Crazy Cornelius & the Magic Pills Ch. 04

"She's calling the police to come and get us and take us away to the alien spaceship!" Cornelius shouted out in horror.

"Let's run!" yelled Alistair, the six of them sprinting for the two cars, Danielle's dirty period pad and tissue left behind on the ground.

"Where are we going?" Danielle asked her father-in-law urgently.

"Coogee, but if they chase us we'll have to go somewhere else," said Alistair, his daughter-in-law nodding in agreement as she and Cornelius dived into their car, and Alistair, Faye, Gavin and Erica into the four wheel drive.

They were not a minute too soon as they started the engines and drove away at speed. From out of the skies appeared another UFO. It was a different design to the others seen earlier, this UFO having floats on the bottom to enable it to land on water, but clearly it was after them. The wailing of an emergency siren indicated that the police were here too, and Danielle caught sight of the flashing lights in the distance as she accelerated away, desperate to keep up with her father-in-law.

The hippopotamus did not chase them nor did it thankfully set the werewolves on them, but the fearsome purple monster lurking at the bins did see them depart, and gave chase. Despite its bulk the monster was keeping pace with them along the white sands of Bondi Beach, and chased both cars. Alistair and Danielle increased the speeds of their respective vehicles, and soon Bondi and the UFO and the fearsome purple monster were vanishing into the rear vision mirrors.

Speeding through Waverley, Alistair and Danielle arrived in the beachside suburb of Coogee and drove to the bank. "Now, in and out as fast as you can," said Alistair to his wife as Faye took the cheque.

Faye walked into the bank, but less than 30 seconds later came hurrying back looking afraid, to the dismay of her husband, Erica and Gavin, and in the car behind Cornelius and Danielle.

"What's wrong?" asked Alistair. "Why didn't you cash the cheque?"

"I can't go in there, there's a gorilla in the bank," said the visibly shaken Faye.

"A gorilla?" Alistair glanced through the front doors of the bank branch and he too saw the aforementioned gorilla, the big black ape standing in the line at the bank, as did Gavin, Danielle, Cornelius and Erica when they stole quick glances into the bank.

"You're right we can't go in there, let's try Kingsford," said Alistair, he and Danielle driving to this suburb and locating the correct bank branch. There wasn't any parking close, so Alistair and Danielle had to park their cars and everybody walked down. This time, there wasn't a gorilla like the one at Coogee, but there was a long line that stretched out past the door of customers waiting to get served, probably as the branch for this ATM had a prominent out-of-order sign.

"This is no good at all," grumbled Alistair. "We'll have to go to the Randwick branch. We can't be waiting here all day, we need to get out of town."

"Mum, Dad, I've just had a thought," said Erica. "What if the aliens or demons have hacked into the bank's computer system, and they use it to put secret messages into Mum's brain while she's in the bank?"

"You're right," said Faye. "I never thought of that."

"I've got an idea," said Cornelius. "What if Mum wears a hat made out of tin-foil when she goes into the bank? That might stop the alien messages getting in there? And if she wears her sunglasses then they won't be able to hypnotize her?"

"We'd better give it a try," said Alistair.

"There's a shop over there," said Cornelius, indicating a small supermarket. "I'll go over and get some tin-foil."

"Cornelius, get some bottled water," said Faye.

"Bottled water, got it," said Cornelius.

"Cornelius, get some A3 sheets of paper and a marker pen too," said Danielle.

Gavin was confused. "Why would you want that?"

"To communicate between the two cars," said Danielle. "We can't use mobile phones or a two-way radio because they can track us, but if one of us needs to stop we can just hold a piece of paper with 'Stop' on it out the window."

"Sounds sensible," said Alistair. "Now run Cornelius, don't fuck around."

Cornelius ran for the shops and dashed inside, returning soon with a roll of tin-foil, a pack of a dozen bottles of water, a black marker pen and some large sheets of white cardboard. "These were in the recycling bin, I thought they might be better than the paper," he said.

Again, Danielle and Cornelius got into their car and the others into Alistair's car, and drove for Randwick. In one busy street in Kingsford there was a zebra crossing, across which two very elderly women with walking frames were crossing one way, and an equally infirm old man on a mobility scooter was coming the other way.

They looked like old people, but Alistair was not fooled. "They're zombies, it's a trap, we can't stop," he said.

