Coming Full Circle Ch. 02

"Peter called me just before you came to tell me about you and her. He was crying, the stupid shit. He cheats on her and then is upset when she does the same thing to him. I hung up on him."

"Sharon is a wonderful woman. She still loves Peter but he is a real bastard. You should have known that about him. He treats everyone like shit. I'm surprised you put up with him. She also told me that he was a terrible lover and that you would probably be very disappointed. She was convinced after the first night we spent together." This last was meant only to hurt her, like she had hurt me.

"She was right about Peter. But I wish you wouldn't see her again. I want us to work this out and we can't as long as you are with her. She is very young and very beautiful and I can't compete with her. As long as you are with her, we can't begin to heal the wounds I caused in our marriage."

She was very scared now. I could see it in her eyes. She was prepared to beg but I wouldn't ask her to do that.

"Sharon and I decided to stop seeing each other and try to work on our marriages. I just need time away from you to try to dull the pain I feel every time I look at you." I needed to give her something to think about before we spoke again.

"Some of the things I need to ask you about will require some time to discuss. I don't want to start on those right now. I won't promise not to see Sharon again, but for the time being, she is trying to put her marriage back together. You know the one you helped destroy? Like you did ours?" I wanted to leave but the anger kept me there for just one more shot.

"I will tell you this. With Sharon, I was able to put the hurt aside. I could forget your betrayal for a while when I held her. I didn't see you and Peter together when I made love to her. She helped me through a very bad time and I love her for that. I don't know what I feel for you right this minute. That is enough to scare me and make me wonder if this didn't happen for reasons other than those you mentioned. Maybe we have reached a point where separation or even divorce is an option."

Ilene looked terrified. Her face was pale and her eyes were wide open and she was shaking.

"Oh please Charlie, don't talk like that. You know how much I love you and if you left me I would die. I couldn't take a separation. What I did was wrong but what you are saying is far worse. I have done nothing that should make you divorce me. My betrayal is nothing compared to that. You know Peter was a diversion, nothing more and he doesn't compare to you in any way. You are more of a man and more of a lover than he could ever be. I can't believe you would allow someone like him destroy our life together. Please don't make me responsible for that, I beg you."

I now had her thinking and feeling the pain that I felt. She had to know what I was going through before we could even have a rational conversation about our future and our life together. I didn't want to throw 18 years away for a shit like Peter Atkins either. She was right about that.

"Let's calm down a day and we can talk more tomorrow evening. Why don't I come for dinner and we can discuss where we need to go from here? Is that OK with you?"

"Yes, that's great. I'll fix something light and we can spend the evening together, talking if that's what you want to do. I would prefer something else." She smiled at me the way she always did when she was trying to get me into bed. It always worked, but not this time.

"I'm sorry Ilene, but that doesn't appeal to me right now. I think it will take some time before I can look at you that way again. Let's just talk first." The pain in her face was enough to make me want to leave right away.

"I'll call you before I leave work tomorrow. Will you be here or at work?"

"If you call before 5, I'll be at work. After that you can call my cell. I should be home by 5:30 though."

"Fine, I'll see you then."

I left as soon as I could to get away from her obvious distress. Maybe I had gone too far, but I didn't think so. Ilene was a strong person and it took a lot to distress her. That I had succeeded surprised me.

I called Sharon that evening after I got to the apartment. She answered right away and must have been expecting my call. She sounded tired and depressed. I asked her how things were going and she said that they had tried to talk but Peter kept getting angry and yelled at her, blaming her for him loosing his job. He seemed to think that she and I had gotten together to get him fired. I did but she had nothing to do with it. I asked her if she wanted to come over but she said that she would stay and try to make it work. I reminded her that she was supposed to call me to let me know if she wanted a place to stay but she said that she was not going to move out yet. I was disappointed but I don't know why.

