Damn Dog


{We have this Dog, I never bothered to mention him before because in all of the time we have had him, all he does is eat and sleep. We do let him out to take a dump, he actually does go out, and he is back in 3 minutes.

That is it, that really is it. 14 years old, he is close to part of the carpet.

But, as we found out, some folks think he can cause trouble. }


My wife Debra is a Doctor, she manages the local clinic. Which leaves me home daily, to my own devices. Sometimes I go fishing, or head to a local café I like to swap lies with whoever is there. Sometimes, I sit on my ass and watch TV.

Sitting around, I usually wear just my robe, I like being comfortable.

So, I was sitting in my chair at around 11 in the morning, someone pounded on our door. That is pretty rare, not very many people come by our house during a weekday. Those that do, knock.

They don't pound.

Whoever was out there was pounding.


Since our Dog is what seemed to have caused all of what happened here, I will tell you about him.

We call him Sam, how is that for a unique name? The breed is "I don't know.", a combination of.. well... I don't know, and some other stuff. He is about 30-35 pounds, long legged and rangy, furry, and almost white. The kind of white that looks dirty no matter what, washing him changes nothing.

Of course, the word "bath" starts a struggle, if I even whisper that to my wife Debra and he hears that, the Dog is gone like a shot out of a cannon and the fun begins. I used to try and get him into the shower, it can't be done. He will stretch out his feet, grab the door jamb on both sides, there is no way in hell to get him through that door.

But, if I say "walk" he will let me put on a lease, while eyeing me with suspicion. This because maybe only once every two months it's bath time, outside, which he knows very well could happen, but he also loves the walks.

I have to act like we are going for the usual sniffing of everything walk down the street and back, then out comes the surprise soap bottle.

More fun. I get him washed that way, me too of course.

Other than that, he eats, and he sleeps at the foot of our bed, looking exactly like the pile of laundry we keep there if any of my underwear is on top. His eyes move, nothing else, really. Well, unless I say "bath."

You get the picture, I guess.

Anyway, pounding on our door.


"My shit! Sue!" Were what I thought I heard the moment I opened the door.

There stood this women, maybe 25 or so. It was warm, she had on cut off jeans and a halter top that to be frank she needed to be wearing a bra with. It was thin, so thin I could see the dark circles of her nipples. Since the Sun was fairly high but behind her, that made the effect worse.

Or better, depending on one's point of view.

"What?" I admit I was floored, it sounded like she said something about her shit?

"My dog! My baby! Damn you, can't you keep your own dog under control?" She was being a little bit loud.

"Lady, what in the hell are you talking about? Calm down!" I told her. I had no clue, I know everyone in our town and I mean everyone, but this young woman was a complete stranger.

Just then she looked down, a shocked expression on her face. It hit me that I was still in my robe, and I don't normally wear anything else around the house. I guess I came close to flashing the gal (or maybe I did, not sure) which wasn't my intent, even though from the looks of her, she was flashing me. That top she had on was not covering very much.

That was when I realized the fuzzy ball she had in her hands was not a softball, it was a puppy..

A dirty white long haired... puppy.

"What's that?" I asked, stupidly. Hell, I know a puppy when I see one.

"This is what your damned Dog did to me. You don't keep him home, I breed my baby to registered Shih Tzu males, that's how I make money and look at what you have done!" She thrust the ugly little ball of fur into my hands.

It began to lick my fingers. Cute little thing, it would dang near fit in my big Coffee cup.


OK, after some more discussions, I got her calmed down to the point where she was making better sense. And, she made it clear that she thought our Dog had sneaked over and bred her Dog and now she had 3 unwanted puppies and it was all my fault.

I was thinking it was unlikely, since Sam was outside perhaps 3-4 minutes twice a day, how in the hell could he have time to accomplish anything? Hell, he shits on our lawn, I have to go clean it up.

Besides, the only other thing Sam ever does is hold down the carpet, which is exactly what he was doing when I allowed her to come in. Plus Sam was 30-40 Pounds? And she had a Shih Tzu?

Itty bitty little things.

Now if Sam had eaten the thing, that I might believe, but fuck it?

I looked at Sam, his eyes swung up, looked at me, then at the woman and the puppy, and I swear, the little turd grinned.

