by NaughtiGrl
Not bad but could have been better if the scene in the bedroom between them had been a bit more drawn out. lasting longer and drawing the reader into it more.
Sorry, but this was a waste of time. Not at all interesting.
When an erotic story resonates with me, it is always because I care about the people involved. I cannot care about somebody unless the author tells me what the person is like.
Note: what a person wears, what sort of job the person has, even what the person looks like are all relatively superficial things,surely?
A description of a sexual event is unexciting for me if it is only a description of what happened. The thoughts and the feelings of those concerned are what makes a story come alive, not statistics about the size of genitalia, etc.!
There wasnt much to this, it needs a lot more detail
I give you props on good writing but without some back story or build-up it's just not quite as good.
It was good, maybe make the sex scene longer or describe it more. It needs to be more of a 'force' then her enjoying it. Good luck!