We talked for a little more and I told her of my talk with Ilene. She said that it was encouraging that Ilene admitted fault and was feeling threatened. She said that Ilene must have been feeling some of the pain that we were feeling. I wasn't sure but I would give it time. We finally said good night but I really didn't want to hang up.

I went to work the next day and things began to move along quite nicely. The absence of Peter made a huge difference and my whole staff seemed more energized and work was progressing very well. Maybe this was for the best, at least here at work. I was able to forget my problems for a while. It was just after 3:00 when Ilene called.

"Charlie, I just wanted to be sure you were still coming tonight? I have dinner all planned and was going to leave work a little early to get things started. I wanted to let you know in case you tried to call me at work." She sounded upbeat and pleasant.

"Sure, I'll be there as I agreed. I don't want you to go to any special lengths for this. We just need to talk some more and dinner sounded like a good idea at the time. Maybe it was asking too much?" I would be just as happy if she wanted to cancel.

"No problem. I just wanted some time to get ready and you know what a hassle it is coming home from work and trying to make a good meal. We have been doing it for some time, but it was getting pretty routine. This was a chance to do something different."

"OK. I'll be there about 6:30 or so. Can I bring anything?"

"Just you. I'll see you then. Goodbye."

Well, that took care of that. I was committed to this for better or worse. I did want to see what we could work out but I had no idea if we even could work together. Peter and Sharon had become a big part of our lives and they would be there with us this evening in many ways.

I got there right on time and knocked at the door. I didn't want to just go in as if I still lived there. I needed to set the tone the way I wanted it. This made me an outsider and she was the one that pushed me away. I liked that analogy.

"Charlie, come in. You don't have to knock. You still live here and this is still your home. If one of us should leave it should be me, but you didn't give me the option."

Her smile had faltered a little and she was struggling to stay positive. I could see the strain on her face and again it surprised me. I began to understand that Ilene had never given the consequences of her affair any thought. She had never planned for the eventuality that I could find out. How dumb was that? The strain did give me hope that she was clearly ready to do whatever she had to, to save this marriage.

"Ilene, I would never ask you to leave your home, regardless of what you did. I have a place to live and it is no hardship for me. It is close to work and paid for by the company so I actually like the arrangement. You might say that it is one of the perks of your indiscretion: that and my new job and signing bonus." That was just cruel and I felt bad after I said it.

"I guess I deserve that. Please, come in and sit down. I fixed us a martini, yours with an onion just as you like it. Go, sit and make yourself comfortable. I'll be right in." She left quickly; probably to hide the tears that I saw begin to fill her eyes.

I went into the family room and sat down in my recliner. God, I missed that chair. I usually fell asleep in the evening in this chair. I didn't get too comfortable but I was looking forward to a martini.

Ilene came back with a pitcher and glasses on a tray that she sat on the coffee table between us. She poured mine and handed it to me with a smile. "I hope that's the way you like it: dry and just chilled."

I have to admit it was perfect. And so was she: dressed in a soft silk dress that clung to every one of her curves. She had her hair brushed to a shine and left loose, down her back. Her makeup was flawless as usual and her eyes were highlighted in a way that made them look larger than life. She was a beautiful woman. So beautiful that she often appeared in some of the advertisements that she did for her clients: usually because they asked her to be in them. I had always been proud of her looks and that she was desirable to other men. I never considered that she would actually go to one of them.

"I have filets and baked potato with sour cream and chives. There are honeyed carrots and wild rice with onions. I have a chocolate tort for desert. I made a fresh fruit salad and we can start with that. I hope that will be OK?" She clearly had gone all out and I gave her the satisfaction of complimenting her. She beamed.

We talked about nothing in particular as we enjoyed our drinks and just relaxed. It was actually very pleasant. I asked her about work and she told me of her new assignment. It was a plum assignment and she was clearly up for the challenge. She had always been very good at what she did and a lot of very highly placed clients asked for her directly. I had always been proud of her, and I had told her so often. This was no exception.

