Controlling My Brother Pt. 02

I already saw plenty of how fit you are he shot back almost instantly. Paula laughed.

You're a disgusting creep. Your turn.

She waited a good minute, heart fluttering, before eventually an image loaded in. Jake was wearing the fluffiest dressing gown she had ever seen, holding a steaming mug in one hand, his phone in the other. His face was alight with a warm smile.

You've been domesticated, she sent back.

Maybe it's just cover so you don't realise what a wild animal I can be. Paula laughed again then caught herself angrily. She'd stand here texting like a besotted school girl all night unless she put a stop to it now.

Well you have a nice night with your knitting and your tea. I have to go.

----

On Friday after Lunch Philip slapped down two tickets on Paula's desk with a flourish. She had been expecting him all day, but it was only in the afternoon that he made his play.

'Do you even know anything about opera?' she asked skeptically.

'I read the wikipedia summary of Tosca. And I know that you love it.'

Paula grunted, mollified. 'Good seats too. At such late notice. You are a resourceful man after all. We'll leave here at 7?'

Phillip nodded, a faint smile on his face.

The afternoon became evening and Paula began to ready herself. She took a simple dress from a cupboard in her office, one of two stored there for occasions such as this. It was blue and patterned, and once she had slipped into it, Paula allowed herself a sweet smile to match it. Her work heels weren't exactly a match, but they'd have to do. She left her office and found Phillip waiting for her in the reception area. He grinned widely and the two of them made their way to the elevator.

The two of them eyed each other off in the mirror.

'Can I make this your new official uniform?'

'Don't be silly, it would upset Emma.'

'So what? Everyone knows you don't like her.'

'Well it's nothing personal. I don't discriminate with my unpleasantness.'

Phillip laughed. Downstairs they found themselves a cab, and soon they were across the city. Night was falling and the footpaths were crammed with people on their way home. Walking along the waterfront Jelena could sense more eyes lingering on her than usual. At her side Phillip was clearly enjoying himself. Inside the opera house the assembled guests sipped wine and exchanged pleasantries while waiting for the start of the show. It was excellent, as Paula expected. She closed her eyes and let the music flow over her, the soaring melodies, the voices full of thunderous expression.

During interval Paula and Phillip stood on the crowded balcony. The cold, salty air whipped around them, and out on the harbour a ferry passed, tooting loudly. Phillip reached out and took Paula in her arms, and she let him. Their bodies rocked gently.

'For all these years I've known you, I've never really known you,' he murmured into her ear.

'Ask any questions you want,' she replied languidly.

'Why did you finally agree to a date?'

Paula thought about how to respond.

'It can be lonely being me.'

'No other boyfriends?'

'Not for years. When I moved here from Melbourne I was not in a good place. I tried to make myself feel better by...,' she paused, looking for the words.

'Sleeping around?'

Paula chuckled. 'Not exactly. But let's just say I was a more eager recipient of male attention than I am now.'

'What changed?'

'It didn't last long. I didn't see the point of it.'

'The point of feeling better?'

'The point of losing parts of myself, and replacing them with what others wanted from me.'

'They don't have to be in competition with each other.'

'With me I think they do,' Paula said sadly.

They stayed that way for some time. Around them other opera-goers chatted and gesticulated, eventually dispersing as the gong sounded for the second session. This time as Phillip and Paula took their seats, he reached for her hand, and she accepted it. The curtain lifted, and the show resumed. Paula joined the standing ovation as the final notes rang out, and feeling ebullient, she and Phillip joined the thronging crowd on its way out.

'Drinks at mine?' Phillip asked as they moved down the stairs into the cold air.

Paula laughed, shaking her head. 'That's a very optimistic suggestion.'

'Hey can't hurt to try,' he said, returning her grin. 'It must be exhausting rejecting hundreds of guys, wouldn't it feel nice to finally give in?'

'It doesn't exhaust me in the slightest. Drinks around here instead? I might even get to reject some people.'

They found a small bar nestled in The Rocks and found a table. Phillip excused himself and returned with two glasses of white. He reached for Paula's leg under the table. Her skin responded to his touch.

Despite herself, her heart was starting to flutter.

Her mouth curved in a mischievous smile.

