All Comments on 'Cosmic Retribution: A Sissy's Story Pt. 01'

One page isn’t long and the tittle indicates a stand only story. The story ends at a wired point. Maybe the whole story didn’t get posted?

A few random comments: 1. 'Parlay' made me laugh - very PotC; should be 'parry'? 2. Don't be afraid to use dialogue. Readers love dialogue. Put us there in the flat, and make it intimate and real. 3. The ending feels premature, almost as if submitted by accident. (Very short for a chapter.) I'm guessing this is the first in a series, but either way a more definite ending is needed.

Apologies, this is my first submission and didn't indicate that it was just the first chapter.

I like that you are going to take your time with the story. I agree with a previous comment that said you could spend a bit more time putting us in the scene with dialogue. Look forward to more!

I like the realism - I think that the best fantasies are those that have the most realism in them

Wonderful start, well written with an excellent storyline. Character development is very good, you can feel the tension and the stress building. The story is an easy read while retaining interest. Eric is a typical young male that despite his best planning continues to dig his hole deeper, no doubt this will lead to disaster.

Veronica