All Comments on 'Dad's Boss Fucked Mom'

Where to start, not good to be honest the use of "" thus speech marks were used multiple times out of context, third and first persons mixed around. There's a part about Joe not wanting Jessica to drink the wine which had been spiked, by Jack who wanted Joe asleep, see the problem if you don't then take this on the chin and don't bother writing again.

It's all about the story but it needs to be proof read by someone that knows that they are reading, as it is clear you have no idea about correct uses of punctuation marks, and mixing names about. I won't star this one as it is not possible to do so with so many errors

Yes, there are a lot of mistakes but at least you had the balls to write something and submit it.

If you write more (please don't give up) look for an editor and you will soon see the mistakes and learn from them to improve your writing. Some writers will say the mistakes don't matter but they distract from the story,

Yes, there are a lot of mistakes but at least you had the balls to write something and submit it.

If you write more (please don't give up) look for an editor and you will soon see the mistakes and learn from them to improve your writing. Some writers will say the mistakes don't matter but they distract from the story,

so either the son tells his dad or the dad gets a blood sample and divorces the whore while she's in jail

jack needs taken to the cleaners

Well done for writing, too many will discredit this and not try to write themselves. The hardest thing is to make the story believable and getting the flow right. Unfortunately you had neither. But, EVEYONE gets better the more they write. Keep going.

Good start

Add more emotion to your story. What are they feeling? It’s my failing as well. When you use short sentences, it makes a story seem “choppy” so add a few adjectives or combine two really short sentences with a conjugation (like I did with this one)! Best of luck to you.

Wow..please consider an editor that has English as a first language.

Poor grammar and silly editing mistakes (mixing up Joe/Jack) made this already sub-par story a bit aggravating

You seemed to write part of it as if you were writing a script for a play. You need help from an editor.

This looks like a script..Try telling a story instead.

Poorly written crap.

Try reading your story out loud. Get a feel for how people really talk. Nice try.

I would advise the author to examine other stories for examples of how to punctuate dialogue, including the use of quotation marks. This story appears more like a script for a play than an actual story and the omniscient third person narrator of this play makes it sound even weirder than it already is.

Bad, really bad.

You presented the reader with description, albeit somewhat plodding—but no emotion, no feeling. Strengthen the son's reaction; why bring him in if he is so nonchalant? Find a way to make the husband into awareness of the situation. Stress some emotional reaction to this tale of forced sex.

You presented the reader with description, albeit somewhat plodding—but no emotion, no feeling. Strengthen the son's reaction! After all, he is in the title of this sad tale. You make him appear nonchalant. Perhaps find a way to make the husband aware of the situation. Stress some emotional reaction to this forced sex that is brought into what appears t be a tranquil family.

Just plain awful pick a better plot, might help your case. You need an editor to give you better advice on POV stories and basic sentence construction

1/5

You should’ve labelled the story properly too, it needed a cuckold tag, you didn’t provide one

She drugged her husband, a crime l might add, and then cucked him

Still 1/5

You can stop here, the writing and the plot are Bad, not everybody can write a story sorry

The next day the son tells his father everything he saw. The father files for divorce and sues his boss and his company. He and his son will never have financial problems again and will not need the whore in the future.

You’re writing a story, not a manuscript. Don’t include the “18 yr old son” that is cliche and just bullshit.

I’m not here for incest, just a middle aged wife getting dicked down and cheating on her husband. She can cheat while the kids are in school or at a friends house.

The writing is horrible. You don't have the slightest clue how to use quotation marks.

please don't write anymore. 1*

I'd say seek help bit it wouldn't do you any good ....

Maybe your next part could be years later we’re the son is dismantling the dads Boss company or something and only way to save his job the boss has to give up his daughter or wife just a thought

So content-wise, fine. No problem. Format? The whole screenplay thing sucks the life right out of it.

Excellent writing! Billy needs to tell his and have his dad get buddy, buddy with that asshole. After he does. Jack needs severe, permanent punishment. It sounds like it didn't take much to have that master fuck his whore. If Joe finds this out, and he should, the whore should get the same punishment as her master.

Love cheating slut wives. She’s going to be hooked on his big dick from now on. Hopefully she gets off birth control & lets him breed her. Gave you a 5 star rating!!! Next chapter please.

Looks like the boss has got him a hott MILF anytime he wants her.

Over it got my cock hard thank you

not finished

Learn how to write dialog. Once you figure that out, you can start working on better story lines.

Stories aren't scripts, and shouldn't be written that way.

We really do not want to read about yah slut motha and sissy dad. Go pound sand.

Captcha

Not worth reading in present state, a good editor might be able to make it passably readable.

Not worth a comment

You might want to investigate taking Creative Writing courses. Often you can find affordable classes at a local community college, adult education venue; just ask around, maybe at the library or a nearby higher education institution. You'll meet other writers and get critical review of your work. You will probably not want to include graphic sex in your class work.

