Crazy Cornelius & the Magic Pills Ch. 03

"Gavin, what is going on out there? What are you talking about?"

Gavin was starting to get cross. "Lisa, you asked me to get you some more toilet paper."

Lisa looked at the toilet roll holder, which contained close to a full roll of toilet paper and a second toilet roll on the cistern. "Gavin, I don't need more toilet paper, I've got plenty in here. I could be on the toilet for a week and I wouldn't run out of loo paper."

"Then why did you ask me to get you more?"

"I didn't," Lisa insisted.

"I swear I heard you ask," said her unconvinced brother.

"Well, I didn't," said Lisa. The young woman was getting more desperate. "Actually Gavin, do you think you could please move away from the toilet and leave me in privacy? I really need to well, you know."

The completely confused Gavin did as his big sister asked him. "Sure Lisa, sorry."

He moved away from the lavatory, but unfortunately not fast enough. Lisa couldn't hold on any more, and Gavin was close enough to hear his sister farting loudly into the toilet, her bottom making a squelching noise and then her poo splashing into the toilet water with an almighty rush, before she got more toilet paper from the roll.

Gavin scurried away blushing bright red at the embarrassment of hearing his sister farting and pooing on the toilet, and on the toilet Lisa blushed bright red as she wiped her bottom with a length of toilet tissue at knowing her brother heard the graphic details of her bowel movements.

Lisa remained sitting on the toilet for the next five minutes, Gavin in the quiet of the house able to hear his big sister unwinding toilet paper every time she wiped her bottom. Finally though, Lisa finished and stood up, flushing the toilet but was so perplexed by her brother that she forgot to spray any toilet freshener around. She pulled up and adjusted her knickers and exited the toilet, washing her hands at the bathroom sink.

Gavin saw Lisa pass by on her bare feet as she returned to her own bedroom, adjusting her knickers under her sleep-shirt. At least his big sister was wearing her knickers this morning as well and something to cover her tits, unlike in that really weird dream from last night.

Needing to pee, Gavin went into the lavatory recently vacated by his older sister -- and stopped short as the full impact of the terrible toilet smell that Lisa had left behind herself struck him. It was like walking into an open sewer. How did Lisa have such foul-smelling poo? The gagging Gavin hastily grabbed the toilet freshener and sprayed it around the loo, trying to banish the stench of Lisa's bowel movements. He most definitely did not want to be standing here peeing and absorbing the smell of his own sister's shit.

*

The two sleeping members of the Hawkins household -- Erica and Danielle -- awoke unaware that there was a pig in the back garden. Danielle didn't feel any different but Erica awoke thinking that it was much later in the day than it really was, the same strange sensation of missing time shared by her boyfriend although Erica hadn't overslept. The young girl put on her glasses and looked at her clock radio -- it was definitely still early in the morning.

One thing both girls did know they needed to do was go and sit on the toilet. Both Erica and Danielle could feel the call of nature in their bladders and back passages, and in Danielle's case between her legs she had a saturated sanitary napkin that needed to be changed.

Erica and Danielle walked into the hallway on their bare feet, Danielle carrying a new period pad to change her female protection and both girls stopped short in utter puzzlement when the petite figure of Faye Hawkins appeared in the hallway.

"Mum, is everything okay?" Erica asked.

"Yes of course Erica, why do you ask?"

"Is it fancy dress day at work today or something?" Erica stood perplexed at why her mother was wearing a 1970s pant suit with flares and platform shoes, Danielle equally perplexed at seeing her mother-in-law attired in clothes some 20 years out of date.

Faye frowned. "Your father said something similar, I don't know what the problem is, I wear this all the time. On the subject of Alistair I should warn you both, he isn't very happy this morning."

Erica and Danielle would have been more surprised if Faye had told them Alistair was in a great mood. Both needed to sit on the toilet pretty badly so weren't going to ask for more details, until Faye said, "There's a pig in the back garden and Alistair's not too pleased about it."

"A pig?" Danielle and Erica spoke in unison and complete amazement.

"Yes, a pig," Faye confirmed.

"Mum, there can't be a pig in the garden," said Erica. She looked at her mother in her 1970s outfit and felt concerned. "Mum are you -- and Dad -- both feeling okay?"

"Fine yes, but there really is a pig," Faye insisted.

