Damaged

Disclaimer: The story depicts a main character who was r***d in the past and had sex working incident. The plot focuses around his slow journey of discovering great sex again - but this time through the lens of healing love.

WARNING! This is NOT a quick smut story, it's a slow burn story of love and desire. Please don't hate on the story because you expected a short smut - I warned you fairly. :) All characters are above 18 years of age.

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I was put in the same room with Jay at literally the last minute before orientation day.

I came to campus and headed toward my room, only to discover I was not gonna be together with Rick, my friend, but with some other guy...

That's how I met Jay.

First, what I smelled was the odor of cigarettes. Fuck! A smoker!

And I hated them to the bone.

He was standing by the window smoking, and barely even noticed me entering the room.

"Hi, I'm Hudson," I introduced myself, approaching with my hand extended to him.

He looked at my palm as if it were a snake and winced. He did not take it! He just shrugged.

"Jay."

And turned his head toward the window again, putting the cigarette in the corner of his mouth.

Wow, that was pretty rude.

I didn't want to start our relationship with an argument, so... I chose to say nothing. I sighed and just started to unpack my things in silence, glancing at him from time to time.

He had a slim, willowy build, was dressed all black like... some goth or emo boy. His face was... interesting. Sharp and clear features, aquiline nose, full, pouty lips. He seemed to have some Native American blood in him, although he was very pale and had graphite eyes. His black hair was long on one side, but his head was shaved on the other side. He had a couple of thin strands dyed dark green. His triangle bangs were cut asymmetrically, and were flowing at one eye. He had some eyeliner on his eyelids. I also noticed piercings in his eyebrows, nose and lower lip. From what I could see he also had tattoos, as parts of them were visible on his neck.

Wow, I had bad luck being paired with such a weirdo. I was from a small town in Utah and this kind of style was very alien for me. Definitely not the outfit Latter-day Saints missionaries would be wearing on the streets.

The other bad news was that the room was very small. The beds were like... five feet apart. The only good thing was that it actually had its own bathroom, as it was the last room in a line of rooms on this corridor. We didn't have to share a bathroom with our neighbors.

As I entered the bathroom, I noticed that he had his stuff, like hair spray, hair mousse, and other weird things all over the place, and there was not much space for my things, not that I had too much, anyway.

I moved some of his things, and at that moment I heard his voice behind me. Sharp and hostile.

"Don't touch my stuff!"

"I need some space for my stuff too, bro. What's your problem?"

"You. You are my problem. I was supposed to be rooming with a different person, not you. But the administrative office screwed something up."

"Sorry, NOT my problem! I also wanted to be with a friend of mine, but I couldn't. So, we have to make some compromises."

He cussed and left the bathroom.

Gosh, what a jerk!

As I returned to the room, he was sitting on his bed, and his eyes, outlined with eyeliner, were fixed on my face.

"Listen, we need some rules here, or we're gonna have a problem."

"I agree. First rule, no smoking in the room!" I said angrily because I kinda had my limits also.

He snorted and shrugged.

"Okay. But we need to talk about our sex lives."

I froze. "What about them?"

"I'm gay. I may need some privacy here, fairly regularly. I have a healthy sex life and not gonna cut it down because of some Mormon kid with whom I was paired."

I stared at him in shock.

"For one, I'm not a Mormon. My parents are Latter Day Saints, but I did not choose their path. I..."

"Whatever! I know people from fucking religious families. You are gonna judge and look at us with contempt, with your sanctimonious..."

"Listen! I don't know what is wrong with you. You do you, man. I'm not gonna judge. I have nothing against LGBTQ+ people. But I need some info if you're gonna have somebody in the room. Okay? I just don't want to... catch you doing your thing in front of me."

"Prude, but okay. So, let's exchange phone numbers."

We did it quickly.

"No loud music after 10PM and before 6AM. And if you are out, you behave quietly when you are coming back..."

He burst out laughing. "Not during weekends!"

"Okay. No leaving dirty laundry on the bed..."

"The same rule for you!"

We exchanged some minor rules after that and came to an agreement... more or less.

After the conversation I stormed out of our room and went to the dorm where my friend, Rick, was assigned to live.

I was met with the sound of loud music and discovered that Rick wasn't alone. Some short Asian guy was sitting with a laptop on his bed and playing a very boring classical piece.

