All Comments on 'Crystal Gives Roger Her Cherry'

Decent story ideas but your language is so stilted. Get an editor.

So repetitious. If you had to be with these two you might get sick to your stomach.

You created 5 pages from what was surely no more than 2.

Every paragraph repeated something already said, but with a twist.

You had the makings of a hot story, but made it warm.

it was a nice fairy tale story how every relationship should be ,too bad its not really like that .sometimes less is more .Crystal's parents asked, "When's Roger supposed to arrive at this apartment, Crystal?""He is due to arrive here this afternoon, Mom and Dad."When I arrived I found her parents there and Crystal told me, "My parents found out that we are married, Roger, when they brought me to school today."..........Crystal's parents asked,when will roger get here?he'll be here today."when i got home crystal and her parents were waitng for me and i could tell they knew what we had done.your writing is very proper ,not enough urban slang but very good story .is english your first language? good job