Coppernicous

Again, I reached across the table to squeeze her hand. "You may feel free to experiment on me any time you wish. This has been a wonderful meal, and thank you for thinking of my birthday."

Deidra glanced down at my hand, which was still holding hers. "I have a bit of a confession to make. I kind of snooped around in the house today." She looked up at me quickly, concerned. "I didn't go in your room or anything. Just around the living room and the den. I peeked in your office, too."

I shrugged and finished off my glass of wine.

"I saw a lot of pictures of you and your family, and several of you and your wife. She was a lovely woman. Tell me about her. What was she like?"

I sighed, deeply. "I'm sorry, but I don't talk about her much. I still miss her very much."

This time it was Deidra who reached across the table and captured my hand. "I understand, Toomis. It's obvious how much you love her. We all see it. The way you care for the house and grounds has Marja's imprint on it. If you don't talk about your feelings they will turn to bitterness over time rather than pleasure. Remember, I'm a clinical psychology major." She smiled up at me. "I'm not trying to analyze you, but I've been around you now for months, and it shows."

I sighed again and picked up the wine bottle. If I was going to talk about my Marja it was going to take a little help. "Marja and I were best friends in the old country, before my parents brought me to the United States, and I cried myself to sleep many a night in this country for missing her, even as a little child. We were the closest of friends. Her parents were not able to leave when my parents did because they were Jewish, and the government would not let them leave, but finally they escaped somehow and came to the States. My father got her father a job and they moved in with us until they could afford a place of their own. I was twelve at the time, and for me to be reunited with my friend made all of the difference in the world to me. I taught her to speak English and we were inseparable."

"When we graduated high school we ran away and got married, because her parents would not allow us to marry. We had to fight to stay together, but finally they softened and accepted our marriage for what it was. She was wonderful, putting up with my crazy hours working and going to University, always encouraging me. When I got discouraged, she would hold me and whisper, 'I know you can do it Ignatz. You will show them,' and I did. When I filed for my first patent it was her name I put on the form."

"She was always there for me, encouraging me when I started my own company, even though she had given up her opportunity to go to University. She never held it against me that she had to go to night school to get her teacher's degree because she had to work during the day."

"She was a beautiful woman, Toomis."

"Aye, that she was. She used to turn heads wherever we went, women's as well as men's, but she was never proud or stuck up. She would talk with anyone, no matter what their social status."

"I see that in Kat."

Deidra stood and picked up the wine bottle and her glass. "Why don't we move to the den where we can be more comfortable?" I started to clear the dishes, but she stopped me. "I'll care for those later. Come on," and she led the way into the den, where she sat on one end of a couch. I sat down at the other end, a comfortable distance between us.

Deidra topped off my wine glass and then set the bottle on a coaster on the end table. "Tell me more," she urged, leaning in toward me attentively.

"You really want to know all this stuff?"

"I really do. She was such a part of who you are, and I want to know what I need to be to draw the kind of man you are."

I had refused to talk about Marja ever since her death, locking those memories deep within my heart, but now I found myself wanting to talk about her. Was it the wine? Maybe, but I don't think so. I think it was Deidra. I found I couldn't resist her and once I started talking I couldn't stop. For several hours, and the rest of the bottle of wine, I continued, realizing suddenly that Deidra had slid down the couch until she was sitting next to me with my hand in both of hers. Tears that had trickled down my cheeks as we talked suddenly burst out in a torrent and I broke down and wept as I had not wept since I got the news of Marja's accident. Deep, shuddering, sobs wracked my body until Deidra pulled me to herself, holding me in my grief until I was spent. Still she held me, silent, until I finally lifted my head weakly, only then realizing where it had been. The breasts I had found so titillating earlier in the day I now found comforting. I leaned back into the corner of the couch, exhausted by the ordeal, and dozed off.

**********

I awoke an hour or so later and stumbled from the couch to find Deidra. I needed to say "Thank you," not only for the wonderful dinner, but for taking the time to hear me out and to give me the release I so desperately had needed. I felt like a load was lifted, but also an unutterable loneliness.

