Could Have Been

I was overwhelmed by what she said. I saw the truth about her. I understood the whole "magic" reputation that she had acquired. I saw her in a different light. She sensed that her time was limited and she wanted to make the most of it. Who could blame her for that? Not me!

When I got home, I began searching for information about vaginal reconstruction surgery. I found some from the UK. It confirmed her statement about the mixed-up signals being sent to her brain. It seemed like a magical fairy tale when she said it, but it was all true.

Madge may not have been magic, but she was definitely clairvoyant about things changing for me in college. Everything changed on my very first day. It started when I met Fannie Butler.

I was seated in the lecture hall and she sat down beside me. After the lecture, as we stood up to leave, she turned to me and said, "Did you understand all of that gobbledegook? I didn't understand any of it. Was it just me?" I answered, "I didn't understand anything after the professor introduced himself."

We made a snap decision to study together. We were able to figure out what the professor said by doing some research on our own. Studying together seemed to take more and more of our time as the year progressed. Even so, I sometimes found myself thinking about Madge.

After we both passed the class, Fannie and I kept "studying" together until we graduated. After our graduation day, we scheduled a wedding day. She was much prettier than Madge, but she wasn't Madge. Madge was in a league of her own. I knew for certain that I would never play in her league again. I was a very happy guy that was very much in love with Fannie Butler.

In all honesty, Madge was a lot of things. She was clever, funny, and sexy. Even so, I had to admit that to most people she would have been nothing but a slut. I knew better because she confided in me. I knew the rest of the story.

Fannie, on the other hand, was a whole new ballgame. She was super smart, but she was a down-to-earth gal. She was a flawless beauty, but she didn't flaunt it. She had quite a few boyfriends, but never more than one at a time. She was not a tease. She didn't make it her goal to leave her boyfriend with blue balls. She was not an easy lay, far from it. She evaluated her boyfriends on every date. She was slow to enter a relationship and quick to leave it. Once she determined that there was no future with a guy, she didn't waste her time or his.

The day after Fannie and I had intercourse for the second time, I remember her saying, "Jules, do you realize you are in a private club now?"

While I was wondering what she meant by that, she told me. She said, "Until yesterday, you were in a club with three other guys. Yesterday, you were promoted to a new rank. You are now in a private club of just one man."

I figured it out. Fannie had allowed three other guys to have intercourse with her. They disappointed her. She dropped all three of them without allowing them a second chance. I was the only exception. I had been allowed an encore. I wondered how much of it was due to what I had learned from Madge Harmon.

Speaking of Madge, I often thought about the risks that I had taken with her. Unlike Fannie, Madge had no private club. Her club was open to all. She fucked both me and my brother despite being married to Billy Joe. How many other guys had screwed her while we were having our trysts? How had I avoided an STD? Had I been stupid? Had I been reckless? Maybe so, but I had been in love. I know that she hadn't been in love with me. I was just one of many in her large club. I know why she did it, and I don't blame her.

I also remember noticing three guns that BJ had stashed away in their apartment. He was an award-winning marksman. I saw the trophies that proved it. He was six inches taller than me and much huskier. His arm muscles were bigger than the muscles in my legs! I lucked out in more ways than one. I learned a lot and never got caught. Is it alright to thank God for that?

Needless to say, while Fannie was not inexperienced, she was the very opposite of Madge. When I finally proposed to her, she told me that she considered marriage to be a lifetime commitment. There would never be another man for her as long as I remained on this earth. She wanted the same commitment from me, and she got it.

Putting my old memories aside, when Fannie came downstairs, she gave me her usual kiss before getting her coffee. She noticed my tears. She said, "What's wrong, honey?"

I told her I was having some allergy problems. My nose was running and my eyes were watering. She commiserated with me and offered to make an appointment for me with Dr. Andrews. I told her I wanted to try some over-the-counter stuff first. She bought my story!

I watched as the love of my life began reading the news. I knew that she would soon read what I had read. The story that caused my tears. She would probably mention it to me. It was my duty to protect her from a truth that would all but kill her. I hate deceiving her in any way, but I must be sure that she never knows the whole story. As of now, only two people know the truth: me and my brother. I must keep it that way.

I watched as she began reading the article in question. I watched her closely as her face showed surprise, followed by shock, followed by grief.

I watched as she exclaimed, "Jules! Did you see this item about the double murder and suicide that occurred right here in River City?"

I didn't respond. I couldn't respond.

She failed to notice my lack of response as she said, "Some truck driver named Billy Joe Harmon caught his wife, Madge, with her lover; a guy named Larry Ray. Billy Joe shot both his wife and her lover. Then he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide! My God, Jules! That happened right here in our town!"

Those names meant nothing to her. I've never told her about my time with Madge. I never will.

I remembered that when our "studying" turned into dating, Fannie was not nearly as taken with me as I was with her. It stayed that way until she finally let me run the bases with her. After that, her interest in our relationship matched mine. We have Madge to thank for that, but Fannie doesn't know that and she never will.

Fannie is everything to me. I would rather die than hurt her in any way. She's the woman that travels the path of life hand in hand with me. The woman that loves me more today than she did yesterday. The woman that is carrying our son in her womb. The woman that will be a perfect mom. The woman that I love more than life itself.

I stopped remembering and answered her by saying, "Wow. What a tragedy."

She said, "The tragedy was when Madge took a lover. If I ever do such a dastardly thing, I hereby give you my permission to shoot me dead. Do it right after you shoot my lover!"

I laughed, but I was visualizing Madge in a pool of her own blood. I visualized her lover with his head blown off. He was just doing what I had done way before he came along.

I trembled when I recalled that Madge and I nearly got caught twice! I was lucky beyond belief that I never found myself staring at the barrel of Billy Joe's gun. I thank God that I survived to meet and marry this wonderful woman sitting across from me. I've only kept one thing from her. I'll never hide anything else.

I managed to get a few things accomplished at work, but I found myself grieving about Madge too. She was dead and so was her husband. Even more frightening for me, her lover was dead too. What haunted me the most was a message that kept appearing in my vision. It was written in big bold letters. It told the absolute truth in five frightening words: IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME.

The End