All Comments on 'Connie's Betrayal'

Really liked it but neither of them knew what to do next. Sometimes I like to read the rebuild.

Perfect ending to one he'll of a great story. Don't ever mess with the mob. They may not be what they once were, but there are a lot of Tony Sopranos out there. I really enjoyed the build-up and the final revenge . I'll be back to read this again.

Loved it

Read again because it is a great story about complete destruction of a cheating wife and her lover. Outside the occasional event that brings out the real authors, and a few from decent new authors, we get nothing but cuck or wife sharing garbage. These older stories are relief from that never ending disease of deranged minds.

I enjoyed your story. It reminded me of my younger years reading paper back crime novels. Good memories. Thanks for sharing. High marks.

First, not every writer in this free, amatuer, story site are going to be Pulitzer Prize winners. Yes, there were problems. Who cares? I read it for the content.

Second, all you people who want to rant on about violence, well, while this is just a story, nobody REALLY got harmed, and nobody even died in the fiction. I don't understand this world, where a few whackjobs think that they are the moral police when it comes to a story like this... but in the wider world, the Godfather series of films are venerated as masterpieces. Classics of their age. And guess what? People got it a damn sight worse in those stories. While in this tale, the protagonist and his family looked after business as needed, they really are NOT part of that old, secret fraternity. If that had been the case, our friend Tony would have been pig food, no less, and the wife, if given the chance to live, would have thanked her lucky stars that she got out so cheap, and would have signed divorce papers giving her husband EVERYTHING without question, and would have kept her mouth clamped shut tight for the rest of the life that her ex gifted her with.

Third, this site covers a wide range of attitudes to the subject matter. While some may not be erotic, it's telling that BTB stories have a huge audience, and are often scored higher because of the writer's position on the subject. Poorly written ones fair much better in general than even well written cuck crap.

My personal attitude to cheaters, is that if caught, you have zero chance of predicting how the person betrayed will respond. Some big, strong men will tuck their tails under them and wimp out. Some small men will burn the very ground under the asshole's who hurt them, regardless of the personal impact. There is a tremendous scope of possible outcomes. If you cheat, you caused the outcome. If you can't handle a bad outcome, don't fucking cheat.

Lastly, I will never read one of Keen Phillips' stories. He may even be a very good wordsmith, but reading the taglines for his work is enough for me to say, 'no thanks'. I had the impression that Australians were ALL 'earthy man's men'. I suppose it's a big country, it takes all types. I just want to point out, Ken, that the closest score of any of your work to the one for this story is not even in this category, and still falls short enough to tell me that more people appreciate this story than the entirety of your work. I don't care if you despise me, the numbers tell the story, and obviously better than you do.

Love. Lives on

Booze

Love the stories protagonist suspects then when verified gets on with revenge on cheaters

And either moves on after punishment

Or in deserving cases RAAC. Very few of them

Don't get all wimpy

Very nicely written, well done.

I really enjoyed this story .. I think the Proper Punishment was handed out .. Messing with Married Ladies and the ending is never Good .

Decent story, but badly in need of an editor. I thought “Tony” got off a bit light. They should have just taken his balls OFF. As an aside, I was impressed by the critique by norcal62. He seems to really have a handle on the fine nuances of creating a character with substance and believability. I’ll have to check out some of his stories here. Oh, wait. He doesn’t have any stories here.

You have to be kidding right? Sal went easy on the heartless CUNT. Your comments are sicking. You need to crawl back into your moms closet you sissy little faggot. No Man is going to put up with the total disrespect that the Cunt wife gave him. Once Trust is gone it is gone. You can never get it back. Why the fuck would anyone continue to live with doubt. Unless your a masochistic Loser. Which you clearly are.

I mean Sal evidently got justice a little,but did he get it totally?.And yes Connie deserved punishment for cheating,but ultimately was her indescretion warrant such hatred by Sal.