Putting his foot down on the accelerator and pressing down on the horn, Alistair sped through the zebra crosswalk, the four wheel drive passing less than an inch from the mobility scooter. The elderly rider swerved the scooter sharply, causing it to fall onto its side, tipping the old man out onto the road and the old ladies with walking frames to nearly lose their balance.

The two elderly women did indeed lose their balance as Danielle drove her car through the zebra crossing, like her father-in-law at very high speed with her hand pressed down on the horn. The car passed by just inches from the old women, causing them to lose their grips on their walking frames and go sprawling into the street.

In the back of her father's car, Erica was exultant as she looked out the back and watched the three zombies struggling to get to their feet on the crosswalk. The young girl gave her sister-in-law the thumbs up sign and said, "Good one Dad, those zombie freaks won't be chasing us now."

Fortunately there were no more zombies on the way to Randwick, and they arrived at their destination, outside the branch of their bank. Everyone got out of the cars, Cornelius having spent the journey crafting out of foil a hat for his mother to wear while in the bank so demons or aliens could not get into the bank's computer system and put messages in her mind while she cashed the cheque.

It looked a bit like a pirate hat, and Faye put it on her head and slipped on her sunglasses, heading into the Randwick bank branch. This branch was quiet unlike the one at Kingsford and there fortunately there wasn't a gorilla like at Coogee, so far so good. Nobody else was waiting, and there was only one other customer, a man in a suit being served by a young male teller.

A young female teller pressed her buzzer. "Next please," she said.

As Faye approached the counter, the young teller's face showed confusion and uncertainty in equal measures. "Um, how can I help you this morning ma'am?" she asked.

"Good morning, I'd like to cash this cheque please," said Faye, handing over the $1,000.00 cash cheque.

"Yes, of course ma'am," said the teller, looking uncertainly at her customer. "I just need to see some photo ID, such as a driver's license, identity card or passport."

"Of course, I'll just get my driver's license," said Faye. She went into her handbag and retrieved the license, handing it to the teller.

The young woman looked at the attractive middle aged redhead on the driver's license. Faye Hawkins obviously wasn't wearing a pair of sunglasses and a foil pirate hat in her license picture, but the woman on the license just above the Waratah flower was clearly the same woman in the bank branch this morning.

"Thank you Mrs. Hawkins, I'll just count out your cash," said the teller, handing back Faye's driver's license and getting the denominations of coin that Faye had requested, Faye taking them and putting them in her bag.

"Have a nice day, Mrs. Hawkins," said the teller as Faye left the bank.

"Yes, you too," said Faye, going on her way.

Inside the bank, the young female teller shook her head and looked at her colleagues. "Did that really happen? Did I really serve a woman who was dressed in a 1970s pantsuit, platform shoes, a tin foil pirate hat and a pair of sunglasses?"

One of the male tellers nodded. "Yes, you did."

The female teller sighed. "That's a relief, I thought I was seeing things."

While Faye was in the bank, Cornelius had been writing 'STOP' on the two sheets of cardboard, and handed one to Gavin, retaining the other for himself.

"Did you get the cash?" Alistair asked.

Faye nodded and removed the foil hat from her head. "Yes, it's in my bag."

"Good, let's get out of here before they find us again," said Alistair.

Danielle turned the key in her ignition and Alistair heard the sound of the car radio start.

"No, turn that off Danielle!" he exclaimed.

Danielle was dismayed. "Why?"

"Because we can't risk the aliens or demons hacking the frequency and putting messages in our heads. They'll have us driving right for a waiting UFO," asserted Alistair. "No radios, no electronics at all."

Danielle turned off the radio. "Sorry, I didn't think."

"Now follow me closely. We have to be careful, we can't take direct routes all the time otherwise a UFO might be tracking us and will work out our route," said Alistair. "Above all, we cannot be separated."

"So where are we headed?" Danielle asked.

"Central Coast, we'll stop when we get to Gosford and re-assess our plans then," said Alistair.

Again, Faye got into the front passenger seat of her husband's car, Alistair in the driver's seat and Gavin and Erica in the back.

"Keep a watch out for anything unusual," said Alistair to Gavin and Erica, as he drove away, Danielle close behind him. Things went smoothly enough though Randwick as the cars went past the Randwick Racecourse and through Moore Park past the Sydney Cricket Ground, but when they reached Paddington traffic started to get congested around the market precinct.

