Coming Home?

We headed for home and I got a non-stop description of what everyone was doing and who wanted to see me first. Obviously, we were going back to Mom and Dad's house, although I'm not sure my old room was still available. Mom had taken up quilting and evidently conscripted my bedroom. She needed something to keep her busy, especially since Dad had cut back on his hours at the Medical center. He was the local Internist.

"You plan on seeing Meg while you're home? You know she's going to be at the wedding." Char asked.

"Wow, you don't waste any time getting right to the point, do you?"

"Well, you're going to run into her sooner or later. Besides, I know she wants to see you and talk to you. She's still hurt that you just ran off and never spoke to her."

"HURT? You think I don't know about HURT?" I snapped at Char.

"Okay, I get it. It's just that it's been three F'ing years, and you could have dealt with this a little better. You really need to talk with her, and settle your shit once and for all. I get it, you were hurt, but so was Meg, and neither one of you seems to have moved on. She can't commit to dating a really good guy because she's still in love with you, and YOU, you won't even talk about her or what happened."

"So big brother, get over it!" Char looked pissed and I had only been in the truck 15 minutes.

"Christ Char, lay off it will you? Or you can just turn around and take me back to Dulles!" God, I was mad. "I don't need you, or anyone else getting in my stuff."

"Yeah, you're right, I'm sorry," said Char. "It's, it's just that you're different, Meg's never been the same, and you can't ignore your problems."

Going home was pretty much as you can imagine. Mom came running out and hugged me, Dad ambled out and shook my hand after Mom let go of me. We all went in and had a big sit-down meal. The rest of the day was spent catching up with the whole family. Chrissy and her husband Scott came over for a while, and I told stories about Argentina and the other places I'd been.

That first night home was nice, but awkward as everyone tried to ignore the real issue. Later, as things were winding down, my Dad sat down beside me and said "I'm glad you're home, we've all missed you. Just know that you've got a lot of people here who care about you. And whatever you do going forward, you're going to have to decide for yourself, but we'll support you."

Of course, word had gotten around that I was back in town for the wedding. The next day was Saturday so Keith and a couple of guys stopped by and dragged me off to go play TOP GOLF. Which really means we'd smack a couple buckets of balls (badly), drink a bunch of beer, and tell lies. All was good for a few hours and then the inevitable question came up. There was a lull in the conversation; Dave looked at me and said, "So you, um, gonna see Meg while you're home?"

The Keith just glared at him and I didn't say a word.

Evan did though. "Christ Dave, did you have to go there? REALLY?"

"Hey, it's okay guys. It's been 3 years; I've moved on, and we're having a good time. Forget it." I wasn't going to let this bother me.

Dave apologized. "Man, I'm sorry to bring that up, forget I even asked."

The rest of the day was fine. We went back to Keith's house and his fiancé Carla was making dinner. Eventually Keith left to take Evan and Dave home leaving me to help Carla clean up.

"I'm really glad you're here Connor." Carla said. "It really means a lot to Keith and me too, that you came back for the wedding."

"Well, I wouldn't have missed it for anything Carla, and besides it was time I came home. I need to deal with stuff from... before."

Carla looked at me and said, "You know, I run into Meg every now and then when I'm out with the girls, or sometimes we just catch up. While we weren't close friends growing up, we always got along. Are you going to be okay with her at the wedding?"

I looked at Carla and said, "Yes, I'll be okay and I'll behave like a gentleman."

Carla hugged me and said, "I know you will, I just don't want either of you to feel uncomfortable. Even though she isn't in the wedding party, she will be there. And I really think you two need to sit down and talk some time and resolve things. She was a wreck when you left. Yeah, she screwed up, but I don't think you know the whole story. And when she was served the divorce papers, she pretty much had a breakdown."

That I knew as Char had filled me in while I was away.

"Well, I'm not here to give her a bunch of shit, I've tried to put that all behind me."

"O-kay" said Carla, all the while giving me one of those "looks." You know, the look that says I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

I knew Carla from way back and I could tell there was more that she wanted to say, and I know she had good intentions, but the look on my face must have said "keep your mouth shut", so she did.

