Curve Balls

Sorry to hear there clouds on the horizon, my friend. Just be careful. We all need our personal space and it may just be that he is scared too. It sounds like this is all new to him and he had been hurt badly in the past. Perhaps he just needs time to come to terms with things. Give him love, give him space and give him lots of sex. He'll talk to you when he's ready.

Reply by AngelEyes: May 21 2008: 23.20

Nikki's right. It's probably just that he's scared too. Don't push him too hard or you just get caught in self fulfilling prophesy.

Reply by Mintos: May 21 2008: 23.40

Woo deep for you Sean. When did you start getting philosophical on us?

Reply by AngelEyes: May 21 2008: 23.45

Eat dirt Luke.

JOE'S BLOG : MAY 23 2008: 22.45

I am officially in hell. I was round at Taz's place after work today and I found... well okay, I admit I was searching around a little... and I found his phone bill. I checked it out to see how many times my number figured and there was another one he called more. I got curious and made a note of it. Later I checked his phone and found it was some girl called Siani. I went a little nuts and we had this huge arguement. I stormed out and here I am... in hell.

I know I was wrong to look... for so many reasons, and I know I shouldn't have said anything but I can't keep anything from him. I just look into his eyes and I have to come out with it. I have never seen anyone look so hurt, so.... Dammit he's the one who's been keeping things from me. He's the one who has been keeping secrets. He's the one who has been phoning some dumb girl every day. He's the one.... so why am I feeling so guilty for being responsible for that look in his eyes?

I'm through with love. It sucks big time.

Reply by StudMuffin: May 28 2008: 23.07

What did he say when you asked him about it? Did he have a reasonable explaination. I mean, I don't know him very well, only what you have told us about him, but he really doesn't sound the type to be two timing you... with a girl. Maybe there is a reasonable explaiation. Give him a chance Joe. You two were so happy together, so right for each other. Don't throw it away. Just remember Bobbi hurt you really badly and it's natural that he's made you suspicious, but Taz isn't Bobbi. Just give him a chance

Reply by Mintos: May 28 2008: 23.50

Ditch the bitch. Nothing good ever comes of it when you compete with a girl. He's scum if he's fucking you over for some bitch.

Reply by AngelEyes: May 29 2008: 00.12

Get over yourself Luke. You don't know anything. There's no way Taz would do something like that. Hang in there Joe. There'll be a reasonable explanation, I'm sure of it.

Reply by Mintos: May 29 2008: 00.20

What do you know Polyanna? Life isn't like that. Get your head out of your ass and smell the coffee. When someone lies and hides things there is always a reason and it's rarely a good one. If Taz was lying about this woman then he's got something to hide. If he didn't why not just tell Joe about her in the first place? Grow up!!

Reply by BobiDazzler: May 29 2008 00.30

Play nice puppies. This is someone's life you're arguing over. What happens will happen and it's not helping Joe to have the two of you fight over whether his boyfriend it cheating or not. If you have a problem with each other.. . keep it off the boards.

JOE'S BLOG: MAY 30 2008: 19.50

Well, got hit right in the face by another of those curve balls... and this one was a shocker. I just couldn't handle seeing Taz looking so hurt and confused. I could tell all day at work yesterday that he was suffering and in the end I couldn't bear it any more. He kept sending me these looks... really sad and hurt and in the end it broke me down.

We went out for a drink after work and we talked. It transpires that he does have a secret... a huge secret but it isn't what I was expecting. He's not cheating guys, not seeing someone behind my back... well he is but it isn't who I was expecting.

The thing is... the fucking crazy thing is.... Taz is a dad. He has a son. Five years old and cute as candy from the photos he showed me. Siani is the mother and he rings every day to speak to Josh. Yeah, I know. You could have knocked me down with a feather. I felt so bad, so guilty for having doubted him and forcing him into this situation. He had tears in his eyes when he was telling me abut it.

It seems that Taz grew up in foster care and children's homes. When he was fifteen he met a girl in the children's home where he was living at the time. They were both pretty angry with the world, with life and they turned to each other. One thing led to another and she had a kid. They were both sixteen and she was moved to another home and they lost touch. Just about drove him crazy.

A couple of years later, out of the blue he got a call from Siani. She had a place of her own by then, a job, a husband... but she had always felt bad for having denied Taz the chance of knowing Josh and vice versa. It turns out they weren't living that far from each other. Taz started seeing Josh and it's gone on from there.