This current offering has way too many flaws and inadequacies to evaluate in this comment format. Your imagination and your enthusiasm for writing are the major requirements. The rest can be learned. Good luck with future writing. Thanks for the effort.

I chuckled that the author re-wrote it to improve it.

I think that throwimg the whole story in the trash would have been the biggest improvement!

Have you ever read a story or a novel?

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Have you ever seen anything written this way (e.g., starting very paragraph of narrative with an asterisk). The answer is probably no. Why? Because it's fucking stupid!

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If this is rewritten, I'd hate to see the first version.

I don’t know who told you that this story was worth posting, but they lied.

As you have surely noticed by now, NTR is ... well ... not UNCONDITIONALLY the popular fetish here :)

I lost at "Billy:*Little do they know I can already hear and see them." and "Jessica: gluck gluck gluck gawk"

Almost as funny as Owned by a Black Midget Pt. 01

*Joe opens the door*

""Joe: Hello sir, welcome.

Jack: Well hello Jack how are you doing.

Joe: doing good sir."" WHO IS WHO??? Is he Joe or is he Jack? And where dose Billy get off calling a stranger 'Uncle' ?

good concept but needs writing improvement....

In life some people do great things, like become astronauts, formula one race car drivers, or even great authors. Along the way there are many who may aspire to do the same, but... It seems that this is the place you are at. You have written a story, but... Maybe you should consider another hobby!

Let's look at your submittal:

A. Who writes a story like this? This is less of a story and more of a script or screenplay in the style.

Joe: says something,

Jessica: now it's my turn,

Billy: but wait mom I have something to say,

Jack: but I will have the last laugh! Says evil boss Jack!

B. The plot. -- Oh brother! ANOTHER story about a despicable excuse for a human being. A boss masquerading as being interested in his employee's welfare but secretly plotting to turn the man's wife into his personal sex slave. A wife who, with virtually NO argument, rebuke, or other form of resistance just sheds, spreads, and succumbs to the asshole who drugged her husband! How about this?:

911 Operator: "Hello 911, what is your emergency?"

Jessica: "Yes, my name is Jessica and I need the police and an ambulance quickly! My husband's boss Jack has drugged my husband and is now trying to coerce me into having sex with him. I am in fear for my life and that of my son and husband! Please come quickly.!"

C. Dialog, it is stilted. It sounds to the ear like people are reading from a script without inflection.

D. The asterisks. Are you giving stage directions from an unseen narrator to move the story along? What gives?

All in all, if this was your second go at the same story I would consider stopping. Reading stories that have been highly rated, 4☆ and above. NOTE the plots. NOTE the tags that are used. NOTE the tags that are NOT used. Get a feel for the characters and how they were developed. Get a feel for how the characters interact with one another. And observe how the author describes and develops the surroundings, environment, and physical settings of the story. You have your work cut out for you.

This story did not have any meaning. It was so easy for the boss to fucked her. The son did nothing, felt nothing. What did you try to tell here? Don't stop writing, just ask someone to help you with it. ***

2 stars for having the balls to write such a bad story.

Wtf this is so confusing it didn’t make sense. Not sure why Billy didn’t club Jack over the head? I would call it rape.

Maybe if you rewrite it about 50 times it won't be so pathetic ! Really deserves minus 5

Awful plot. No thought given to the structure and the worst grammar I've seen since nursery school.

You need to learn English and grammar together with sentence construction. In fact give up story writing.

Your writing was stilted and boring. Your imagination is lacking. Reread what you wrote and hopefully you will realize what I mean. There is no plot, the story has no ending and it is sadly lacking i imagery.

...am I the only one who thinks that "Jack cummed on her face" sounds like little kid, trying to convince his friends that he "totally had all the sex already"?

The story isn’t finished, good beginning tho.

"This is my second try at writing an erotic story"...the result is very bad! better stop writing!

Awful plot. Worse writing. Anyone who chooses to write dialogue like this is either, (a.) a nitwit who's never actually read a chapter book before, or (b.) is an arrogant to extent that he/she thinks their story is so good that readers will deign to read their crap.

I think you got off to a good start and I would read the next part of the story. We know she will have sex in the office, and maybe want him her way not his, and maybe use some lube so it doesn't hurt her. She may find out that Her husband and his boss set this who thing up so he could get his raise but also so the hidden camera could be watched later. Maybe after she gets plowed in the office his top sales man come in for a treat too and he leaves her half of the next months or quarter for school money and he loves to do it on the floor with her on her back but it ends up in him on the bottom her on top and bent over and the boss planting some seeds of his own.

Reads like a first grade primer, except not that good of content. So stupid.

