All Comments on 'Consequences'

You are fucking disgusting.

ridiculous

Jesus. That original story was gross and talk about the wife getting hit full on with the Martian Slut Ray. You did a great job administrating some justice for Jay

The second part is what will happen after they get out of prison. Lauren is going to have a hard time explaining those criminal charges to anyone, and she can kiss a good marriage with a good guy goodbye. As for Tammy - doing hard time for a slut? I guess her next step will be prostitution/crack whore. Rick may not survive his long stay, and if he does his life will be shit. A nice serving of Karma.

Good job in cleaning up the crap you found!

5

This feels like the equivalent of finding a turd and then thinking you could just add some sauce to make it edible. It's not that it's disgusting, the original is just bad in every possible way. Your addition actually feels irrelevant, because it's almost impossible to care what happens to anybody in that dumpster fire.

Repeating the word consequences over and over was a poor choice. It inherited the glow of the story and was annoying. ANNOYING. annoying. Annoying! I get he was thinking about them, but my goodness.

What utter garbage. Some of you wannabe authors must be on drugs to dream up this kind of drivel. Please stop writing this offensive unrealistic nonsense.

Well done! You managed to raise a 1-star-at-best story to a solid 3 .. but .. ick.

I got as far as the above, THE worst story EVER on lit.

What an ass…the writer I mean!

Horrible. Too bad because you have written a fewhalf-way decent things, but this is vile, stupid and uninteresting trash. 1*

The premise had potential for good drama but somewhere it got derailed.

)

Not one of your good ones.

Ending was obviously rushed.

Thenks anyway LT56linebacker.

Thanks. The 'Tramp approves...

Next time leave it buried.

have been longer

What really happened? Was the wife drugged or part of the deal? We need clarification as to who was responsible.

Wtf did I just read.

Hilarious, thoroughly enjoyed it tongue in cheek of course.

You gave me a few laughs, always worth it these days

Scores 4/5

The Worst Story Ever. I quit "He wanted to taste her nasty rectum"

This ranks up here as the dumbest story I have ever read on here.

Would you care to explain why no one screamed? No begging? No fighting? No running away? I mean, i know that shock into silence or catatonia happens but thats usually in situations of extreme fear. Laurens best friend is there and Rick was the best man. I mean screaming is almost a given but sigh, I know. This is literotica where assholes with rape fantasies get to write their filth and fans with the same diseased brains get to read while pretending they have no idea how they came across such a story. After they beat off and the prolactin levels drop, guilt sets in which is why you wrote this diseased piece of shit in the first place.

Moving on. So, before your middle school scat fantasy, presumably the bride and her husband were blitz attacked. You claimed she was "turned" (which is just misogynistic speak by assholes who get off on rape.) but to get there she had to be put through all of the events to drug Jay, strip Jay and tie Jay up. Again, she knows her rapist and her best friend but doesn't bother to scream at them to stop? We aren't talking about rape yet, just very very typical behavior when one's seeing horrible behavior by friends.

Oh right, you need your women weak and pliant in order to "turn" them. But wait, you HATE the original and I am complaining about THAT story right. Sorry, I am "just" a woman after all.

Anyway, somehow the wife is forced to do drugs and drink but never really argues. The husband wakes up. He doesn't scream either. Funny that.

Can you explain what crime Jay is guilty of again? No DA in the world would seek criminal prosecution on the husband. He beat those attacking him after being tied up and assaulted. That's called self defense genius. He then ran naked to the desk to get help. This too is reasonable behavior due to shock. Also, if Lauren was forced to do drugs and was raped (you said so) then why was she jailed again? Oh right, in your mind women are willing whores.

If you haven't figured it out yet. Fuck you.

There is no way to pick up a turd by the clean end.

Sorry, but this story didn't even make me laugh!

Author

Can you write revenge story based on "NATURAL CONSEQUENCES ACT 03" by "MenInNature"

The original story didn't deserve a continuation.All it needed was an annulment and a beat down.

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Of course his father is an FBI Special Agent, can't have a good revenge without special help.

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What makes them think they can get away with it? Even without the tape and their word against his, he can still dump the slut.

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"But I'm your wife." - ROFL

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Jay shouldn't face ANY consequences given the situation, and what could he sue the hotel for?

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"He was sued by Jay, but got nothing except an addition to his criminal record." - A law suit isn't going on his criminal record.

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@Anonymous Re: "The Worst Story Ever. I quit "He wanted to taste her nasty rectum"" - Don't forget, "While making lewd sounds!

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"Cuckold" tag is irrelevant. 99.9% of LW stories are cuckold in the sense that a wife/girlfriend fucks someone other than their partner. What you want is cuck, which this isn't, given the revenge.

Just awful. No story at all. You've written much better than this.

Based on the comments I didn't waste my time reading what is obviously a disaster. This is just another LT loser story, which have apparently gotten so bad you have to go back almost 20 years to find disgusting stories you think you can improve on. You really hit the bottom of the barrel with this. 1*

Ugh - I usually enjoy your stories, but I can’t figure out why you bothered. I get it piqued your interest, but if you’re going to do it, but in with all you got. That effort was lacking this time - 3*

You left a few items not addresses. Why??? What happened with the rape kit ordered for Lauren? You left a lot of unanswered questions.