We went in to dinner and continued to talk as we ate. The dinner was superb and I enjoyed it immensely. I ate my tort and finished hers as well. Just an old married couple at dinner. Yeah.

"Let's have coffee in the family room. You go ahead and I'll bring it in."

She carried our plates into the kitchen while I went in. I probably should have helped bus the table but I never did it before and I wasn't going to start now. I did settle back in 'my chair' and got comfortable. I didn't know how long that would last.

Ilene walked in and sat down on the couch. She perched on the edge, clearly ill at ease. I wanted to reassure her but didn't. I felt that her unease could be an advantage to me. Then I wondered what I meant by that?

"Charlie, I don't quite know what to say to you. I have apologized for what I did, I know that it was wrong and I think I know why I did it. I know that I would never do anything like it again because this pain is so much worse that I could ever have imagined. I just want to begin to put our lives back together but I don't know how."

She looked at me with an expression of hopelessness. I was rather shocked. Ilene was always in control and always had the matter well in hand. For the first time that I could remember, she was lost.

"I don't know either Ilene. I am completely out of ideas. I never would have expected you to cheat on me and I never expected to cheat on you, but that is what happened. I guess our marriage was not as sound as we believed. I wonder now whether it should survive this." I wanted to make her really know how much she had done to hurt us.

"Our marriage was a good one Charlie! It was not weak. I was. I was the one that cheated and that made you do the same thing. The fault was mine and mine alone. Our marriage can survive this. It survived my inability to have children, it survived Tony's medical problems and it can survive this. We just have to do what we have always done: work together to fix things." She looked more like the old Ilene: the one that I always believed was there. Not the Ilene that cheated with Peter.

"Those are strong words and words that may be true. I will need some time to make myself believe them. But first, I want you to tell me how I can ever learn to trust you again? What can I do to convince myself that when you are not in my sight, you are being faithful to our marriage vows?" That was after all the important part of this: lack of trust.

"You just said it: I have to work to give you back a reason to trust. You have to test me in any way you can think of. If I am at work, you call me. If you are away, you call me. You surprise me by coming home early or showing up at a shoot or talking with my friends. Any thing you can think of to convince yourself that I can be trusted. I have to earn your trust again. That is one of the things that I didn't consider when I decided to cheat: the loss of your trust and faith in me. For my part, I have to behave at all times as though you are by my side. If you wouldn't approve of it, I shouldn't be doing it."

It was clear that she had been doing a lot of thinking on this. I wondered if she had help. It sounded a lot like a campaign. I said as much. "You are right. I did have help. I talked with a friend of mine, Robin Parks. She did the same thing I did and her husband divorced her. They tried to make it work after he found out but they couldn't. She said he couldn't forgive what she did. She had an affair that lasted over 6 months, but it was more serious because she actually loved this guy. She did say that trust was not the major issue with them but she did help me come up with those things. She said they had discussed them but they broke up before it came to that. I really want this to work so I went after help."

"I am impressed. You are right in that the trust and respect are the critical things in our marriage. That is if I believe that Peter meant no more to you than you say. See that is a problem: believing anything you say. You say you love me; you say Peter was just a fling based on boredom and predictability; you say Peter was the first and only; and you say that you want to put our marriage back together. All things I want to believe but feel a small but nagging suspicion that there is more to this than that. That is what a lack to trust can do."

"I know that you don't trust me but I do want to put things back together. Peter was the first and only. That is something you must believe, and I think you know in your heart that's true. If I can't convince you of that, we can't begin to move forward. What can I do?" This was a breaking point. How to convince myself that it was true?

"There is nothing that I can think of that would convince me of anything. I will just have to take it on faith and try to move on. But, if I ever catch you in a lie about anything, I will remember this and assume that it is also a lie. Fair enough?"

"Yes. I will not lie to you about anything ever again. You may come to regret this but so be it! Now, what can we do to move forward?"