He was wearing a pink tank top and his hair was dyed orange. Wow. Looked like Rick and I were having a pretty similar case of roommates.

"Hi, Hudson!" Rick invited me from the doorstep with an all-knowing grimace. He rolled his eyes.

"Yep, I know what you mean." I shrugged.

"Hudson, this is Malachite. Malachite, this is Hudson, we both are from Provo."

Malachite raised his eyes to me.

"Ahhh, it's you, right?"

"What? What about me?"

"You've been paired with... the infamous Jay."

I winced. "Sadly, but yeah."

He burst into laughter. "Well, I dodged the bullet with that one. Sorry it hit you."

I gasped. "What are you talking about? You guys look like a perfect fit."

"Looks can be deceiving. I was at a workshop with Jay one week before orientation day. Got to know him a bit and decided against rooming with him. Having a friend in the administrative office helped. And here I am. Sorry!"

I cursed under my breath. "Fuck. Is he that bad?"

"The worst kind of gay I could have as a roommate... Not going there! For sure. Good luck."

I was in shock. Malachite was quite unapologetic in talking about changing his room, which I fell victim to.

Rick and I exchanged gazes.

Fuck, I was screwed.

***

And that's how my life with Jay began...

It wasn't easy, I won't lie.

I didn't like him at all, especially at the beginning. He was obnoxious and pretentious. And his sex life was mildly annoying for me.

At least one or two times a week, he had someone in the room. I'm not sure if they were having sex or what, but he would send me text messages saying "Room is off limits til 7:30" or "Room is off limits til 5:00"

One time I was actually waiting in the hall right outside the room's door for a bit, but there was silence. As the time of "sexile" was coming to an end, a girl came out of the room, looking a bit like Jay, goth style, black dress, and black painted lips.

I wasn't sure if Jay was bisexual, or it was just a student with whom he had assignment. I didn't ask. I saw a couple of girls coming outside of his room, but sporadically, there were also other male students. And the male students were ones I would not have expected to be gay.

I asked him once or twice about it after I was forced to sit in the library for three hours in a row.

He looked at me angrily and only shrugged.

But every once in a while, there was sex going on for sure. But that was also pretty weird. Once every two weeks he invited males to his room.

I knew they were having sex as I found condoms in the trash cans.

But these men were weird. Much older than he was, I didn't even know how they got inside the dorm building, but Jay had his ways.

They were kinda silver foxes, pretty elegant males between forty and fifty.

One time it happened when I was actually in the bathroom. I was taking a shower and didn't hear the text message. When I got out, I noticed it, but it was too late! I heard the door opening and two muffled voices behind the doors.

I managed only to switch the light off, and I froze.

I didn't know what to do, standing naked in the bathroom. The smacking sounds were pretty obvious. They were making out in there, and I was stuck in the bathroom.

I got dressed in the most quiet way I could. Then I noticed that the door was not even fully closed, there was a narrow slit and I put my eyes to it.

I was shocked by what I saw.

Jay was there with some burly man, around forty in a pretty nice suit.

The man was kissing Jay's neck from behind, and Jay was bent with half of his body over his desk. I halted my breath.

For the first time I could see his body partially naked. He had large tattoos of someone like a necromancer on his back, and black wings on his shoulder blades. It looked kinda beautiful, but scary at the same time.

And very... dark.

From my point of view I could see them from the side. I realized Jay had pierced nipples also.

The man was pulling on his piercings and kissing his nape.

But the action soon turned much more hardcore. He grabbed Jay's black skinny jeans and pulled them down, baring his actually very... nice round, white ass.

I bit my lips, my heart hammering like crazy in my chest. Was I about to see...?

Yep. The man pulled out a condom and I could see his massive dick sticking out. He put the rubber on and lined his dick with Jay's ass. I was gaping, still in shock.

"Wait, the lube is..." Jay said, but the man responded tersely.

"The condom is lubed already..."

I could see that Jay wanted to say something, but he was not given more time. The man pushed his dick inside him. My roommate's face grimaced in pain, he obviously had troubles accommodating this man's massive dick, and the condom lubing wasn't enough.

But the man did not let him take another breath. He started to pound into my roommate pretty intensely, hammering inside Jay with force, his fat dick showing and disappearing in a merciless tempo.

