COVID-19 saved my marriage

The ceremony was pretty traditional. At one point the minister spoke about marriage. He said that the wedding is only one day, yet we put a lot of effort into it, to make it just right.

I thought about that. There was a lot of effort, mostly on Audrey's part. I didn't care so much about all the "pomp and circumstance". I let her make most of the decisions. We had our fights about it though. Anyone that has gone through a wedding knows that there are some tense times and raised voices in the months beforehand. At one point I had said, "Why don't we just elope? This wedding is tearing us apart."

"This is our special day, if we can't work this out and make it happen, what chance do we have with the rest of our lives?" She replied.

As I watched the DVD, I was glad we did go through with the wedding. To share our happiness with all of our family and friends was worth it.

I resumed watching the DVD and the minister was talking again.

"Kurt, Audrey, I promise you this, if you put in one quarter of the time and energy you put into making this day happen into your marriage every day, week, month, and year, you will have the best marriage ever and it will last a lifetime."

Wow, I didn't even remember him saying those words. I had definitely failed at that, actually, we both had.

I guess looking back I was kind of treating the wedding ceremony like my graduation ceremony. With my college graduation, all the work was to reach the end goal, the graduation ceremony. Then it was coast into my new job. With our dating and engagement, all the work was getting us to the wedding ceremony. Just like with my graduation, once it was over, I could relax and coast into my new marriage.

Looking again at the DVD I saw the wedding vows being spoken and repeated. They were the traditional; 'for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, till death do us part.' Well we both dropped the ball on the last one, her with one man, me in retaliation with many women.

Then we each said some personal vows to each other, ones that we had written ourselves.

I had started, "Audrey, you are my soulmate. I vow, this day, to always hold you when you need to be held, support you when you need to be supported, and listen to you when you need to heard. I will strive to make you happy every day by putting you first. I will cherish our time together each day and look forward to spending the rest of our lives together."

Wow, I remember agonizing over writing those vows. I wanted to say just the right things to her. How quickly I forgot them. I bet it wasn't more than a month later that I was putting my job first.

Then Audrey spoke her vows, "Kurt, you are my one and only. From the first time I saw you I knew we would be together forever. I vow today to love you and you only, always. I promise to help you achieve everything you have planned for us, to be your partner and teammate throughout life's ups and downs. I promise to make you proud and happy to have me as your wife, for the rest of our lives."

When I looked over at her she was balling her eyes out. I put my arm around her and held her because she needed to be held. She buried her face in my chest and continued to cry.

After what must have been 10 minutes, she had all but stopped crying. I squeezed her and said, "Audrey, I'm sorry for not fulfilling my vows. I have not lived up to being the husband I promised to be."

Then I said, "Audrey, I saw you get the suitcases out of the closet. You don't have to leave. I will find another apartment. I just need a few things to get started."

"Kurt," She took a couple seconds, then said, "I don't love him. I know I thought I did, but today when I saw him lying there, I felt nothing. I spent the 15 - 20 minutes with him trying to think of why I had thought that I loved him. The only thing I could come up with is that he represented power, riches, and a worry free life.

Kurt, you say you didn't live up to your vows. I didn't either, in fact, if I have to be honest, I failed you before you failed me. I think I lost sight of what I wanted for my life. I want a husband that loves me, children that we can help become responsible adults, and grandchildren that we can spoil rotten.

Kurt, I don't want to leave, and I don't want you to leave." She paused and looked in my eyes pleadingly. "Do you think we could fix what I've broken."

"No." I said, and her shoulders slumped, she looked down in despair. Then I said, "We can fix what we have broken."

She looked up at me, her eyes showing hope and love. I leaned into her and kissed her like I hadn't kissed her in years.

It is now about 6 weeks later and these last 6 weeks have been like a second honeymoon. Oh sure, we still have issues, and we're working on them with a local marriage counselor that started offering online counseling. When the "Stay at Home" order is lifted we will be going to see him in person.

Being forced to "Stay at Home" together has forced us to talk about our problems, hopes, dreams, goals, and wishes. It will be a long road, hopefully 60 -- 70 years, but we'll get there together. We have committed ourselves to each other only. We will strive every day to work on our marriage as we face the challenges together.

Oh, one more thing. We're planning on renewing our vows once the world gets back to normal, and you're invited.

Oh, I guess one more thing. Richard didn't die, but he will have permanent respiratory problems and need to "Stay at Home" probably for another year in recovery. And Audrey couldn't care less.