All Comments on 'Dark Moon Ch. 02'

Again this is a great start to a very good story. Not sure what happened but your grammar seem to have improved a bit. It did not interfere with the flow of the story as much as the last chapter. More please and thank you for sharing. Mechmanas

I love it.

Keep them coming, getting interesting

but this is a great beginning. I'm already wondering about Passion's clan. What happened to them and are they really all gone? What is Joshua like and will he and Passion get along, be attracted to one another or take a dislike to each other?

I'm intrigued and can't wait to see what's up next.

can't wait for the next chapter. hurry please..i can't wait how the story of passion and joshua will unfold. :)

I love this genre! I can't wait to see if Passion and Joshua connect! I'm just going to have to stalk this board for future updates. Anyway, excellent writing. Please continue. Thanks for sharing!

can't wait for the next chapter. hurry please

I like the way the story if unfolding. I know that Passion is going to have a hard time, but it will be good.

Not the usual way for a story to start, but I find it fasinating. I am ready to read the next chapter. keep up the good work.

It seems more broken than sensible so far. How exactly have human and wolf instincts been blended? In wolves you have both an alpha male and an alpha female in each family (i.e. pack). You don't seem to be following that pattern.

In wolves the alpha is decided by being the most intimidating, often that means the best fighter. If you don't have alphas for each gender then a matriarchal organization is unlikely. But then again, you've cast a "great fighter" as an omega, nearly an outcast. Once more not following a wolf-like pattern.

And, let's not forget that with wolves only the alpha male and female are likely to mate. The other members of the pack aren't allowed to. Another place where this story seems to miss out on wolf-like behavior.

Sadly, no amount of genetic change would allow for transformation between man and wolf like we see in the movies. It'd take days, if not weeks, and require huge quantities of food to provide the proteins, minerals and energy for the transformation. Pseudo-scientific explanations like "genetics" are worse then mystical ones. At least with "magic" we can pretend the quick transformations make sense.

Don't mind GoesGrunt...he seems to have deputized himself as the No Humor And All Seriousness Police. He judges hard because he hates fantasy...not sure why he is in this category. He admits quitting stories early because he can't handle it if there is no revenge (oops, I think he uses "justice"), so he is hardly a solid critic on these things. Just picky. Looks like he is at it again!

There are some errors in the story that snagged my attention, most of them dealing with consistency.

Do you have someone to help you with the grammar and spelling? If not, please recruit a "helper".

You could use an editor to help out. You have some words in places that they shouldn't be, and you have words that are the wrong ones to use in other places. Then there are little things like this excerpt from above. Which is it? A pickup or a van?

Passion hurried to her pickup, driving home as quickly as she could. She turned the van into a long winding path, the cottage secluded within a grove of trees.

Looks like we're in for a little bit of a culture clash between the maledom pack and the femaledom pack. Will be interesting to see how it works out.