I am reminded of the old saying of "Two wrongs don't make a right",is it possible that Connie is remorseful for cheating,yes but the same could be said about the opposite and no she isn't.So in this case you have one option "Faith",yes Connie could try to redeem herself and remain faithful for the rest of their lives but then again she could revert back to her cheating ways.In this case you can't know if she will or not.

But for me I would give Connie the benefit of the doubt and slowly test her loyalty by dangling bait in front of her,if she doesn't bite then start building your relationship back up slowly until the trust can be restored.Most importantly is Sal and Connie try to talk it out with brutal honesty,cause as long as they communicate about why Connie cheated and again be honest then they could have saved that marriage.

The author seems to think that JD is the answer to everything

Went through something similar over 30 years ago. A friend of mine was connected with some folks in the Motor City and they offered special rates to deal with problems like this. Smashed ankles, knees, elbows, sodomy, you get the drift. All I had to do was have an airtight (different kind of airtight that the soon to be ex would have) alibi. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately for some, every time I looked at my daughters I'd know and couldn't put them through the pain it would cause them. God, it so tempting, but because of my girls I took the higher road and ended up with custody. A fair trade I think. Signed: BTW

I guess some guys get relief from their personal situations when reading this kind of story. The over-wrought self-righteousness is the amusing part. The over-used refusal to talk, to communicate leaves out many chances to fill out the plot.

Loads of suffering and a slow painful death to traitors. There are those here that are forgiveness wimps; people of this modern age of softness who believe revenge is not appropriate and that even in conditions far from amicable and hard bitterness, one should not be cruel. Why not? IDK and don't understand that kind of thinking. There are many things unforgivable in this life, things that make one bitter,cynical and angry. The soft people IMO have no character regarding infidelity. Why is it that the woman who cheats says "We can get past This"? How for fuks sakes can some one say that after putting a dagger in their "best friend's" back while looking them in the eyes when they do it and some times twisting it to make it hurt more and relay a finality. As a nation, we have never forgiven Benedict Arnold, tho in this present I'm not sure if the in crowd even knows or remembers who he is.

I thought your story wrapped up a bit quickly but often life wraps up quickly with an unexpected ending to a fairy tale life. 5*s For sure. I really appreciate your efforts, talent and story telling ability. Thx...TC..

Good story hilarious ending

Very good story about revenge against a cheating wife and her lover. No mercy given and no prisoners taken. I have some friends in low places, but unfortunately no mobsters.

You showed how weak some of those excuses are. Good job. I would not recommend the gangster approach, but it was fun.

To many words.

I just couldn't stop reading it. Many Literotica readers seem to forget that most of the writers and editors that post here are amateur and volunteer. I have always been a stickler for grammar, spelling, punctuation and redundancy but it is ridiculous to expect perfection in all of that on a site like this. So I do wish the whiners would stop complaining about that.

Well, it wasn't well written

and we got a bunch of repetitions in dialogue.

Other than that, it was great!

Very seldom we see a slut punished

for her crime.

Here it was done nicely with fear.

Not much, but better than nothing.

Divorce isn't a punishment.

It's a result of her actions.

And in the divorce, she will get half

of everything they own.

The guy did a poor job of hiding the money.

Can be easily found by her lawyer.

Understandable poor job though.

Sal was acting in anger not sensibility.

Made him human.

So did his grief.

Well done expressing that writer!

Though faulty, this story had a great plot,

great morals and clear characters.

A small revenge but, to me, not a BTB.

No burn/bury the bitch here.

Just emotional pain.

As eye for an eye, as I see it.

Top ratings from me.

I give you 1* for missing that the main characters name was Sal not Sol. It would have been 2* but since it was mentioned about a hundred times you lost a * for reading something and not remembering or understanding any of it.

Michaelajones, you get 5* for a slightly different way to 'smoke em'. And I would like to think he kept his promise of paying the asshole a visit every now and then just to say 'cheers'. Maybe drop him at a gay bar to see what it feels like to get fucked over.

agreed, conditioned upon Terri fucking me for two months first

Sad, just sad.

