Counseling Ch. 01

"You've talked to me about this before, Erika," Alicia replied. "I know the way you were raised is why you follow your religion in a liberal manner and you have problems with fanatic Scientologists like Tom Cruise. Your family is also part of a reformation movement inside the church that you believe has to be kept hidden from the public. On top of that, your family is in the Friendship society. I was inducted into that same Masonic order by my parents when I graduated high school at age fourteen."

"Wow," Dane appraised the summation. "You know everything about us!"

"Almost. Your sister's told me some and those websites have filled in the rest. I just Google your church name, look at sites both for and against Scientology, filter out the bias, and I get all I need to know. What about this new auditor you're seeing, though? I don't think Erika or I know about her."

Dane paused before he answered. "I began seeing her last month. After I got busted for climbing the water tower back in July, I was feeling lost and I decided to get into the church a little more to work out my depression. I started auditing at Scientology's Celebrity Center here in Los Angeles three times a week and working for the church on my days off from Safeway. You didn't know about this?"

"No," Alicia replied.

"Mom and Dad suggested it," said Erika. "I approved. You're an adult now, Dane. You need to stop being a brat."

"I know. I'm sorry, Erika."

"It's okay. Just go on. What happened? Did our ministers put you on the RPF again? I thought I heard you got out."

"RPF?" Alicia raised an eyebrow. "Is that the Scientology boot camp where you do community service and run around reciting scripture while ministers act like drill sergeants?"

"Yep," Erika said. "The full title is 'Rehabilitation Project Force'. It's a program intended for ministers who aren't doing their jobs well but public Scientologists can also try it. Basically, it's supposed to get rid of chronic bad behavior. You work for the church and learn how to get along with others while undergoing the regimen you described. There are progressively more intense levels. Dane and I were on the lowest rung like most people. Dane entered the RPF hoping it would fix his depression and whatever else led him to do things like climb that water tank and spray his name at the top. I suggested Walker's dojo but Dane didn't want that."

"Your sensei scares me, Erika."

"Well, he shouldn't. He's a great instructor. I also thought you should remember the one time I was in the RPF." Erika looked at Alicia. "Growing up, I saw many among my friends and teachers sent to the program when church leaders were displeased with them. Some people left Scientology rather than go into the RPF as directed. I tried it voluntarily when I was ten, wanting to see what the fuss was about. The RPF turned out to be a religious gulag exactly like people had said. I got out as soon as I could."

"Erika, the RPF worked for me," said Dane. "You didn't need to go there. I did. I got everything I hoped for from the program. I exited after nine weeks fully clear. You know I contacted you and our parents many times during that. I still lived with Ira too until we broke up, I just didn't mention him to you. My problems were fixed. Except for this past week with my new auditor, I haven't misbehaved once since July."

"Didn't you meet any bullies in there?"

"Of course, but I learned how to handle them. You did too, if I remember right."

"I did, Dane," Erika affirmed. "Still, I didn't like having to deal with them. You remember that rhyme I had about the main three bullies I got to know?"

"Boggis and Bunce and Bean," Dane quoted. "One fat, one short, one lean. Horrible crooks, different in looks, but nonetheless equally mean."

Alicia stared at Erika. "You made up jokes about bullies?"

"I got that one from a Roald Dahl book. It had their names and everything. There were other taunts I made up myself. I was ten, Lish. They were teasing me. I had to cope."

"Sure. You know, people say the same things when they equate followers of your religion with 'Cylons', the robots from that Sci-Fi channel show 'Battlestar Galactica' who impersonate Earthlings and work to destroy them."

Erika scowled at the dehumanizing label. "I know I shouldn't have done what I did. I couldn't help it, though. These guys deserved it too."

"People who are bigoted about Scientology also say that."

Erika's frown deepened. "We're getting off the subject. Dane, tell me about this woman who's been auditing you. What's her name?"

"Jessica Rodriguez."

Erika felt her heart catch in recognition. "JessicaFeshbach Rodriguez?" Alicia stifled a gasp.

"Do you know her?"

"We both do," Alicia said, "by reputation at least. It's all over the web that the Feshbachs are the 'Goblins of Scientology', the deepest and most irritating fanatics. They've been at least peripherally involved in most of your religion's problems the past three decades. Erika, what did you tell me about them?"