"This I've got to see," said Danielle, leading the way to the back garden, where she and Erica stopped short with their mouths open when they saw the grunting pig again foraging in the garden, going through a bed with his snout.

"Your father thinks Cornelius brought the pig to the house as a joke, but I'm not so sure," said Faye. "Anyway, Cornelius is going to call the council when they open and they'll come and take the pig away."

"This is a strange start to the day, it's not Friday the 13th?" Erica mused as she went back into the house.

"I don't know about that, all I know is that if I'm not on the toilet in two minutes my knickers are going to be more terrifying than anything on Friday the 13th," said Danielle.

"I um, was going to use this one," said Erica, the young girl having turned into the laundry.

"Knock yourself out kid, I'll go and use your parents' loo," said Danielle. "Or maybe I'll scare Brendan by going into his tiny flat to take a shit in his toilet. Then he really would have something to be scared of."

Erica went into the laundry toilet and closed and locked the door. The teenager put down the seat, checked she had enough toilet paper to use, then lifted her oversized tee-shirt. Underneath Erica was wearing white cotton bikini-style panties with cute cartoon cats and kittens on them, which the young girl pulled down to her ankles before sitting her bare bottom down on the toilet seat, her knees slightly apart showing her light brown pubic hair and tight pink vagina.

As the teenager started to urinate, Erica's yellow pee splashing into the toilet water, she began to relax. However, this was short-lived as she heard a voice -- a male voice with a very posh, upper-class British accent say, "Good morning Erica."

Erica sat upright on the toilet, thinking she was hearing things and shook her head, continuing to have her piss. Then came the upper-class voice again. "I said good morning Erica. Isn't it simply a spiffing day today?"

Young Erica's pee stream abated, and she sighed, realizing what must be happening. Cornelius was standing outside the toilet door playing a practical joke on her. It wouldn't be the first time. Just last year Erica had fallen prey to one of Cornelius's pranks of putting fake toilet paper in the toilet that was impossible to tear from the roll. Erica, that day wearing her work uniform had to shuffle out of the toilet with her pants and her knickers down around her ankles and into the bathroom to get some tissues to wipe her bottom.

"Cornelius, this isn't funny," Erica protested as she got some toilet paper and wiped her wet teenage pussy. "Go away and leave me alone to have some privacy."

"So, you think I am your brother?" came the voice again. "A sound theory I must say, but if I was Cornelius, how could I talk to you from inside the toilet? And how would your brother know you were wearing white knickers with cartoon cats and kittens on them? Such cute pussy cats to cover up your own cute teenage pussy."

Her heart racing, Erica went rigid on the toilet, adrenaline surging through her body and the teenager feeling cold. The voice was indeed coming from inside the toilet, no way could Cornelius have done this. And how did he know about her underwear?

"I just love seeing your knickers when you're on the toilet, Erica," said the voice. "Especially the female stains on your panty saddle. Was that your vagina self-cleansing during the night? Or were you being a bad girl and dreaming about your boyfriend Gavin's penis up that tight teenage pussy of yours again?"

"This isn't funny, go away and leave me alone," the frightened Erica protested, looking down at her bare feet and knickers. Fear stimulated her bowels and the terrified teenager farted loudly on the toilet, her anus staying open to release a massive rush of feces from her rectum, the distraught girl's poo going everywhere in the toilet.

"Now why would I go anywhere when I have such a wonderful view here?" the voice teased. "I can see your crack."

Erica put her left hand between her legs to cover her vulva and squirmed on the toilet seat. "Please stop bothering me. Who are you, what are you?" The frightened girl was unable to prevent more feces coming out of her anus, joining the rest of her poo in the toilet.

"I am a demon," the voice from inside the toilet intoned. "A toilet demon, who follows you everywhere when nature calls. I love to drink your piss and eat your shit Erica, especially today when you stink the toilet out, it tastes so much better." The terrified Erica pooped again, and the toilet demon intoned, "Yes, that's a good girl, lots and lots of teenage girl poo. Of course, I like it even better when you're on your period, all that red blood and clots -- Y U M -- yum! It's like having tomato sauce on your shit when I eat it, or ketchup as the Yanks always say, but I'll be waiting another three weeks, just counting down the days until you're menstruating again."