IT'S GREAT TO READ THE OTHER SIDE OF STORIES ABOUT CHEATING.

WHERE ONE PARTNER (MALE OF FEMALE) WORKS HARD TO MAKE A

GOOD LIFE FOR THEIR FAMILY ONLY TO BE CHEATED, LIED TO, AND

DESTROY LIVES. HOW CAN READERS THINK THIS IS GREAT! IT'S ONLY

GREAT WHEN THEY HAVE TO PAY. NOW, IF WE COULD ONLY READ SOME

STORIES OF WOMEN PAYING THE PRICE FOR SCREWING A BBC. WHY

DOES THE EROTIC AND PORN INDUSTRY THINK EVERYONE WANTS TO SEE

AND READ ABOUT WHITE WOMEN SLIPPING OFF TO SCREW SOME BLACK MAN JUST BECAUSE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE GREAT? WOULD LOVE TO READ SOME PAYBACK ON THESE BITCHES.

Great story both of them got what they deserved Every man that messes with a married woman deserves this.

What a great story. This one definitely goes into the Five Star category. I thought it was very well written. If there were grammar or spelling errors I didn’t notice them. What I did notice was that as Carlo and Sal’s planning and execution came together I could almost feel the tension building. That’s pretty damn good writing. As for the storyline, I think justice was well-served. I’m not sure Connie got everything she deserved, but Sal did intimate that he intended to “destroy” her. I can only imagine. D.

It’s only a story but every cheating wife and her lover should be treated this way just enough scare for her and a bad beating for him. The laws for the cheaters in divorce should be better for the one cheated on. Guys sometimes get divorced because they caught their wife cheating. Somehow the law lets her stay in the home , have primary custody, child support and sometimes alimony. That is totally not fair and a cheaters actions should weigh in on a divorce. It shouldn’t be automatically all on the hubby. It should be fair but there should be some type of penalty for cheating in a divorce.

The guy who fucks the cheating wife isn't married to the guy and doesn't owe him shit. As far as he's concerned, he'd be an asshole to NOT fuck her since she wants to fuck him. He's got to figure that she already has or WILL end up fucking SOMEONE, sooner or later, anyway.

Whether contemplative or under duress, a wife or husband makes a DECISION to be faithful or be a cheater. It's a matter of value and respect for self and for partner.

What I don't get is why today's men's organizations aren't fighting for legislation that includes JUSTICE in divorce law. Common Sense dictates that there should be a class action law suit against the automatic raping of males. Where the FUCK are the Supreme Court rulings on THOSE egregious travesties? How is a cheating WHORE more qualified to rear the couple's children than their faithful father is. Why should she NOT be heavily penalized for cheating when men ARE?

We need an organization that deters women from cheating on their husbands. BTBITG (Beat The Bitch Into The Ground) Second offenders get the Muslim cure.... Clitoris Removal.

As for this story, I gave it 5 stars.

I read all the comments posted since this story was written. Many folks have dissected it for style, mistakes and grammar. Others have toasted it for brutality, and lack of reason, or forgiveness. I just like the story. Connie knew what she was doing was wrong, but had to go one more time. She just didn't realize how totally devastating Sal's anger and revenge would be. He didn't kill her or even hurt her physically. Mentally, that's another story, as she will not get a good nights sleep for a long time. As for Tony, he's in for a lifetime of hurt. I want to she the affair partner suffer life altering consequences. This was my mind of story.

Awesome BTB!!! I was waiting for that Godfather line, "He's sleeping with the fish! for that scumbag Tony."

Having gone through a similar situation I can relate to this story. I love a good BTB story. This particular one was well written and easy to follow. 5 stars I will be following you and your work

Thank You for your story

Two stars, one for effort and one for the overall length. Otherwise, it’s not easy to read with many obvious errors, such as the likelihood of Sol never having met his best friends Phil, brother. Even less likely is Sol not previously having met Carlos brother. After all, according to the story Carlo and Sol grew-up together when Carlos was orphaned. There must have been a brother around somewhere.

