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"I do still love the bastard. Can you believe that?" She had a tear in her eye.
"I understand since I still love Ilene. I can't help it, but I do. I just don't know how to accept what she did and go on." She came to me and put her arms around me.
"This must be harder on you than on me. I hear it is always harder for the man than the woman. Men will screw anything with a skirt on and never look back, but a woman usually invests something emotionally in any relationship." She was smarter than her good looks implied.
"Listen, I'm having dinner with Conrad tonight. Why don't you come with me and we can talk to him together? You could use the time and we could see where Conrad is going to go with this. I think we could probably get a nice monetary settlement from this. You could certainly use some cash if you decide to live on your own for a while."
I believed that I could get the company to kick in some cash instead of going through a lawsuit. I could take some for Tony's college fund and Sharon could use it as a nest egg while she decided her future. She agreed and we discussed our approach. We decided that I would go for Peter's job and agree to a settlement in lieu of suing for $10 million. We would see what Conrad was willing to commit to.
Dinner that evening went very well. Sharon looked absolutely gorgeous and her presence made a big difference from the very beginning. Conrad was surprised to see her and it just gave more credibility to my position. He was the one to offer me Peter's job with a nice 'signing bonus' and he was the one that suggested a 'line of credit' for Sharon for a period of 6 months. This would allow her to live away from home if Peter tried to make things difficult. It also would defuse any allegations against the company that Sharon might make.
We agreed and he produced a document that I read very carefully. It stated that I was accepting a position as VP of Media Development, reporting to him with a contract period not less than 5 years. It also stated that any unspecified claims against the company were exhausted by acceptance of this contract. He also promised to document the line of credit offer to Sharon. I withheld signing until we had that document and he agreed.
After dinner, we left Conrad and went back to the Marriott. Sharon stayed with me that night and again we made love. It was almost as beautiful as the night before but we were more comfortable with each other and less anxious. Afterwards, I held her naked body in my arms as she fell asleep. Just before she did, she whispered that it had been wonderful but that it had to be over. Although I didn't want it to end, I knew it had to. In the morning she dressed in conservative clothes, gathered all of her things together and kissed me goodbye. She promised to stay in touch and to call me later. I was missing her already.
This was Thursday morning. It had been just three days since I became aware of my wife's infidelity and just about 36 hours since I had spoken with her on the phone while with Peter. I had not called her or left word where she could reach me. I guess I had better see what she has been up to. I called my secretary first to find Ilene had called there all day yesterday and again this morning. I checked my cell phone log for missed calls and found 10, all from Ilene. I listened to voice mail but it was just what I had expected; I'm sorry, it's not what you think; we need to talk, etc. All of the sorry bullshit from a cheating spouse.
I decided to call her at home to see if she was there or if she had gone in to work. I dialed the number and waited. She answered on the first ring.
"Charlie, is that you? Charlie?" She sounded panicked and frightened. Good!
"Yea, it's me. I understand you wanted to talk to me? I can't imagine what you could have to say that would mean anything to me."
"Oh my God. Charlie, you have to give me a chance to explain what I did and why I did it. Please, you have to do this. I need to tell you everything and I want you to come home to me. Please. It really isn't what you think it is. Peter is nothing to me and never was. I can explain. Please come home." She was really pouring it on.
"The problem is that you began lying to me before I found out about Peter. That means that you were more interested in seeing him than in being honest with me. I am your husband and you had no right to be with another man. I simply can't think of what you could say that would change either of those things. Can you?"
"Charlie, I need to see you and to talk to you but not over the phone. We need to be together like we should be. You have to let me tell you everything. Please."
"OK. Why don't I come by the house tonight about 7:30? We can talk then."
"Oh thank you! I'll fix something to eat and we can share a bottle of wine and we can talk and get things out into the open. I can make this right if you give me the chance."
"Sorry, but I will eat dinner myself before I come. You don't need to fix anything, except maybe some coffee. That's all I need from you."
