All Comments on 'Consumed'

Now that was the best story I've read on this site in a while. Hope to see new chapter soon. Thank you for sharing!

There is nothing I love more than getting wrapped up in a story. This one held me spellbound from the get go. I can not wait to read more of this.

Engaged right from the start. Can not wait to read more. Hope it is soon!!

I agree with everyone else. This is a very good story, but I do have a few issues. Some I am willing to overlook, but others are just too glaring. Liam is 24, since there is no mention of him being a boy genius, I am assuming he graduated college 2 years prior so how can he be a senior analyst? Wouldn't he need a bit more experience before getting into that position. Also, you wrote that he and Jack 27 have been together for almost 10 years, and they met through a business deal. Wouldn't they have been 14 and 17 respectively. I got stuck in the beginning because as I mentioned these are glaring misstatements, and could not suspend reality as is needed when reading a work of nonfiction.

Thank you for pointing out the issues. The ten years was a mistake. They have only been together for five years. It's actually brought up in one of the future chapters. I'm sorry I missed that. As far as Liam being a Senior Analyst. He as a BS which is a four year degree. He's very good at what he does. I'm not sure what else I can say about it. He started college at 17, finished at 21. Worked as an intern in finance during college and then went from there. This is my first story and I have to admit, it takes a lot of work to make sure things tie together. I apologize if I've missed some things and in turn have ruined the story for anyone.

and a lengthy one at that, I don't need to read any further. I know what the story is about and the characterization. I don't think I've ever read forward/author's notes quite like that before and I can honestly tell you that it gives you the appearence of superority over your readers. It's way, way, way too much. Consider deleting it and put a simple author's notes in italics at the begining of copyright and do away with anything else. Especially anything in bold. It's unsettling.

great &wonderful &THE MOSTWONDERFUL BART IS TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS. WATING FORUR NEXT. NEWSTART

sad but good. i take from the plot so far the boyfriend now wont take the kids on. and liam will end up shacked up with the fat fireman.?

Ignore the remarks about your foreword giving the impression of superiority - it does nothing of the kind. You can't help it if you have readers with inferiority complexes. You've made a good start with this chapter.

Theres a mistake wen the mom said julie and rick r gone rick is the fire fighter its suppose to be adam

...this story is unfinished and abandoned. My biggest pet peeve on Lit!

Great writing and characters. I'm so sad this was never finished. It would be up there with the best stories on this site.

It hurts to get attached to this but knowing it will end in a very bad cliffhanger.