"Look at that horrible thing! It looks exactly like this puppy! You have ruined my life!" She was beginning to go off again.

I wanted to tell her that Sam maybe bred her Dog, not her, so he probably didn't ruin her life.

I stayed polite, handed her puppy back.

"Lady. Calm down, OK? Come on in, sit down, let's figure this out." She did, sat down in the other easy chair, seemed to take a breath. Now she was trying to cover her boobs with one arm while holding the squirming puppy. Then she leaned forward and set the puppy on the floor. It instantly went over to Sam, who began to lick it. Then it went to the middle of our living room and peed on the carpet.

It was a male but it squatted. A wisecrack about it being transgender popped right into my old head, but I managed to stay polite.

I got that cleaned up, found a box the thing couldn't get out of, then sat back down to talk with the woman.


It seems she was trying to breed her Shih Tzu female to someone's male, had them in her back yard. Her phone rang, she came back out just in time to see the rear end of a dirty looking white Dog jump over her fence.

So, when in due time out came three puppies, all clearly not exactly full breed Shih Tzu, she asked around. Right down the street a few doors was our Sam.

Still, Sam is an old Dog, he never moves, ever, except to go eat and out to take a dump.

I started to tell her I doubted old Sam could even still get it up but thought better of that.

I stayed polite.

It was beginning to look like maybe Sam had more going on than I thought.

"OK, so even if you are right, and Sam here is the father, what are we supposed to do about it? I mean, it's just an accident, and you are the one that left your Dog unattended."

"Me? Mine was in my yard, fenced! Your animal is the one running loose all over the neighborhood!" She apparently forgot about using her arms to cover her tits, waved them angrily.

Her arms, not her tits.

She really did have a nice set.

I pretended not to notice.

But, she did kind of have me there. I glanced over at Sam, he was still lying there, his eyes closed. In the exact same position he is always in. Yet there was no denying that puppy, and this woman had two more just like it at home.

It looked to be his spitting image.

"Can't you just sell these, try again?" I asked, hopefully.

"No! I can't. They are worthless, I would need to take them to the pound, and they will just KILL them!" With that came the flood of tears.

God, I hate that.

I got up to go over and comfort her, she looked down, then up at me. I was standing in front of her, thinking of patting her shoulder. Too late I realized I had let go of my robe.

She got a look of shock on her face.

"God, mister! What is it with you males? Can't you control yourselves?" I realized I just flashed her when I got up, I quickly reached down and yanked my robe closed.

"Sorry." I stammered, going back to my chair.

Her attitude was beginning to piss me off, tears be damned.

"That was rude!" She glared, the tears instantly gone.

"Look, lady! I am in my house, OK? Minding my own business. You are the one that came over here, dressed like that!" I waved my hand, it was almost like she just realized from the sudden look on her face..

Apparently she found out which house had the big white Dog, and upset, she had grabbed a puppy and headed over without thinking.

The look on her face was priceless, I started laughing. Now she was sitting there trying to hide her rather obvious boobs with one arm, I was sitting there holding my robe closed with one hand.

"Oh my God!" She exclaimed, her face flaming.

"So, how much would three puppies be worth?" I was thinking what the hell, pay her for the damn things, put a rubber band on Sam to stop that shit, problem solved.

I just said that to change the subject from my having just shown her my dick.

She told me.

I almost fell out of my chair.

"That much?"

"Yes. Now you can see why I am so upset."

It was all still unsettled when she left a short while later.


Debs got home from work, I told her the situation.

"Is that the woman that moved into the rental house that Jeff and Carrie Parker own?" She asked.

"Beats me." I hadn't asked, in fact, I didn't even get her name.

"That has to be Kathy Dean, she just went to work over at the lab where we have our blood work done. About 30 or so, 5'3", brown hair, kind of cute?"

"Yeah. Nice tits, too." I laughed.

"What do you mean?"

I told her how the gal had shown up, upset, half dressed and obviously not thinking clearly about that. I also told her about giving the gal a peek at my dick.

"Sounds like you had one hell of a morning." Debra laughed, smirking at me.

"That's funny. You say you flashed her too?" She asked.