'I haven't even told you the best part.'

'There's a best part? And here I am already eating out of your hand.'

'You know you asked if I slept around? Well technically I haven't. Ever.'

Phillip opened his mouth wide, uncomprehending. Paula's mischievous smile stretched further.

'You're a virgin? But you said...'

'I've done just about everything else, but not that.'

Phillip narrowed his eyes. He didn't seem to know what to say. 'I don't believe you. Why would you do that to yourself.'

Paula laughed. 'Because I don't give away valuable things for free.'

Phillip gave a wry smile. 'When you meet the right people, all you want to do is give them things. It is a joy.'

Paula scoffed. 'I know you don't really think that. You didn't make your millions by playing mister nice guy.'

'Actually, I did,' he said mildly.

'Rubbish, you're no saint. All everyone does is take and take and take. There's no such thing as real generosity.'

A flicker crossed Phillip's eyes and he withdrew his hand. Her leg felt emptier.

'All this time I thought there was a mystery to you, but maybe there's none at all. You're just a cynic.'

'Sorry I'm so basic,' Paula shot back. The hubbub of the bar pressed in on her. Her safe little iceberg felt rocked by a distant tidal wave. Neither she or Phillip spoke for some time, the both of them staring off into middle distance.

'I'm sorry,' Phillip eventually said. 'I didn't mean to upset you.'

'You didn't,' Paula responded shortly. She felt constricted and uneasy. She didn't even believe that nobody did genuinely generous things. She knew from her own experience what it felt like to want to give to somebody completely unselfishly. To want to give to them everything and more. Body, mind, soul. Her smile faltered and she knew finally that there was no point her being here with Phillip.

'And I didn't mean what I said. You are a very generous man,' she said, finally able to look him in the eyes. 'But I need to go. I'm sorry, I've just realised something.' A look of resignation crossed Phillip's face. He patted her arm lamely.

'I'll see you at work next week,' he said, maintaining a false smile. Paula felt a moment of emptiness that whatever was between them had somehow come to this. She stood and walked out into the cold air.

Can I come over? I need to talk about something. The message from Jake was waiting for her when she finally checked her phone. Sent one hour ago. It wouldn't be too late to respond. Paula observed her lack of guilt on Phillip's part before giving it no further thought. She was already smiling.

I'm out but I'll be home in 30?

Bring your serious face.

Paula was almost skipping as she headed towards the wharf. Before long her ferry departed, churning through the waves, speeding her home to her brother.

Jake was already there when she got home. He was leaning against the car-port door. His hands were deep in his pockets, and his expression was unreadable, somehow more meek than normal.

'Vodka is in the pantry,' she called, waving her arm in the general direction.

A moment later Jake joined her, bearing a bottle of the clear liquid and two glasses.

'So what do you want my advice on?'

She craned her head up and watched as her brother carefully poured out two portions, pulled two coasters from the colourful stack, placed the glasses precisely on them, wiped the table of an errant drop of moisture, and reattached the lid of the bottle. The frown on his face was the same he had always worn when he was focused. There was one small corner of the world that needed fixing, and it was his job to fix it. He looked up and caught her staring, and was momentarily startled.

'Perv,' he said, teasing.

'Just making up for lost time,' she taunted back. 'You going to tell me why you needed to talk?'

Jake took a sip from his glass and winced.

'Jelena is getting ready to add me to the family.'

Paula's throat stilled.

'What makes you say that?'

'Her dad has been visiting this last week. He asked a lot of questions. My prospects, heritage, that sort of stuff. I even got grilled on family illnesses. He's one of those old school dads. Very protective of his daughter and the family. But if you're in you're in. I'd have opportunities in his companies, we'd get one of his properties in the States or Europe.'

Paula, already quailing from the thought of Jake safely ensconced in the barely permeable bubble of Jelena's family, felt another lurch at the mention of overseas. She opened her mouth trying to formulate a response. This isn't how tonight was supposed to go.

'Do you love her?' she finally found her voice.

'Yes of course,' he said quickly. 'But,' he took another sip, 'I've always known that she's not....'

'Not what?' Paula said, trying to hide the eagerness from her voice.

'Not my soulmate,' Jake said without a hint of irony.

'How do you know that?'

