Damaged

"Because... they were brutal, Jay. Not... loving and tender. You were not prepared. Sex can be different. There is a reason why people seek it so much..."

He went silent for a while, almost as if considering my words.

We looked at each other in a weird sync.

"So I guess... you are gay, after all. I didn't know that," he said suddenly, his voice changed a bit, becoming more soft.

"I don't know what I am, Jay. I don't have labels for myself. I only know that I... want to be close to you. Sometimes, I would love to just... hold you in my arms."

I could see his cheeks were a bit blushed, he looked aside.

"Well... I gave myself to strangers, why wouldn't I give myself to you?" He whispered as if thinking loudly. "If you want, you can have me. My body, my... hole. If you are not disgusted by it."

I flinched and cringed in shock.

"Fuck, Jay! What are you saying?! That is not what I meant! I don't want you to just... give yourself to me. I want you to want it!"

He shook his head. "But I can't think about it any other way. Like something, I would want. I never came with them. For me, the thought of having sex is only... repulsive."

I huffed. "Jay... Keep in mind that I never had sex, so I don't... want to jump in right away. I would like to start very slowly. Holding hands, you know. Embracing each other. Sleeping together, just you know. Sleeping for real! Not having sex. You know. Being boyfriends."

Jay turned his head toward the sky. Something in his face changed slowly.

It became a bit more relaxed.

Finally, he looked at me for some time and smiled shyly.

"We can have that, if you want. Cuddling is always nice."

"If I want, again? But... Do you want it also? I don't want you to... do it only for me. Do you want to be with me? Do you... even like me?"

He giggled and rolled his eyes. "Hudson, how could I not like you? You are such a gentle and kind person. You are always so caring and good to me. I just... I thought you were straight. I didn't let myself feel more toward you than just a friend. I couldn't. I was afraid I would suffer."

"But if you knew... that I fell for you? Would you... could you like me as more than just a friend?"

He halted his breath. "I could, Hudson. Even if I'm afraid of... letting myself fall for someone. But if it would be anyone, it would be you."

I analyzed his face. He sighed and added, "So... answering your question, yes, we can try, Hudson. I guess we'll see where it leads us."

I squeezed his hand. "And would you agree to be in the same room as me again for sophomore year?"

"Sure, I would! I got used to being with you, I can't imagine living without you..."

I slowly kissed the top of his hand, and we laid like that on the blanket, staring at the light, blue sky.

And it was... another beginning for us.

***

For the next week, we were very... shy boyfriends, I would say.

During the days, we let ourselves be closer - physically. Watching movies, or playing games, our shoulders were touching, our fingers were entwined. On hikes, in more secluded areas, we would walk holding hands. We also kissed a bit before going to sleep. Innocent, almost chaste kisses. I kept sneaking up to his room, and we started to fall asleep holding each other in our arms. It was so sweet, so pleasant...

It evolved very, very slowly, and that was okay for both of us, and... especially because my parents were in the house, and they could see us, we preferred to keep the progress of our relationship at a slow pace. I was not ready to out myself just yet. As my parents were religious people, I wanted to prepare them for the news.

As the summer ended we managed to secure the same room we had last year, as it had its own bathroom and we were very fond of it.

I was actually happy when we left my parents' house as I felt much more at ease being on campus.

Our friends took the news pretty well - that Jay and I were dating. Even Rick did not seem all that surprised.

Malachite was perhaps most shocked of all, seeing us together, and even glowered toward us with a weird grimace once or twice.

I really didn't know why, as he was openly gay himself.

So, we walked around campus holding hands, being free and out-of-the-closet. We could sit on campus benches, my arm behind his back, enjoying our growing emotional connection, and not caring about people glancing at us.

Our sex life progressed super slowly.

At first, I was afraid to move beyond our kisses. Gradually, I let myself kiss a bit more than only his lips, on occasions I wandered toward his neck and ears. It was such a pleasant feeling when he was embracing me, and I was just slowly kissing him and caressing gently. He seemed to like the simple pleasure of soft pecks on his skin and was letting me do it, wherever I felt like it.