Wouldn't it have been easier to tie him to a chair?

Excuse me? 300 hours of community service for pulling a fire alarm while running for your life??? How stupid is that? How old are you? 12? You need some real-world experience and maybe think about what you're doing. The prison sentences were also stupid, both girls would have probably been given probation with NO charges at all for the protagonist.

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What little I skimmed of the first story was truly disgusting: I can't believe the author actually read it and then felt it was necessary to add more, as if anything could make it palatable or something. His part of the story was a little better, but lets face it: the bar wasn't set very high.

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3 stars is the best I can do, and it's only that high because of all the cuck crap we see in this category every day. While this wasn't a cuck story, I still wonder why any sane person would ever admit that they even read the first story!

You got a lot of complaints but apparently everyone read the whole story, so suck it up and enjoy it for the comedy that it was written for. THANKS for a delightful read, made my morning on a good start. Nice to laugh at some of these naysayers

Good save.

Bear, it’s obvious many of the comments are from folks that did not read your entro. They are correct, the original part of the story really sucked and was grossly stupid. Your part of the story seemed like natural consequences. I agree with Angelrider in her assessment of the females - the original author must have never actually met a woman. I don’t think YOU should be blamed for that guy’s terrible writing. Tracy seemed real enough and she was your only female character. Like I said before - good save.

The original story from 2004 was really bad. I was very close to tapping out and moving on to another story, it was that bad. But I gotta say, when it came to where you took over with your take on a finish, it held my attention. A little rushed but pretty good. Nice job on salvaging that embarrassingly bad story.

Well what do you say about this story lol. Part of it was what the fuck how can any human being think this . Then you have got back to normality lol. Yes part of it was what the fuck then part of it was thank god for that lol . Then you have got thank goodness for a nearly and I mean between weak and mild and I mean weak and mild BTB story. For the past few days there has hardly been a BTB story all I could find in the new released stories was cuckold garbage. And I really mean cuckold crap it was like the parasites had just got carried away with there crap . Even though you tell them it’s in the wrong category or doesn’t make sense the garbage keeps turning up . That’s why I keep asking for there own category and to leave the loving wife category alone so it’s just for BTB stories. So sorry getting carried away anyway not to bad a story bit weak but it is what it is . Anyway get writing more BTB stories please and don’t take so long at writing them please lol .

Why did they do it? Was the wife involved? She almost had to be? Good idea but man a lot was left out. Two or three more paragraphs would have explained it all.

This is obviously been written by a teenager. Absolute garbage. 1*

just awful

To the Author...WHY???? WHY???? Why bother to try and fix this crap?

The original read like it was written (very badly!) by a 18 yr old teenage boy. Point of view all over the place. Why on earth would you want to continue that piece of crap? Plus, the "best man" just agrees to cut him down because of a few words he said? Really? Completely ridiculous.

Yes it was the worst story ever, and I really enjoyed it. Complete but great nonsense. 5 stars.

Okay... I don't... What did I just...

Okay... let's ignore the obvious errors about their behavior and reactions. What the hell did Jay plead guilty and got 300 hours of community work for!?

I would love a feature to block authors from view

ehh..someone was in a strange mood??

ABSURD! This would insult the IQ of the village idiot!

Sorry, but this is living proof that, you can't make a silk purse out of a cow's ear. This is one story that simply should have been left alone, untouched.

There is a reason why I don't ready stories that score below 3.80. BTW, shifty story.

Once you steered away from the sex and depravity, you wrote quite well. Once our hero was loose, your writing got decidedly better, I'm not sure if it was easier for you to write about of if it was written 20 years later. It's an entertaining story once past the depravity. Actually, I like a bit of depravity but im sorry to say this but it reads like it were by teenagers. Keep writing, there is a great story inside you. Please find it.

Angelrider. LT56 Linebacker just finished a story written in 2004. Don’t go after him when he was just making it that consequences happen. Read the original if you want to bash an author.

Thanks Lt for finishing it

Is there someone on the loose with a martian stupid ray gun in LW? This is the second story in the space of a couple of days by an otherwise reputable author that I've started reading but had to bale out on because it was stupid to the point of being insulting. In both stories a married woman is sodomised against her will yet somehow manages to enjoy it. WTF is going on here? Maybe these authors should try a little jail time and find out for themselves how much of a turn on they find being anally raped! one star bomb for this sickeningly stupid trash.

This epitomizes the issues with literotica and other stories websites since teh pandemic started. much to stupid and ameuterish "stories" posted.

this at best can be called "oh shit, i sent a really bad plot outline instead of the actual storie?

Even with a tanker truck full of industrial strength turd polish, there was just no way to made this pile of crap shine.

Should have left this one in the outhouse where it it belongs. Nice try though.