Getting closer to the city, there were fortunately no aliens, ghosts, monsters, demons and out of place animals to impede the journey, but in both Kings Cross and Darlinghurst roadworks hampered their progress to Alistair's great frustration, his anger levels increasing with each second as he observed roads blocked off by red witches hats, posts and signs.

Fuming as he struggled to get around the congestion, Alistair with Danielle right behind him found himself stuck in more traffic opposite the Domain. In the back of the car Erica looked intently through her glasses into the Domain parklands and immediately picked up something out of place. At first she thought it was just a large dog in the trees the shadows casting odd patterns on its light brown coat, but on closer examination it was obvious what it was, even though Erica had never seen one in person before, and only seen old black and white footage and photos of them.

"Dad, there's a Tasmanian tiger - a Thylacine - in the Domain, just through there." Erica pointed out the window, and her father, mother and boyfriend also looked, seeing the large carnivorous marsupial thought extinct since 1936 trotting around in the parkland through some plane trees.

Behind them, Danielle and Cornelius likewise struck in the traffic, were puzzled. "What's wrong, what's out there?" Danielle called.

"Thylacine, right through there," Erica called back, pointing at the marsupial. Cornelius and Danielle looked and they also saw the Tasmanian Tiger pacing back and forth.

Soon the thylacine had company, in the form of a large flightless bird which trotted through the park at brisk pace, casting haughty glances around like it owned the place. At first glance it appeared the bird was a ratite - an Ostrich from Africa, a Rhea from the Americas or an Australian Emu, but this bird was too large and quite different to anything any of them had ever seen.

Gavin's mouth was hanging open. "That's a moa, from New Zealand, they've been extinct for hundreds of years."

"So have dodos, but look!" exclaimed Erica. Along the pavement outside of the Domain came a procession of a dozen waddling birds, all flightless as well. These birds were nowhere near the size of the Moa, but larger than a turkey or a kiwi, and their odd-shaped heads and bills plus fat bodies left the Hawkins family in no doubt what they were seeing.

The next birds to appear to the Hawkins family were able to fly, much smaller in size but greater in number. They didn't look out of place -- pigeons -- but this flock of birds didn't look like the many pigeons that called Sydney home. These birds circled overhead around Alistair and Danielle's cars, and Gavin took a closer look at the flock.

"They're passenger pigeons!" he exclaimed in amazement.

"Passenger pigeons?" asked Alistair.

"Yes, passenger pigeons," said Gavin. "They're from North America, they've been extinct since about World War I."

"You seem to know a lot about extinct animals and birds, Gavin," observed Faye.

"I've got a book about them at home," said Gavin. "Like the seal out there on the pavement, I bet that's a Caribbean Monk Seal, they haven't been seen since just after World War II."

Everyone in the car looked at the large black seal that moved along the pavement, taking the same path as that taken by the dodos. Overhead the huge flock of passenger pigeons swooped over the cars, and the moa and thylacine remained in the Domain parklands.

"We have to get away from here, the aliens have brought extinct animals forward through time just like they did with the Titanic and Hindenburg earlier this morning," said Alistair. He and Danielle had to double back on themselves and drive past Hyde Park to try and get around the congestion, which took them into the CBD.

This was a place everyone had hoped to avoid, and the occupants of both cars looked up nervously at the Sydney Tower and the large skyscrapers on the Sydney skyline hoping that the aliens were not up there looking at them from the rooftops, setting up a trap for them to fall into. Seeing a UFO fly overhead -- one that made a whirring noise like the one that pursued them from their street this morning -- only added to their fear.

But at ground level on the busy city streets, there was soon another problem. In the late 1950s and early 1960s Sydney like Brisbane and Perth had removed their trams, unlike Melbourne which kept their tram network and Adelaide which retained a line from the city to Glenelg Beach. Erica, Gavin, Danielle and Cornelius were born well after the last Sydney trams ran, while Alistair and Faye hadn't seen them since they were teenagers -- until this morning.

Along the busy road came a large green and gold tram, its passengers wearing clothes that looked to be from around the 1940s. All looked in amazement as the tram went on its way, and when they passed Elizabeth Street they saw another tram -- only this one was flying in the air -- not high like an aircraft but definitely airborne.