We must believe the British police are totally incompetent, or not called in, or never bothered to investigate the traumatic beating of one of their citizens. I’m sure it would not have taken too much investigation to point the police in the direction of Sol and friends but there was no mention of a police investigation. The plot displays a lack of forethought and is riddled with errors.

writing satire. Its just like what major professional writers do. The Godfather and other thrillers.. Fine story

Loved this story from the beginning to the end I was hooked. There was a time he would of been congratulated by both men and women. Being Sicilian I know the importance of family. Her disrespect and shame was not only his but on them as well. You went easier on her than she would of received in the true family culture

of reclaiming stolen honor

get a life it is a story ... But a damn good one 5 big ones

Fuck you, you spineless cunt.

May your self righteous bullshit fuck you up the ass with a 10 inch spike,

A reasonably well-written but a rather vile little story about an emotionally weak man and his need for revenge.

I don't know what's wrong with the men in many of these stories. Of course it hurts to find out that your wife is cheating, but do they have to continually whine about his pain until he manages to make everyone else hurt more than he does. And do all of his and her friends have to sympathise with him and tell him he's a really nice guy even when he's behaving like a complete shit.

Holding a gun to a women's head and pulling the trigger when she's bound and gagged isn't the act of a man - no matter how much he feels hurt and betrayed - it's the act of a sadist and a psychopath. And please, spare us all the pseudo Godfather bullshit - the vast most Italians in the same situation would behave like sane human beings and either forgive her or divorce her. It's just a cheap stereotype for cheap revenge

LA

Just fuck you and all your stories, all of which I'm now going to 1-star.

Make him muslem instead of Italian and the politically correct bastards here would be seeking you nomination for the Nobel Prize in Literature! But dumb wops are always fair game!

Just fuck you again!

As far as myself? I come in here as a form of PTSD therapy. In combat and the men come home with PTSD they are hypnotized, and then their minds are removed "one step" so they see how they were hurt as if watching a movie- this provides enough mental space for them to learn how to live with it.

I'm here for 1)That kind of PTSD therapy and 2)I would still like to see my first wife- who burned my ass over a period of 30+ years be,,,dealt with somehow.

I believe that many bruised and battered men come here to read about other men dealing with their own bruising and battering. The anger that comes out in the comments is palpable! Maybe this is good therapy for those men, and the price is right, ie: free. But consideration should be given to amateur authors doing the best they can with whatever talents and education they possess. Not everyone is John Steinbeck, right out of the box.

Annony 3-6-17: Now, that is a sad, sad, tale. You were principled, firm, and steadfast... but you got bupkis when all was said and done. As another poster wrote: at times, true love requires forgiveness and reconciliation.

There wasn't any hidden subtext I found on a second reading, but it was at least as good as the first time.

I'm glad there wasn't much post-discovery interaction with Connie...hearing the begging and pleading really twists up emotions...And it's fucked up unless the story plays on anger instead of pity. Which this story got right...many try but don't do so as well. The interaction usually turns out to be psychologically violent and vindictive, which I find distasteful. Ah.

And the length was perfect; the two extra pages over an average story makes a difference. Sorry if my comment is a pock mark on humanity.

That pretty much says it all. Thank you.

Nicely written. I am always disgusted by those stories that have guys becoming man-bitches to their wives fucking around on them. I was only cheated on once in my life and I simply cut it off and left. After about 6 months of planning, THEN I started my revenge. I wanted to make sure I was no longer emotionally charged like right after it happened. It was great and I can honestly say....

Revenge is a dish best served COLD.

That’s the way to do it. All the divorced guys I know would have loved to do the same.

Very unorganized, too long,and full of shit. He told us he was going to kick her to the curb in the beginning. Why all the mindless words about planning.

1* is the least score but - it is well deserved!

No more to be said.

The writer has got to be pregnant. It is obvious by the myriad of missing periods.

Tony deserves to be beaten to within an inch of his life. And maybe even castrated or given a poor man's penectomy (have his penis cut off).