"Hell, I don't know. Yeah, probably." Debs just laughed again and went into the kitchen, we sat down to eat and didn't say anything more. I figured that was the end of it anyway, I just did not see that it was our problem.

About a week later, there was a bill in our mailbox. It was big enough to wipe out some of my Social Security checks.

I ignored that.

Two weeks later, she sued us for the maximum she could in small claims court.

Pissed off, I filed for regular trial, which meant she had to refile in regular court. That also meant she would probably need a lawyer. Since that cost money and she couldn't possibly win, I assumed that was the end of that.

She filed, now she wanted triple damages. Debra had told me that Kathy Dean seemed to be nice, and was doing a good job at the lab.

Nice be damned, I was now mad at Kathy Dean.

I did the one thing I should not have done, I went down there to confront her.


It was about 2:30 in the afternoon, on a Saturday. Debra had gone in to the hospital, she does rounds there when she has patients. If she had been home, she probably would have stopped me.

The guy that served the papers earlier was snotty, that didn't help my mood any. I read them, said some words I seldom use. It was just a bit over two blocks away, off I went, papers in hand.

No one answered at my less than gentle knock. Now I know both Jeff and Carrie Parker well, they are a nice couple in their 50's or so. I have been to their house maybe a dozen times over the last 10 years, so I knew that house well.

They had a big back yard, a well kept lawn, shrubs that should not even grow on the Oregon coast but do for some reason.

I walked down the lane between the house and the big garage. There is a wooden gate, I opened it and stepped in.

There lay Kathy Dean, on one of the folding lawn chairs the Parkers used to keep back there. She was sunbathing, since the yard has high wooden fences it is nice and private. She was sound asleep, an umbrella was tipped forward to keep the afternoon Sun off her face.

Other than that, she was stark naked.

I realized I had best just leave, but I was way too late. She heard the gate, opened her eyes and looked at me.

Now that really is a sort of awkward moment. There I stood, the object of her recent irritation, there she lay, naked as the day she was born.

"What the fuck?" She sat bolt upright. This displayed her very nice bare boobs quite well, but sitting up, it did cover her obviously hairless groin.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to talk to you about the puppies, see if we can come to some kind of understanding." I managed.

She looked at me for what seemed like a very long time, but probably just a few seconds. She really did not seem all that concerned about being naked. She stood up, clenched fists on her hips, glaring at me.

My face was pinking up, I was frozen in my spot.

"Step back out and wait, I will go get some clothing on." She finally said. I backed through the gate, shut it. I must have stood there for a good 10 minutes.


"OK, sir. I am decent, you may come in now." I heard her call out. I opened the gate, she stood there calmly, holding two glasses.

"Here, I made some iced Tea earlier, have some." I took the glass, she walked over and sat in one chair, gestured. I noticed she now had on jeans and a blouse as I sat down.

No bra, clearly.

"I assume you came to make some kind of offer?" She asked with a smile. That was sure different from what I had seen of her up to this point. Hell, I was beginning to think she couldn't smile.

Of course I hadn't been looking at her face all that much.

"Well.. first, sorry for just coming over, I didn't mean..." I started.

"I am sure you didn't plan on catching me like that, no big thing. Interesting how we seem to see each other in stages of little clothing each time we meet. At least this time you didn't have your little thing hanging out." She laughed.

I managed a straight face. "Little thing", huh?

"I.. well.. Anyway, I was wondering.. We probably really should do a DNA test." I said.

"Still denying your mongrel is responsible?" She asked. I managed to keep a straight face.

"Mongrel?" This broad was really trying to piss me off.

I stayed polite.

"No, not really. But logic suggests we do, of course."

"I don't object of course, but I would expect you to pay for it."

"Why should I pay? You are the one that thinks my Dog is guilty."

"How about you pay if he is, I pay if he isn't?"

I will agree to that." I was still thinking that was unfair, but what the hell. We shook hands, I left and went back home. That didn't turn out as badly as I thought it might, I was thinking.

I couldn't help but grin to myself, I now knew what Kathy Dean looked like completely naked. What the hell, being a bit of a pervert, I got malicious pleasure out of that.


The next day I walked out to get my paper, looked up and there was an ugly white Dog standing there. It sure as hell was not my Dog. It had a collar and did not seem afraid of me, so I grabbed it. We had a short tug of war session, I reached under there.