There was a long silence as Jake swilled his glass.

'I've already met her.'

'Well then why the hell are you with Jelena?'

'Because there's no way it would ever work with this other girl,' Jake said.

He's talking about me, surely, he must be, please let it be me, Paula thought to herself, her whole body straining with hope.

'Why not?' she managed to say.

'Part of me always submerges myself in what others want from me. But a bigger part needs me to be strong on my own. She will always be incapable of respecting that.'

Paula slowed. The words made sense to her in a way they wouldn't have just a few months ago. She would've brushed them aside and thought Jake just didn't know what was good for him. But now she replayed them in her mind. Strong on my own. The thought terrified her. How could he be strong on his own, without her. But she let it stay with her as she tried to slow her breathing further.

In the meantime Jake had finished off his first glass and began to pour another with the same meticulousness. His legs adjusted outwards as he leant forward, bringing their bodies into contact. She could feel the hairs on his calves sticking up. She didn't turn her head to look at him, scared of what would happen if their eyes met for even a second.

Finally Jake leant back and away, sipping from his renewed glass. He coughed.

'So what do you think I should do,' he said, some of the meekness of earlier returning.

Paula laughed, waving her now empty glass around. She was feeling the effects of the Vodka on top of the drinks from earlier that night. 'I think you might have missed the window for me being able to give good life advice,' she said.

'Actually the life advice was just an excuse to get drunk with my least annoying relative. Besides, it's reassuring that you know what's happening with my life, looking over me like some psycho guardian angel.'

'Aww after all these years you still need my validation and guidance.'

'Yes, actually, I do,' he said simply. He squeezed her knee. She closed her eyes as he fumbled underneath her skirt to find the bare skin of her lower thigh, which he rubbed lightly with his fingers. Paula swallowed.

'Is she willing to have kids?'

'Yes, many as far as I know.'

The pragmatic manager within Paula momentarily won out, and she managed to slow her heart rate.

The Petrovices were magnificently wealthy, also boasting an olympic gymnast a couple of generations back. Jakov, Jelena's father, had his thick fingers in a dozen pies, scooping from them a combined income in the millions. It was hard to imagine a better match.

'Keep your options open,' she said in a flat voice. She closed her eyes briefly, hoping to hear a protest from Jake. But instead he laughed.

'Always the schemer,' he said.

'Of course. Someone has to look out for you.'

There was another long silence. His fingers, which had been keeping up a constant tempo over her skin, suddenly stilled.

'Thanks again. It really means a lot to have you in my corner.'

'It's nothing, we're family.'

They both took another sip from their glasses.

Jake grinned over at her. 'I can't believe I'm about to see my stern older sister devolve into a blubbering mess.'

'Sorry bro I'm more of the cosy, affectionate drunk.'

She lay back on the couch and deposited her feet on his lap. He took one of them and began to rub it slowly. She felt immediately sleepy and yawned.

'Besides,' she murmured, 'you need your sleep.' She closed her eyes and surrendered to the sensation of his touch. He ran his fingers up and down her calves, her feet, massaging, kneading. She let out an involuntary groan.

'You're even good at foot rubs,' she said sleepily.

'I'm good at many things you don't know about.'

Paula's groggy brain took a moment to interpret this as the innuendo it was, and she squirmed, sinking deeper into the couch. There was a pause as Jake shifted his position. Paula opened a bleary eye. Perhaps it was a trick of the dim light, or an artefact of her pleasurably inebriated mind, or even her lack of familiarity with the male groin-jeans interface, but she could have sworn the bulge there was larger than it should have been. Jake, oblivious to her regard, continued his work, focusing now on her large toe. Her large toe which was agonisingly close to said bulge, just a little to the left and it could verify what her eyes saw.

'You're right,' he said abruptly. 'I do need my sleep. The blubbering mess can wait for another time.'

He stood clear of Paula's retreating legs and stretched his arms in a yawn. Then he picked her up in a clean movement, and, observant of the protruding geometries of the apartment, carried her safely to the bedroom. She felt so small, so enclosed by his easy strength. He placed her on the bed and eased the covers over her, before kissing her forehead, her eyelids, and then her nose. She rolled onto her side and he turned to leave.

'Sleep here,' she murmured.