One night I got pretty bold and touched his pierced nipples. I could hear his breath become a bit deeper... So, I got even bolder, and I lowered my head, so my lips could caress it. I started playing with the tip of my tongue tapping and rubbing over his nipple, taking the ring between my lips, and pulling on it slightly.

I got scared I was being too... intense and I raised my eyes to observe his face. But he had closed eyes and was breathing a bit quicker. I decided to stop for now, but I wanted to know if anything I was doing was making him as hard as I was during our "make out" sessions.

Until these moments, I never had the balls to check. And today wasn't any different, but I - really - needed to know anyway.

So, I pretended I forgot where I put my phone and I leaned over his hips to search for it under the quilt laying aside. And I felt it. It wasn't full boner, but a semi for sure.

Feeling relieved, I was content that I even had this effect on him. But I didn't press the matter more this time. I was happy about what I achieved.

The next day, however, I still had on my mind the progress I had made with him, and while playing with my tongue - swirling it on his piercing, I suddenly got even more bold, and decided to go all in!

I breathed out: "Can I suck you off, Jay?"

He flinched a bit and opened his eyes, so blissfully closed during my teasing of his nipples.

He seemed a bit startled. I never even touched his dick before, and I wanted to blow him all of a sudden?

Well... Our eyes met. He was silent for a while. I was waiting patiently, letting him think it through.

"Have you ever done that before?" he asked, but I knew... he knew. He was just stalling.

"I haven't, you know that. But I want it to be with you..."

He bit his lips, and finally, he slowly nodded.

I heard my heart in my ears: bum, bum... bum, bum...

As I slowly pulled his pajama pants down, I noticed that I was right before: he had a semi. His dick was as I remembered from last year, average in size, not very threatening, which was good, as I was a bit uneasy thinking about big, meaty, masculine dicks. He was slim and his dick was slim, and it created a nice composition.

What was interesting - he was shaven smooth - still continuing his style from last year. His balls were also shaven. I relocated myself between his legs, and he became a bit more tense, his dick visibly flagging down, barely hard now.

So, I took it slowly into my mouth, feeling how warm and soft it was. Weird, I have never imagined myself doing such a crazy thing. But I was determined to do it right. I slowly moved my arms up, touching his nipples again, as I already knew that it had a good effect on him. I was kinda holding his soft dick in the warmth of my mouth and caressing his nipples. After some time, I felt his dick getting a bit plumped up; I already had something like a slightly bigger, but still soft, 'shrimp' in my mouth.

It got better when he finally stopped observing me, closing his eyes and making some effort to relax himself. Minute after minute his dick slowly grew in my mouth, finally reaching around 5'' and I could start a bit more intense work on it. I didn't have experience, but I've watched some porn before and tried to recreate some of what I saw there.

I grabbed his hand and put it on my head, so he had a feeling of control over the tempo. At the beginning he did not use this advantage, but after some time I could feel slight pressure on the back of my head, kinda pinpointing for me what pace I should take.

I worked relentlessly, not willing to give up, even on some occasions trying to deepthroat, fighting with tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. Finally, he started to steer my head in a way he obviously needed, and I could hear his shuddering breathing.

"I... Hudson..." he whispered, and I raised my hand showing him thumbs up.

And it happened. He came in my mouth.

He was very silent during his orgasm, but there was no doubt it was pleasant for him, as I felt a couple of salty spurts in my mouth that I managed to swallow with some difficulty. I never did it before and wasn't sure how to swallow something going in the 'up' direction, and was kind of gluey and not super tasteful.

At last, I raised my head and our eyes met. "So... how did I do?" I asked, trying to smile.

He let out a small breath."Well, I came, Hudson. It sort of says it all." He grinned.

I moved up and laid my head on his shoulder, listening to his pounding heart.

We were silent as I didn't know what I should say at such a moment.

It was so new and a bit scary. Like advancing to a new level.

"It was... my first blowjob. I never had anyone do that to me..." he suddenly whispered.

"I'm glad I could be... your first."

He clenched his jaws. "Do you want me to reciprocate...?"

I could feel nervousness in his voice, so I quickly responded to calm him down.

"Nah! I'm good. I wanted it to be all... for you."

We went silent and did not talk anymore that evening.

We just fell asleep in each other's arms, as usual.

***

For the next week, this became our new routine.