Erika picked up the thread. "You remember Joe Feshbach from our Church Career Days, Dane? They called him 'the kind of Scientologist we all want to be'."

"Yeah. You probably don't know him, Alicia. Joe Feshbach's from the Tennessee hill country and was one of the first people in his family to go to university. He joined Scientology around the same time as Mom and Dad and used our church's interpersonal influence techniques to make a killing on Wall Street. He had his relatives help him, short-sold and used other tactics that are legal but frowned upon."

"Correct," Erika said. "Then he donated most of his money to the church along with a whole generation of his family's offspring. Many of these grew into dedicated yet problematic people. I met three Feshbachs when I was in the RPF."

"The bullies?" Alicia asked.

Erika nodded. "They wanted to be ministers and spread Scientology like their Uncle Joe demanded. I encountered them off and on growing up. As I told you, we were on the RPF together. I didn't spend much time around them anywhere else. I kept hearing about how their family was trouble. When we did talk, they picked on me, I ragged back and I tried to keep from feeling sorry. I still pity them.

"Bean, Bunce and Boggis graduated from our church seminary, but they've never been very good at their jobs. They've been inside the RPF more than anyone else in all my religion's history and they're only a few years older than me. They never learn anything from the program either. They continue to act like they shouldn't and get sent back. It's pathetic."

"The whole family's pretty much the same," Dane added. "Jessica's a Feshbach too? I didn't know that. I thought she only liked bossing them about."

"Jessica is Joe Feshbach's oldest daughter. You didn't ask for her maiden name? You didn't inquire into her credentials at all?" Erika gaped. "You were taught better than that, Dane!"

"I did ask for her history of past audits. Jessica said she was the primary therapist for Tom Cruise and Jenna Elfman. I was impressed."

"Did she tell you Tom, Jenna and other celebrities fired her after she inspired them towards public relations nightmares?"

"No. She just said she had helped them enough and wanted to move on."

"You believed her spin doctoring, didn't you?" Erika growled. "Dane, you remember that quarrel about psychology Tom Cruise had on the 'Today Show' back in 2005? Alicia and I were talking about it a few minutes ago. You recall how Tom was bobbing on talk show hosts' couches back then, screaming that he loved his fiancée Katie Holmes?"

"Yeah. I heard some woman was coaching Katie to copy Tom."

"Jessica Feshbach Rodriguez advised Tom and Katie to do all that."

"Oh, crap."

"You said it. Jessica made Tom more popular but she also made him infamous. Tom fired her for that right after he and Katie got married. I was delighted that he did. It's fine to be in love with someone and hold your own opinions. However, if you shove it down people's throats, they get upset. Tom's still learning that today. Tom and Katie aren't Jessica's only blunder. Somehow, she got charged with celebrity audits and scripting evangelism right after she got ordained. She screwed things up for Tom, Jenna and many others. They all had to discharge her. Jenna's public statement about AIDS being a state of mind came from Jessica's recommendations. Once the tabloids and haters went ape-shit twisting those words, Jenna had to deny she ever said them. Of course, that only made things worse and Jenna fired Jessica. There have been other more minor cases involving Jessica too."

"It sounds like you've met her."

"I haven't. I have heard of all she's done, though. I keep my ear to the ground. You remember Mike Rinder?"

"Our teacher, the OSA director."

Alicia held up her hand. "OSA?"

"Office of Special Affairs," Erika said. "They handle intelligence gathering for Scientology along with public relations, legal and clerical matters, auditing ... you name it. They're for us what the Jesuits are for the Catholics. Mike Rinder was their leader and second only to the Chairman within the church ranks. I've mentioned him to you."

Alicia scratched her head, frowning. "I've heard about these people on the internet also. Your church's critics call them 'Scientology's Inquisition'. OSA's first director was incarcerated for committing fraud, racketeering and burglary on behalf of her religion."

"That was Mary Sue Hubbard. She was our founder's wife whom he divorced and exiled when she got convicted. OSA was called the 'Guardian's Office' back then. I wasn't alive to see it, but I heard about it in school. Because of Mary Sue's offenses, the whole church department had to be torn down and restructured under a new name. Mary Sue wasn't the only criminal inside either. Mike became director of the new OSA in 1984 and he swore to clean things up. Dane and I met him when he taught us in church school. Most Scientology executives are snobs but Mike wasn't like them. He grew up Scientologist in Australia and watched our religion get outlawed and reinstated by the government. Mike's suffered from discrimination his whole life. He worked out a way to live Scientology without practicing the abuses."