Jay's own dick, that I also saw for the first time, was totally limp, he was obviously not happy with the brutal pace.

The pounding took a surprisingly long time, the man seemed to have good stamina - bad luck for Jay - who was on his elbows on the desk and his face was red and wet from sweat, his lips tightened in a painful grimace.

The man in the suit was mumbling something under his breath, stuff like "you dirty slut", "you fucking whore..." and other rather not very warm 'endearments'.

Finally, the ordeal was over, the man came, grunting and groaning, and he pulled out of Jay's poor, abused hole. He straightened up and then I saw it...

He took his wallet and... I saw money in his hand! He threw it on the bed and... left without saying even one word!

I remained still, the wave of shock just could not leave me.

What the fuck?

So... Jay was making money on the side as an escort?

But what happened next was even more disturbing. Jay was laying on the desk for a minute or so and after that, he slowly slid down on the floor, leaning with his back on the desk's wooden side.

And... he started to sob!

I stood there paralyzed, not knowing what to do.

He was sobbing, tears flowing down his cheeks and quiet sounds, full of pain, were coming from his mouth.

I was scared, to be honest. I've never had to deal with another man crying in my vicinity, it did not seem to be even real... I was just staring, and suddenly, I had his epiphany that he was obviously having a much harder time than me, and maybe I should do something.

So, I tightened my lips and opened the door, entering the room.

He almost jumped, quickly pulling his pants over his ass, covering his poor limp dick and shaven, smooth balls. He, however, did not manage to wipe the tears from his face, so I observed him panicking and wiping them now with his forearms.

"What the fuck?! What are you doing?!" He yelled, so angry and furious, that I hesitated for a moment.

"What should I do, Jay? You sent me a text message fifteen minutes before you came here with your... client. I was in the shower, didn't hear anything, and then when I got out, you were already making out! What did you think was gonna happen? Should I leave the room and scare your client? So, I just stayed silent!"

He opened his mouth, then closed it, and opened it again...

Then violently turned around, pulled on his t-shirt and... ran away from the room.

I stood there, with my mouth slack open.

What a fucked up situation. I looked at the money lying there - it was around 200 bucks - and I was just... sad.

From what I gathered around - not from Jay himself, but from Malachite - my roommate was from a very poor family and was here on full scholarship. It was all that I knew.

Was he making extra money from hustling?

I said a quick prayer in my mind, asking God to protect him. I didn't even know why, but I knew he was not happy with what he was doing. His sobbing, his wailing full of despair... it wasn't something he liked. But he did it anyway. I really didn't know what I should do now.

Later that evening, I was already in my bed, and the lights were turned off.

Jay came back, he smelled of smoke and... alcohol. Well, that was new! He had never been drunk around me before, how did he even get his hands on booze?

He was a bit wobbly, and stumbled upon something and fell on the floor. I quickly stood up and turned the nightstand lamp on. He was kneeling on the floor, blood streaming from his arch brow.

"Fuck man, you are bleeding all over the floor..." I mumbled. He answered something incoherently. He was dirty, I saw a beer stain on his chest and some ketchup on his forearms.

It looked like he was at some pub or something.

I went to the bathroom and brought some disinfectant spray with me that I still had left over from COVID times. I kneeled next to him and cleaned his cut. He had a weird vacant look in his eyes, like he was not fully present. He let me clean his wound in total silence. It was weird he did not protest it.

"You need to shower, you stink of beer and some cheap food. Come'on, I'll help you."

I literally grabbed him under his armpits and helped him to stand up. I was about a couple of inches taller than him, as he was 5'9'' and I was 6'2''. He was also very slender, almost thin, and I played rugby in my hometown. I had no problem dragging him to the bathroom.

"Can you undress on your own?"

He did not answer. He just looked at me blankly.

"What's wrong with you man? Are you on something else other than beer?"

Again, silence.

So I took his t-shirt off, and pulled down his pants. I did not, however, pull down his briefs. He let me take him to the shower stall and I let the water splash his face.

He made a weird sound and squeezed his eyes. But I didn't do anything more. Cursing under my breath I also undressed and went with him into the stall. I took the hair & bodywash gel he had, and started to rub him, pretty fervently.