He absolutely adores him and gets on pretty well with Siani, even more so since he accepted he is gay because he isn't a threat any more. He seems to have a great relationship with both of them... that is Siani and her husband... he clearly has a great relationship with Josh. So there you are. Fuck.

Seems like I am going to be an 'uncle'. Scarey thought. I have never had to share a bf with another man before  Hehe.

Seems like you were right Nikki. I should have known, you usually are. In future I am just going to have to learn to trust. On the other hand this has all turned out so well I am finding it hard to regret what I did. Taz must have been in hell.... keeping Josh secret, worrying how I would react when I found out, hating to sneak around behind my back... and he was under pressure from Siani to tell me. It's so much better now. Our relationship has changed completely. Everything is more open, more intense.

Oh God, I am falling in love. I am falling so hard and so fast I can barely handle it. Every day he does something that surprises me, every day he gets cuter, ever day he gets sweeter. Everyone loves him and it's not surprising. He's amazing. I know I keep on about it but it's so freaking incredible. After Bobbi I had kind of lost faith... in men, in love.... and here I am. I can barely believe my luck.

I am so looking forward to The Gathering this year. Taz is a little nervous about it but he says he'll come with me. I can't wait to see all of you... and to see your faces when you get to see him. I will be the one with the smug expression because he's mine, mine, mine.

Reply by Minuteman: June 1 2008: 09.45

Great news Joe. How awesome is that? You should have had more faith. I would think twice about bringing Taz to The Gathering. Knowing these guys you'll be fighting for your life...well for your bf anyway. I know that I won't be able to keep my hands off him if he's as cute as you say he is.

Reply by StudMuffin: June 1 2008: 22.15

Don't listen to him Joe, I'll keep him under control. Glad you got everything worked out. I for one can't wait to meet Taz... he sounds like a really nice person... and I never throw up the opportunity for eye candy either. *wink*

Reply by AngelEyes: June 1 2008: 23.40

See. I told you.

Reply by Mintos: June 1 2008: 23.45

Yeah, yeah, rub it in. Everyone mark their diaries... June 1 2008... Sean got something right. Make the most of it, it doesn't happen too often.

Reply by AngelEyes: June 1 2008: 00.00

Whatever.

JOE'S BLOGG: JUNE 9 2008: 21.30

WOW! What a weekend. Guess what I have been up to... nah you won't, not ever. I have been getting to know a completely awesome little man. His name is Josh and he is five and he is every bit as cute as his dad.

Taz took me over to Siani's on Saturday to introduce us. We spent a couple of hours together, getting to know each other and we really got on well. We went to this pub for lunch and it had an activity centre kind of thing... with ball pools and slides and nets and all sorts of weird things. You should have seen Taz. He reverted to childhood and played like a kid, crawling through tunnels, climbing ropes...he's pretty limber.

One of the attendants came to tell him off because the equipment was only supposed to be for under twelve's and he turned on the charm, fluttered his eyelashes and before you know it the guy is on there with him. Josh ate it up... he was so proud and I think Siani was too... I know I was.

I got to talk to Siani while Taz was fooling about and she told me some things about him, when he was young. She didn't have a bad word to say... well a couple but I am keeping those to myself for later blackmailing purposes.

On Saturday evening we brought Josh back to Taz's flat... he has his own bedroom there, and we had the most fun ever. Taz is so natural with him and Josh so clearly adores him. When Taz took Josh up to bed, he gave me a kiss (Josh that is) and he was so sleepy and smelled of soap. I fell in love with him, I couldn't help it. And then when Taz didn't come down for ages I went up and he had fallen asleep reading to Josh. He was lying on the bed and Josh had his arm around him and they were both fast asleep. It was the cutest thing I have ever seen.

Sunday morning we went for a walk in the park and played football. Josh is so full of energy... like his dad. I had the most fun I have had in ages. We had a picnic for lunch and Josh got completely fascinated by some ants that came to investigate. He and Taz watched them for ages. Taz knows an amazing about of stuff and he was telling Josh all about ants. I, of course wasn't watching the ants, I was watching Taz and just fell even deeper. I felt as if my heart was so full it just couldn't hold any more and it would burst, or split or something, but it didn't and we got Josh safely home.