"I suppose he passed it on to you."

"Yes. He taught our parents first, and then my brothers and me along with anyone else who was willing to learn. Not everyone was, though. This included our Chairman, David Miscavige. That rhymes with cabbage, the vegetable. Miscavige didn't like what Mike was doing and kept pressuring him to be less open-minded about Scientology. That's how I got Mike in my reform movement. We already had one Friendship Viceroy helping us and we needed another. I didn't know Mike was a Viceroy before my parents told me to approach him in May of 2002. Mike already knew about us and was ready to join. He was our movement's biggest asset for six years."

"I remember. Then he resigned his job and left your church in the summer of 2007. Why did that happen again?"

"I'll get to it. Let me deal with Jessica first." Erika inhaled and then continued. "As you may have guessed, Jessica's an OSA operative. When I did my reform movement's big recruitment drive in 2002, I heard she knew our scripture well and was also chastised repeatedly by the Chairman for nonspecific things. I thought she would be an asset for us. Mike withdrew her name from consideration when I asked him about her. He told me Jessica was ready to blackmail me in the winter of 2001. You know, when I had that argument with Tom Cruise and met you, Alicia? Jessica heard about it from Tom and she had a private investigator follow me around and take photos of me going in and out of clubs with guys and girls. There wasn't anything incriminating but if the tabloids saw the pictures —"

"They would have made up false stories and destroyed your career," Alicia interrupted.

"Yeah," Erika said. "I'm a proud slut, but it's not something I want exposed like that. I told Tom I didn't want to market Scientology alongside him. Jessica hoped to compel a different tune on me. Mike stepped in and stopped Jessica before she could enact her plan. OSA clerics have to file reports prior to taking action against specific Scientologists they believe are harming the church. There are also certain things they're not supposed to do. Blackmailing people is at the top of the list."

Alicia grimaced. "They do it anyway, though. I've read the online documentation. They don't always get punished."

"Especially when they're related to someone such as Joe Feshbach. I never knew about what Jessica did until Mike filled me in. I asked why she did it and Mike said it was our old policy called 'Fair Game'."

"I've heard of this," Alicia replied. "Isn't Fair Game the scripture that says anyone who harms Scientology or a specific Scientologist should be 'tricked, sued, lied to or destroyed'?"

"That's it," Dane said. "Jessica showed me that passage in Scientology texts and told me I needed to do as it directed. She also said Fair Game extended to Scientologists who refused to spread their religion or live in accordance with its teachings. No one ever taught this stuff to me before but from Jessica I believed it."

"Dane, you should not have done that," Erika informed her brother. "Fair Game was cancelled in 1968, long before you or I were born. Mary Sue Hubbard instituted it when she got upset at ex-members who were discouraging people from joining the church. Ron Hubbard revoked the policy when his wife took it too far a mere three years after its institution. Ron criticized Fair Game further in the 1970s and 1980s when fanatics refused to stop following it. Many Scientologists ignored him and still use the policy today as an excuse to harass people. Jessica's attempted blackmail of me is just one example. All the incidents are isolated and discouraged. Scientologists aren't supposed to practice Fair Game. The church leaders don't support those who do."

Alicia coughed. "I've seen conflicting reports on the web about that."

"I only know what Mike told me," Erika said quickly. "He knew Ron and Mary Sue, most of the internet critics never did. Ron and Mary Sue are both dead now. I was never taught about Fair Game in official church classes. Only the websites against Scientology, fanatics, my parents and Mike educated me about it. Some Scientologists practice the policy, but it's not a prevalent conspiracy like our Internet bashers believe. Fair Game with us is like the Catholics with their problem priests or the Muslims with their terrorists. It's something that happens even though the majority of our church would never support it and gets excused way too often. That's one of the things my movement's trying to reform. Whenever we see Fair Game, we communicate about it amongst ourselves and report the perpetrator up the chain. We also avoid it and work for the good of our religion instead. Mike always told me that's what we were supposed to do."