One thing that bothers me about the divorce laws in the United States is that the husband is always dealt with more harshly by the divorce court judge than the bastard who caused the destruction of the marriage. He is every bit as guilty as the man who breaks and enters a man's home and steals from him. After all, the interloper has broken into his marriage and destroyed it. He has stolen the man's wife, ruined his life, caused terrible emotional damage, destroyed the husband's hopes and dreams of a future. But, yet, the other man usually faces no repercussions. And although the other man is responsible for the destruction of the marriage, it is the victimized husband that the judge orders to pay for court-ordered marriage counseling. That is obviously the other man's financial responsibility. And the other man should have to reimburse the husband for every penny he has to pay to the wife that was stolen from the husband. I should be a divorce court judge.

Wait till it happens to you.... I'd pay good money to see how forgiving you are

Stupid macho shit. Bruised male ego, childish retribution. Definitely never really loved his wife she was just a posession like the women in Saudi Arabia. She made a mistake now she must pay. If it had been him he would have expected forgiveness. Stupid meaningless drivel.

Why is it that the BTB stories get high marks regardless of how well they are written? The terrible punctuation and run on sentences made this a very difficult read.

I liked it. Would have liked it better if he had had a round in the chamber (cuz this is just a story) but realize the unpleasant consequences of that. Still...oh well 5*s.

but isn't that what we like occasionally? I do agree with the poster who said that only men get revenge on their wives in this section but. Loving Wives? Get it, not loving husbands or cuckolding for all. Maybe some of you can petition Lit. to get these sections. I would like the cuck and suck stories to fade back into the background. But that's just me. I didn't think it was that badly written. I had no trouble following the story or reading the sentences. Too wordy? I don't know about that. Some people are more concise in their writing than others. Style, right? And some people don't need mob connections to stage an op. If his name would have been Sheamus it would have been the same.

This is one hell of a Grand Slam B.T.B. story! It goes without saying! Great Story a few typo errors ! Here's one Tonty (maybe tony was a pony and she nickname him Tonty) Anyway Thanks for sharing this Fantastic story with us! ★★★★★ WOOF

Why did you make Sal out to be such a wimp Ass. He couldn't be man enough to take her back knowing he would be better off with her than without her. She has paid. Now it is time to forgive and get on with your life. If you love someone you have the capacity to forgive. One action such as this is not enough to kill the love.

Now Tony is another story. I want to know what continues to happen to him.

Did you make Sal such a wimp ass. You saw the pictures had his plan had the divorce papers and he is still sobbing. Weeks after he saw the picture by then he should have cycle through the stages past wimping out and needing to suckable down the JD. Why don't you just write a man?

Come on guys. This the revenge every fucking cuckolded husband dreams of. He destroyed the cheater and her lover. I love how he put the fear of God in her with the click of the gun on the empty slot. At that instant, you can sense what real fear is about. Fear is real and we all feel it. Courage is the capacity of overriding your fear and face it. I don't think Connie or Tony will ever have the will to do that. Sal is the man. He had help, but everybody can use friends and family. This story is not for faint of heart or the wimpy cuckold. I love it!

Kinda bad. Sounds like because he is Italian he is mob guy. All Italians are not like that. Stereotypical.

Was mystifying. Claiming Connie simply made a mistake.

A one time thing perhaps could be viewed that way. Teri knew better. She repeatedly warned Connie to no avail, so Teri's request includind the she made a mistake comment just does not fit

You are bored?????? Bitch, you've never contributed shit in literotica and you are bored? What a fucking moron and with a smart ass attitude. Fuck Off Bitch!!!

Entertaining. made me remember electrical demonstration from primary school with a hand cranked generator and classmates holding hands. the first one gets the juice but the last one got the shock. Where were they connected?

Is fun to read about -- and rarely happens in real life (50/50 asset split, woman usually gets custody of any kids in a contentious divorce, ex-husband pays child and spousal support, etc.).