As the flying tram vanished from view, Alistair finally caught a break in the grid-locked traffic and he and Danielle made a dash for it, heading out of Sydney city through the Harbour Tunnel. Emerging onto the North Shore, Alistair did not make for the freeway that would lead them to the Pacific Motorway, but went in an easterly direction through Cremorne and Mosman and up to Manly, Danielle in close pursuit.

Passing Manly Beach, Faye looked through the Norfolk Island Pines and her blood went cold. Out to sea, over the blue Pacific Ocean waters, was the UFO they had observed at Bondi earlier in the morning, the one with floats on the bottom to enable it to land in water.

"Alistair, that UFO we saw at Bondi is following us again," she said.

Her husband had also noticed the UFO, as had Cornelius and Danielle in the car behind. "Gavin, Erica, keep a watch on the spaceship, let me know if it comes this way," ordered Alistair.

"Will do, Mr. Hawkins," said Gavin, he and Erica watching the menacing alien craft as it flew along Manly Beach, but fortunately it did not seem to pick up on either of the cars and instead flew further out to sea.

"I think we're alright, Dad," said Erica.

"I hope so," said Alistair. Fortunately the UFO did not reappear as the two cars travelled up Sydney's northern coastal suburbs. At Dee Why, there were some pterodactyls -- large white pterodactyls with long black beaks and black legs -- that circled on the sea breeze along with screeching seagulls around the beach while other similar pterodactyls scavenged through rubbish bins at ground level while emitting loud honking noises -- but they didn't seem to be interested in either Alistair or Danielle's cars, much to the relief of everyone.

Alistair continued driving until he reached Mona Vale, then turned inland on the Mona Vale Road, Danielle following right behind. It was quite a drive until they reached Saint Ives, where Alistair and Danielle turned north and to the Pacific Motorway.

Soon both cars were heading out of town, and were passing the far northern suburbs of Hornsby and Asquith, before leaving the Sydney metropolitan area. Continuing north, the exit signs along the motorway indicating the distances to various Central Coast roads, Alistair and Danielle crossed the Hawkesbury River, and continued to make haste for the Central Coast.

While Alistair and Danielle drove, Faye, Erica and Gavin in the four wheel drive and Cornelius in his wife's car kept a close watch for flying saucers, but fortunately there were no alien craft in pursuit or hovering in wait for them.

Gavin looked at his watch, it was approaching noon. Had Alistair and Danielle driven directly up the freeway the journey to the Central Coast would not have taken so long, but Alistair's sage decision to go out by the coastal way to keep one step ahead of the pursuing aliens and demons coupled with the traffic problems getting out of Sydney meant the journey had taken far longer.

"Shit, I was meant to call my sister," said Gavin. "Lisa will be really worried."

Alistair was now approaching Gosford, and indicated a sign for a rest stop further ahead. "We need to have a stop anyway. There will be a phone there, give her a call. Make sure you keep the call as quick as possible to stop it being traced and stick to the script. You're going away camping with your friends to the Colo River this afternoon, Erica, Faye and I are in South Australia after Faye's sister had a stroke, and Cornelius and Danielle are on the Gold Coast for Cornelius's job interview. Got it?"

"Yes Mr. Hawkins," said Gavin.

Erica held one of the cardboard 'STOP' signs out of the back window, Danielle gave her the thumbs up sign out the car window and both Alistair and Danielle put on their indicators and exited the freeway and into the rest stop, where fortunately they were the only ones there.

Everyone got a bottle of water each and had a drink, then Alistair said to Erica, "You keep watch, let me know straight away if you see anything odd."

"Yes Dad," said Erica.

Alistair turned to Danielle. "You right for petrol?"

Danielle nodded. "Yeah, filled up yesterday thankfully. Got over half a tank of gas."

Cornelius laughed, never able to resist making immature jokes even at the most unsuitable times. "Danielle's always got plenty of gas when she's on her rags."

"Shut up Cornelius, and grow up!" snapped the peeved and stressed-out Faye.

"You heard your mother, shut up Cornelius, you are a fucking imbecile," growled Alistair. He turned back to Danielle. "I've got plenty of petrol too, so we're right for a while."

Gavin walked over to the pay phone, took some 20 cent coins from his wallet and called his sister's mobile phone, hoping Lisa was on her lunch break. Many miles away back in Sydney, Lisa was indeed on her lunch break, walking along bustling Castlereagh Street having a break from the busy office, when her mobile phone rang inside her bag.