Crap

Good follow up to the original story(which sucks) 5stars for the ending

stop using other ppl's stories there is no reason why these ppl should be together. did he met the girl and then married her the next day? why would anyone do what they did to someone that is not only a lawyer but has a dad that is an fbi agent (not sure where u ppl are getting this "special" from though) too dumb for me. maybe next time pick a story that makes sense instead of a wack-off piece

Lazy crappy resuscitation of a story better left on the discard pile.

If it was me they would have all had accidents and disappeared. Not at the same time of course but spaced out so the other two could deal with the dread of knowing what was coming and spend the rest of their short lives in misery. Ole ricky dicky would have been a hit in a mexican gay whorehouse.

You should had left the original story alone and not bother with it.

This was.....no words for it..... *

its funny how many cuckold, slut and cum guzzlers hate this story.,,,,,,,,,,,,,5*s

Well the writing was so pathetic, and then came my grasp of the story, and that made the writing look like Solid Gold. Im going to say I was grateful that I never made it beyond "my pussy and ass belong to" whoever the fuck was hanging by his nutsack from the ceiling.

You border on decent at times, and then like many decide to slum it for a day. Such as was done here.

This story should never have been posted. Author should be ashamed of himself for this. 2 stars Bob

That was pretty much awful from start to finish. However the author gets an extra point for at least identifying the work of the original author properly. And as bad as it was, it was better than the original

This farce belongs in a dumpster. Makes no sense. Was Lauren drugged to get into such a state. Pure unadulterated garbage.

Extra credit for the BEAR joke.

This submission is convincing evidence of too much unstructured time. Let me guess, LT56linebacker, did Carolyn leave you on your own for several days? Kindly let her know that the LW readership asks her, please, to not do that again. 🙏 😁

CONSEQUENCES! CONSEQUENCES!!

Write a poor sequel to a bad story

CONSEQUENCES! CONSEQUENCES!!

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I don't like to do this, but this is a shit story, pun intended!!

Looks like it’s been written by a 12 year old, sorry just so farcical from the first sentence.

What was Jay charged with? Was it a Soros backed DA that believed he should have been happy to be assaulted?!?

ZK

Calm down Tinkerbell! LT was trying to polish up a real cuckold piece of shit, and he did a decent job at it. It’s not his best, but all the cheaters got jail time and the pussy “bull” got his ass kicked too. Most bulls and Jamals seem to do their best work when the husband is tied up.

More detail. You just skimmed through the story. still gave it 4 stars

good

Could be good but too many open questions. Was Lauren in from the beginning? DId she have drugs in her system that she acted this way and didn't know what she did (If yes then she was a victim herself....)?

Gave it 3*s. That was pushing it.

The story does not explain why the wife was in on it. Too random IMO.

Very average story. AA+

Rick and those whores got theirs. Jay is gonna get his, too. Her name is Tracey!

There is no way a crime victim would be charge for the alarm pull. With the shape Jay was in and evidence in hand the detainment would warrant a federal civil rights suit. Pretty hard to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear of the mess of the original story.

Not your best bear. I Know you can do better.. cause you have.. 👍

Pull it. redo it so it actually is something worth reading. Get rid of Jay being charged for pulling a fire alarm. Expand on Jay and Tracy. Toss in the usual meeting with wife/ soon to be ex. Then it might be good.

Thorough waste of time.

Wtf, he pulls a fire alarm to save his life yet gets penalised for it!! BULLSHIT

The only thing worse than your writing is your use of third person when referring to yourself - "The Bear approves." Seriously, get over yourself.

You killed the story when Jay was punished for pulling the fire alarm - if the punishment was a consequence of pulling the alarm then you are just a loser because you failed to see the bigger pucyure of why he did it!!!

When I wrote this story, I had just finished reading the original. I don't know why. I almost lost it. It stunk. For some reason, it sat in my favorites for quite a while. I wrote it to purge myself. I wasn't gonna publish it, but I figured there must be SOMEONE else out there who hated it as much as I did. I guess I was mistaken. This one's on me. Sorry, friends.

The BEAR

When a grown man has the need to consistently refer to himself in 3rd person he loses respect. At least from me. Grow up.

Yeh Bear, it was too hardcore and over the top for me. Now I'm going to go look for some brain floss somewhere....

Thanks for fixing a terrible original story.

Pure B-S.

Do not know what was said in the original story but no reason for the marriage if this is what she intended.

Their actions would imply all three of them hated him with a violent passion.

Very contrived story.

The Bear should realize that more people on this site like to complain than compliment. This was a good ending to someone else's bad story. Was it perfect? Nothing ever is on this site. If Shakespeare wrote it, commentators would find things to gripe about. Ignore them. It's a free story on a free site.

some bodys warped mind for sure

SECOND TIME READING ONLY QUISTION IS WHY

To the Anon that said more people like to complain: not necessarily.

Yes, it's a free site. And?

That said, not everything everyone writes is Shakespeare.

And even some of Shakespeare's stuff wasn't all that great.

Do remember that there are stories out there with ratings of almost 5, so not a lot of complaining about those.