Last night was the sweetest night I have ever had. We took some wine out into the garden and I sat with the most perfect man in the whole world in my arms, and the stars like jewels above us. We talked about... everything. We found out that we have both always wanted to travel but never got the opportunity so, next year, in the spring, we are going to take a month of work, pool our savings and go travelling. It was wonderful to see how excited he got. I felt so... so... special to be able to bring that look into his eyes. When he tilted his head back and looked up at me his eyes were brighter than any of the stars.

There I go being poetic again. I guess he just brings out the best in me... or the worst...whatever. 

Reply by Mintos: June 9 2008: 22.20

Make the most of it, it doesn't last, that starry eyed, in love stuff. Sooner or later you will find out that the sweetest fruit can be rotten at the core. Today he's holding your hand and telling you how great you make him feel... tomorrow he will be accusing you of sleeping around, stopping you having any fun, being rude to your friends and telling you how crap you are.

Reply by AngelEyes: June 9 2008: 22.50

Do I sense trouble in paradise? Having relationship problem's Luke? I thought you had the perfect one.

Reply by Mintos: June 9 2008: 23.14

Drop it.

Reply by StudMuffin: June 9 2008: 23.40

Behave yourselves. You okay Luke? Great to hear that things are working out Joe. Can't wait to meet the two of you. Only 3 weeks to go.

JOE'S BLOG: June 15 2008: 22.45

Sorry I have been neglecting you guys. Things have been really busy. Work is crazy... we have new customers and new programmes to develop. Taz and I are rushed off our feet. We have been working late most nights and he hasn't been home in a week.

In between the work we have been planning our trip. I can't believe how excited I am. I know it's not going to be for another six months but we have been looking at travel brochures. A different country every night, and making a pile of the places we both want to go to. When we've been through all of them we are going to narrow it down to half a dozen and then find out as much as we possibly can about each one of them.

Taz suggested that we try to learn at least a few basic phrases in the languages of all the countries we are going to... hmm.. not so sure about that. I mean he already speaks four languages fluently, and that doesn't count computer code, but me... I never got to grips with French and I didn't get past the first term of German. He's been trying to teach me some phrases in Italian and French and we have post it's all over the house. He is being so cute about it that I am trying, really trying but not too sure how well it will turn out.

Oh, and we're going to the seaside for a week in the Summer holidays and Josh is coming with us. Apparently Taz takes him every year. You know, I'm almost as excited about that as about our epic journey. I can't wait to build sandcastles and stand, holding hands, staring out over the ocean. I have always loved the sea. Bobbi was never really interested, to be honest he wasn't interested in anything much that wasn't directly feeding into his self esteem.

I tried to get Bobbi to walk on the cliffs I don't know how many times. These days I wouldn't do it because the temptation to throw him off would be too great. I didn't have to try too hard with Taz. He is well up for it. I can't wait.

Reply by Minuteman: June 16 2008: 09.12

Aww... how sweet. The epic trip sounds amazing. Just the thing for those long winter evenings, cuddled up in front of the fire pouring over photographs of tropical islands and cerulean seas. (See I can be poetic when I want to be. Don't tell Nikki though or he will expect me to be poetic with him.) Not so sure about the learning the languages thing... I can barely speak English myself. 

The trip to the beach sounds good too. It's been years since I built a sandcastle and I had forgotten how much fun it can be. I think I might drag Nikki to the beach on Saturday if the weather is good.

Reply by StudMuffin: June 16 2008: 22.17

I am expecting some real romancing now dude... poetry, flowers, the works. Especially if you want to get me within a mile of sand. I hate the stuff. Glad to hear that things are going well Joe, you deserve it. The epic trip sounds amazing. The nearest I've got is two weeks in Ibiza two years ago.

Reply by Minuteman: June 16 2008: 23.19

That was pretty epic though, as I recall... not that I recall all that much to be honest... 

Reply by BobiDazzler: June 16 208: 23.45

You have to go to Bali. Went there with the bf last year and it is the most romantic place on earth. I will have to post some pictures. It will be good to look at them again, I'll get Andy to go through them with me, take a walk down memory lane. *sigh* Happy days, happy days.

JOE'S BLOG: JUNE 25 2008: 21.50

Phew! What a time, what a time? I have been negligent again haven't I but, in my defence I have been busy and... I have news.

