids." The two of them had been practically inseparable as children, but as time as gone on their lives had gradually taken them apart, especially after they'd graduated from high school and gone to different colleges. But to Brenda's knowledge, they still communicated with each other about once a week.

"They've always been close friends, Brenda, and in case you weren't aware, they still talk to each other. About everything..."

"Are you... are you saying that Brian knows about you and Kyle?" Brenda asked in shock.

"He does, all of it," Jackie replied. Brenda sat there, stunned, afraid of what Jackie might say next until her friend finally spoke.

"He's happy for us, Brenda. Ecstatic even."

"Oh my god Jackie, what the fuck," Brenda steamed back. It's one thing for you and Kyle to be doing your crazy shit, but keep my son the fuck out of it!"

"I did keep Brian out of it, and so did Kyle. If there was any manipulation involved, it was the other way around."

"What the fuck are you talking about, Jackie?"

"I mean our boys have known each for a long time, they grew up together. And like a lot of close friends, they learned about sex together. Kyle was reluctant to talk about it with me at first, thinking that he might betraying their friendship, but as I told you before, there aren't any secrets between him and I anymore. And so he told me about what they did back then. Like most boys, they were trying their best to get laid, and the rest of the time, well, they were watching porn. A lot of it. Or reading it, in Brian's case."

Brenda was in shock to be hearing all this, but Brian had been so painfully shy with her during these years that she practically knew nothing about what he'd been up to. He had rarely talked to her about girls, and they had never discussed sex. In fact, he'd been so uptight about the whole subject that at one point she'd genuinely wondered if he were secretly gay and was just too scared to tell her the truth.

"And you'll never guess what Brian usually went for..." Jackie said matter-of-factly.

"What?" Brenda asked incredulously, still almost expecting her to say he was gay.

"Mothers and son erotica," Jackie said. "I mean, they watched all the regular stuff too, but Brian would always bring them back to it. It was by far his biggest turn on back then; and it still is today."

"I'm... I'm sorry," Brenda said. She really was too stunned to say anything, but the thought that Brian had gotten Kyle into such a thing had made her want to apologize.

"You don't have to say that, Brenda. They were both eighteen at the time; my Kyle knew exactly what he was doing. So even if Brian opened that door to him, he still had to walk through. And in the end, it probably made things easier for Kyle to be honest with himself about his feelings for me. So if that's the case, I've even grateful."

"Brian opened up that door for Kyle," Jackie continued, "and I'm not going to lie Brenda, the main reason I invited you over was that I was trying to open up the same door for you."

"I can't believe you would do that, Jackie," Brenda said in astonishment.

"Then let me say my final piece on this and then I'll let it go if that's what you really want. I love Kyle more than anyone; being with him has filled my life with joy in a way that I know I couldn't possibly experience with anyone else. I know you, and I know Brian too, even if it's mostly through Kyle. And I know what's waiting for both of you if you if you'd only give it a chance. I'm not going to belabor the point, but if I could snap my fingers and change your mind I'd do it without hesitation, because I know in the end you'd both thank me for doing so."

"Have you actually spoken to Brian about this?" Brenda asked incredulously.

"No, but Kyle has. Brian's a young sensitive man. And despite being very handsome in his own right, he's always been painful shy around girls. In fact, he's still a virgin. He needs a woman he trusts, one he can feel safe with..."

"I really must be going now," Brenda said uncomfortably, knowing full well where Jackie was steering this conversation.

"Okay Brenda, just promise me you'll think about it. That's all I ask."

Brenda stared at Jackie for a moment, not at all sure on what to say, and then silently left, still stunned that any of this conversation had actually taken place.