"Oh. OK. I'll be waiting. Thank you for giving me this chance."
I don't know what she thought she was going to accomplish by this evening but I was pretty sure I didn't have much hope of her giving me anything to wipe out what she had done.
I made some phone calls to some people I knew and touched base with my guys at work to be sure things were running smoothly. Everything was under control. I ate lunch and returned to my room to make some plans for getting an apartment and to hire an attorney. I may need him for a divorce and for other things. I should at least be prepared.
Sharon called just before dinner and told me she was at home with Peter. She said he was a beaten man. He had been fired, which we knew, and all of his benefits had been discontinued. He was given no time to collect any of his belongings and he was unlikely to get a recommendation from Conrad.
She laughed quietly into the phone and said that he wanted her to 'stand by' him during this dark hour. She giggled and said she wasn't sure when to hit him with her cheating or even if she should. She said that if she did, she would be sure to tell him about my ability as a lover. She still had not made a decision on whether to divorce him. She said she would call me tomorrow.
I told her I was going to talk with Ilene tonight and she surprised me by telling me to listen to what she had to say. "Make no decisions now while you are still angry. Listen to her and wait. If you want to, call me and we can get together to talk about what she tells you." I really loved this woman. Like a sister, but different of course.
"I'll listen but I will certainly call you afterwards. Can I call you at home?"
"Absolutely. Call anytime, even if it's late. If Peter answers, just tell him you want to talk to me. I'll make sure he lets me know if you call. Don't worry and good luck."
It was after 7 by the time I finished dinner. I didn't want to be on time and I wanted to make sure I was as calm as I could possibly be under these circumstances. What I wanted was to rant and rave and cry and scream and just let go, but that wouldn't help me any. I determined that I would just listen and go from there.
As it was, I got there right on time. I had just started up the walk when she opened the door. She was framed in the light from the foyer and she looked absolutely gorgeous. She did it on purpose of course, but it still affected me, as she knew it would.
"Hello, Charles. I'm glad you agreed to meet me like this. Please come in." She flushed as she realized she had treated me like a guest.
She finally said "this is still your house as much as it is mine so you don't really need an invitation." I felt pretty good since she was already flustered.
"Hi, Ilene. You look very pretty tonight. Do you have a date later?" Cruel but not totally out of line. It could be considered a valid question based on what I knew.
Ilene looked at me in shock for a second and then decided to try to play the game by my rules. "I have a date right now that is pretty important. I dressed for you."
She led the way into the den and we sat down. She asked if I wanted coffee now or later and I said now would be fine since I had just finished dinner. I thought the time would help me to get back on track.
Ilene brought the coffee into the room on the silver tray that I had bought her on our 10th anniversary. Nice touch. I helped myself to her delicious coffee.
"Before you start with your story Ilene, I want to thank you for sleeping with that bastard. Because of you, I now have Peter's job with a nice increase in salary and Peter's ass has been fired. He was escorted out of the building this morning. I don't know whether you have spoken with him since last night but he is probably not very happy. I guess he knows now how much this piece of ass is going to cost him."
Ilene just stared at me for a moment. "I don't care what happened to Peter but I am very pleased for you. I guess that helps to make up for what I did to you. Congratulations." God, she was cold.
"If you believe that, you are not the person I thought you were. I would give it all back if this hadn't happened. But I guess you don't think that way. So much for the promises we both made 18 years ago." I had to get that out of the way.
"Ilene, I have to ask this before you begin. Why did you do this? Why did you decide to cheat on our marriage and me? What did I ever do to you to deserve this?" I had already lost my control.
"First, you did nothing to deserve anything I have done to you. I have no excuse to offer that will mean anything to you. What I did I have no reason for and I can't even begin to explain why I did it." She was very serious and I could tell she was being honest. It was a good omen.
"So you are telling me that you fucked Peter for no good reason and don't have an excuse that means anything. I guess you are also telling me that I should just accept your infidelity and not even worry about why you did it? I don't even know if this was the first time. Have you done this before?" My anger was beginning to grow and would become too great to control at this rate.
