by jusduit
of mixing dialogue with showing their feelings and emotions. How about a continuation with what she pulls out from under the bed. Definitely more to the story!
I really liked the thoughts and emotions of both characters. That is someting you don't get in real life very much.
You achieved the goal of capturing each persons thoughts well. For technique it would help the reader if thoughts were in a different font then the actual words of the characters.
I liked the story, however you have fallen prey to a disgusting trend in current writing culture, leaving reader hanging without an ending and compound the felony with a hint of something more.
I like the way the story was set up. The characters are very considerate to each other, yet still very sensually dirty. It seems almost too good to be true.
I have to say, that is a very unique way of writing a story! Hot all around. I wonder, is this story a type of art imitating life or was it wishful thinking on your part? If it is a sampling of your real life, you are a lucky guy and your lady is lucky, too. Communication is most important for a relationship, even the "friend with benefits" type to be successful and continue past the first encounter. At least for me, anyway.
In reading several of your other stories after seeing this one, I have to admit, you are quite a writer. Your insight to the thoughts between this couple is one of the most unique ways of writing a story I've ever seen.
And the effects of your writing have this LasciviousLaci very aroused. Bravo! Or should I say, Thank You!
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