Daddy's Girl

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Alice's mother had big news for her.
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gacor
gacor
82 Followers

I've been reading this place for a few years now, and recently I thought of submitting a story that had been going through my mind lately. English is not my first language, but since i'm unlikely to submit a second story, I've decided not to bother an editor, so all mistakes are mine.

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When Alice woke up, her mind was in a haze for a few precious seconds, but then the memories of the previous day came back rushing in. She got out of bed and prepared herself for her last day of school. Her mother, Debbie, was in the kitchen, preparing breakfast, but Alice did not acknowledge her as she passed through.

"Alice, I...", her mother managed to say before getting ignored as Alice left the house.

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When Alice had come from school the previous day, her mother had told her to get ready to go out for dinner. They were going out with James, her boyfriend of the last year. James had been a friend of her father since they both were in school, and a year after his death, he started seeing Debbie.

Alice was lukewarm on the relationship. She had always liked James well enough, but the thought of her father's friend dating her mom was weird. She couldn't deny she seemed happier than ever, so she never spoke up about it.

When they arrived to the restaurant, a nice Italian place, James was waiting for them. He was always polite with Alice, and had tried to get closer to her during the last year, but Alice kept him at arms length. She had been a daddy's girl, and needed no replacement figure in her life.

After exchanging a few pleasantries, they ordered their dishes, and Debbie finally revealed the reason they were here.

"Alice, I have big news for you. James has asked me to marry him this last week, and I've accepted. We're going to be a family again!"

Alice didn't like how her mom said the word again, but pushed it to the back of her mind to congratulate her. She was going to leave for college soon, and she didn't want her mother to be alone, so even with her reserves, she was happy for the couple. Debbie and James proceeded to excitedly tell her all about their wedding plans, the venues they were looking for, and all sorts of details Alice had never thought about.

The excitement started to die down when the desserts came in, and that is when Debbie told Alice the big news. "Alice, honey, the wedding is not the only reason we came to dinner here tonight. James and I thought and discussed about it, and we both want you to get adopted by him"

"Adopted? Are you crazy, Mom? You've been dating him for a year, and Dad died barely two years ago, how can you even propose this?!" Alice shouted at her mother.

James raised a hand and spoke. "Alice, we know this is a big shock for you, but there is a reason I want to adopt you. I am you real father. Your mother and I got drunk one night your father was out of town, and we ended up in bed. Debbie was unsure which of us was the father, but we took a DNA test after you were born, and turns out it was me. I agreed to step aside out of respect for the love your mother had for your father, but now that he isn't here anymore, I want to be the father I should have been for you all along".

"Have you two been carrying an affair all these years behind Dad's back?" Alice asked, shocked. Debbie answered her: "It wasn't like that. It is true we got together here and there, but no more than once every couple years for over 15 years."

"And that makes it ok? All I'm hearing is that my mother is a slut, and my sperm donor a scumbag that would betray a friend for sex". With that, Alice stood up and went to the exit. Debbie and James were left shocked, but but the time they reacted Alice was already in the backseat of a cab.

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After school, Alice went to the house of Uncle David, her late dad's brother. After telling him the story she had been told the prior day, and asking him for help in some legal matters, they both went to her home, and started packing her things. They were almost done when her mother came back from work.

"How are you honey? You had me all worried and you didn't even answer my messages!" Debbie asked. Alice ignored her as she continued to take all her luggage to the door. "What are you doing, Alice? And what is David doing here? Answer me!"

"I'm preparing to move with Uncle David, as I refuse to live under your roof for another day. He has room for me until I move for college after the summer, and he has agreed help me manage the college funds Dad left for me, so I won't be needing you at all." Alice explained. "I hope you have a good life with your future husband. As for me, I refuse to betray the man who raised me, so I won't be part of it. Goodbye, mother."

Debbie fell to the floor and wailed, as David drove her daughter away from her life.

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That's it. I feel it relies a bit too much on exposition, and the dialogue is not as fluid as I'd like, but as I mentioned, this was mostly an exercise to get this out of my head, since I haven't written any fiction since I was in school. It is too short and the end is too abrupt, but honestly, I had no idea how to flesh it out better without most of it being filler.

If any writer wants to write on the topic, feel free to continue the story, or write your own version of it, as I think it touches upon an interesting topic that doesn't get explored that much. Can a child be loyal to he person who raised them over their birth parents, even if the former is long gone?

While these are very different stories, the topic had been in my mind since I read the excellent "The Death of a Cuckold" by Azpiri, and if I can get one person to read that work I'll be happy.

gacor
gacor
82 Followers
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AnonymousAnonymous28 days ago

Don't give up on writing. You did well on this short story and just need to learn to extend your wings a bit.

Chimo1961Chimo196128 days ago

Nothing wrong with this, left me wanting more. A terrible thing to learn about at any age, and yes loyalty to the man that raised you is righteous

Frankfiredawg06Frankfiredawg06about 1 month ago

After reading your latest work….i think you are ready to give this another longer go.

I still give it a 5

A_BierceA_Bierceabout 1 month ago

As you build your confidence in your writing, your stories will get better and better. Your English is just fine, better than some of the native speakers who comment here. Keep writing, a lot of us will keep reading.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 month ago

You acknowledge that the story is too short and the ending too abrupt

For those reasons, I am rating this three stars. Your command of the language tells me you could do much better.

JPB NOT BOB

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