Keith came back and the three of us sat around chatting and I talked some more about the past 3 years, but it got late and it was soon time to head for home.

The next couple of days were spent just taking care of "stuff." You know, bank business, changing the oil in my truck, going for a drive out in the countryside, just soaking up the feeling of home again. I still wasn't sure how I felt being back "home"; something just didn't feel the same. I guess living abroad, in a different culture and seeing the way other people live changes your perspective. Don't get me wrong, I love my hometown, adore my folks and friends, but it just felt like I'd returned to a different place and it would never be the same as it used to be. Just like my relationship with Meg; it would NEVER be whole again. Maybe sometime we'd come to an amicable relationship, but that would take time.

Still, I couldn't shake the feelings I had. I wanted to know what went wrong, what happened that she did... whatever it was she did. And why. I wanted to know why I felt so stirred up after thinking I had put it all behind me while I was away and working. Why was I constantly thinking about Meg?

Coming home that afternoon I walked in the house and Mom was on the phone with someone and I got the impression she didn't want to continue the conversation with me there. She got off the phone kinda quickly and seemed a bit flustered.

"Mrs. Sayers says she saw you riding around town in your truck and was wondering if you're going to be staying in town for good." Mom said. I thought she sounded a little odd, and then it hit me, she was lying! I remembered when I was a kid and could always tell when she was telling a little white lie about something. The way she changed the inflection of her voice meant there was something she was hiding; usually it was about Christmas presents, or a surprise for someone's birthday.

Aw shit, I'll bet she was talking to Meg. They had always been close. Mom was like a second Mom to Meg, and after Meg's parents passed, they were even closer.

I knew from Chrissy that Meg had stayed in touch and was at my parent's house often over the past 3 years. Mom treated her like a third daughter, and I know she was devastated when we split up, and really wanted me to try to work things out. But at the time I just didn't want to deal with it, and didn't see why I should even try.

I had even cut some of my phone conversations with my parents short after my Mom pressed the issue one too many times. She finally stopped mentioning Meg, and hadn't said anything at all about her since I'd been home.

Of course, it had to happen. I knew sooner or later I'd see her; I just didn't expect how I felt when I did. How was kind of odd though. Dave had taken a day off from work and we were going fishing. We had stopped at the hardware store to get some bait, and were pulling out of the parking lot when I saw Meg and another woman coming out of the coffee shop across the street. I almost didn't recognize her with her hair cut short, and she looked, I don't know, buff is the only way to describe her. Like she had been spending time in the gym, but not bulked up.

Dave saw me staring, and a block later asked, "Con, man, you okay?"

"Yeah, I just didn't expect to see her like that."

"You know, you're going to have to talk to her, and you probably don't want the first time to be at the wedding. Why not get it over with this weekend? That way, if you need to get away, and go do something, me and the guys will be available." Dave did have a point.

We headed out of town and went out west above where the Shenandoah River flows down to Harper's Ferry and joins with the Potomac River. There was a boat ramp that always had good fishing if you were willing to go wading up and down along the shore. Truth be told Meg and I had spent a lot of time there just the two of us; sometimes making out under the bridge, sometimes splashing around in the water, and floating on downstream on inner tubes with a bunch of friends. We'd leave a truck or two at the take-out spot down river, and the rest of the vehicles where we put in.

Dave must have sensed that I was thinking about those days and Meg, as we didn't say much and he moseyed on upstream leaving me to fish by myself.

A few hours and a couple of beers later we were heading for home, and I said "Hey, do you mind dropping me off at Cindy and Jake's place?"

"Sure, what's up?" Dave said.

"Nothing, I just wanted to catch up with them."

"You know Cindy's pregnant; I think she's due in a few weeks," said Dave.

"Yeah, I know they were wanting to try, and Jake had emailed me a while back that they finally succeeded. I know she was getting worried that she couldn't get pregnant."

I wanted to see both of them and let them know how happy I was for them, but really, I wanted to hear from Cindy what she knew about Meg and our divorce.

"Hey Cindy Lou!" I blurted out as soon as she opened the door. I had always called her that after the girl in the Grinch story.