There's a lot of truth to "living well is the best revenge," but the comeuppance dealt out in stories like this is a refreshing change from a lot of RAAC stories here on Lit.

Thanks!

You developed the characters well, and the plot played out logically. Okay, so it's a bit fantastic that Sal has these family members to back him up. But hey, it's fiction, right? I enjoyed it.

I couldn't get past second page. I got bored.

This was a well written story that's what the bitch get .Stop all the soft pussy commenting especially the terrorism comment. I'm sure bitches stomp all over your poodle ass .Good job Author don't let these wanna be critics stop you're talent.

Read a few dumb asses that are saying that your story is too grotesque, they have never been hurt by a bitch....

Continue, nice story.

Thanks.

Salvatori isn't an italian first name, SalvatorE is.

and Sal, Carlos, and company were nothing more than terrorists. There were no sympathetic characters in this long, long story. I appreciate consequences stories but this was not that at all. If it were Sal would be doing hard time. It was grotesque.

Perhaps it was meant as a satire that failed.

Gets Caught and all anyone can say is Whoa is Me. She is lucky to get of so easily. He could have shot her and him in the Head. been done and over with. instead he made sure they both remember for a long time the Cost of being Stupid.

Change Sal and Carlo's ancestry to Saudi Arabia, and this story would put you in jail in the UK, where candidates standing for parliament (US translation - "running for congress") get put in jail for quoting Sir Winston Churchill's book on the evils of islam! But it's perfectly okay to libel Italian-Englishmen!!!

Class Snob!!! I'm going to rate all your stories 1 star!

And pay attention to Kimi--pick a person: 1st, 2nd or 3rd, singular or plural and try to limit it to only one of them per paragraph! Then when you've graduated from crayons to pen, you can try to stretch it out for the entire piece of offal!

mafia wannabes, kidnapping, balaclavas, guns! To deal with a cheating wife? no wonder she cheated she's surrounded by an incestuous bunch of cowardly fuckwits.

i suppose the annony BTB woman hating crowd will be in raptures over this! they will love the fact he put a gun to a womans head and pulled the trigger, bravo (slow hand clap)

...made almost impossible to read by the lack of punctuation. Authors, learn basic punctuation. A great story can be rendered terrible and a mediocre story can be great, due to good editing. A comma isn't placed where we naturally take a breath. It is to bring two stand-alone sentences together.

This story could have been a 5 and I gave it a 2.

Cut out every 'had', 'that' and 'but.' Every. Single. One. Then reread the story and realize how good it can be.

Connie got what she deserved she could never be trusted by him again, so the marriage had to end. The lothario got his just deserts saving possibly any further female from his clutches hopefully.

Further to the comment by some other critic that there are no story's for he wife's revenge on a cheating husband they need to look closer there are some but not as many as for cheating wives.

So she cheated, divorce her ass and be done, the pointing his finger at her and going click at the door was over the top. The beating was maybe acceptable , now what. Does she get half his assets or the threat and fear make her sign off on his divorce settlement. She is paying for her cheating . His losses a wife he so call loves. You could have ending this better.

BRAVO

Very good! Loved it. This is BTB at its very best!

In regards to the previous post by Anonymous 04/04/17 (who probably is a female), about the lack of stories where the betrayed wife takes similar actions against her cheating husband is that stories like these strike a nerve with many men who have experienced betrayal by their (ex-)wives and to read about how the betrayed husband gets his revenge over his cheating wife and her lover, it is a cathartic experience they can find nowhere else.

It's clear that the predominant writers posting on Literotica are male. I have only read about wives cheating and husbands' reactions - from acceptance to - like this story - revenge just short of murder.

What I have NOT read or found so far, is the flip side of the coin. How a wife would feel/react to her husband's infidelity. That perspective is sadly missing on this site! Unfortunate - it would be interesting and even educational to have that viewpoint revealed and scrutinized. Even be a balancing, if you will, to the stories now posted here...

Needs more. The bastard needs more physical and mental torture until he is a wasted shell of a man. A enuch afraid of even seeing a woman again.

