Confessions

"I tossed the pillow away and I don't think she realized it was ever there. It was like someone flicked a switch, Father, all the fight went out of her like that." Daniel snapped his fingers to illustrate. "That was when she started to cry. She lay very still with her eyes squeezed shut and one hand touching her face, sobbing."

Daniel's head dropped suddenly into his hands. "Oh dear God, Father, I want so much to tell you I felt bad."

"What did you feel, my son?" the priest asked quietly.

"At the time it was just a means to an end," Daniel answered, his head still in his hands. "But of everything I did to that woman, that's the one I wish most to forget. The pillow was expensive and real thick, so I know the punch hurt her far less than anything I'd already done. But she reacted like I'd straight slugged her in the jaw and went pliant as a rag doll. I was on such a power trip that all I felt was satisfaction."

"Tell me what you did then."

"I raped her," Daniel said simply. "She offered no resistance at all as I tore her panties off. Her pubic hair was neatly trimmed and exactly the same color as the hair on her head. Seeing her naked in a state of complete surrender was the most arousing thing I've ever seen in my life. I got rid of my shirt, forced her legs apart, and started slamming away. She was making these little mewling noises and very feebly trying to push me off of her, but it wasn't near enough to disturb me."

Daniel raised his head from his hands and stared straight ahead at the crucifix mounted on the wall of the confessional. His voice was toneless when he spoke again. "After I fucked her for God only knows how long, I decided something still wasn't quite right. She was too... ready for me, you know? Too wet. No matter how hard I went at her, it still wasn't rough enough. So I drug her to her feet, manhandled her over to the bed, and flung her face down on it. She clutched at the sheets and buried her face as I pulled that beautiful round ass of hers into the air."

"Father... I'd never heard anyone wail before. I've heard people moan, cry, sob, scream, and howl in agony, but before that day I didn't know what a wail sounded like. She wailed when I put it in her ass, Father."

"And me? My only regret was that the curtains weren't open. I should have thought of that."

Daniel took a breath to steady himself, and then rushed ahead with the rest of his tale, eager to be rid of it at last. "It's a good thing it was a large bed, because I pounded every hole she had so hard I would have shoved her off a smaller one. I grabbed handfuls of hair, tits, and any other part of her I could reach, and smacked her ass so hard that my hand was sore for days. I didn't let up even when she was exhausted and only had breath left for terrified little whimpering noises. When I finally came, it was huge. Even in the state I'd left her in, she gasped when she felt it. It was so enormous for a second I thought I was going to black out."

"She didn't move a muscle until I rolled off, and then she curled up in a fetal position. I sat on the floor naked as the day I was born getting my wind back. I felt like I'd just run three Boston Marathons in a row. And then raped someone. We stayed like that for a while, I'm not sure how long, and then I heard a door open. Her husband tiptoed into the room, sat down on the bed, and took her in his arms. She curled up against him, buried her face in his chest, and wept like a little child. He kissed her and stroked her hair, and told her over and over how much he loved her and how strong she was. I knew this was important, so I didn't interrupt. When it looked like she was calming down, I got to my feet very quietly with the intention of finding my pants."

Daniel turned to look at his shadowy companion with something of a bemused look on his face. "Father, she stretched out her hand to me. She didn't look up but just reached out blindly with her face still pressed against her husband's chest. I took it gently in both of mine, and she squeezed twice, real hard."

Daniel gave a great sigh, feeling as if a massive weight had been lifted from him. "Then I found my clothes and got the hell out of there," he finished without a flourish. He was more than relieved to have reached the end of it. Until now, no one else had ever known what happened that night. He'd left the hotel, found an all-night diner, and sat there drinking coffee until the registration desk opened. Then he checked out. Part of it was that he was a lousy liar and didn't want to try to explain the black eye she'd given him in their struggle. The bigger part was that he didn't know what he'd do if he accidentally encountered either his willing victim or her loving husband as they went about their mundane lives.

"Now that this has... happened," the priest said carefully. "Have you thought about wanting similar experiences?"

"No, it gives me nightmares, Father. The worst part is I remember how good everything felt at the time. I wasn't under duress or doing anything under protest. Everything I did to her, I did for no other reason than at the time I wanted to do it. I have no excuses."

"Do you truly seek forgiveness for these actions, my son?" came the inquiry. "Have you truly repented?"

Daniel stared at his hands and didn't answer immediately. "I don't know," he finally said. "When you get down to it, I was giving someone something they wanted. I just don't think I was ready to find out I had any of that in me. I look in the mirror and I see a stranger now... someone I don't recognize. But even with all that, I still can't say I'm sorry it happened."

"If you do not repent, I cannot absolve you, my son," the priest said gravely.

"I know, Father. Maybe I've wasted your time here tonight. If so, I apologize. But confession is good for the soul as they say, and as tarnished as my soul might be, I think I have found some absolution." Daniel abruptly stood and opened the door of the confessional. "Thank you and God bless you, Father," he said over his shoulder as he strode between the darkened pews, heading toward the outside door and the night beyond.