Of course, she hated it at first, but grew to like it as long it was only me that called her that. She grinned and tried to wrap her arms around me, baby bump regardless!

"Wow, look at you! I was wondering when we'd get to see you." she said with a half-hearted smack on my arm.

"Jeez, you've been home for days, and are just now getting around to coming by," giving me grief as usual.

"Aw, c'mon, I've only been home for 4 days and I had a lot of stuff to take care of and it's a bit overwhelming being back." I said as I held up my hands in surrender.

"Yeah, I guess it is a little strange. Can I get you something to drink?"

"Nah, I've had a few when Dave and I were out on the 'Doah today. I really just wanted to see if Jake really did manage to knock you up or he was pulling my chain."

Cindy laughed and said, "yeah, his swimmers did the job, turns out it was me that wasn't the most hospitable host, but everything's coming along fine now."

We caught up for a bit and since Jake wasn't expected home for a little longer, I figured I bring up the topic everyone wanted to talk about but wouldn't.

"Cin, I know you and Meg were close and probably still are, but do you have any idea WHY....?" My voice just petered out.

Cindy's face got serious and she looked at me for several seconds. "Connor, I think that's something you need to talk to Meg about. I will tell you she was devastated when you left, and getting served divorce papers really upset her. She was pissed that you just...quit. She knew she fucked up, but to just leave after all those years, that was cold."

"I know, it wasn't my proudest moment, but I was crushed and needed to get away, and the opportunity to make a clean break and start over, was... just what I needed." I sighed, and absentmindedly drummed my fingers on the table.

"I know she loves you still, and was really hurt that you never replied to her emails. And if you're curious, she didn't date at all until about a year ago, and I don't think she's gone out with the same guy more than twice."

About then Jake pulled into the driveway. Cindy told me I was staying for dinner, so I called Mom and told her I'd be home late. After dinner Jake and I shot pool in the basement while he grilled me about life in Argentina and took a few bucks off me.

Jake offered to drive me home, but it was a nice night and my folks house was only about a mile away so I walked. The time alone gave me time to think. I was still hurt and mad at Meg, but didn't know what to do about it. I couldn't imagine the two of us picking up where things left off, and yet, we had been so much for each other for many years. Hearing that she apparently hadn't moved on to a new relationship gelled with the few things Mom had told me before I put a stop to the updates on Meg.

I slept in the next day and spent some time on the computer checking in with Matt, and got updates on jobs they had going. He was really pushing me to commit to going back overseas.

"Connor, you did a great job, things ran smoother than ever before and I'm already hearing from the guys in the field how much better things are when you're on site."

"Matt, I hear you, but I'm on leave for the next few weeks and I've got some stuff I need to figure out. Like what do I want out of life, where do I want to be in 5 years. You know trivial stuff"!

He chuckled, and said, "I know Connor, take your time. And have fun at the wedding."

I hopped in my F250 after lunch and went out for a drive around the countryside. I'd always loved the area, but it was changing, and not for the better. McMansions had sprung up over the years, new developments were going in, even in the western part of the county and the next county over. Sad to see, but that's 'progress' for you.

I hadn't planned on doing anything in particular even though it was a Friday night, but figured I might as well run down to the local club/bar/dance floor. Friday nights aren't wild, but people do go out and have a good time. Sometimes even folks my age, most of whom are married now, and some even have kids. Yeah, like Meg and I had planned once. I walked into JACK MCCAIN'S and grabbed a Stella Artois draft and moseyed over to a table where a bunch of folks I knew way back from school were sitting. One of the women, Trish, had always flirted with me, but had never been inappropriate as she knew Meg and I were together. She had married a guy from the next town over and had a one-year-old daughter.

"Come sit here and tell us all about life overseas" she said. "You've had a much more exciting life than most of us have had the past few years, I'm sure!"

I shrugged and said, "maybe not as exciting as you think! Oh sure, I was in a foreign country and had to learn the language, but I was working long hours and there wasn't a lot of time to socialize. I did take a few side trips and even went to Ushuaia. Buenos Aires was crazy busy, and about as different from home as you can imagine."

