All Comments on 'Damian Ch. 01'

God but this is awful. Nothing in it is believable and nothing about it is well-written.

The worst story ever! Give up now... This is torture nough!

This was clearly a fantasy in your head, and instead of taking the time to develop it as a story, you allowed your horny ramblings to take over. Instead of putting your thoughts down like this, then submitting it as is, you need to create a story. I see a certain amount of potential of what this could be, but as is now, its complete trash. You seemed to jump between each sadistic act rushing to get to the next, wanting more, needing more. Instead you should take your time to develop each part instead of jumping forward. Just my two cents. Keep at it. You have the makings of a writer, just need more discipline.