"The first thing is for me to move back into the house. I will sleep in the spare room for a while until I think I can be with you again. Right now, the thought of making love to you makes my stomach roll. I don't care how bad you say Peter was, I just visualize his hairy ass pumping up and down between your legs. That makes me sick!"

Ilene looked pleased for a minute, then shocked, and then she began to cry. She held her head in her hands while her shoulders moved up and down with her sobs. I wasn't sure why she was crying. The thought of Peter's ass couldn't be any worse to her than to me.

"I never thought of the pain and humiliation that I would feel for what I did. I never thought of it the way you would. That I caused you this pain makes me so sick I want to die. The thought of what you must see every time you think of the two of us together is horrible. You may not believe me but what you think is far worse than any thing we did. I told you he was pathetic and he was. I was just a thing that he used for his pleasure. I actually felt nothing but contempt for him. That's why I was going to end it the day you caught us." I honestly felt good because she was hurting. She had hurt me and I wanted her to pay.

"I am glad you are moving back home. This is where you should be and I can't begin to make amends until you are home. I would rather you sleep in our bed than in the spare room. I miss you and need you back with me." She was beginning to collect herself and her smile had come back. I admit, the smile was better.

"Let's take it slow for a while. I need some time to learn to adjust to being back with you without the trust we used to have. I will have to learn to live a new way. And, I need to let the visions I see every time I look at you die."

"Agreed. When can you move back in?"

"I'll get my stuff tomorrow and move it then. If that's OK."

"That's fine, but why don't you stay tonight?"

"Tomorrow. I'll be here just after work. I still have my key and the garage door opener so you don't have to be here."

I moved in as agreed and into the spare bedroom. Ilene again tried to talk me into moving back to our bed but I refused. I didn't think I would stay in the spare room for too long, but I had to start somewhere.

Things were hard at first as we learned how to interact with each other and what subjects were best left alone. Ilene tried very hard to make it difficult for me to stay in the spare room by her actions and her attire. She was out to seduce me and it only took her two days.

On the third evening, she came into the spare bedroom where I had gone to read and watch some TV, dressed in a short nightie that I had never seen before. It was red and was so thin as to be almost transparent. The back was cut clear to her shapely ass and the front dipped down to her belly button, showing lots of cleavage. It was a garment intended only to seduce and it worked on me.

"I've never seen that before. Is it new?" She never wore things like that for me before except for a year of so after we were first married.

"I bought it today just for you. Do you like it?" She modeled it for me, turning around and bending over so that I could see down the front to her magnificent breasts.

"Yes, I like it. Does it come off easily?"

"Why don't you take it off and see for yourself?"

She moved immediately to the bed and sat down on the edge within easy reach of my eager hands. I slid the straps off her shoulders and the top slid smoothly down to her waist. I noticed that the sides were tied with a small red tie and I quickly undid the knot. The nightie simply fell off onto the bed and she was there naked and willing. I could not refuse, nor did I want to.

I pulled her to me and kissed her mouth hungrily. It was as if I was an eager teenager, horny and anxious. I ran my hands over her erect nipples and pinched them between my finger and thumb. She had always liked this and began to moan into my mouth. I dropped one hand between her legs to feel her pussy and found it to be wet and willing. The lips were swelled with desire and I began to finger her with three fingers inserted as far as I could. She began to move against my hand, and then tried to pull my hand away but I resisted. I wanted to do this to her and to have her scream with pleasure.

As I continued, I moved the other hand to her clitoris and began to stimulate her that way as well. She was writhing under my ministrations and my tongue was fucking her mouth, as I was finger fucking her with my hand. She only lasted a few minutes before I felt the first orgasm explode in her. She clamped her legs, pinning my hand between her thighs while she came. She was panting into my mouth and her arms were around my neck holding my head against her mouth. She remained this way for what seemed like an hour but was actually only a minute or two. She shuddered and released me.