It felt really good to be sitting around talking with folks I'd known for years, but without the feeling they all wanted to know about Meg and me. Granted, they weren't in our old "social circle" of people we hung with all the time, so I guess enough time had passed that they weren't interested.

About an hour later I got up to go to the Men's room and as I was walking out, the Women's room door opened and out came Meg, turning and literally bumping into me.

Now I have to explain how this came to be. MCCAIN'S is really two bars in one. On one side it's just a regular old bar with tables, serves food and drink, and has background Classic rock/Country rock playing. The OTHER side of the bar is a little louder and plays more danceable music, and draws the ladies and guys who want to boogie. The two sides are connected by a narrow hallway where the restrooms are. For some reason the Men's room is closer to the "Dance" side and the Women's room is closer to the "Drinking" side. It's just the way they were laid out.

So, when I came out of the Men's room I turned Right and Meg turned Left when she came out. Both of us blurted out an "excuse me" and then realized who we had collided with.

A startled, almost panicked, look crossed Meg's face, and I'm sure my face just froze. I mumbled "sorry", and brushed past her and walked back to my table.

I thought I heard a "Connor..." but I didn't turn around.

I flopped down in my chair and Trish looked at me. Her eyes narrowed a bit and she leaned over and said "what?"

I just shook my head.

Trish looked me in the eyes and said "I know Meg's over on the other side with some guy, they were over here earlier. Did you see them? Is that what's up?"

"No, I just literally bumped into her outside the toilet."

"And???"

"No 'and' about it. I just said "excuse me" and came back here."

"Connor, have you even talked to her since you've been home?"

"Nope."

Trish sighed, and sat back in her chair. "You know I was thinking about introducing you to Mike's sister, but I don't think you're ready for that, and she doesn't need drama in her life."

"Yeah, you're probably right", I said.

I finished my last beer and decided to leave. I got up and after a few hugs and fist bumps headed back to Mom and Dad's. I walked out to the parking lot and got in my truck. I put the key in the ignition and for some reason just sat there. Thinking. Meg. Me. Us. What did I want now that I was back?

I sighed and turned the key.

The next morning was Saturday, and I was up early as Dad had wanted me to give him a hand out in the yard. We were halfway through weeding the garden and taking a water break when he said, "Have you seen Meg since you've been home?"

"'Dad, stop."

You know, you're going to have to sit down with Meg sooner or later."

"Did Mom put you up to this?" I asked.

"No, this is all me," he said.

I stood there and looked at him and slowly nodded my head. "I just don't know how and don't really see the point. She did what she did, it's over and we're over."

"Well son, that may be the way you see it, but you're never going to completely move forward with your life until you finish things with Meg. You never heard her side of things, and I know you ignored her voice messages and emails. And I have to tell you, while you were gone, she's been over here many times. She's told us exactly what happened and how, and we've forgiven her. And the sooner you talk to her and find a way to forgive you'll be much happier."

"She's still our daughter in law regardless of the divorce. It took a long time, but we've moved on, and she knows she's welcome in our house anytime. BUT, she already told us she won't come over while you are here; she doesn't want to cause a rift."

Well, I had heard that Meg and my folks had reconciled, and that she often was over at the house, I just didn't know what to do with the thought of her still being a part of my family. That was all Dad had to say about Meg, and we moved on to talking about the O's and Nat's and got back to work.

After lunch I had to run down to Nichol's Hardware store to get some Weed B Gon.

I hopped out of the truck and walked in to Nichols and the first person I saw was my old Little League baseball coach Charlie who did the classic double take and said, "well, da-gone, look who just walked in. It's been HOW many years Connor?"

"Too many Coach, too many. How've you been, still hitting fungoes for the kids?"

"Nah, I had to give that up when I tore my rotator cuff a few years back, but I still get out to the old park every now and then. Say, I saw that pretty little woman of yours in here this morning."

I couldn't believe that he didn't know we were divorced, but then again, at his age, the years kind of run together and maybe he thought we were still together.

"Well, Coach, the truth of the matter is we split a few years ago and I just got back into town after working in Argentina since then." I said, slowly nodding my head.