I found Deidra in the kitchen, wiping dry the last pot from dinner. Without words I walked across the room and embraced her tightly to myself. It was not a sexual embrace, although I was very conscious of her breast pressing against me. She, with wisdom far beyond her years, remained silent, but hugged me back, holding me tightly against herself and placed a light kiss against the side of my neck, where her face was. For the first time in nearly three years my soul felt at peace.

"Thank you," I whispered in her ear. "I've never been able to talk about Marja with anyone else."

"I'm glad I could help. You needed to get it out."

I started to harden and released Deidra reluctantly. I didn't want to mess up the feelings I had, nor make her feel like I was using her. Deidra leaned in, though, and gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek as she pulled away.

"Thank you, too, for a wonderful dinner. Some day we have to sit down and you need to tell me what your dreams and goals are."

"I would love to."

My phone rang. "Daddy? Amanda wanted to know if I could stay over a couple of extra days so we can make some plans for next year. Is that OK with you?

"Sure, honey. That's fine. Everything going well?"

"You wouldn't believe it! I'm really going to enjoy working with Amanda, and I like the program she is setting up. I think we'll be able to give Darlene a run for it next year."

"That sounds good. You have a good time up there. Do you need any money or anything?"

"Thanks, Dad, but I'm OK. The school is putting me up. I'm going to check on starting a Master's tomorrow, and then I'm going to look at apartments. Day after tomorrow, Amanda and I have a meeting with the athletic director, and with some of the personnel we will be working with. We'll be rebuilding next year, but I still think we will have a good team to work with. I could come home if you need me, but I'd really like to stay. By the way, did Deidra cook for you tonight?"

"Did she ever! That's the best meal I've had in a long, long time."

"Good. She's awesome, and I think she will be good for you, and vice versa."

"Now Kat! I'm not looking for anyone, and she's much too young if I was."

Kat giggled in the phone. "I know, Daddy. That's not what I meant. She just has a lot of depth to her that most don't see on the surface. I think her upbeat personality will be good for you, too. I find her to be good at helping me think things through sometimes, too. Just don't push her away."

"Hey, now. I'm not pushing anyone anywhere."

I turned out the lights and made my way to my room to go to bed, but when I walked in the door the room felt so lonely, sterile, and cold. I had never noticed it to this point before. Of course, it was lonely without Marja, and had been, but tonight, for some reason more than just the empty room, it was I that felt empty and alone.

I turned and walked back to the living room, my eyes pooling. A quiet, "Are you OK, Toomis?" came from the corner. I hadn't even noticed Deidra sitting there when I went down the hall to my room.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you there, Deidra. Did you need something?"

"Actually, I thought you might need something. I was here when you went down to your room. Are you OK?"

I sat down heavily on the sofa, not paying the darkness any mind. I think not being able to actually see Deidra helped me formulate my answer. I heaved a heavy sigh before half-whispering, "I'm lonely. Tonight made me realize just how alone I am, and when I went down to my room I couldn't handle it."

Really, I was surprised I was not weeping, but that time had passed. Now it was a matter of processing my thoughts and feelings, two things I had managed to bottle up for over two years. I heard a slight rustle from the other side of the room and sensed the presence of Deidra before me. "May I join you, Toomas?"

"Please."

Deidra sat next to me and found my hand in the dark. She cradled it in her two hands and leaned her shoulder in to come into contact with mine. Nothing was said, but the communication needed no talking. We sat there for I know not how long, just sitting in the dark. At last, Deidra raised my hand to her lips and kissed it, then lifted my arm around her shoulders and nestled even more closely to me. I don't believe she intended it to, but my hand dropped to land on her soft breast. I started to pull it away quickly, but she stayed my hand with her own and cupped my hand back around her breast. "It's OK, Toomas. I think it feels nice."

Sexual contact with Deidra, or any of the girls for that matter, was something I had been careful to avoid, but here Deidra was initiating that very contact. Sex was the last thing I wanted that night, but on the other hand, there was something very comforting about that most intimate of contacts. Something that had been denied me for nearly three years was mine, albeit temporarily. I realized suddenly a real love for this young woman who was giving of herself, not out of pity, but because she genuinely cared about me. Again, we sat there in a companionable silence. I was careful not to move my hand, but the warmth and softness was indelibly printed in my brain.