There was more upper-class laughter from within the toilet. The last thing Erica wanted to do was to wipe her bottom with a toilet demon watching her, but the young girl could feel her feces around her anus and between the cheeks of her bottom, and knew she had no choice. The teenager removed her hand from her vagina, reached for the toilet roll, unwound a length of toilet paper, folded it up and used it to wipe her bottom.

"That's a lot of poo for such a petite young girl," the toilet demon said. "You're a folder, aren't you? Your mother is just the same, she always folds her toilet paper when she wipes her bottom. Your sister-in-law Danielle on the other hand, she's a scruncher, always scrunches up her toilet paper to wipe her shit away from her arse."

"Please stop talking to me, please leave me alone," Erica pleaded, again wiping her bottom with trembling fingers, the terrified teenager close to tears.

"You're a bit of an unusual one aren't you Erica?" the demon asked, its voice echoing in the toilet bowl between Erica's legs. "Most girls talk when they go to the toilet, like Danielle, she takes her mobile phone with her to the toilet and has conversations with her mother or sisters back in Newcastle, her friends or even your brother when she's taking a shit. But you, you keep quiet. I know you worry even when you shit in a public ladies' room that someone will hear you fart, Erica. Isn't that right? You've never once farted in front of your boyfriend, have you Erica and you've known him for years? And when it's your time of the month, you worry people will hear the rustling sound of you unwrapping your new pad to change it."

Erica's eyes were filled with tears, the girl removing her misted glasses to wipe at her eyes. "Why are you frightening me like this?"

"Because I'm a demon," said the voice. "I wouldn't be very good at my job if I didn't scare people, would I? Plus the more scared you are Erica, the more you shit and the more you shit, the more I have to eat."

"I told you to leave me alone!" Erica snapped, again getting toilet paper to wipe her bottom.

"You're so thorough at that, Erica," complimented the demon. "I've never seen any girl so careful at wiping her bottom as you before. Is it because you worry about getting poo-poo stains in your pretty little panties, Erica? Do you worry about leaving some of your poop behind and it causing an infection in your fanny or urinary tract? Of are you scared of your Daddy seeing your knickers with skid-marks in them in the laundry, and taking his belt to your cute teenage arse to punish you for it?"

"You aren't real, I can't hear you," said Erica, getting a piece of toilet paper to come away from her butt with no smelly brown poo stains.

"Oh, you know that I'm very real, don't you Erica?" the demon taunted.

"I don't have to listen to you, I've finished and I'm going, and then you can't bother me anymore."

Erica made a move to stand up off the loo, but the toilet demon laughed his evil laughter. "Come on kid, who are you fooling, me or yourself? You're not going anywhere. You're scared and when you get scared, you shit."

The frightened Erica desperately wanted out of the toilet, but to her horror the toilet demon was right. Her colon felt like it was about to explode, and the hapless Erica could only sit on the loo as she farted and a massive rush of smelly, messy shit that stank like rotten cabbages came out of her bottom, joining the rest of her excrement in the bowl. With tears rolling down her pretty face, all Erica could do was look down at her bare feet and lowered knickers, as she got more toilet tissue to clean herself up.

"I just love watching you wipe your arse, Erica," said the demon. "I could talk about it all day, but that would be selfish of me. Would you like to talk to me about things you like? Music you listen to, TV shows that you like to watch, your favorite movies, sports teams you follow, the way you like to suck your boyfriend's cock and do it bent over something with you knickers around your ankles." Once again, the toilet demon laughed his evil laugh.

Such was Erica's fear of the toilet demon that the defecating teen could not answer him and could only sit on the toilet frozen in terror, wishing she had used the toilet in her parents' bathroom and Danielle this one. "I would have got you in the other toilet too, Erica," the demon said, reading her mind. "Now you relax and do your poo-poos and wipe your dirty, smelly little bottom properly like a good girl, always front to back."

Erica was so frightened that she nodded and meekly complied with the toilet demon's orders, wondering if a demon was also hassling Danielle as she sat on the toilet in the ensuite bathroom.

*

While all this was going on, Danielle had no issues with toilet demons or indeed any demons. The young blonde woman lifted her oversized tee-shirt, pulled her knickers with her overnight pad attached down to her ankles and sat down on the toilet.