"Of course this is the first time. How could you even ask that? And yes, part of that is true. I don't know why I did it. I have no excuse to offer you. I hope you can accept it and we can move on but I seriously doubt that you can. I certainly don't expect you to and I don't blame you." Ilene was totally cool about all this and that was certainly going to make me lose it very soon!
"Tell me; are you sorry that you did it? Did you feel any guilt the first time you did it? What did you say to yourself that allowed you to do it again and again? That's the part that is killing me. You didn't feel enough guilt to stop doing it." The anger was growing.
"Of course I felt guilt. How could I not? But, the guilt seemed to be something that I could use to punish myself, which then made it OK to do it again. Each time I felt crushing guilt and I would cry myself to sleep. When I woke up, I was able to go on with my day and look forward to another night of betrayal. It was only the last two trips you took. The first one I wouldn't go with Peter and he came here to try to talk me into it. I finally got mad and made him leave, but I did allow him to take some liberties. That gave him incentive to plan another trip and that time I agreed to meet him at the hotel. I met Peter twice on that trip and on three nights all together. You were able to prevent the last two nights." She stopped and waited. Apparently she wanted me to ask the questions.
"You still haven't told me why. Why would you fuck a man that nobody even likes? He is considered a moron by most of the people he works with. There are a few of the young bubbleheads that work there that think he is hot, but most of the others just think of him as a pig. Why would someone of your intelligence be interested in him?"
She looked at me for a second and I thought I saw her eyes begin to shine with the beginning of a tear. Maybe not. "Peter always made it clear that he was interested in me from the first time I met him at one of those parties you made me go to. He hit on me from the beginning. I was flattered. He said nice things and he suggested we get together. I never discouraged him and he took it seriously."
"He finally sent you on the first trip about 2 months ago and that's the first time he actually propositioned me. He came to the house but I told him to leave. He did try to kiss me and I let him; he tried to go further and I allowed him to but finally stopped. I told him then to leave. He went but I couldn't get him out of my mind."
"It was the second trip he sent you on that was the first time I actually went with him. He called me the night before you were to leave. He told me that he was sending you out for two nights and that he would make reservations for us at the Marriott if I would meet him. I thought about it and agreed. I don't know why. I worried about it, I changed my mind, and I cried myself to sleep, all the while thinking of what I had here at home with you. You never noticed and I convinced myself that you wouldn't be hurt if you didn't know. In the end, I decided to go. I still thought I could take it to a certain level and then stop before it went all the way. I was lying to myself."
"I do want to tell you that Peter is a terrible lover and there was very little that I enjoyed when I was with him. I know that sounds like a crock, but it really is true. It wasn't about enjoying the sex with him. It was about the excitement of doing something so out of character with who I was and what I was all about. I didn't care if we had sex, but I knew that was what he expected. It was just being out with someone else and doing something I shouldn't. I don't even know if that makes any sense to you."
"I'm not sorry I did it but I am sorry that you found out. I didn't want you to be hurt and I never planned for it to continue. As a matter of fact, I told Peter Monday night that this was the last time and that it couldn't happen again. He threatened to tell you and I countered by threatening to tell Sharon. He finally agreed if I would meet him last night. That's when you caught us. Actually, I was happy you did. The thought of one more night with him was really horrible."
"I have told you everything that I can about this and I hope you know I am sorry that you had to find out. I love you with all my heart and never stopped. Peter was never in the picture when I thought about you and me. I never compared you to him since, as I told you, he was really pathetic. I want nothing more than for you to forgive me and for us to go on as before. You must know that I would never do anything like that again."
She had apparently finished her story since she just stopped talking and looked at me. I didn't know what to say. She sat there, not apologizing for the affair, not being sorry it happened and wanted me to forgive her and go on! I was blown away! Who in the hell was this person? What happened to Ilene, the one that I married? I was speechless.