Taz has moved in with me! Yeah, I know.... amazing. Well, he was spending less and less time at home and in the end he was only going there to pick up stuff or if Josh stayed over. So we decorated one of the spare rooms for Josh and, last weekend moved all his stuff in. It's been intense. Really intense.

I know that you guys are going to say it's too soon and I would too if it was one of you but it feels so right. It wasn't even as though we stressed over the decision. It wasn't a big thing like it was with Bobbi, it was completely natural, utterly right. One night we were sitting in the garden and Taz was whinging about having to go home and... well I just looked him in the eyes and said... you don't have to go home, you don't have to go anywhere... this could be your home.

For the longest moment he just looked at me but I wasn't scared, I had no doubt what he would say and, in the end he just smiled, shrugged and said... Ok.

The next day we called round at Siani's and talked to Josh and he was more than happy with it. We talked to him about how he wanted his room and then spent four days decorating and moving his stuff in...and then we moved Taz's stuff and....voila... we're a proper couple, living together and everything.

Life is so good. And only 3 days to The Gathering. I'm really looking forward to it. Taz hasn't been too well, a miserable throat virus... he's been croaking at me all day. He could do with something to pick him up again. He's fast asleep right now, bless him, I'm looking down on him while I'm typing and I just can't keep my hands of him. He's smiling and I bet he's not asleep at all. As soon as I finish typing this I am going to do a Snow White on him. I am so excited... about life, the universe and everything.

Reply by Minuteman: June 23 2008: 22.56

You are scary Joe. When you're down you're down. When you're up... woo hoo, there's no stopping you. And talk about a fast mover... Seriously, Nikki and I are so happy for you... and we can't wait to get to meet the two of you. I can't believe it's only 3 days! Tell Taz to take care of himself... no excuses for non attendance short of death and that's not an option. 

Reply by AngelEyes: June 25 2008: 23.07

Way to go Joe. I'm wildly jealous but so pleased for you. Can't wait until Saturday.

Reply by Mintos: June 25 2008: 23.20

It'll all end in tears, mark my words. Still, I am looking forwards to meeting you guys, well most of you. Jay is being difficult as usual so I don't know if he'll be coming but I'll be there deffo.

JOES'S BLOG: JUNE 27 2008: 22.30

Well, we're all set and ready to go. Taz seems better today, at least he can speak which is a good thing. I have been dosing him on whatever meds I can get my hands on and force feeding him jelly and ice cream so he'll probably be tranked and fat but still good enough to eat.

We're both VERY excited and just can't wait. I didn't sleep much last night. One minute I was excited and the next terrified. I am always like that when I'm meeting someone new for the first time... and there are so many of you. I have had pictures of you in my head for so long and now I am going to get to see the real thing. It's scary, but exciting. I hope you won't be too disappointed in me. I KNOW you won't be disappointed in Taz.

He's not nervous at all, he never is. He seems to take everything in his stride, the good and the bad. He is good for me, a stabilising influence. It's only now, with him, that I realise what a mess I have been over the last couple of years. Bobbi was bad for me, and not just because he cheated. I needed someone who was calm and stable, someone I could trust, lean on. I was in bits after my parents died and I needed someone I could talk to and cry on. Bobbi never gave me that, he was too wrapped up in his own shit.

I've come further in the last couple of months with Taz than I did in three years with Bobbi. I never thought I would say this but Bobbi leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me. Thanks Dude!!

See you tomorrow everyone.

JOE'S BLOG: JUNE 29 2008: 23.00

It was so amazing to get to meet you all. I am sorry that I didn't post this last night, I meant to but we were both exhausted when we got home. Taz slept the whole way in the car and I had a devil of a job to wake him and get him inside. You wore him out ... you bad.

I can't believe how wrong I was in some of my imaginings about you lot. You are all so hot... wow. Just as well I met Taz when I did.

Taz loved you and hasn't been able to stop talking about you all today. It took it out of him though, the trip. He's slept all day. I don't think that virus has quite gone. He's got an appointment with the doctor tomorrow but there's not really anything they can do with a virus... just have to wait it out.

I am so sorry about what happened with you and Jay, Luke. It was a hell of a fight. I hope you got it all sorted out. I'm sure it must have been difficult for you to keep cheerful after he stormed off. You did a great job.