"Hmm," Alicia replied with a frown. "I see. You believe in Mike Rinder's advice about Fair Game because you want to maintain your own sanity, right?"

Erika sighed. "You guessed it."

"She has to do that, Alicia," said Dane. "Every Scientologist does. We're taught that questioning official scripture and church history leads to serious mental and physical problems. If we leave Scientology, it's the same as suicide."

"It's not," Erika spoke when Alicia's jaw dropped. "That's just what the fanatics say. I only agree somewhat. In my judgment, leaving the church rather than trying to live as a good person inside and reform it is a cop out. I've told people inside my movement that. You remember what happened with Isaac Hayes in 2005?"

"The 'South Park' voice actor," Alicia answered. "He was a friend of yours, a mentor to your family like Mike Rinder. Then he died earlier this year."

Erika nodded. "Isaac was always a sage to me. He was also the one who got me into swinging. He and my parents introduced me to the reformers. 'South Park' lampooned Scientology and other religions all the time and Isaac was okay with it. He knew of the criticism against Scientology when he joined in 1990 and worked to counter it by inspiring Scientologists to be better people. Isaac said shows like 'South Park' had their place. One could laugh at them and become a better Scientologist, Christian, or whatever. I agreed.

"Isaac was on 'South Park' for a decade. I enjoyed watching the show until 2005, when the 'South Park' writers put out an episode named 'Trapped in the Closet' that said all the hateful rumors about Scientology were true. It was the same time Tom was doing his talk show evangelizing. Someone in his camp wanted to sue that episode's writers and producers."

"Jessica," Alicia speculated.

"Yes. Tom ended up not doing anything. He ignored Jessica and concentrated on advertising his latest film. The online bashers said otherwise, but I know from my own investigation that Tom never lashed out at 'South Park' over what happened. Isaac also defended the writers in interviews. As before, he was okay with their satire. Then Isaac had his first stroke and was forced to quit his show. Isaac's publicist put out a statement that the reason Isaac quit was the way 'South Park' portrayed Scientology in 'Trapped in the Closet', not his health. This ruined Isaac's eminence in Hollywood and brought him notoriety. Hating him was seen as the cool thing to do. All of our religion's critics became 'South Park' fans and the writers loved the publicity. Do you recall how they called Isaac a hypocrite all over the internet?"

"I do. Your critics grew in number after that and your church shrunk. Then the writers had Isaac's character hypnotized and killed off in that appalling season opener called 'The Return of Chef'."

"Yeah. I still watch 'South Park' today but I'm not amused by it as much as I used to be. Isaac was about to disclose our reform movement to the public after 'The Return of Chef', hoping to restore his image. Mike told Isaac revealing us wasn't the best idea. It would do more harm than good. The critics wouldn't believe we existed. I backed Mike on that. You've seen the way people online treat us."

"Yes. They target Scientologists with discrimination and consider you all the same as ignorant folk like Tom. Erika, if they knew what you were doing ..."

"It would just make things worse, Alicia. We hide ourselves for a reason."

"You know how I feel about you, Erika, but your religion sickens me sometimes, especially when it threatens you like this."

"I hate it myself. That's why I joined the reformers when Isaac told me about them and why I believe so strongly in our goals. We all dislike the way Scientology is. We want our leaders to formally condemn those who commit crimes, not just excuse them for the sake of our church staying intact. That's why we work together to avoid behavior like Fair Game ourselves, report those who do engage in such practices and concentrate on good works. We also stay connected and ready to help each other. We can't let our movement be revealed, though. That could mean us all leaving the church, and that's failure. If the fanatics as a whole learn of our existence, they will want us expelled and put stress on the Chairman. I've seen it happen before with people they don't like."

"Erika, whoa," Dane said. "Last I checked, we have twenty-five celebrities in the movement. Or is it more now?"

"It's thirty-two, Dane, including every major celebrity in Scientology except Tom Cruise and his wife, the Elfmans and a few others. We're all liberals and we believe Scientology is taking advantage of our popularity to sponsor its abuses as well as its charities. We also hate how the critics lump us in with the fanatics. Our goal is to stop putting up with that and turn Scientology towards the road our church should be on, the good road. We want to change things. We can't get thrown out though."