He just let me do it, still in this weird dissociated state. I washed his hair and his chest and back, but I did not touch anything below his waist. Oh, no. I was not gonna go there.

I took him out and towel dried him, rubbing over his body pretty forcefully, to help jumpstart his circulation. He seemed a bit more alive, and all of a sudden, his eyes met my eyes.

"Why are you here, Hudson?"

"Because you were stinky. And I could not let you lay like that in your bed. You would have made a mess there."

"Are you gonna tell anybody what you saw today?"

Oh, wow, he was suddenly pretty lucid.

I wrapped a towel around his waist.

"Pull down your own briefs, I'm not gonna."

He complied and kicked them on the floor. He was now in front of me, with wet hair, water dripping over his lean, tattooed chest, and wearing nothing but a towel.

"Well. Answer my question. Are you gonna tell?"

"No, man. But you have to seriously think about what you're doing. It's your life, not mine, but these people can be dangerous, this... what you do... it can influence your whole life, it's obviously burdening you pretty heavily, from what I could see..."

"You know nothing about me!" He almost screamed and stormed out of the bathroom, almost falling on the way because he was obviously still pretty drunk.

"So tell me, Jay!" I went behind him. "I can listen. I'm a pretty good listener..."

"Don't start with your missionary stuff, Hudson! I'm not some lost soul you can save. Mine was corrupted a long time ago. And is going to stay that way." He put a t-shirt on and some boxers, still being turned with his back toward me.

"Everybody can be saved..." I said, coming closer to him.

"I don't need your fucking saving, church-boy!" He turned toward me and pushed me lightly on the chest.

"You, with your sanctimonious face! With your morning prayers! Stupid prayers! You, with your flawless life..."

I winced.

"Don't pretend you know anything about me, either. We do not know each other. But we do not have to hate each other..." I said, trying to remain calm.

"Have you ever been r***d?! Have you ever been abused? So shut the fuck up!"

I froze. Seeing his anger and rage, so raw and intense, caused me to take a step back.

I swallowed. This devastating new piece of information was of too big a caliber for me to deal with, especially because he was drunk, and we could not talk in a normal way.

"But you were..." I said very quietly.

Jay only growled and turned around.

He went to bed and covered himself with his quilt. Soon he was lying in bed without the slightest movement.

"I'm sorry, Jay," I whispered, not even sure if he could hear me. "I hope... it will be better. That you will be... healed."

He did not answer, so I went to my bed and... closed my eyes. Before I went to sleep I prayed again. I wasn't sure if God was listening. I had my own crisis of faith.

But somehow, it helped. Just a silent prayer sent out to the universe. Asking whoever or whatever was out there that Jay could be healed. I wished for it from the deepest parts of my heart.

The next morning Jay wasn't in the room. He had morning classes earlier than me. So, I didn't see him, not until lunchtime, when I spotted him in the college cafeteria.

He was with one of the girls with whom I sometimes saw him in the room.

I approached their table slowly, not sure if he would want me to join them.

He raised his eyes to me.

He had an unusual color of his irises. They were like graphite. Dark gray. They looked... permanently sad in some way. Like something was bothering him all the time, but he covered it with constant anger.

"Hi, can I join you?" I asked, shifting from foot to foot.

The girl raised her eyes on me and spoke, "Hey, I was just going, my class is starting in five minutes. Come on, sit." And she turned toward Jay. "So see ya later, 5PM, right? I hope you can help me with Statistics, the exam is coming."

"Sure, I will. See ya," he muttered, avoiding my gaze.

As soon as she was gone, I noticed he sped up his eating.

"I don't want to talk to you, Hudson," he said in an annoyed voice.

"Okay, I was just..." What was I going to say anyway?

"I just wanted to ask if you need some help. Financial help. I have a... I have money. My father is a surgeon. I can help you if you wish..."

"I don't want your pity!"

He seemed to be getting more and more angry. I obviously wasn't making any progress with him.

"It's not pity. I saw... you were crying, I figured I could help you..."

He almost growled. He stood up and left the cafeteria.

Yep.

I was sooooo great at this.

So fucking great.

But weirdly enough, even if we did not speak about what happened in the next week, I noticed some slight changes in his behavior. He was... a bit less hostile. Just a bit, but it was noticeable.