Scarred and deformed such that anyone seeing him would scream in disgust.

Now as for the vile evil cheating bitch wife, worse for her heh?

To much?

Dear Mr Hyde,

We need to get in touch with Dr Jeckyll, whose stories we like very much.

Could you please help us find his new contact info?

Your early action in this matter would be much appreciated.

Sincerely,

Voyeur Husbands Anonymous

Niagara-on-the-Lake Chapter

Looked like an excuse to rant and rage from a character. With all the JD, no wonder things were off at home. Left me cold.

Great story. Had me on the edge of my seat. Justice was done.

I really enjoyed this story. Great writing.

...but a bit too easy on them.. ho hum.

But the absolute worst technical writing I have ever read. Your best approach should be limited to telling your story to someone to write for you who has a basic understanding of the English language.

Way over the top egotistic crap.

An empty story badly written, same old story rehashed badly.

I loved the story but the author's indecision as to first or third person presentation offered annoying distractions in the flow. I felt the ending was abrupt and this story felt somewhat incomplete as many great stories do. However, I have complete access to the author to plead my case. So, add a part two or epilogue either reconciling or finding romance and success for the protagonist and pain and suffering for the adulteress and her accomplice in cheating. I rated this story a very reluctant five stars.

As a man and husband, I have just a small amount of understanding of a wife's attraction to a "bad boy," and this story's wife was repeatedly warned about this guy yet remained determined to cheat. I certainly can't condone any wife cheating, but I do understand the illicit attraction having felt it myself many times. Your character took it way too far, and paid an horrific price. I prefer to see a wife left with just enough resources to survive rather than being completely reduced to being penniless and homeless. I'm no fan of forgiveness and reunification either, just a bit less harsh once the divorce is finalized. Honestly, there are just no real cures for these problems. I've enjoyed your stories, and give them 5 stars for that. Thanks.

Damn grammer police out in full.

decide if you want to write in first person or third person. I could not finish as it got too hard with it jumping around.

Apart from not being able to finish reading, the writing is not too bad.

I could only manage to skim this as the writing was so awful, but one thing struck me about her cheating - that she was able to continue when she knew that their friends knew about it!

Your writing was masterful but painful. I was hoping to the bitter end that reconciliation was possible. Many years ago I succumbed to lust and temptation and had an affair with my secretary. I cut it off almost as soon as it started. Not being able to live with a lie, I made the mistake of confessing it to my wife. She got even by revenge fucking a guy and telling me. Then we separated for a year. Eventually, we couldn't live without each other. We remarried. That was twelve years ago and we work to keep our marriage fresh and alive. I say this as I believe some of the qualities of love are forgiveness and reconciliation. Love to see another chapter with Connie and Sal working things out. With your writing skills you could make that plausible. Solid five for your writing and showing the ugly consequences of cheating.

I found this to be an interesting read. The actual story line was good, even if it did have all the problems many have pointed out. I thought there was a big gap between the quality of the story and the quality of the writing.

A quick check of your Bio showed you’re no beginner, so I read Frank’s party, to see if you have always been slack on your writing craft. Apparently you have. I disagree with those who said you need an editor—at least not right now. The first thing you need is to spend a lot of time in the writers resources category here on Lit.

I repeat—you can come up with a really good story; now you need to get it on paper in an easily readable form. 3 stars from me.

He should have confronted her, cut his losses, and moved on. Karma is a bitch but we don't get to volunteer to be its instrument.

Just meh...

A lot of obvious effort but this just falls flat. Made worse by too many rambling thoughts and conflicting emotions. Its already been said but I need to repeat: get an editor. This became a jumble of massive paragraphs near the end. Almost as if you wanted to get it over and done with.

You need some serious help to get you to write in a more adult manner. You got the scenario and the level of violence is a personal judgment but the writing and style need some serious assistance. It was a BTB and that approach is a personal taste. The story line and choice of words used is third rate.

Tiny Tim