Some time passed before I felt Deidra stir as she looked up toward my face. I know she couldn't see me, but it's habit to look at someone when speaking to them. "Toomas, would you like me to sleep with you tonight? I'm not talking sex. I just don't want you to be alone tonight."

A weight lifted from my chest at the thought. "I couldn't ask such a thing of you. It wouldn't be right."

"I don't know why not. You are lonely, and you need someone tonight. We aren't talking about sex, just sleeping." She gently squeezed my hand on her breast and then stood, holding on to my hand still. "Come. You need sleep. It has been an emotional and trying evening for you."

As if leading a somewhat backward five-year-old, Deidra tugged on my hand and led me to my own bedroom. Once there she let go of my hand long enough to find and light one of the bedside lamps before turning and giving me a gentle smile. Looking back on it now I recognize it was one of the most beautiful smiles I've ever seen. She reached behind her back and I heard a zipper, and then her skirt dropped to the floor. "I didn't plan on this, so I don't have any sleepwear with me, so if it's all right with you, I'll just sleep in my panties."

My heart was in my throat, and I found it difficult to speak, but finally croaked, "Please, you can wear something of my wife's. They are in the top drawer over there. I couldn't bear to get rid of them."

"Are you sure?"

"Please. I'm afraid of what I would do if you didn't."

Deidra gave me a soft smile. "I'm not sure I would mind, Toomas, but tonight is not the night for that. Tonight you need your rest." She turned and opened the drawer, rummaged through it quickly, and smiled at me as she showed me a nearly sheer gown. "I don't think this one would be appropriate, either, although it could be fun."

I blushed a deep crimson, generating a cheeky grin, before Deidra pulled out a long cotton nightgown. Without concern she slipped her top over her head, exposing her wonderful breasts to my eyes before pulling the gown over her head.

I had not moved from where she left me when we entered the room. She stepped across the room to stand close in front of me. "Are you OK, Toomas? Would you like me to leave?"

Dumbly, I shook my head "No," with tears again pooling in my eyes. I didn't know what I had done to deserve such a thing as Deidra offered me.

She reached up and unbuttoned my top button. "Shall I help you?" I was numb as she unbuttoned my shirt and pulled it loose from my trousers. When she reached for my belt buckle I stopped her.

"I don't know what I'm doing. I normally don't wear anything to bed. I don't own any pajamas."

"That's OK. Just wear your boxers." With that she tugged my belt loose, but I pushed her hands away before she could unfasten my trousers themselves. That would be taking it too far, I thought. I was a little hesitant, too, because Little Toomas did not take into account the situation, and though it was not a sexual situation, he had had more than a little stimulation this evening. I was far from hard, but I wasn't soft, either. I unhooked and unzipped my trousers and let them fall to the floor before stepping out of them and out of the loafers I'd been wearing.

Deidra took my hand gently, then let it go to step in to a hug. She turned her face up just a little bit to plant a soft kiss on my lips. "Come to bed with me, now."

I couldn't resist returning the hug, again feeling her soft breasts pressed against my chest, and she pressed her pelvis tightly against me before breaking away and getting into the bed. I stepped around the bed to crawl in my side, and then I slid over to snuggle closely against Deidra. For the first time in almost three years I had someone in the bed with me, and it felt so right.

"Deidra, thank you so much for this evening, for listening to me, and now for this. I could not have asked any of it of you, but I'm so grateful. Please don't take this wrong, but I love you. I'm not 'in love' with you, but I realized I really love you, and I'll never forget what you've done for me tonight."

I thought I saw the glint of tears in her eyes before she turned out the light and rolled into my arms. "I love you, too, Toomis, and I have for quite some time now." With that she nestled her head close on my shoulder, and the next thing I knew, it was light outside, and I had had the best night's sleep since my wife's passing.

**********

I was disappointed to find the bed empty when I awoke, but I could smell coffee, so I got out of bed. I thought about just going down to the kitchen in my boxers, but decided it would be more polite to throw on some shorts and a tee shirt. Even if I had slept with Deidra in my boxers a bit of decorum was in order.