She felt the weight of him flop onto the bed, then the warmth of him curl up next to her. Then his arms reach around to hold her. His hands explored briefly, chastely, then came to rest around her stomach, splayed. But his body wasn't pressed against hers. She just had to wriggle back an inch, and then, should would feel him, just an inch, he wouldn't even notice, so close...

----

The first thing Paula noticed was her headache. The second was her soaked panties.

Morning light snuck around the blinds, and the air was completely still. Jake was sprawled on the other side of the bed, still asleep.

Paula stumbled through her apartment, locking herself in the bathroom.

She sat on the toilet and rubbed her temples, trying to think, trying to piece together the memories of the previous night. She kicked her panties off and threw them in the hamper. Steam filled the room and Paula scrubbed her body clean, resetting. The water felt good over her taut body. She placed her hands on her stomach as Jake had done, and smiled in satisfaction at the result.

By the time she had completed her routine, she had found an equilibrium of sorts. She emerged from the bathroom, a towel around her body. Jake was at the kitchen counter, finishing off a bowl of cereal.

'Shower's all yours,' she said, winking as she passed him. A moment later she heard the bathroom door shut.

She hummed as she slipped on a simple dress before brushing her hair in the mirror. Ten minutes later and she still hadn't heard the shower start up. Curious, she returned to the living room.

Jake was there, pacing back and forth, shoulders hunched in agitation. He was already wearing shoes. He stopped when he saw Paula.

'Hey, something has come up,' he said, unable to meet her eyes. 'I have to head home right away.'

Before Paula could open her mouth, he was already gone.

She frowned. For once she had a completely free day, and had been looking forward to spending at least a part of it pottering around with Jake, perhaps heading around the point or to the shops. Slightly put out, she grabbed her phone and fired off a quick text.

Hope everything is okay x

Five minutes later she left the apartment and bounced along to Milsons Point shops. Infused with a rare serenity, she ordered a coffee and secured a seat at an outside table. She pulled a novel from her bag and thumbed through it trying to find her spot. It had been weeks since she'd touched it. Every page or so she found herself smiling, and paused to reimmerse herself in thoughts of the previous night. Thirty minutes later he still hadn't responded, and wings of worry began to beat in her chest. Her thumb hovered over the call icon, but she managed to restrain herself. The pavement churned with pedestrians in their weekend best and she closed her eyes, sinking into the sound of their chatter. As always, she was reassured by the fact she could tune into the thoughts of strangers, and find them at complete tangents to her own. It made the world feel large.

Two hours later and Jake still hadn't responded. Paula had made her way over to a nearby small park, where she continued indefatigably with her book, lazing around on the grass. She was determined to stay as sunny as the day, and every time her fingers itched to send another text, she resisted.

By 2 pm she had eaten lunch and returned home. She showered again before retreating to her painting room. The large windows faced north and just a little west, with a view of the trees and their cheeping birds. The paint didn't cooperate, obeying rules that didn't seem to exist a week before, and she slumped in a chair, defeated.

Finally she couldn't wait any longer.

Hey can you please let me know that things are okay, getting a bit worried

Five minutes later she caved doubly and called him. He didn't pick up.

Frustrated, she took to the couch, leveled an accusing remote at the TV, and did her best to pass the time as mindlessly as possible. Her phone remained stubbornly silent.

The door thumped. Paula sat up in a flash.

It thumped again, louder, and the apartment rattled.

'Open up Paula.' It was Jake's voice, hoarse and angry.

She jumped to the door and opened it.

Jake barged past her into the living room. Paula reached out but he knocked her arm away.

'I know everything,' his voice quavered. He managed to meet her gaze. His bloodshot eyes were full of confusion and desperation.

Paula lowered her head in defeat. She knew what was coming. Strangely though, it was emptiness not anger she felt this time.

'What do you know?' she asked in a quiet voice.

'I know what happened on our little holiday.' He had a hint of defiance in his voice now, daring Paula to contradict him.

'How did you find out?'

'You didn't clean up very well this morning. Your panties in the bathroom. I recognised the smell immediately. And then...' he stopped, tears forming in his eyes. 'And then I called Jelena and asked her what I did with her that night. You know what her answer was.'