"Aren't you going to say anything?" She was beginning to look a little worried. So far, she had been as cool as a cucumber except for that little welling up that I saw right at first.
"I have to say that I am almost unable to find words to express how I feel about what you have just told me. I don't think I have ever heard as much bullshit in one sitting as this. You actually expect me to just forget and forgive your cheating and betrayal. You want me to just go back to our happy life as if you haven't been fucking the dumb shit that I worked for. You actually know so little about me after 18 years that you think I could do that." I was finally coming out of my shock and the anger was building.
"You cheated on our marriage and me. You betrayed my trust yet you expect me to believe this is the only time. You lied to me in order to carry on your affair. You tell me you aren't sorry you did it. Finally, you say you love me but I wasn't enough for you and you looked elsewhere. What the hell do you think I am?"
I had to get myself under control. This wasn't what I wanted to do. This made me look weak and ineffective.
"There is no way that I could ever trust you again. Not now. I don't have the foggiest idea of what to do now. You pissed away our marriage. You tore out my heart and have the audacity to say that I should just forget and forgive. I can't!" Ilene was now truly in shock. I don't know what she expected but this certainly wasn't it. She had a frightened look on her face and tears were beginning to run down her cheeks. She must know that she had pushed me past the point of forgiveness.
"Charlie, please don't do this. I didn't mean to say I wasn't sorry. I am, really. I never wanted you to find out and I never wanted you to be hurt. But it was only sex. You know that. I told you it meant nothing. If it never happened I wouldn't have been disappointed. He was young and sexy and he made me feel 10 years younger. His youth and power seduced me. He went after me and he made me want to be with him. I never thought of it as cheating on you. It wasn't about love or family or anything important. It was just a sexual fling. Meaningless! You have to believe that."
"Why? Why should I ever believe anything you tell me again? What makes you think that I can trust you? After what you did, why would I trust you?" She just didn't get it. Obviously, she never had.
"I love you and only you. I know I screwed up but I didn't mean to do that to us. I never thought of it as something that could affect our marriage! It was just a meaningless fling! Please don't throw our marriage away over this. It isn't worth it and neither is he." Here she had a point, but only a small one.
"I can't talk about this with you any more tonight. The whole thing makes me sick and your attitude is enough to make me want to toss my supper. I have plans tonight but I'll call you sometime soon."
I just wanted out of there. I wanted to call Sharon and spend the night with her and just make love. She and I made love, not just sex. I thought about that.
"What are you going to do? Do you have someone else? Peter said you did and he said you had bragged to him about someone you met on one of your trips. He said you cheated first! You did, didn't you?" She glared at me as if I was the one that had been unfaithful.
"Why would you believe the word of a shithead that only wanted to get into your pants instead of trusting your husband? Did you actually think that he would tell you the truth? He just wanted a piece of ass! Don't you get it?" This was funny.
"Are you saying you were never unfaithful to me?" She was beginning to see the light.
"Before I found you with Peter, I had never cheated or been unfaithful to you or our marriage." That part was true.
"What do you mean 'had never cheated'? What does that mean?" Ahaa!
"Since you decided that our marriage was not exclusive, I have taken advantage of that. It helped to dull the pain that your cheating caused me." That was a killer! Her infidelity was to blame for what was to follow.
"I never meant for you to think that. I made a mistake and I will pay for it but I never wanted you to think I would be OK with your having an affair. Why would you think that?" Panic was evident in her eyes now. What had she done?
"Doesn't matter what you think or what you wanted. I am simply doing what you did. You may be interested in the similarities. She is younger than me by 15 years, she is beautiful and she seduced me. And I loved every minute of it and I want more. And she was very, very good at it. Even better than you." Mostly true.
"Oh, no! Please, no! Charlie, don't do this to me. I am sorry! I will do anything you want me to do but please don't do this. I couldn't stand it if you were to find someone else. I couldn't stand it!" She collapsed to the floor in tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I watched but couldn't bring myself to go to her. Instead, I got up and walked to the door.