My heart jumped into my throat when I turned the corner into the kitchen to see Deidra bent over pulling a pan from the oven. She was still wore my wife's nightgown that she had worn to bed, and for a moment I thought she was Marja. When Deidra turned around and saw me she gave me a bright smile before setting the pan on a cooling rack. Then she stepped quickly around the island and stepped into my arms for a big hug.

"Good morning, Toomas. I was just getting ready to wake you. Feel better?"

You know, I really did! I had not thought about it, but my mind was fresh and clear. The shock of seeing Deidra in Marja's nightgown, while it brought sadness, had not brought about grief like it would have just yesterday.

"Thank you. I really do, and it is all because of you making me talk last night. Then holding you while I slept really helped. I owe you a lot."

Deidra reached up and put a finger on my lips. "Hush. You don't owe me a thing, and I didn't do a thing I didn't want to do. Marja was a wonderful woman, and a big part of your life. I'm honored you would share her with me." She stepped away from me and poured out a cup of coffee.

"I'm glad I shared her nightgown with you, too. You look good in it."

Deidra blushed and looked down at the floor. "I felt a little guilty wearing it last night."

"Don't. You wearing that really helped bridge the idea of someone else in her bed."

Another blush, a little deeper one this time, and Deidra looked up at me through her lashes. "I would be happy to share your bed with you anytime."

I thought my heart would stop when she said that. I mean, after all, I had thoughts of the sort, but for her to come out and say it was surprising to me. "But I'm way too old for you. Surely you want someone more your own age."

"Unh-uh. I've tried them. None of them know what it is to treat me like a lady, and as much as I've tried to tease you, you have never reacted. Well, Little Toomas stood up and paid attention a few times." She giggled at my confusion, then slipped an arm around my waist and pulled me into her. "You have always been the gentleman, though, and I want you to know that is one of the biggest things that has drawn me to you, well, all of us, for that matter."

Little Toomas was swelling as I looked down the couple of inches into her eyes. "All of us?"

She gave me a little impish grin and pressed up more tightly against my cock. "Umm-hmm. I don't know of anyone on the team that wouldn't love it. All you would have to do is hint, but I got you first. Not that I'm going to tell anyone!" She saw the look of horror on my face. Then she giggled, pressed her breasts against me, and then pulled away to grab plates from the cabinet.

"I fixed us an egg and hashbrown casserole. It should be cooled enough now. Are you ready to eat?"

I realized I was famished, which surprised me after the way I had eaten the night before. We sat and Deidra dished the casserole. "You'll have to settle for 'at home' cooking this morning, instead of gourmet. It's not fancy, and the presentation is somewhat lacking."

"I never thought one could eat presentation, so that doesn't bother me. It smells wonderful." Then I took a bite. Wonderful didn't touch it. "What did you do to this? I've never had eggs this good before!"

"Oh, nothing much. It's a recipe I got from my mother. I just tweaked it a little bit with some shallots instead of regular onions, and I added some finely diced portabella mushrooms and I used extra sharp cheddar, instead of mild."

I took another bite and then put down my fork. "OK, young lady. It's your turn, now. It's time for you to tell me your dreams and plans. I know you would like to have your own restaurant with you as chef, but what are your goals?"

Deidra took a deep breath and looked down at the tabletop, to where her fingers were wrapping and unwrapping a napkin. I saw a tear drop onto the nightgown, and I heard a sniffle. I reached across the table and lifted her chin, then gently wiped away another tear before it could finish its trek down her cheek. "You don't need to cry, honey. What's the matter?"

Deidra pulled her face away and buried it in her hands and sobbed. I slid my chair back from the table and then pulled hers around to me. She continued to sob, so I slipped a hand beneath her legs and my other arm around her shoulders and lifted her into my lap, where I embraced and cuddled her to me. Obviously there was a lot more at issue here than just opening a restaurant.

Deidra's arms went round my neck and squeezed and she sobbed as if her heart had been broken in two. All I could do was to hold her tightly and let her know I cared. I didn't say a word, but just let her get it out of her system.

After a few minutes the firestorm of weeping subsided enough for me to offer a napkin, with which Deidra wiped her eyes and daintily blew her nose. With a sigh she leaned back in to me and nuzzled my neck. A light shudder ran throughout her body.