Dana's Story Ch. 08-10

The thought alarmed Dana. She'd had very few dates in high school. Two or three one-off dates before she'd started dating Mike—and she'd dated Mike mostly because he was the only one who asked her out more than once. She'd tried once or twice to drop hints to guys she liked, and those occasions were memorable only as failures. Opening herself up enough to admit that she had feelings for someone was all but impossible. The thought that someone might know how she felt, that they could use that against her, terrified her.

Which, really, suggested some serious trust issues. Maybe Zoe was right about her family relationships being less wholesome than she'd always believed.

"Hey," Zoe said, breaking into Dana's thoughts. "Don't discorporate on me."

"What?"

Zoe shook her head, smiling to herself. "Fannish joke. Never mind." She put down her bagel and came to sit beside Dana, taking her hand as she did. The casual touch startled Dana.

"Wow," Zoe said. She gestured at their clasped hands. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah," Dana said. "Sure. I just...." Dammit, I'm doing it again. "I'm not used to this, is all," she said.

"I can tell." Zoe pursed her lips for a moment, but whatever she was thinking she kept to herself. She drew and let out a breath. "Look, you can't change the past. If you were a wallflower in high school, that's never going to change. But you can do things differently now."

"You already have," Zoe continued. "In case it has escaped your attention, you have a lover now."

Dana's cheeks warmed at Zoe's blunt words. But she grinned too. She did have a lover. The warmth in her face was joined by a warm sensation in her belly, a sense memory of the feel of Darren's body against hers and the abrupt desire to feel it again. "Yeah," she said. "I do."

"And you can have more," Zoe said. "If you want them. Or you can continue to see Darren alone. It's up to you."

Dana wondered if her eyes looked as big and round to Zoe as they felt. The way Zoe's smile morphed into a laugh told her that they did. "Oh my, you should see your face," Zoe told her. "You looked shocked and embarrassed and greedy all at once. No," she added sharply, catching Dana's attention as firmly as if she'd reached out and grabbed her face.

"No," she repeated, "don't pretend. Don't hide from yourself. Shocked? Yeah, I get it. This is a big change for you. Embarrassed? I get that too. Talking about—or even thinking about—such intimate things is hard for you. But greedy?"

She leaned forward. "That's understandable too. I understand exactly what you're feeling."

Do you? Dana wondered. A heartbeat, then, "Do you?" The words were barely audible, but she spoke them aloud.

"Of course I do," Dana assured her. "More to the point, I think you understand me a lot better than you did after the first time you caught me in bed with a guy. Don't you?"

She did. She recalled clearly just how shocked she'd been when she walked in on Zoe in bed with...some guy. She realized she'd never heard his name. Not that it mattered, she hadn't seen him again. That didn't mean Zoe hadn't slept with him again, but not when Dana was around. It had been a deeply embarrassing event for Dana, walking in on them like that. And the conversation afterward, when Zoe explained her approach to sex. Quite aside from whatever moral qualms—admittedly slight—Dana had about it, or the practicalities of finding guys to sleep with, she hadn't understood why Zoe pursued sex with such determination. Because it felt good, yes, of course. Dana understood the theory.

But the gulf in experience between Dana at the start of the term and Dana today was almost impossible to describe. She knew now what Zoe had known then, and she knew she wanted to experience all that pleasure as often as she possibly could. The idea that she could have lovers plural made her giddy. It was frightening and arousing all at once. She hadn't considered the possibility before; she'd been too consumed with anxiety about getting together with Darren, and then with the desire to repeat the experience with him.

Now that Zoe had directed her attention to the idea, she knew she would pursue it. She wanted more sex. She wanted to have sex with Darren again. And she wanted to try it with other guys. Different guys.

"Yeah, I do," Dana said. "I get it now. I didn't before."

Zoe nodded. "I know. I was really afraid at first that you were going to be a real prude about it."

Dana's mouth dropped open for a moment. "You were?" She'd had no idea.

Zoe looked sheepish. "Yeah. You were so shocked when you caught me with Greg. I was expecting you to read me the riot act afterward, or call me a slut or tell me I was going to hell. But you didn't."

"Of course not." Even if she had felt that way, it wasn't something she'd have said.

Zoe took Dana's hand in hers. "I know that—now. I didn't know you then. After I learned you'd watched me with Bobby and you'd liked it, then I knew you were a girl after my own heart."

Dana felt her face heat but fought the urge to look away from Zoe. "Yeah." She wanted to say more but felt the words jam up in her throat. Zoe remained silent, patiently waiting. Dana knew what she wanted to say, but the words stubbornly refused to come to her.

Zoe continued to wait. Dana looked at her. Looked away. Opened her mouth, then closed it again, defeated. She knew Zoe must be getting impatient with her continued silence. She had to be. But her expression remained unchanged, a faint smile of understanding and endless patience.

Dana licked her lips. "Yeah," she said again. "I am. A girl after your own heart."

Zoe acknowledged her words with a nod, but said nothing.

"I'm—I'm very glad you're my roommate," Dana added. "I tried to get a new roommate, did you know that?" Zoe shook her head. "I did. But there were none to be had, so I had to stay here. I'm glad I did. I had no idea what I was missing."

"But now you do?"

Dana grinned. "Now I do. And I want more. Lots more."