Sure enough, the thing was a male. I was about to let go when a lady about 60 or so came down the street. She spotted me and the mutt, yelled at me asking me what I was doing.

"Is this your Dog?" I asked.

"Yes, let go of him, please."

I did, then I explained about Kathy Dean and what was going on down the street.

"No way is my Dog responsible, I never let him out of my sight." She told me.

I was thinking she had just done exactly that.

I was also thinking that there must be some new folks in town because I didn't know this lady, either.

I did suggest to her what was going on and what my suspicions were, but she was having none of that. She acted a bit huffy, off she went back down the street, her mutt wandering along with her.

Oh well, do the damn DNA test and get it over with, I was now convinced my Sam was innocent.

That took almost a full month, meanwhile the court case was still scheduled, which was pissing me off.

So, when the manila envelope arrived in the mail, I eagerly opened it.

Shit! "99.9%" the fucking report read. I knew that Kathy Dean got the same test results.

But still, no way in hell was any court ever going to make ME pay, it was just one of those accidents of nature.

Wanna bet?


Now I don't care what anybody says, there is no way in hell any Shih Tzu puppies are worth that much money! But, the Judge found that since MY Dog "invaded" Kathy Dean's space, then yes. I was responsible.

But, I also have been in courts before, responsible is one thing, the amount of damages is something else entirely.

I argued that Ms. Dean had no idea at all how many puppies would have been produced had the intended union taken, or even if it would have been successful. The Judge was nodding, (I think it might have helped some that my Debra is his family Doctor, so she had had her finger up his butt and his dick in her hands a couple of times.)

Then I suggested that since my Dog was the stud, I should be getting my pick of the litter. I have no idea why I said that, my mouth opened and that just came out.

Perry Mason moment, I guess.

The damn Judge nodded.

Kathy Dean was glaring at me again, I was feeling a bit proud of my eloquence.

That cost me $1000, and I got a fucking Puppy.

Hal, our County Sheriff and the husband of our sort of adopted daughter Sandi took one of the puppies, (Another story there, posted here somewhere) Kathy Dean fell in love with the other one, kept it.

Me? Now I have TWO mongrels, they sleep all day every day at the foot of our bed, they never move except to eat and shit.

The cost of the vet was not all that much, Sam was a bit pissed off at me for a few days but he got over it. The puppy didn't seem to care.


Kathy Dean drops by with her puppy every few days so they can "play" which lasts about 90 seconds, then they go curl up at the foot of my bed with Sam. She and Debra get along famously, which I don't mind, plus Kathy is kind of nice to look at.

No more see through tops though, so far anyway, but short skirts and cleavage is the norm.

Just one funny thing, Debs and I were down at Charlene's hair salon, we get ourselves waxed (yes, down there) about once every 4-5 weeks. Charlene is very uninhibited, she has her hands on everything which makes it fun.

Plus that is great for repeat business.

There sat Kathy Dean in the waiting room. We all looked at each other and started laughing, we both know very well that we are all hairless down there. Now since I happen to know that Charlene does not mind one bit taking care of things after a waxing session...?

Kathy Dean? Does she...? I think I will make an effort to find out, let you know if I do.

Interesting how things work out.

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bymagmaman© 7 comments/ 14796 views/ 4 favorites

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by Anonymous

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by bruce2212/06/17

As always..

....... a very enjoyable tale. Some body must be having lost moments if his dog was
the father...

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by Jim4444412/06/17


Anyone that has read one of your stories should never expect erotica. Anyone who reads more than one of your stories gets exactly what they expect, entertainment.

Thanks for the entertainment.

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by magmaman11/17/17

Slices of life

I write bits and pieces of what is loosely my life. I used to try and write erotic stuff, I am just not very good at that.
Typos? I am good at making those. Kathy Dean (not her real name of course)more...

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by luedon11/17/17

Maybe it was the least erotic, DonaldElliott

But it was a fun story, just the same, and I liked it.

Even the errors added to the fun:
"There stood this women, maybe 25 or so."

If it really had been 25 or so women, then it could have been very erotic.more...

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by chytown11/16/17

Good Read****

Very entertaining read. Thanks for sharing

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