Danielle began to pee, her piss tinkling in the toilet bowl, and the young woman casually looked down at her bare feet, lowered panties, and her period pad. She was expecting of course to see massive red stains on her napkin, but nearly leaped off the toilet seat in shock at what she saw instead.

The menstrual blood that covered Danielle's pad was blue. Bright blue in color. The young woman blinked several times to make sure she wasn't seeing things. Her period stains remained bright blue. The dumbfounded Danielle opened her legs wide to examine her fanny, and saw that the menstrual blood around her vagina was bright blue like that on her period pad.

Finishing her piss, Danielle looked into the toilet water and was in for another big surprise. Normally when she urinated on her period, Danielle's menses mixed with her yellow urine to cause a pink-colored liquid like tropical juice in the bowl. Today however Danielle's yellow pee combined with her blue period to create a bizarre green liquid on the bowl.

"This is so weird," said Danielle. "What color is my shit going to be? Bright purple? Orange?"

The answer was only seconds away as Danielle farted hard on the toilet, and her poo came oozing out of her anus and went into the toilet. Danielle looked at her excrement -- it was brown as normal -- no weird colors. Danielle got toilet paper, scrunched it up and wiped herself front to back.

Danielle's toilet paper came away from her back bottom smeared in smelly brown feces, but from where her toilet paper had touched her front bottom, the stains were bright blue.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Danielle mused as she again moved her bowels, and watched as a big clot of bright blue menstrual blood dripped out of her pussy and went into the toilet with her shit. She leaned forward, pulled her knickers up slightly and sniffed her napkin. The blood stains on the pad smelled as to be expected of her period, the musty fishy feminine smell distinct, leaving Danielle even more perplexed.

*

Alistair and Faye Hawkins had no idea that their teenage daughter was on the toilet in tears, being hassled by a toilet demon while she was trying to wipe her bottom. They did not have any idea that their daughter-in-law's vagina was bleeding bright blue menstrual blood as she sat on the other toilet. Nor did Cornelius have any clue about his sister and wife's respective problems in the bathroom, he was still engrossed in his kids' cartoons and feeding his face with cereal, Cornelius replacing the cereal which was spilled earlier with a second bowl, not cleaning up what had been spilled on the sofa.

They were more concerned about the pig being gone by the end of the day and not being late for work. In the kitchen Faye was eating a small bowl of cereal, while her husband was waiting impatiently for the pop-up toaster to pop and allow him to enjoy Vegemite on toast.

The sound of the doorbell ringing and an urgent knocking on the door was heard as Alistair glared at the toaster to hurry it up, and Alistair's displeasure at waiting for his breakfast was clear on his face. The doorbell ringing and the knocking came again.

"I'll get it, Alistair," said Faye, making for the front door as the toaster went.

Faye answered the front door wondering who was out there so early in the morning -- and found nobody there at all. Perhaps it was kids playing a joke? Faye went out onto the porch and surveyed the street -- then stopped short. Faye already had fair skin courtesy of being a redhead, but now as she looked across the road into the garden of Number 10, all color drained from her skin, making her look close to albino.

Her heart pounding in her chest, all the horrified Faye could do was yell out, "Alistair!"

In the kitchen, the pop up toaster had finally popped, but Alistair had not removed his toast as yet as he was getting and opening the Vegemite jar. He was walking to the bench with the open jar, then heard his wife's urgent call.

Sighing, Alistair put the jar down and walked towards the front door, before hearing his wife's urgent call again. "Alistair! Alistair! Come here now!"

"Faye, what is it?" Alistair asked as he emerged onto the front doorstep. His pale, trembling wife pointed across the road, and Alistair's troublesome heart skipped a beat as he looked at the garden of Number 10.

There, in full view of he and his wife, stood Henry Cole, the man pruning his oleanders in the way meticulous way he always did. He looked across the road at Alistair and Faye Hawkins with a stern expression, then went back to his gardening.

"I thought you said he died yesterday, Faye?" demanded Alistair.

"He did die yesterday," Faye insisted. "I saw the coroner's office taking away the body bag."

"Obviously he didn't die, because there he is!" boomed Alistair. "He's not dead at all!"

The noise was enough to drag Cornelius away from the TV and out of the house. "Mum, Dad what's going on -- oh shit!" he exclaimed as he also saw what should have been the late Mr. Cole pruning his oleander bushes.