I would suck him off, but decline every time he would propose reciprocating. My skills were becoming better with each passing day, and he also felt more at ease and was cumming quicker and wasn't so silent anymore.

I could hear his loud breathing and grunting as he was exploding in my mouth. He was also more bold in showing me what pace he needed to come, and we soon became a pretty good team.

Something unexpected also happened. Before the blowjob thing we made out only in the evenings, it was 'our moment', when lying in bed (as we joined our beds).

But one day, as we were playing Call of Duty together, I suddenly felt his hand on my arm and as I turned my head toward him, he leaned down and kissed me. It was still around noon, so I was surprised by his initiative.

We were kissing for a moment when out of nowhere he said, "Would you... suck me off? I'm kinda in the mood." He smiled sheepishly.

I happily agreed, as I had been waiting for some more eagerness from him and signs that he actually enjoyed our make out sessions - that he appreciated it. And it was the proof I needed.

This time, however, I kneeled on the floor, and he was sitting on the edge of our bed. I unzipped his pants and discovered he was fully hard already, something that rarely happened, as he usually needed some foreplay.

I started to play a bit with his dick head, kissing it and lapping around it, and felt such a powerful arousal that I touched my own crotch.

"Can I jerk off during this?" I asked him, unsure how he would react.

He blinked and nodded. I was sure he would flag down, but he didn't. As I was working on him and on myself at the same time, I noticed he was carefully glancing over to my dick.

After we both came, and I went to the bathroom to clean myself, I returned and noticed he was staring at me with some sentence forming on his lips.

He was red when he said, "You have pretty... big dick. I... never saw it before... hard. It looks... so serious."

I felt stupid, as if my dick was some kind of a threat to him.

"Sorry, please don't be afraid, I was just... having a hard time ... hiding my arousal. I needed to take the edge off."

He made a loud gasp. "But... fuck! Hudson, that wasn't what I meant. I feel so stupid that you have to... you know. Be so careful around me. I also want you to feel good. You are such a selfless person. And I don't want to be this selfish jerk..."

"Shhh, it's okay. I understand everything. I'm in no rush. I want you to... feel safe around me and know you can trust me. I would never pressure you into anything more than you are ready to give me."

He stared at me for a long time and did not answer.

We did not return to this topic that evening.

But the next evening, after I gave him his daily blowjob, he suddenly turned to his side and whispered, "I want to touch it..."

With surprise, I glanced at him. "Jay, you don't have to..."

"But I want... I really want to! I need to give you some pleasure... You've been working so hard for me, I would like to be of use also!"

Well... so I let him because... how could I not?

His slim hand roamed shyly over my chest (he seldom touched me) and below my waist, finding my hardness there. He stopped his breathing for a moment, as his fingers wrapped around my shaft. "Fuck..." he only murmured, obviously pretty shaky about it.

"You really don't have to, Jay..."

"I do, I want to, I can't be stuck in my safe space forever, only using you and not giving anything back. I need to work on myself, in order to move forward."

"But don't pressure yourself..."

"I'm not. I... like being close to you. I feel safe with you. I want to go to the next level also."

And so he did.

He jerked me off- a bit awkwardly - with his forehead pressed to the crook of my neck and my hands slowly wandering over his back, being careful not to go down too much, below his waist.

Finally, as I came, he helped clean me up, and he kinda smiled, embarrassed a bit, but obviously glad that he returned the favor for the first time.

"Thanks, Jay..." I murmured and kissed his temple.

We were looking into each other's eyes, when he whispered, "It's me... who is grateful for your patience."

"There's no need to thank me. I'm... enjoying being on this road with you. And I want you to enjoy yourself."

So, the following weeks went by in a rather similar fashion. I would suck him off, and he would jerk me off, a bit more boldly and efficiently every time.

The next change happened after we got back from a party our friends were having in a neighboring dorm. We were both pretty tipsy because we consumed some... jello shots, and we returned to our room on wobbly legs.

I jumped on the bed and Jay opened his laptop. The music started to play, Cher - The Shoop Shoop Song (It's In His Kiss).

He chuckled stupidly and started to wave his hand in the air, mimicking Cher's moves from the music video. He looked cute, and I enjoyed it as he rarely let himself behave playfully.