Where’s the ending ? There was a witness you know ? Is her son gonna rat her out ? Is he gonna blackmail his mama ? Is he gonna try and exact revenge on dad’s boss ? Is he just gonna keep quiet about it taking the memory to his grave ? What about her ? You didn’t indicate whether she enjoyed it or not , did she enjoy it ? Did she have an orgasm ? Is she gonna fuck hubbys’ boss again next Friday ? Does she like the size difference? The stamina ? Is she going to become a size queen ? Will she have an affair with hubbys boss ? Is she gonna fuck her son ? Threesome boss and son ? Is she gonna turn hubby into a sissy cuck faggot ? Do all these questions remind you of the narration at the end of a soap opera ? Tune in tomorrow to ‘ Lays of our wives ‘ to find out the answers . Like hands to a whores ass , so are the ‘ Lays of our wives ‘

I think when the My space app was popular woman started on their offering to fuck BBC and the younger guys would take a longer lunch to hook up . It turned many were married moms from the area trying to make money. There was a few I happened to know when they were telling the stories and couldn’t believe happy married woman were fucking behind hubby’s backs . This one 20 year old was obsessed with this woman he fucked twice a week who family owned a pizza place and he hated her sons as they would get into fights. He fucked her every Tuesday and Wednesday. This other guy was fucking the diner owners hot wife on Friday morning while hubby ran the diner. He would have her come to his place cook him breakfast then have her blow him while he ate then fuck her ass and pussy . Not sure why these came to me as I finished this story but I think the son may after seeing this go after an older woman

It’s written like a manuscript for a screenplay. Write like you’re telling a story.

Hi there, you asked about editing your story. The first impression is that its a screen play, a radio series, or a stage play script. Editing this then depends on the medium being scripted for. As a short story? A lot of the mental processes need to be gone into in more detail. Other than that, nice idea.

Damn. A good premise but not very well executed, and too short.

When writing these stories make sure you have the characters right. You keep mixing up husbands name and bosses name. Little confusing

👍

That was awful.

Excellent: ★★★★★- (5-)!

Very little Dialog No Ending worth a Dam and you think you can Write stories? Keep you other Job

Sorry. Not good. You kept mixing the husband and the bosses name. You never gave us background into the characters. It was more like non consensual

Jessica is a KEEPER. End of story. Full stop.

3+ [3.45 = 69% (★★★+)]!

A mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do.

* * *

I am in my mid 60s now.

When I was in grade 12 I saw something along the same lines. My mom and dad and mom's boss were in the backyard. I entered home from the front yard and went upstairs to my room. What I saw from above shook me profoundly.

Dad was doing the BBQ. My mom & her boss were sitting beside each other. My mom wore her Daisy Dukes. Her boss was nonchalantly keeping his hand on her knee and then he gently caressed her thigh all the way to the rim of her shorts and back.

I have never told anybody about what I saw.

I never stopped loving my mom.

This story has been very well recrived by the users.

Current rating is only 2.77 but that's not the whole picture.

This story has hetherto got 73 comments.

It has also got 31 faves out of 43.2k views which is 0.72 faves per 1k views.

(Kindly note tbat stories that get o er 0.5 faves per 1k views are few and far between.

* * *

My mom was a very good mother. She had a full time job all along. She was a very good wife too.

I was a very observant young man and I noticed she was a flirt and a tease at times.

In most cases her flirting was friendly and inocent.

BUT when the guy was single, let alone powerful, she kept her eyes on the prize.

Good story!

I and countless other wives have fucked to advance a husband's career. After the second promotion, my husband was suspicious, but he didn't want to know the truth. The problem was that his boss pimped me to several customers, and I fucked all of them. It's a difficult situation to escape.

I love it as it has a ring of truth to it.

Several readers have puzzled about the asterisks. As everyone noticed, this story is in the form of a script. I think the paragraphs flanked by asterisks are intended to be stage directions. (They're actually not purely that: they've got some storytelling mixed in.) I think the asterisks are intended to signal *italics*--just as asterisks used to, decades ago, when people lived pretty much in a "7-bit" world. In a script, stage directions usually are italicized.

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MRBP1214: You can have REAL italics in your stories. Here's Literotica's guide on how to do it: https://www.literotica.com/faq/publishing/publishing-text-formatting

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I don't think readers should jump on the writer too hard for writing a "script." Inexperienced writers are always (unwisely) trying to liven up an oft-told tale by telling it in unconventional form -- in present tense, or with second-person narration, or whatever. In fact I remember one good short story that did read like a script. But it was written by an experienced and good writer -- F. Scott Fitzgerald, I think. Good advice for any artist would be this: master the craft first. THEN, when you really know what you're doing, break a rule or two if you like.

Hey mate, well done. If a bit of advice, write more on the seduction, and the consequences, if there are any, later. Cheers

Not bad but you need to use quotation marks instead of astraus.

Plus a grammar checker wouldn't hurt.