We giggled for a while as he was doing the monkey around the bed.

I suddenly had an idea.

"Hey! I saw you last year dancing at the Beer Fest. Like... really dancing... Not goofing around. You were pretty good. Could you dance for me, Jay? For real?" I mumbled, spreading myself over the bed, and putting some pillow under my head.

He chuckled again and tilted his head, observing me.

"I may..." He pouted his lips a bit.

And he had fucking sexy lips... Plump and soft.

"Come on... dance for me! Nice, sexy dance from my beautiful, sexy boyfriend."

He gaped at me for a moment, obviously surprised by my words. I never said any compliment toward his beauty or sex appeal before.

I smiled mischievously. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

He blurted out, "Do you think I'm beautiful?"

"For me, you are! You have such sharp and clean face features. You look like you have some Native American blood in you. And I love your piercings..."

He blinked and moved closer to me, leaning over me. He kissed me lightly.

"I actually do. My grandpa was Cherokee."

I skimmed his face with my fingers.

"You are perfect, Jay... These cheekbones and full lips... I adore them so much... " I grazed his lower lip with my index finger. He stuck out his pink tongue and licked it, looking at me with intensity.

"Okay, Hudson. I will dance for you..."

He stood up, turned up the music's volume, and relocated to the open space of our room.

Jay slowly took off his t-shirt, leaving only his black, skinny jeans. He was so slim and lean. His body with long, but wiry muscles, packed under his smooth skin - seemed to me perfect, with his beautifully carved abdominal muscles. He was like a piece of art, with large tattoos and piercings in his nipples, ears and lips.

I got hard right away and did not even try to cover it, letting my dick tent my sweatpants.

As the music playlist switched to Pink's Just like a pill, Jay slowly put his hands on his hips and started to make swaying, rocking moves. I looked at his face. It changed somehow. Became more... self-conscious, more... sensual. And it was new for him.

His facial expression was now almost erotic, almost seductive, as if it was slowly going up to the surface, rising in him... His full lips were parted, his shoulders started to also gently sway from side to side, his whole body kinda waving softly with the rhythm of the music. Jay's hands started now wandering over his slim body, grazing over his nipples...

I swallowed, as the realization hit me: I wanted him so fucking much, after holding my lust in check for all those long months...

I wanted to have sex with him! To have his pliant body under me... But I was afraid he was not ready and might not be for some time still, and it only made me more desperate for his closeness.

But I was too tipsy to think about it too long. I jumped to my feet and came to him. I wrapped my hands around his waist and raised him in the air, making him emit some high-pitched sound. I turned toward the bed again and almost threw him on it. I propped myself over him and kissed him, like that first time, very intensely, passionately invading his soft lips with my tongue.

"I want you so much, Jay!" I whispered into his mouth. "God, I'm going crazy over you..."

He was responding to my kisses with blushing on his cheeks.

"So take me, Hudson, if you want me. I won't say no... Not to you."

Fixing my eyes on his face, I noticed it. Nervous swallowing and a glimpse of fear in his graphite eyes. I shook my head.

"Not like this... you are not ready, not yet..."

"But you want me, you did so much for me, I want to give myself to you..."

I sat up in a rather violent move.

"No! I want it to be your wish. Not like that, not drunk. But... " I hesitated. "Please, let me... explore your body a bit more than usual. Give that one thing to me tonight..."

His eyes were fixed on my face. He slowly nodded.

So, I unzipped his pants and slowly pulled them down.

He had a really beautiful body, graceful figure, and long, slim legs. And he was... hard, which made me happy. We made some progress, that's for sure.

I covered his stomach in wet, open-mouthed kisses. And I pulled his legs up... The moment I did this, his whole body tensed like a bow, in a silent protest.

"Shhh... I'm not gonna go there... I just want to... see and touch..." I whispered, lowering myself between his thighs.

His muscles were hard like steel under my fingers. I gently stroked them, and lowered my kisses under his ballsack, over his taint. Finally, I spread his white ass cheeks even more and looked down at his private place between. It was super tightly closed, almost fearfully shrunken!

I gently kissed it.

Jay huffed. "Fuck, Hudson... don't...it's... disgusting. Forever defiled."

I looked at him almost in annoyance.